₦airaland Forum

chidiokay:
Can someone please highlight the side the man promote domestic/ physical abuse

Nigerians are so embodied with inferiority complex such that we easily throw away our culture and values with hopes to sound woke or famz the white

Stop reporting your husband to the police, does that negate dont report your husband to people or anyone that have say in his life

In Nigeria we have a culture of resolving marital issues inviting family, elders/clergy .. it worked for our parent,elders or clergy

Police are not instituted to resolve marital crisis, so a woman that report her husband to police could as well kiss the marriage goodbye instead why not jejely divorce

if the Marriage is toxic, simply walk out! but why women are more endear to ruin men is what i dont get

A woman that holds power and did not use it, did not recognise it nii

If it is only inviting family, elders/clergy etc ....
couples are better off remaining in Nigeria and shouldn't go to a system, anyone can easily call the police and report, action is very likely taken.

Police does not resolve marital issues, their role is to maintain peace between the warring couple while issues are being sorted out but any of them whey wan prove craze is taken of and when any is perceived as an aggressor, the Police knows how to pour "cold water " on that person.

Just there are toxic people who are married, there are also well adjusted humans, who also are.

1stGenAmerican:
Why didn’t he speak Yoruba from start to finish, since it was the best way to communicate and understand?
Because he had ill intentions and an agenda.

u are just stupid

The one wey pain u na yoruba wey e speak abi?

U don't understand the language n u just want to believe he's wrong n many of u will blame village people when u have dumb kids not knowing u passed it down to d innocent child

If someone speaks a language I don't understand I will rather hold back than criticize him

Mindlog:
If it is only inviting family, elders/clergy etc ....
couples are better off remaining in Nigeria and shouldn't go to a system, anyone can easily call the police and report, action is very likely taken.

Police does not resolve marital issues, their role is to maintain peace between the warring couple while issues are being sorted out but any of them whey wan prove craze is taken of and when any is perceived as an aggressor, the Police knows how to pour "cold water " on that person.

Just there are toxic people who are married, there are also well adjusted humans, who also are.

Need i remind Nigerians are not the only immigrant in develop, infact indians are more immigrants in Uk , but we dont indians, chinese, south africans, others stray away from there culture or values.
You forget couples from other national also visit or reside in Nigeria, did our system change, a british man residing in a country where two wives is acceptable does that make him jump at 2nd wife or becos africa favour men do you see an america or british man beat his wife
You still dont get, police functions within the confines of law and that law has no provision to resolve marital crisis other than "dissolve" , we cant come back from police station nd still share cordial r/ship dont you get
Like i said Nigerians are so embodied with inferiority complex such that we over copy everything .. even in nollywood movies they will dial 911

CorrectionFLuid:
I knew from how uncomfortable his colleagues were, that he'll be in trouble. His speech wasn't balanced at all. It was skewed against women. And he repeatedly missed the opportunities to clarify the type of issues that the wife shouldn't call the police for.

Who send am message. I never give unsolicited advice even if it would save a life.

Asidiq:
Lol.I see you are here looking for mistakes and errors . Thanks for the correction anyway . You won. Are you a champion now?

Yes I am. I want eba please.

aestake:
Haha..fabricated stories and water works are making UK police to reconsider your calls. Stay and live by yourselves holy women.

Yen yen. Bring statistics and UK news reports on these 'calls' or keep kwayet.

Any news that's only making the rounds in the Nigerian community and not carried by any Western news outlet is simply lies.

If you're victims so bad, why cook up propaganda?

Kobojunkieee:
That tradition, trash it the moment you leave Nigeria for any foreign land. It is recognized in many climes for what it is and that is mental manipulation.

We have seen how it has been used to manipulate Nigerians into condoning some of the worst atrocities. So, don't blame westerners for frowning at that jargon abeg.

