₦airaland Forum

1. YOU ARE NOT YOUR REAL SELF
A wrong relationship will squeeze you up. It sucks also.
It will always attempt to make you to adapt to the other person
without a corresponding demand on them as well for change and
adaptation. You become a shadow of your real self – always trying
to be who you are not in order to make someone else accept you,
love you, validate and eventually marry you. That is not love.
That is a cage, a lifelong one. Get out of it now before it is too late.



2. YOU ARE FULL OF SELF DOUBT
A situation where you aren’t sure of anything. I mean, there are no
inner guarantees and assurances within you that everything will be
alright. Even when you now seem to be sure, that assurance is short
lived – it soon fizzles out into outer space and you are back to square
one. You are not always sure about the tomorrow of that relationship.
It seems to be looking good today, but you have a feeling everything might
soon go south for both of you.


3. IT BRINGS VITAL RELATIONSHIPS IN YOUR LIFE TO A CLOSE
There are vital relationships in your life before this lover boy, lover girl came
on board your life. Relationships with parents, siblings, mentors, business
partners etc. I am talking about relationships upon which your life has been
premised before he/she came. Relationships that have added colour and balance
to your life. Relationships without which your whole essence is not in view. If those
kinds of relationships come to an end, there is fire on your mountain, don’t wait…
run, run and run fast.



4. YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF BELONGING
A good relationship should give you a sense of belonging. It must of necessity make you
feel belonged. If it doesn’t make you feel that way, you might be in the wrong relationship.
You are out of place in her life and you don’t even fix well with his plans, you may need to
think about it very well. Not having a sense of belonging is like being invited to a party
without being given a chair to sit. You feel unwelcomed. You have the feeling that you are
not needed and you are just there like a figure head.



5. YOU DON’T HAVE A SAY
That relationship is wrong for you when major decisions in the relationship has to be made
for you. From the beginning of your relationship, you must ensure that you have a say in
major matters. At least, it should be 50-50. There should be compromises in a love
relationship though; even that compromise should be a two-way arrangement and never
one sided. Once it is one sided, that is a problem staring you in the face. You are a stake
holder in the relationship and your opinion should count. Get this from me, any man or
woman that has no respect for your opinion has no respect for you.


6. YOUR EXCITEMENTS ARE NORMAL
There is nothing normal about a correct love relationship – everything is abnormal.
Your excitement and heart beat for this person should be out of this world.
If your excitements over your relationship is a normal one, it is most likely not going
to give birth to a blissful marriage. When Adam saw Eve his wife, he exclaimed,
“this is the flesh of my flesh and the bone of my bones…” Your excitement should
be roof lifting and extravagant that you will need pre-marital counselling to keep things
in proper perspective. Some of us are more expressive of our feelings than others.
However, no matter how quiet you are, within your own heart, you know this guy/girl
always wake up something on your inside that intoxicates you.



7. IT UNDERMINES YOUR BOUNDARIES
Any relationship that has no boundaries is headed for the rock even before it begins.
Therefore, any relationship that has no regard for your personal boundaries is not a good
one for you. It is worse, if you have no personal boundaries yourself. A man or woman that
has no respect for your personal boundaries has no boundaries himself/herself. That is an
accident that is going to happen someday. Your physical boundary is very important – it must
never be compromised. It’s got to be a NO-NO to sex before marriage. Any man or woman that
is against that is either a play boy or a con girl.

Your emotional boundaries are also important. Your emotional health is very important in that
relationship. Your spiritual boundaries, financial boundaries, sexual boundaries ( sexual styles
and adventures that will be adopted in marriage)etc should never be trivialized. You must not
allow them to be put to the background or you end up being at the background yourself.



8. THE RELATIONSHIP HAS NO TRACEABLE POSITIVE IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE.
You look at yourself 360 degrees and you cannot place your finger on the positive
impacts of that relationship on your life, you are a joker – what an expensive joke!
You should have practical reasons to be glad you are in a relationship with him/her.
The reason is because, no relationship leaves you the way it meets you. If it is not
moving you forward, then, it is moving you backward. If it is not making you better,
then, you are getting worse without knowing (that won’t be you). What am driving at is,
it doesn’t leave you neutral; if it is not adding to you, it is taking something away from
you. Do the mathematics yourself!



9. IT DEPRIVES YOU OF THE RIGHT TO BE VULNERABLE
Being vulnerable around the one you love should be natural and normal.
It shouldn’t inject fear and vulnerability into your heart. Vulnerability is one of the major
features of a good relationship. However, a wrong relationship robs you of the right to
be vulnerable. Being vulnerable means, I trust you well enough to bring you into the private
lounge of my life (the most sensitive part), knowing fully well that you will not take advantage of me.
You should be able to let down your guard around them at least a little. You should be comfortable
to be yourself around them as much as possible per time. The moment you cant be vulnerable
in your relationship, you begin to9 keep secrets, playing hide and seek…
and you know the meaning of that! That vulnerability continues until the day of the wedding
where all inhibitions are finally out of place. There is free flow in a relationship where you
are most comfortable to be vulnerable around your partner.



10. YOU ARE AFRAID OF BEING JILTED
The first aim and intent of a wrong relationship is to break your heart.
When the heart is broken, everything is broken and that can be prevented.
You are in love with this girl and you are always scared of her dumping you someday,
you have not found a relationship yet. The guy you are in love with makes you as
comfortable as possible, but you are always scared that he will soon change and kick
you out of his life; don’t wait for a real experience to confirm that fear.

That your fear is legitimate. One day down the line in your relationship, the
unthinkable will happen and it is better to prevent it right now by being on
guard and responding appropriately. Protect you heart as no one will do it for you.
Fear always attract its object. It is either the fear is out of the way or you let go of the
relationship altogether.

© Adewunmi Oladele

One sign you are in the wrong relationship as a man is when the billing is excessive, incremental, and baseless.

A girl who doesn't like you but does not want to let you go will keep you only for billing. Every man is useful to a woman materially, even if she is disgusted by him.

pansophist:
One sign you are in the wrong relationship as a man is when the billing is excessive, incremental, and baseless.

A girl who doesn't like you but does not want to let you go will keep you only for billing. Every man is useful to a woman materially, even if she is disgusted by him.

Hmnnn, everything is not about money; relationships inclusive. Any relationship built on ephemerals like money and material possessions has no future and cannot be really fulfilling and nourishing.

Money is important; but it shouldn't take the first place.

adewunmioladele:
Hmnnn, everything is not about money; relationships inclusive. Any relationship built on ephemerals like money and material possessions has no future and cannot be really fulfilling and nourishing.

Money is important; but it shouldn't take the first place.

True, but na women get this your lecture sha. Na them money too dey important for.

Otherwise most men will be in relationship, and the 20/80 rule won't exist. Where few men are rotating many women, while the women foolishly think the rich man belongs to only her lol

pansophist:
True, but na women get this your lecture sha. Na them money too dey important for.

Otherwise most men will be in relationship, and the 20/80 rule won't exist. Where few men are rotating many women, while the women foolishly think the rich man belongs to only her lol

Interesting perspective! I would add that while a huge number of women have money first attitude, there is still a category of women who approach relationship from a wholesome perspective and not from one that is only limited to what they can get from that relationship like material effects and money. This in a way can also help you as a man to distinguish between a lady who is after what you have and the one who simply loves you for who you are. Its a world of difference.