₦airaland Forum

purples25:
You're really really petty. Making mountains out of molehills because you were not informed of every single movement. Even after being told you still acted dramatically, refusing to pay or take the lady to the park.

How will you live if you hang on to everything like this? You will just become a radical nag. Vex small and then move ahead. Giving yourself bp for nothing.

I understand that it might seem petty on the surface, but it's not about needing to be informed of "every single movement." For me, it’s about feeling respected and involved in decisions that affect my household. When people make important decisions—like sending someone off from my home without including me—it can feel like I’m being sidelined, and that’s where the frustration comes from.

It’s not about holding grudges or trying to create drama, but about addressing the lack of communication that keeps happening. I can let small things go, but when it starts to affect the foundation of mutual respect, it's important to speak up before it becomes a bigger issue. Yes, we can all "vex small," but certain patterns need to be addressed for the sake of peace and understanding in the long run.

DeGods007:
Please call her and send money to her. Na omugwu she come do for your wife.

I know the economy is responsible for this your behavior....it's not anybody's fault. Look for money and send to her immediately. That's the right thing to do bro.

I appreciate your perspective, and I understand that omugwo is a significant support for my wife. I’m not against sending money or helping out; it’s just that the way everything was handled left me feeling disrespected and uninvolved in my own household. It wasn’t about not wanting to help, but the lack of proper communication that led to my frustration.

That being said, I’ll handle things as best as I can and make sure the situation is resolved, but I believe clear communication is important for mutual respect going forward.

Judd007:
Must she go by December? If she has secured a job let her go na, that’s pettiness from your part.

It’s not about insisting that she stays until December; I’m genuinely happy she secured a job and can move forward. My issue isn’t with her leaving earlier—it’s with how the decision was made without consulting me. It would have been respectful for my wife or mother-in-law to involve me, given that she’s been staying in my house for three months.

It’s about feeling like a part of the decision-making process, especially for matters that affect my household. The timing is secondary to the communication and respect that should be present in such situations.

Tinubuagbado:
Guy, you didn't act responsibly at all.

Correct the wrong now because it degenerates to something you'll regret.

Like someone above said, you're too petty. Not everything you count for your wife and in a scenario like this.

You should be happy that your sister inlaw came for omugwo for you, that thing is not easy at all.

She's the one that takes care of that baby, stays awake at night to allow you and wife sleep.

Correct the error not please, you have an angel as a wife and please stop threatening to send her away.

Ask divorces, your life will never be the same if you send your wife away.

This is your family, manage it well.

I understand where you're coming from, and I truly appreciate the value of omugwo and the help my sister-in-law has provided. I’m not dismissing her contribution or taking that for granted at all. My frustration came from feeling left out of key decisions in my own home. It’s not about counting every little thing, but about maintaining a level of respect and communication in our marriage.

You're right—threatening to send my wife away isn’t the best approach. I don’t want things to escalate to a point where I’ll regret it. I need to handle this situation more responsibly, but I also need to make sure that these kinds of miscommunications don’t keep happening. It’s about finding the right balance in managing our family with mutual respect. Thanks for the advice, I’ll work on resolving this constructively.

missjekyll:
Poverty. Poverty is the core problem here.

I get that the financial strain might seem like a factor, and yes, the economy can add pressure to situations like this. But the real issue here is about communication and respect within the family. Money or not, how we handle decisions and involve each other matters. It’s less about poverty and more about ensuring there’s mutual understanding and clear dialogue in the home. Addressing that is what’s most important to me right now.

Tombrown3:
And no one mentioned the fact that OP is angry because of the neglect which automatically is an insult to his personality.

You don't want to properly inform me, yet need my financial assistance?

One even said the wife is an angel 🤣😂

I give up on Nigerians.

No wonder we have a president like Tinubu.

I appreciate you pointing that out. My main frustration was rooted in feeling neglected and disrespected in my own household. It’s not just about money—it’s about the principle of being properly informed and involved, especially when decisions affect the family. Expecting my financial support without even communicating with me directly feels off, and that's what really triggered my response.

As for the other comments, I’m not here to invalidate anyone’s opinion about my wife, but respect and communication are fundamental for any relationship to thrive. We should address that, no matter the cultural context or leadership in the country.

