₦airaland Forum

A tip of what’s happening in my life right now.For the first time in my life I feel so useless and I can’t get over it.

After a 12hour shift to get my daily bread I got home very early in the morning to take a long nap in my bed, barely 30minutes after I laid down my phone rang and it was my junior sister

Her:Hello
Me: Hello dear
Her: Good morning brother
Dad is in the hospital, he got admitted last night
(In my mind I was already calculating how much I’ll have to lend cos I have no penny on me)

Me: what happened
Her: I don’t know just call him sha
Me: Okay

I called and he said it’s typhoid and malaria. And the doctor is asking for #80000 naira, I took a deep breath.
Me:are you getting better now
Dad:Yes he answered weakly and said don’t worry I’ll be fine ends call

Immediately I felt useless cos there was no way I was gonna get that money not even my mother would support me cos she believes at my age I should be giving her and not the other way round. I did not call my dad for a week cos I felt there was no point calling when all I would ask is how is your health (maybe I was wrong)

It’s been a week and 6days

And my sis called again
This time things had escalated he ahead been admitted back to the hospital but this time it’s worse, she called and and told me Dad had been admitted again and can’t walk. My heart rhythm changed knowing fully well I can’t cater for the bills.

I went into my room and started thinking about my life and how I’ve failed my parents even though they were not there when I needed them the most. Am thinking of calling him today but lo what would that solve ? I could barely eat 3 square meal a day and it all happened since this new government took over. I reminisced about my past life and I could recall that I don’t live an extravagant lifestyle, or could it be because I came to this life as an introvert? Or cos I didn’t take the opportunities that had come my way?

As the first child, if he dies I’ll have this at the back of mind my father died because I failed to do my duty as the first child.


I feel sad and I feel useless.
My story...

Its very hard been a first born, please dnt give up at all, if the place you are staying doesnt favour you, go to another place.

First and foremost, pick up your phone and call your dad. Let him know you have him in mind and you're trying to raise something. This will go a long way and gives him hope.

Na wa o. Don't give up, God will provide.

madridguy:
First and foremost, pick up your phone and call your dad. Let him know you have him in mind and you're trying to raise something. This will go a long way and gives him hope.

I’ll try to do that, I just can’t stop thinking about the backlash and the abusive words I’ll receive esp from his second wife

Ebigwei007:
Its very hard been a first born, please dnt give up at all, if the place you are staying doesnt favour you, go to another place.

I just feel something is not right about my Life.

I just moved in here last year tho

Kudducini:
I just feel something is not right about my Life.

I just moved in here last year tho

if you can see who will teach you how to drive, as i am like this, i paid for learning but i dont have driver's liences. Please ask for help in this forum so that they will help you, i have been asking for help but i no that they will help you. You need the help more than i do

Kudducini:
I did not call my dad for a week cos I felt there was no point calling when all I would ask is how is your health (maybe I was wrong)

You were wrong not to call. You should have called to show you cared as money is not everything.

You should also have called your siblings to discuss how you'd all raise the money to pay for his healing since you are not the only child and their care is not your sole responsibility. If he died today you wouldn't bury him alone.

Now, apart from that, I so have little regard for parents who did not invest in their children but expect those children to care for them in their old age. Its like planting cocoa you don't tend but expecting a bumper crop. The cocoa tree don't care if you blackmail it with "I planted you", but I guess its not so easy for a child to say to their parents, "you did not invest in me!"

Do not hide from your family how difficult life is for you, and do what you can.

Kudducini:
I’ll try to do that, I just can’t stop thinking about the backlash and the abusive words I’ll receive esp from his second wife

Don't be blackmailed by her. Her husband likely spent the money he should have invested in his first wife's children to marry her.

Call her children. They too should care for their father!

Ebigwei007:
if you can see who will teach you how to drive, as i am like this, i paid for learning but i dont have driver's liences. Please ask for help in this forum so that they will help you, i have been asking for help but i no that they will help you. You need the help more than i do

I’ve been asking for help all I get is I can’t help you now.

budaatum:
Don't be blackmailed by her. Her husband likely spent the money he should have invested in his first wife's children to marry her.

Call her children. They too should care for their father!

I’ll just call him, thanks

budaatum:
You were wrong not to call. You should have called to show you cared as money is not everything.

You should also have called your siblings to discuss how you'd all raise the money to pay for his healing since you are not the only child and their care is not your sole responsibility. If he died today you wouldn't bury him alone.