So how come there keep their but we copy others tradition and cultures and still make mess of ourselves even more than their inherited cultures. Preserving our culture is still the best . Submissiveness, love and respect in a family that will grieve is inevitable

1stGenAmerican:
Nobody gets deported over allegations of molestation or other acts. They get jailed & deported because once the allegations are investigated, irrefutable proof that it really happened is found.

No sir, many (I am 100% sure of 2 cases) this the wives came back begging for forgiveness and how sorry they were for lying against the man. They were asked to go tell their stories to the UK immigration.

1Sharon:
Yen yen. Bring statistics and UK news reports on these 'calls' or keep kwayet.

Any news that's only making the rounds in the Nigerian community and not carried by any Western news outlet is simply lies.

If you're victims so bad, why cook up propaganda?

lagosrd:
■ So how come there keep their but we copy others tradition and cultures and still make mess of ourselves even more than their inherited cultures. Preserving our culture is still the best . Submissiveness, love and respect in a family that will grieve is inevitable

The keeping or not keeping of these traditions and cultures you speak of are decisions to be made by individuals. Each person is really meant to weigh each idea attached to tradition and then decide for self whether it is of worth or not. No one person can declare for others what they should or should not. So, if you wish to hold to these cultures and traditions, go right ahead. Others are free also not to keep them particular since we do not all agree when it comes to the assumed benefits of many of these ideas that we like to tag tradition and culture, kind of like religion. People from all cultures around the world do pretty much the same which is to choose whether or not to adhere to these so-called traditions and cultures. Most people only keep those aspects that they believe are of benefit to them and discard all those that are not of benefit.

aestake:

E reach to laugh when you no get point again

ruffhandu:
No sir, many (I am 100% sure of 2 cases) this the wives came back begging for forgiveness and how sorry they were for lying against the man. They were asked to go tell their stories to the UK immigration.

Oh really? Why were they not asked to tell their stories to the police?

1Sharon:
E reach to laugh when you no get point again

The shooting of the women is making me to laugh o. Brain and thinking are .....plus raising nonsense sons.

1Sharon:
Oh really? Why were they not asked to tell their stories to the police?

Same, the police and immigration

ruffhandu:
Same, the police and immigration

No.

1Sharon:
No.

Yes

Kobojunkieee:
You can stay in Nigeria then where only your rich politicians enjoy those very same rights you consider to be of rubbish propaganda & western fallacy. Some of you are mentally fit for the Nigerian jungle.

you are the one mentally unfit the west still exploiting Africa and gives you ur zombie scripts to carry about in the name of human right but always having evil intentions

ZTsambad:
■ you are the one mentally unfit the west still exploiting Africa and gives you ur zombie scripts to carry about in the name of human right but always having evil intentions

What is wrong with the west "exploiting" Africa? You want the West to be Father Christmas to Africa abi wetin? Don't Africans go out "exploiting" the west too? Why do you people think as you do for Pete's sake?

1Sharon:
No.

Is that your natural hair full growth

aestake:
The shooting of the women is making me to laugh o. Brain and thinking are .....plus raising nonsense sons.

You don't care about the kids, just keep quiet.

You're saying women should endure terrible men so they don't raise 'nonsense sons' ?

If the man eventually kills the wife, people like you would still open your gob and asked why she didn't 'chose better' and why she didn't date the " good men like me"

1Sharon:
You don't care about the kids, just keep quiet.

You're saying women should endure terrible men so they don't raise 'nonsense sons' ?

If the man eventually kills the wife, people like you would still open your gob and asked why she didn't 'chose better' and why she didn't date the " good men like me"

no pleasing women. just dey your dey. no good men.

cococandy:
@bold I don’t even know you. Calm down pls. We’re having a generic conversation so the “you” in my posts isn’t directed at you specifically. I thought I clarified that earlier.

Also as per your last paragraph, most people marry within their social/financial class.

I say make I threaten you with small vawulence.

