Hello guys, I am a 36 years old single mother of four. My son will be 15 in August, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june.

I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and live with us, I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years.

I have been friend with this man, a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children. He is asking for my hand in marriage. To be honest, I don't want to be married again, all I want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala.

He asked for my hand in marriage, I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again. I told him what my ex did, he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house. I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP. But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck. He wants me to accept his proposal. I am confused.

Please advice me. Is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?

Always follow your instincts and you'd hardly go wrong and whatever the results, you'd take it in good fate knowing you listened and acted according to the dictates of your inner man.

Likes for OBI

Firstly, a single mother of four is a steep hill to climb for any man. You're lucky someone is ready and willing to accept you and your four kids into his home.

Not to cohabit, but to make an honest woman out of you by asking for your hand in marriage.

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. If you don't want to then don't. For me, I'd advise you to for the security and companionship.

One thing's certain; offers like this only happen once in a lifetime.

I hope 20 years from now you won't look back at this moment and be gnashing your teeth.

I will advise you to focus more on your children @ the moment, truly been a single parent can be very boring @ times. But since you said you don't want to go into marriage stress for now.

Then, I think the best for you is just to stand on your NO. It always start with sweet talks @ the beginning, don't be a victim twice

gaby:
Always follow your instincts and you'd hardly go wrong and whatever the results, you'd take it in good fate knowing you listened and acted according to the dictates of your inner man.

Thanks

ValCon888:
Firstly, a single mother of four is a steep hill to climb for any man. You're lucky someone is ready and willing to accept you and your four kids into his home.

Not to cohabit, but to make an honest woman out of you by asking for your hand in marriage.

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. If you don't want to then don't. For me, I'd advise you to for the security and companionship.

One thing's certain; offers like this only happen once in a lifetime.

I hope 20 years from now you won't look back at this moment and be gnashing your teeth.

You are right thanks

slan87:
I will advise you to focus more on your children @ the moment, truly been a single parent can be very boring @ times. But since you said you don't want to go into marriage stress for now.

Then, I think the best for you is just to stand on your NO. It always start with sweet talks @ the beginning, don't be a victim twice

Thanks

Klass99:
Don't let the past ruin your chances for a good thing. There's a chance for;

1. A fresh start with an older man (I like older men sha, most tend to be mature and well grounded) what you fear may not happen. Dwell in this thought instead.

2. Your children to have a male friend and mentor (hopefully a great one too) as well as new friends in their step siblings.

3. Sweet companionship between you and him. Children will grow and leave the nest one day or even sooner like when they are in boarding school. Your life shouldn't be all about your children, you are worthy of good things and you deserve good things too.

4. A nicely blended family, your kids may all get along well and you may get on well with him too. That's not to say there won't be challenges but nothing so bad or terrible that you both can't handle as mature/responsible adults.

Take a chance and see where it all leads to, you might be pleasantly surprised. Don't let negative thoughts or past hurts rule you. You guys can work out a living arrangement where you live close to each other (as a married couple) but in your separate cribs with your kids, spending as much time as you can together......that may reduce feelings of overwhelm and slowly blend both families.

Thanks for the helpful advice

It is well....why not date him for a while to understand his kind of person? You've been there with marriage, you of all people should know not to jump into another. Besides, you're a full package that requires input from all participants, what do your kids think of him and his of you? Good luck.

sisisioge:
It is well....why not date him for a while to understand his kind of person? You've been there with marriage, you of all people should know not to jump into another. Besides, you're a full package that requires input from all participants, what do your kids think of him and his of you? Good luck.

Thanks. I have known him for a year he is a great man and would love to be a part of his life my children adore him but when I remember how my ex husband was also a saint in the begining, he promised me heaven on earth, he even swore in front of my late mother and elder brother that he love me and my kids like his own , only for him to change his mind after the wedding , that's why I am scared that the same thing may happen again. I haven't met or spoken to his children ,they are adult the daughter is already married with kids and the son lives abroad.

remain as you dey. your kids are already matured to start blessing you. except say t.o .t. o dey scratch you already

Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys , I am a 36 years old single mother of four my son will be 15 in aug, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june. I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and lives with us , I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years. I have been friend with this man a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children, he is asking for my hand in marriage, to be honest I don't want to be married again, all i want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala. He ask for my hand in marriage I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again I told him what my ex did , he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house . I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP . But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck he want me to accept his proposal. I am confuse Please advice me is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?

You didn’t include if you had sex with him

silibaba:
remain as you dey. your kids are already matured to start blessing you. except say t.o .t. o dey scratch you already

Thanks

Weirdcamila:


You didn’t include if you had sex with him

No sex

Vyvyanvyvy:



Thanks. I have known him for a year he is a great man and would love to be a part of his life my children adore him but when I remember how my ex husband was also a saint in the begining, he promised me heaven on earth, he even swore in front of my late mother and elder brother that he love me and my kids like his own , only for him to change his mind after the wedding , that's why I am scared that the same thing may happen again. I haven't met or spoken to his children ,they are adult the daughter is already married with kids and the son lives abroad.

Dicey....it is well. If you are of the new age where divorce is viewed as simply a break of contract, then go ahead to marry him. Just ensure you dont have any more kids with him for a while so you dont keep having kids with different fathers. If he turns out to be bad market, you tear the contract. Simple. With that in mind, you have more to gain than loose.

Yorubas will say if you decide to close your eyes to avoid seeing bad people, goood people may also pass you by without you realizing it. Good luck.

sisisioge:


Dicey....it is well. If you are of the new age where divorce is viewed as simply a break of contract, then go ahead to marry him. Just ensure you dont have any more kids with him for a while so you dont keep having kids with different fathers. If he turns out to be bad market, you tear the contract. Simple. With that in mind, you have more to gain than loose.