Now, apart from that, I so have little regard for parents who did not invest in their children but expect those children to care for them in their old age. Its like planting cocoa you don't tend but expecting a bumper crop. The cocoa tree don't care if you blackmail it with "I planted you", but I guess its not so easy for a child to say to their parents, "you did not invest in me!"

Do not hide from your family how difficult life is for you, and do what you can.

Thanks for your input , I’ll call and update you guys

Not just being a first son, but also being responsible. You are a responsible child, that's why it bothers you.

Please be easy on yourself. If you live in a functioning country, then it could be said that your guilt is understandable. You live in Nigeria, a dysfunctional society. Your experience is a symptom of it.

I hope all works well for you.

Kudducini:
A tip of what’s happening in my life right now.For the first time in my life I feel so useless and I can’t get over it.

After a 12hour shift to get my daily bread I got home very early in the morning to take a long nap in my bed, barely 30minutes after I laid down my phone rang and it was my junior sister

Her:Hello
Me: Hello dear
Her: Good morning brother
Dad is in the hospital, he got admitted last night
(In my mind I was already calculating how much I’ll have to lend cos I have no penny on me)

Me: what happened
Her: I don’t know just call him sha
Me: Okay

I called and he said it’s typhoid and malaria. And the doctor is asking for #80000 naira, I took a deep breath.
Me:are you getting better now
Dad:Yes he answered weakly and said don’t worry I’ll be fine ends call

Immediately I felt useless cos there was no way I was gonna get that money not even my mother would support me cos she believes at my age I should be giving her and not the other way round. I did not call my dad for a week cos I felt there was no point calling when all I would ask is how is your health (maybe I was wrong)

It’s been a week and 6days

And my sis called again
This time things had escalated he ahead been admitted back to the hospital but this time it’s worse, she called and and told me Dad had been admitted again and can’t walk. My heart rhythm changed knowing fully well I can’t cater for the bills.

I went into my room and started thinking about my life and how I’ve failed my parents even though they were not there when I needed them the most. Am thinking of calling him today but lo what would that solve ? I could barely eat 3 square meal a day and it all happened since this new government took over. I reminisced about my past life and I could recall that I don’t live an extravagant lifestyle, or could it be because I came to this life as an introvert? Or cos I didn’t take the opportunities that had come my way?

As the first child, if he dies I’ll have this at the back of mind my father died because I failed to do my duty as the first child.


I feel sad and I feel useless.
My story...

It's okay to feel bad but know that your parents have the duty to take care of themselves too.


An adult, I mean your parent, should be able to have that amount or resources that can generate or borrow that amount in times of dire need.

As a first son myself, I understand the feeling of not being able to shoulder some family responsibilities.

Don't be too hard on yourself, everybody know the current state of the economy.

Call your Dad, communicating with him can go a long way to give him succor.

Kudducini:
A tip of what’s happening in my life right now.For the first time in my life I feel so useless and I can’t get over it.

After a 12hour shift to get my daily bread I got home very early in the morning to take a long nap in my bed, barely 30minutes after I laid down my phone rang and it was my junior sister

Her:Hello
Me: Hello dear
Her: Good morning brother
Dad is in the hospital, he got admitted last night
(In my mind I was already calculating how much I’ll have to lend cos I have no penny on me)

Me: what happened
Her: I don’t know just call him sha
Me: Okay

I called and he said it’s typhoid and malaria. And the doctor is asking for #80000 naira, I took a deep breath.
Me:are you getting better now
Dad:Yes he answered weakly and said don’t worry I’ll be fine ends call

Immediately I felt useless cos there was no way I was gonna get that money not even my mother would support me cos she believes at my age I should be giving her and not the other way round. I did not call my dad for a week cos I felt there was no point calling when all I would ask is how is your health (maybe I was wrong)

It’s been a week and 6days

And my sis called again
This time things had escalated he ahead been admitted back to the hospital but this time it’s worse, she called and and told me Dad had been admitted again and can’t walk. My heart rhythm changed knowing fully well I can’t cater for the bills.

I went into my room and started thinking about my life and how I’ve failed my parents even though they were not there when I needed them the most. Am thinking of calling him today but lo what would that solve ? I could barely eat 3 square meal a day and it all happened since this new government took over. I reminisced about my past life and I could recall that I don’t live an extravagant lifestyle, or could it be because I came to this life as an introvert? Or cos I didn’t take the opportunities that had come my way?

As the first child, if he dies I’ll have this at the back of mind my father died because I failed to do my duty as the first child.


I feel sad and I feel useless.
My story...

You have not failed bro. I am the 4th child and the younger son but I have carried responsibilities of my parent and everyone in my home since in my twenties.