Kobojunkieee:
What is wrong with the west "exploiting" Africa? You want the West to be Father Christmas to Africa abi wetin? Don't Africans go out "exploiting" the west too? Why do you people think as you do for Pete's sake?

which Pete sake abeg? who told u we are exploiting west 🤨 u smoke. and which father Christmas because there's no father Christmas on my side. So u can sit down there as they exploit Africa na your type dey can use to finish Africa, that's why the continent no dey move forward because u don turn west to heaven and Africa to hell

1stGenAmerican:
The UK Metropolitan Police have made it clear that they had no part in telling Nigerian women not to call the police on their husbands. The police officer speaking in Yoruba in this video is being investigated—I’m sure he’ll lose his job and possibly receive criminal charges which is good!

Here’s the story:
Met cop telling Nigerian women 'do not call police on your husbands' probed by force 6 years later

A video showing a Metropolitan Police officer allegedly telling a group of Nigerian women not to call police on their husbands but to “manage it", is now being investigated after resurfacing six years later on social media.

The clip filmed inside Divine Restoration International Church in Camberwell in 2018 shows a police staff member addressing a group of mainly women as three officers stand beside, sparking outrage from abuse charities.

In the video, which the Mirror has seen, the officer can be heard speaking in Yoruba - a Nigerian language, as well as English, while he stands at a pulpit talking about knife crime and how sons ‘may not want to listen to their mothers” and instead prefer their fathers.

The footage goes on to show the officer allegedly saying that once Nigerian women arrive in the UK they start behaving “rudely” towards their husbands, adding that they should not call police on their husbands “but manage it.”

Police confirmed to the Mirror that the footage has been referred to the Met's standards unit.
The children’s safeguarding group Afruca, have expressed anger at the remarks in a letter of complaint to the Met detailing how the officer's advice was “telling victims to stay in abusive relationships and not to seek police protection.”

Speaking to the Mirror, Chief Executive of Afruca, Debbie Ariyo who saw the video said: “[The officer said], ‘do not call the police on your husband, but manage it.'

“When I heard it, I was livid. Like what do you mean? So if a man is abusing the woman, and don’t forget, domestic violence is always about physical abuse, emotional even in terms of cultural practices, its a sexual issue - so if a woman is being abused in the home, she shouldn’t call the police because if she does, the man will be removed from the home and the children will spiral and it will be her fault.

“If a woman is being abused, you’re saying that women shouldn’t seek police protection. “That was really bad of them, that's just like minimising these issues in our communities. That Nigerians don’t really matter. Even children are victims in the home when domestic violence is going on.”

The charity chief went on to add that she felt violence against Black women was not being highlighted, as figures from PA News agency from the Metropolitan Police show of the 21 femicide victims recorded by the force in 2022, nine victims (43%) were Black and have higher rates than any other ethnic group.

Debbie said: “We’ve been talking about violence against women but we haven’t talked about violence against Black women. Women in African and Caribbean communities.

“And so to hear a police officer who should understand the UK Domestic Violence Act of 2021, telling women that they shouldn’t call the police on their husbands, whatever the explanation is, it's counterproductive. I felt it was an attack on Nigerian women.

“Coming from a police officer, where we see many police officers being convicted of hurting women, it's the first thing I thought about.”

When approached by the Mirror, Detective Chief Superintendent Seb Adjei-Addoh said that the video had been referred to the professional standards team.

He said: “The incident reported relates to an informal talk by a police member of staff made at a church in Camberwell back in 2018. The comments made by the member of the police staff categorically do not represent the position of the Met in relation to domestic abuse and are wrong. There are no circumstances where it would be appropriate for a victim-survivor of domestic abuse not to report it to the police if they feel able to do so.

“Over recent years, the Met has developed a raft of dedicated investigation teams focused on domestic abuse. Within the boroughs of Lambeth and Southwark, we work in partnership with the local authorities and third-sector charities involved in VAWG to ensure we have strategies to encourage domestic abuse reporting and support victim-survivors of domestic abuse.