Lieutenant83:
Are u liking ur sister in-law? Wat concerns u when she leaves.....u escalated the issue. U caused the disrespect. Deal with it.

No, this has nothing to do with "liking" my sister-in-law. My concern wasn’t about when she leaves but about the lack of communication and respect in the process. It’s about being left out of decisions that directly affect my household.

I understand that I might have escalated the issue, but I reacted because I felt disrespected. It’s not about holding on to grudges, but about making sure that there’s mutual respect and open communication moving forward. That’s all I’m trying to address here.

purples25:
Unless the family is an abnormal one, and they have no single bit of respect for him, definitely they must have apologized to him, yet he still stayed angry. I am not saying they are right, but after an apology, you try to calm down.

Or does he want the world to turn upside down, all his in laws come to beg, etc, before he pardons them and stops this drastic reaction which includes leaving the sister in law stranded? The punishment and drama is enough, they have gotten the message. If he reacts like this today, what happens when a larger issue is afoot? It is not every time a fly hits your balls that you give them a mighty smack to get rid of it.

I understand your point, and you're right that sometimes we need to take a step back after receiving an apology and calm down. The issue here isn't about wanting excessive apologies or making a dramatic point—it’s about ensuring that this kind of disrespect doesn’t continue in the future.

If they had apologized sincerely and acknowledged their oversight, I would have tried to move on. But at the time, it felt like the issue wasn't fully recognized, and I reacted out of frustration. You’re right, though, I could have handled it better. The goal isn’t to escalate things further but to prevent this from becoming a recurring problem in the family. Thanks for your perspective—I'll keep it in mind moving forward.

Imredeemed:
I understand your point, and you're right that sometimes we need to take a step back after receiving an apology and calm down. The issue here isn't about wanting excessive apologies or making a dramatic point—it’s about ensuring that this kind of disrespect doesn’t continue in the future.

If they had apologized sincerely and acknowledged their oversight, I would have tried to move on. But at the time, it felt like the issue wasn't fully recognized, and I reacted out of frustration. You’re right, though, I could have handled it better. The goal isn’t to escalate things further but to prevent this from becoming a recurring problem in the family. Thanks for your perspective—I'll keep it in mind moving forward.

Okay great, I'm sure they won't do it again. Please let peace come in as you promised.

XY01:
Op did not grow up. He still thinks he matters a lot.

Person see job, you want them to first seek your permission before leaving, dem for send you proposal na.

Your wife calling your mother when she needed help shows that you're fond of being petty and the only person that can talk to you is your mother. This is not disrespect, it shows the kind of person you are in the marriage; a petty bitch ass who thinks everything and everyone needs his approval and should seek him out first.

Difficult to live with someone like you, tbvh. Those fools advising you to leave your wife and send her out, guess what? They won't even last 24hrs staying with your petty ass.

I get that my reaction might have come off as overly controlling or petty, but that’s not how I see it. It's not about seeking my permission for every single thing—it’s about maintaining a level of communication and respect in the home. I never said they needed a proposal to leave, but as someone responsible for the household, being kept in the loop on important decisions should be a given.

As for my wife calling my mom, it's not that I'm unreachable, but when decisions affect me or my household, I believe I deserve to be involved directly. That’s not about being controlling—it's about having a voice in what happens in my own home. I understand this situation could have been handled better, and I’ll take responsibility for my part. But this is not about being a "petty ass"—it’s about fostering respect and communication in the family.

I’ll reflect on your advice, though, and work on better managing situations like this.

CosmicJames:
The man is falling to show understanding. Even after they explained to him why the sister in-law has to leave immediately.
@Op, I'm suspecting you

I appreciate your concern, and I can see why you might feel that way. However, my issue isn’t with my sister-in-law leaving or the reasons behind it; it’s about the lack of communication and involvement in decisions that impact my household.

I understand that her securing a job is important, and I’m genuinely happy for her. My frustration comes from how the situation was handled—specifically, not being consulted or informed about significant decisions.

I’m not trying to make this about suspicion or anything personal; I’m just trying to address the underlying issues of respect and communication in my family. I’ll keep working on understanding their perspective, but I also need to feel respected in the process.