Yorubas will say if you decide to close your eyes to avoid seeing bad people, goood people may also pass you by without you realizing it. Good luck.

Thanks . We don't want more kids.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys , I am a 36 years old single mother of four my son will be 15 in aug, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june. I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and lives with us , I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years. I have been friend with this man a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children, he is asking for my hand in marriage, to be honest I don't want to be married again, all i want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala. He ask for my hand in marriage I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again I told him what my ex did , he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house . I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP . But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck he want me to accept his proposal. I am confuse Please advice me is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?

Please let him see the elders in your family. They should make him understand that your children are to be accepted by him just as you are ready to accept his. Please, double your hustle so you won't be at his mercy when it comes to the financial responsibility of your children. But if you genuinely feel you are good without any man,then listen to your instinct.

Klass99:


I don't understand, you already had these 4 kids before your ex-husband? If I recall correctly you had just one kid before your ex i.e. the boy who is now 15 years old, is that correct?

There's something widows, widowers and divorced people need to understand when it comes to their children. Don't expect your partners to love them unconditionally or in the same vein you do, if your partner likes you and likes your kids well enough, to want to align themselves with you and your children, please accept and embrace that.

The best thing a partner or subsequent spouse can be to your kids is a friend and a mentor, to help guide, instruct and teach them, the way older friends and good mentors do for us in life or at work. Don't be looking for or insisting on fatherly or motherly love, dem no follow you fck the fck wey born those children, so they can't feel the same way you do. It should be enough if they like you and your kids.

I had 2 children before my ex husband , my daughter was staying with us and my son was staying with my elder brother. I agreed with you same as me I don't expect him to love them unconditionally but i just want them to feel loved , safe around him and be comfortable in the house even if he will not foot all the bills I am hard working I will take care of the rest . When i was with my ex husband I footed 70% of the bills but still he didn't want my son to stay with us , he was not even the one that was paying their school fees and all i wanted is for my son to stay with us so he can feel loved , safe and comfortable around him he refused which I don't know why he choose to hate my boy for no valid reason. that's why I had to choose my son over him.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Hello guys , I am a 36 years old single mother of four my son will be 15 in aug, first daughter 10 in october, my third 5 and youngest 3 by june. I have separated from my husband because he didn't want my son to come and lives with us , I have been taking care of them singlehandedly for 3 years. I have been friend with this man a widower who is 57 years and a father of 2 children, he is asking for my hand in marriage, to be honest I don't want to be married again, all i want is to focus on raising my kids because I have been through a lot in my previous marriage and I don't want another marriage wahala. He ask for my hand in marriage I rejected him and I had explained to him why I don't want to marry again I told him what my ex did , he said he is a mature man he will love me and my children and he will never hate them or ask them to leave his house . I told him I have to think about it and I will get back to him ASAP . But I am still scared to accept his proposal because I don't want history to repeat itself and he is still on my neck he want me to accept his proposal. I am confuse Please advice me is it a wise choice for me to get married again after everything I have been through in the past?

Have you sought your children's opinion(s) before asking Nairalanders for advice?

ceeceeuwa:

Please let him see the elders in your family. They should make him understand that your children are to be accepted by him just as you are ready to accept his. Please, double your hustle so you won't be at his mercy when it comes to the financial responsibility of your children. But if you genuinely feel you are good without any man,then listen to your instinct.

Thanks. Not looking forward for him to carry all their responsibilities. I am hard working , I have a shop , I recently rented a 2 bedroom apartment and all my children are attending a private school without any help from their fathers or him.

Vyvyanvyvy:



No sex

Don’t marry him
You guys are not in love
And people around him will frustrate you if he dies first .

Vyvyanvyvy:



Thanks. Not looking forward for him to carry all their responsibilities. I am hard working , I have a shop , I recently rented a 2 bedroom apartment and all my children are attending a private school without any help from their fathers or him.

Then double it! Don't relent sis.

ekitimanalways:


Have you sought your children's opinion(s) before asking Nairalanders for advice?

They're minors their decision doesn't matter. It is only me that can decide on the right thing to do but I am confused and I don't know what to do, that's why I came to deek for advice because I know we have wise men and women in this forums who will be able to offer me some great advices that will help me to make the right decision.

You said, you and your husband are separated... does this mean you are divorced or not?
I'll advise you to get married to this man if you have divorced your husband legally and traditionally.

A time will come when your kids will be too busy with their own lives and won't have the time to always be around you, you will feel lonely and become depressed.

Vyvyanvyvy:



They're minors their decision doesn't matter. It is only me that can decide on the right thing to do but I am confused and I don't know what to do, that's why I came to deek for advice because I know we have wise men and women in this forums who will be able to offer me some great advices that will help me to make the right decision.

Your children may be minors but they have emotions. Letting your children know about your plans in a loving manner can help ease their acceptance of this next step. When done successfully, you can assist them in processing their emotions about the new marriage and the changes it may mean for their home life.

I have read all your points. My candied advice is for you to go ahead and marry him. Why? Your ex-husband didn't want your son to live with him. But this older man doesn't seem to mind, not to take one but all four! f you are scared of him changing his mind, have him see your relatives and reaffirm his stance.

Just trust God, and pray to him to help your husband love you all. He also needs to be encouraged. It's not easy. No one knows the future. Who knows you may be the one giving him attitude tomorrow.
Trust God. Do not Fear. Marry him. Pray. Encourage him. Love him. Pray. All will be well.

tastes for sash

Not all heroes wear capes!I haven't forgotten you dear.standing up for that boy was a mean feat.I hope he's good and well behaved now.


For me I'd say check very well but keep your expectations low.
Sometimes loneliness isnt good but don't expect much from the man.Then again fortify yourself as in family planning.Don't mistakenly carry belle.