“The video has been referred to our professional standards unit to assess and consider what action is to be taken.

“Afruca and other charities like them carry out invaluable work in the domestic abuse space, and I understand the concern this matter has caused.

“Lastly, I am keen to speak with those who have been particularly affected in an attempt to reassure them of our ongoing commitment to tackling this type of crime and protecting those who are at risk.”



https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/met-cop-telling-nigerian-women-33655942


Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/8211011/uk-police-officer-advises-nigerian

1stGenAmerican,

I first watched the video 6 years ago and listened intently to what he told the Church audience. I just listened to it again via the link you posted here. I think there's some confirmation bias and exaggerations in the newspaper article based on the narrative of the Afruca lady.

The Police officer didn't say anything negative in English and Yoruba. He first said the women should "endure" but later added for extra EMPHASIS that the "endurance" must be achieved by using the traditional or cultural means of communication even if the husband doesn't temporarily have a job yet.

He emphasized on building family values and tolerance. He also told them to desist from the habit of looking for benefits that are paid by the UK government to single mothers in the UK.

In any event, the various ethnic strands of the Asian immigrant communities in the UK and the U.S. have stable homes based on their traditional or cultural values. Africans have such values as well, but I think added the knowledge of emotional intelligence and effective communication skills would enable couples to stay together.

For some of the Nigerian men, even getting a blue collar job such as plumbing would bring in sustainable income after getting certified. In the United States, plumbing jobs bring in a lot of income and professional plumbers even have their own businesses.

No they can’t do that though. They will call it slavery. “Being a slave in another man’s land”. At least that’s what I’ve heard some of them say on here about blue collar jobs. SMH

Konquest:
For some of the Nigerian men, even getting a blue collar job such as plumbing would bring in sustainable income after getting certified. In the United States, plumbing jobs bring in a lot of income and professional plumbers even have their own businesses.

cococandy:
No they can’t do that though. They will call it slavery. “Being a slave in another man’s land”. At least that’s what I’ve heard some of them say on here about blue collar jobs. SMH

@Cococandy, how's it going?

"Slavery in another man's land?" Lol

It's all nonsense ego-tripping tbh. I think that line of thinking comes from the way people perceive blue worker jobs like plumbing, carpentry, truck driving, etc, in Nigeria. In the UK and U.S., once you are certified, these jobs are highly respected. I know of an African-American who is a college graduate who said he regretted not getting certified in any of the blue collar fields especially as some sectors bring in more income than what he studied in the Uni. He was actually planning to get re-skilled since he still has age on his side.

Those subsets among Nigerian Diasporans must learn to do what is right to bring in sustainable income for themselves and families because in the final analysis, on a subconscious level, women have for decades now raised the bar and don't naturally respect men who are bums... It is what it is. Even men don't respect women who have nothing doing or going on for them either. I know of folks who are long-distance truck drivers working for haulage companies and the same plumbing job bringing in good income for them. How are those Nigerian Diasporans who are temporarily out of work or who are "breaking ice" in a cold room at a McDonald's outlet any better than those blue collar workers who are solving the problems of society in the logistics space or taking care of plumbing in the housing sector? They should remain fixated on the office jobs while expecting to be spoon fed by their makeup artist, finance, MD or RN wives and girlfriends. The other alternative is to get mixed up with the WRONG group of friends and end up getting busted for Internet fraud or some other scams by the FBI if they are not willing to upgrade their skills. The U.S. Department of Justice website contains the names of some irresponsible young folks of Nigerian/Nigerian-American descent and some of their other American accomplices who have been busted for online scams in the recent past.

It’s going great. Thanks.

You’ve said it all. Nothing to add.

Just dead useless ego that doesn’t help them or anyone else. Some of them talk like you should be elected mayor of your city the moment you migrate to the states otherwise anything else you choose to do is not worthy of respect .