Op you sound so much like a kid.

Imredeemed:
I get that my reaction might have come off as overly controlling or petty, but that’s not how I see it. It's not about seeking my permission for every single thing—it’s about maintaining a level of communication and respect in the home. I never said they needed a proposal to leave, but as someone responsible for the household, being kept in the loop on important decisions should be a given.

As for my wife calling my mom, it's not that I'm unreachable, but when decisions affect me or my household, I believe I deserve to be involved directly. That’s not about being controlling—it's about having a voice in what happens in my own home. I understand this situation could have been handled better, and I’ll take responsibility for my part. But this is not about being a "petty ass"—it’s about fostering respect and communication in the family.

I’ll reflect on your advice, though, and work on better managing situations like this.

Is still your fault. Why do the transfer the aggression on the poor girl? Is she the cause?
Why didn't you address this issue of disrespect when it started?
I can assure you that you will struggle to fix it now because you failed to address it earlier. It's not too late though.

I think you should apologize to that girl with promise

Imredeemed:
"My sister-in-law came to my house for Omugwo and was supposed to stay until the second week of December, which is when I planned for her to leave. However, I found out that my mother-in-law called my wife, and they both agreed to send her back to the village earlier than planned. I came home from work one day, and my wife told me her sister would be leaving the next day, even though she had already stayed with us for three months. I had intended for her to leave the second week of December, so I could buy some things for her before she left.

I was upset because I felt that my mother-in-law should have informed me, given that her daughter was staying in my house. Instead, they made the decision without consulting me. When I asked why the rush, they explained that my sister-in-law had secured a job and needed to leave immediately. I was happy for her, but I still felt disrespected by the lack of communication from my mother-in-law.

On the day of her departure, I refused to take them to the park because, as far as I was concerned, I had not been properly informed about her leaving. Later that evening, around 6 p.m., my mom called me, asking me to send money to my sister-in-law because their vehicle had broken down on the road. I was surprised because my mom lives in a different state. When I asked her how she knew about the breakdown, she said my wife had told her, based on what her sister had said. I was frustrated that neither my wife nor my sister-in-law called me directly. I hung up on my mom and put my phone on flight mode.

When I returned home, my wife refused to serve me dinner, and the next day, she didn’t greet me either. After a long week of work, I took Monday off to rest, but my wife started insulting me, complaining that I hadn’t sent money to her sister. The argument escalated to the point where my mother-in-law got involved, calling me and hurling insults. Every time we have an issue, they threaten to send money for my wife’s transport so she can leave, but this time, I’ve made up my mind: she has to go tomorrow, and they must provide the transport for her. They’ve been making excuses, saying they don’t have the money, but I can’t tolerate the insults anymore. What should I do? The situation is becoming unbearable.

give you wife the transport so she can leave but without your kids. You can hire a nanny to take care of the kids. She and your mother-in-law plan to ruin you. Inform your father-in-law about your decision and tell him it seems your wife got married to her mother instead of you so your returning the daughter back to them whole you want your bride price back. If they call for reconciliation, warn that so called mother inlaw never to EVER put mouth or take decisions in your private family affairs if not, she'll not like the actions you'll take

There are few gaps in this story.

How long have you been married and how has your relationship been?

Is this your first child? If not, how did you handle omugo in the past?

Did you agree with your wife that it was your sister on law who'd come for omugo?

Did you wife inform you that she wanted her to leave immediately?

When you were informed that your sister in law had to leave to pick a new employment, did you confirm from her?

What do you think makes your wife comfortable with consulting her mum( or her family) in taking decisions concerning your family? Has she been doing this from time?

What I think you need to do is to prise your wife from her mum's apron. The overbearing influence of your mother in law on your wife is not healthy for the family.

If you succeed with this, you should have a better communication and understanding in your home.

Socratiz:
There are few gaps in this story.

How long have you been married and how has your relationship been?

Is this your first child? If not, how did you handle omugo in the past?

Did you agree with your wife that it was your sister on law who'd come for omugo?

Did you wife inform you that she wanted her to leave immediately?