I was lucky I got established financially in my early twenties but that cannot be the case for everyone and it is understandable.
What about other members of the family, that sister of yours , how old is she and what does she do for a living? Do you have uncles and aunties you could reach out to? Do you guy belong in a social group like a church? Maybe you could approach the pastor.
Being a first child is not a curse and not your choice so just try your best and pray as well.

Kudducini:
I’ll try to do that, I just can’t stop thinking about the backlash and the abusive words I’ll receive esp from his second wife

Second wife?

What about your mom?

Sapasenator:
Second wife?

What about your mom?

They separated very long ago

Sapasenator:
You have not failed bro. I am the 4th child and the younger son but I have carried responsibilities of my parent and everyone in my home since in my twenties.

I was lucky I got established financially in my early twenties but that cannot be the case for everyone and it is understandable.
What about other members of the family, that sister of yours , how old is she and what does she do for a living? Do you have uncles and aunties you could reach out to? Do you guy belong in a social group like a church? Maybe you could approach the pastor.
Being a first child is not a curse and not your choice so just try your best and pray as well.

Only younger ones I never had the chance to know my dad family members as he never take us home his only relative I know is his mother who died years ago, honestly I’ve tried reaching out to my friends and people around I don’t make much friend as an introvert. I just hope God helps me through.

Your dad failed himself. If you live in Nigeria and you are feeding yourself you should be grateful to God.

You did not fail but am sorry to say...Your Dad failed you...
There is a yoruba term called ""..
How abiyamoistic was ur father in raising u n going all out to see that his son his financially able than he is??
These days parents no even dey Waka for their kids again.. they busy focused on providing for the family and forget the spiritual and metaphysical part of our lives as kids.
If u know what I mean...
Cos if to say u get money.... atleast you would have sent the money

ghettochild:
You did not fail but am sorry to say...Your Dad failed you...
There is a yoruba term called ""..
How abiyamoistic was ur father in raising u n going all out to see that his son his financially able than he is??
These days parents no even dey Waka for their kids again.. they busy focused on providing for the family and forget the spiritual and metaphysical part of our lives as kids.
If u know what I mean...
Cos if to say u get money.... atleast you would have sent the money

God knows, even though he threatened to poison me and my siblings when things got sour between him and my mother. we only talk on phone, it’s been 9years since I saw him last and always giving excuses when I try to visit

Kudducini:
A tip of what’s happening in my life right now.For the first time in my life I feel so useless and I can’t get over it.

After a 12hour shift to get my daily bread I got home very early in the morning to take a long nap in my bed, barely 30minutes after I laid down my phone rang and it was my junior sister

Her:Hello
Me: Hello dear
Her: Good morning brother
Dad is in the hospital, he got admitted last night
(In my mind I was already calculating how much I’ll have to lend cos I have no penny on me)

Me: what happened
Her: I don’t know just call him sha
Me: Okay

I called and he said it’s typhoid and malaria. And the doctor is asking for #80000 naira, I took a deep breath.
Me:are you getting better now
Dad:Yes he answered weakly and said don’t worry I’ll be fine ends call

Immediately I felt useless cos there was no way I was gonna get that money not even my mother would support me cos she believes at my age I should be giving her and not the other way round. I did not call my dad for a week cos I felt there was no point calling when all I would ask is how is your health (maybe I was wrong)

It’s been a week and 6days

And my sis called again
This time things had escalated he ahead been admitted back to the hospital but this time it’s worse, she called and and told me Dad had been admitted again and can’t walk. My heart rhythm changed knowing fully well I can’t cater for the bills.

I went into my room and started thinking about my life and how I’ve failed my parents even though they were not there when I needed them the most. Am thinking of calling him today but lo what would that solve ? I could barely eat 3 square meal a day and it all happened since this new government took over. I reminisced about my past life and I could recall that I don’t live an extravagant lifestyle, or could it be because I came to this life as an introvert? Or cos I didn’t take the opportunities that had come my way?

As the first child, if he dies I’ll have this at the back of mind my father died because I failed to do my duty as the first child.


I feel sad and I feel useless.
My story...

Am still wondering why you are blaming yourself, was there a time you lived a bad life in the past

Since you started going to work, no matter what they pay you, do you usually send something to them for the week or month

You said they were not there for you, so why are you acting, if you don't want to assist your parents then it's your choice, wether they were there for you or not

Sorry about your predicament

But there is nothing called typhoid and malaria, that doctor should be sacked and flogged,

For proper diagnosis, run a test, that's the only way to find out.

Useless doctors causing panic upandan