Konquest:
@Cococandy, how's it going?

"Slavery in another man's land?" Lol

It's all nonsense ego-tripping tbh. I think that line of thinking comes from the way people perceive blue worker jobs like plumbing, carpentry, truck driving, etc, in Nigeria. In the UK and U.S., once you are certified, these jobs are highly respected. I know of an African-American who is a college graduate who said he regretted not getting certified in any of the blue collar fields especially as some sectors bring in more income than what he studied in the Uni. He was actually planning to get re-skilled since he still has age on his side.

Those subsets among Nigerian Diasporans must learn to do what is right to bring in sustainable income for themselves and families because in the final analysis, on a subconscious level, women have for decades now raised the bar and don't naturally respect men who are bums... It is what it is. Even men don't respect women who have nothing doing or going on for them either. I know of folks who are long-distance truck drivers working for haulage companies and the same plumbing job bringing in good income for them. How are those Nigerian Diasporans who are temporarily out of work or who are "breaking ice" in a cold room at a McDonald's outlet any better than those blue collar workers who are solving the problems of society in the logistics space or taking care of plumbing in the housing sector? They should remain fixated on the office jobs while expecting to be spoon fed by their makeup artist, finance, MD or RN wives and girlfriends. The other alternative is to get mixed up with the WRONG group of friends and end up getting busted for Internet fraud or some other scams by the FBI if they are not willing to upgrade their skills. The U.S. Department of Justice website contains the names of some irresponsible young folks of Nigerian/Nigerian-American descent and some of their other American accomplices who have been busted for online scams in the recent past.

cococandy:
It’s going great. Thanks.

You’ve said it all. Nothing to add.

Just dead useless ego that doesn’t help them or anyone else. Some of them talk like you should be elected mayor of your city the moment you migrate to the states otherwise anything else you choose to do is not worthy of respect.

Indeed Coco, the bolded is succinctly stated.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

Talk to you later.

1stGenAmerican:
The UK Metropolitan Police have made it clear that they had no part in telling Nigerian women not to call the police on their husbands. The police officer speaking in Yoruba in this video is being investigated—I’m sure he’ll lose his job and possibly receive criminal charges which is good!

Here’s the story:



https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/met-cop-telling-nigerian-women-33655942


Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/8211011/uk-police-officer-advises-nigerian

You modern women shaaaaa


I’m sure he’ll lose his job and possibly receive criminal charges which is good!

Botragelad:
Have you actually read the post? The video is from years ago, and that individual was acting on their own initiative. No sensible police officer would suggest that a woman shouldn't report a matter to them.

If someone is being abusive, you have every right to contact the police, it's their job to sort out whether you're being abusive or not. This isn't Africa, where people seem to get away with everything. Learn to behave yourself and follow the law. You're not above the law.

You chaps need to lose the macho attitude you have back in Africa, where you think you can boss women about as you please and torment them. Well, let me tell you, that sort of rot isn't tolerated in the UK or any decent society.

This is exactly how you lot mistreat women and tell them to deal with the situation until they end up dead.

Postured to a side

Goodnewsforlife:
over Sabi u don't even understand what the guy was saying

He's actually talking about home management,nobody is saying they shouldn't report abuse but there are some minor issues that could b managed within the home that are blown out of proportion because the women believe they have an upper hand

In pidgin, no b every case u go call police, some small issues dey wey u suppose manage for house na only issues wey Una no fit resolve for house u suppose call police for

Simple

You are blessed

Botragelad:
I'm not fussed about the rubbish you've written above. What I am concerned about is domestic abuse(or abuse in any form). And let me reiterate: you have every right to contact the police, no matter how small the issue may seem.

Petty incidents can escalate into serious problems, so it's best to involve the authorities before things get out of hand. There's no legal impediment to reporting a concern, after all.

You lack coherence, just shut up already