When you were informed that your sister in law had to leave to pick a new employment, did you confirm from her?

What do you think makes your wife comfortable with consulting her mum( or her family) in taking decisions concerning your family? Has she been doing this from time?

What I think you need to do is to prise your wife from her mum's apron. The overbearing influence of your mother in law on your wife is not healthy for the family.

If you succeed with this, you should have a better communication and understanding in your home.

You raise some important questions, and I appreciate your perspective.

1. Duration of Marriage and Relationship: We’ve been married for a while, and while we’ve had our ups and downs, this situation has highlighted some communication gaps.


2. Previous Omugwo Experiences: This is our first child, so this is my first experience with omugwo, and I was hoping for a smoother process since it's a significant time for our family.


3. Agreement on Sister-in-Law's Role: Yes, we did agree that my sister-in-law would come for omugwo, and I was grateful for her help.


4. Communication about Departure: I wasn’t informed that she needed to leave immediately until it was already decided, which was frustrating for me.


5. Confirmation from Sister-in-Law: I didn't get a chance to confirm directly with my sister-in-law because the decision was made quickly.


6. Wife's Comfort with Family Decisions: I believe my wife feels comfortable consulting her mom, but that’s something we need to address. I think it stems from a reliance on family during this new chapter in our lives, but it has made me feel sidelined.



Your suggestion about addressing the influence of my mother-in-law is valid. I want to create a healthier dynamic where we can communicate openly as a family without outside pressures. I’ll take this feedback seriously and work on strengthening my relationship with my wife, ensuring that we’re both on the same page moving forward. Thank you for your insights!

RZArecta:
give you wife the transport so she can leave but without your kids. You can hire a nanny to take care of the kids. She and your mother-in-law plan to ruin you. Inform your father-in-law about your decision and tell him it seems your wife got married to her mother instead of you so your returning the daughter back to them whole you want your bride price back. If they call for reconciliation, warn that so called mother inlaw never to EVER put mouth or take decisions in your private family affairs if not, she'll not like the actions you'll take

I appreciate your strong perspective on this, but I’m hesitant to take such drastic actions. While I’m frustrated with the situation and how decisions have been made, I believe communication is key. I don’t want to escalate things further by involving the father-in-law or making threats regarding my wife and her family.

I understand the feeling that my wife may be too influenced by her mother, and I’ll address that with her directly. It’s important to me that we work together as a team in our marriage, especially when it comes to family matters.

Hiring a nanny is an option I’m considering, but I want to ensure my wife is part of that decision as well. My goal is to resolve the issues we’re facing constructively rather than through ultimatums or threats. I appreciate your concern for my well-being, and I’ll keep working on finding a solution that respects everyone involved.

Play the mind game with them,if you think or know they are using it for you, bro

Imredeemed:
It’s not about insisting that she stays until December; I’m genuinely happy she secured a job and can move forward. My issue isn’t with her leaving earlier—it’s with how the decision was made without consulting me. It would have been respectful for my wife or mother-in-law to involve me, given that she’s been staying in my house for three months.

It’s about feeling like a part of the decision-making process, especially for matters that affect my household. The timing is secondary to the communication and respect that should be present in such situations.

Reasonable and sound response. The OP asked for advise not insult. The OP is right to be angry, but then, he should send money to the sister-in-law. Doing omugwo is not easy. You should consider how the sister in-law had served you both. Tbh, this is not the time to be caught unawares when it comes to spending.

Tallesty1:
The difference lies in planning. Some people naturally prefer to plan ahead and be prepared—it's simply part of who they are.

Additionally, if you make a decision that you expect me to fund without consulting me, it implies that my input isn't necessary, and by extension, neither is my financial contribution.

If I was the OP, the wife's attitude won't change anything. I am going to be so happy in her presence that she will start to wonder if marrying me was a good choice.

Imredeemed:
"My sister-in-law came to my house for Omugwo and was supposed to stay until the second week of December, which is when I planned for her to leave. However, I found out that my mother-in-law called my wife, and they both agreed to send her back to the village earlier than planned. I came home from work one day, and my wife told me her sister would be leaving the next day, even though she had already stayed with us for three months. I had intended for her to leave the second week of December, so I could buy some things for her before she left.

I was upset because I felt that my mother-in-law should have informed me, given that her daughter was staying in my house. Instead, they made the decision without consulting me. When I asked why the rush, they explained that my sister-in-law had secured a job and needed to leave immediately. I was happy for her, but I still felt disrespected by the lack of communication from my mother-in-law.

On the day of her departure, I refused to take them to the park because, as far as I was concerned, I had not been properly informed about her leaving. Later that evening, around 6 p.m., my mom called me, asking me to send money to my sister-in-law because their vehicle had broken down on the road. I was surprised because my mom lives in a different state. When I asked her how she knew about the breakdown, she said my wife had told her, based on what her sister had said. I was frustrated that neither my wife nor my sister-in-law called me directly. I hung up on my mom and put my phone on flight mode.

When I returned home, my wife refused to serve me dinner, and the next day, she didn’t greet me either. After a long week of work, I took Monday off to rest, but my wife started insulting me, complaining that I hadn’t sent money to her sister. The argument escalated to the point where my mother-in-law got involved, calling me and hurling insults. Every time we have an issue, they threaten to send money for my wife’s transport so she can leave, but this time, I’ve made up my mind: she has to go tomorrow, and they must provide the transport for her. They’ve been making excuses, saying they don’t have the money, but I can’t tolerate the insults anymore. What should I do? The situation is becoming unbearable.

What the fúck is wrong with you?

You're such a petty human being, you behave like a woman!

Pls what is Omugwo?
Op u did well for not paying her Tp. If u r not worthy of being informed about her departure y must u be the one to pay for her transport. That's why I always advice men to run away from marrying from broke family. Imagine they can't even send TP for their daughter since u refuse to pay.

purples25:
You're really really petty. Making mountains out of molehills because you were not informed of every single movement. Even after being told you still acted dramatically, refusing to pay or take the lady to the park.

How will you live if you hang on to everything like this? You will just become a radical nag. Vex small and then move ahead. Giving yourself bp for nothing.

the guy is really petty n now he has complicated issues for himself instead of being wise

Wisdom is truly profitable to direct

Imredeemed:
It’s not just about the timing of when she leaves; it’s about the lack of communication and respect. The decision was made without involving me, even though she’s been staying in my house. I had planned for her departure and wanted to prepare things for her. The fact that they made a major decision without consulting me feels disrespectful, and that's what matters here. It’s not about whether she leaves now or in December, but how the situation was handled.

now u have been fully dragged n disrespected

Your mother in law self don enter u finish

U aren't wise, if I were u I will give her anything n claim it's impromptu n even take her to d pack n act nice to her

At least u will b d one to gain, u won't feed extra mouth till December n u won't spend extra but u messed it up because u want d so called respect that u eventually lost it all at d end

Imredeemed:
I understand that it might seem petty on the surface, but it's not about needing to be informed of "every single movement." For me, it’s about feeling respected and involved in decisions that affect my household. When people make important decisions—like sending someone off from my home without including me—it can feel like I’m being sidelined, and that’s where the frustration comes from.

It’s not about holding grudges or trying to create drama, but about addressing the lack of communication that keeps happening. I can let small things go, but when it starts to affect the foundation of mutual respect, it's important to speak up before it becomes a bigger issue. Yes, we can all "vex small," but certain patterns need to be addressed for the sake of peace and understanding in the long run.

y not let her go in peace first n call your mother in law to express your displeasure about d whole thing

Imredeemed:
"My sister-in-law came to my house for Omugwo and was supposed to stay until the second week of December, which is when I planned for her to leave. However, I found out that my mother-in-law called my wife, and they both agreed to send her back to the village earlier than planned. I came home from work one day, and my wife told me her sister would be leaving the next day, even though she had already stayed with us for three months. I had intended for her to leave the second week of December, so I could buy some things for her before she left.

I was upset because I felt that my mother-in-law should have informed me, given that her daughter was staying in my house. Instead, they made the decision without consulting me. When I asked why the rush, they explained that my sister-in-law had secured a job and needed to leave immediately. I was happy for her, but I still felt disrespected by the lack of communication from my mother-in-law.

On the day of her departure, I refused to take them to the park because, as far as I was concerned, I had not been properly informed about her leaving. Later that evening, around 6 p.m., my mom called me, asking me to send money to my sister-in-law because their vehicle had broken down on the road. I was surprised because my mom lives in a different state. When I asked her how she knew about the breakdown, she said my wife had told her, based on what her sister had said. I was frustrated that neither my wife nor my sister-in-law called me directly. I hung up on my mom and put my phone on flight mode.

When I returned home, my wife refused to serve me dinner, and the next day, she didn’t greet me either. After a long week of work, I took Monday off to rest, but my wife started insulting me, complaining that I hadn’t sent money to her sister. The argument escalated to the point where my mother-in-law got involved, calling me and hurling insults. Every time we have an issue, they threaten to send money for my wife’s transport so she can leave, but this time, I’ve made up my mind: she has to go tomorrow, and they must provide the transport for her. They’ve been making excuses, saying they don’t have the money, but I can’t tolerate the insults anymore. What should I do? The situation is becoming unbearable.

good, no time 4 nonsense

Imredeemed:
"My sister-in-law came to my house for Omugwo and was supposed to stay until the second week of December, which is when I planned for her to leave. However, I found out that my mother-in-law called my wife, and they both agreed to send her back to the village earlier than planned. I came home from work one day, and my wife told me her sister would be leaving the next day, even though she had already stayed with us for three months. I had intended for her to leave the second week of December, so I could buy some things for her before she left.

I was upset because I felt that my mother-in-law should have informed me, given that her daughter was staying in my house. Instead, they made the decision without consulting me. When I asked why the rush, they explained that my sister-in-law had secured a job and needed to leave immediately. I was happy for her, but I still felt disrespected by the lack of communication from my mother-in-law.

On the day of her departure, I refused to take them to the park because, as far as I was concerned, I had not been properly informed about her leaving. Later that evening, around 6 p.m., my mom called me, asking me to send money to my sister-in-law because their vehicle had broken down on the road. I was surprised because my mom lives in a different state. When I asked her how she knew about the breakdown, she said my wife had told her, based on what her sister had said. I was frustrated that neither my wife nor my sister-in-law called me directly. I hung up on my mom and put my phone on flight mode.

When I returned home, my wife refused to serve me dinner, and the next day, she didn’t greet me either. After a long week of work, I took Monday off to rest, but my wife started insulting me, complaining that I hadn’t sent money to her sister. The argument escalated to the point where my mother-in-law got involved, calling me and hurling insults. Every time we have an issue, they threaten to send money for my wife’s transport so she can leave, but this time, I’ve made up my mind: she has to go tomorrow, and they must provide the transport for her. They’ve been making excuses, saying they don’t have the money, but I can’t tolerate the insults anymore. What should I do? The situation is becoming unbearable.

Don't marry from a bad family, did you seek the face of God before you ventured into this marriage??

obinnazy:
Don't marry from a bad family, did you seek the face of God before you ventured into this marriage??

hmmm

In the order of precedence, between your wife and your mother in law, your wife is superior. You are therefore not correct to reason that after your better half had spoken to you about a matter you needed your mother in law to validate that otherwise you will make a case out of it.

It would have been wrong if your mother in law mentioned it and not your wife but your wife has told you, the additional requirement you had expected from your mother in law is pedestrian.

You are only trying to boost your empty ego.

Send her money and stop being naughty my boy!

Tombrown3:
And no one mentioned the fact that OP is angry because of the neglect which automatically is an insult to his personality.

You don't want to properly inform me, yet need my financial assistance?

One even said the wife is an angel 🤣😂

I give up on Nigerians.

No wonder we have a president like Tinubu.

How are you doing today?
This is the name of the drugs that I used to eliminate bedbugs from my house. I promised you some times ago to get the name for you. I'm sorry for delay. The is " Mectizan".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sads7J0_6Mw?si=SkwEgv9UCttkNNd4

I have also created a YouTube video for it.

Imredeemed:
It’s not just about the timing of when she leaves; it’s about the lack of communication and respect. The decision was made without involving me, even though she’s been staying in my house. I had planned for her departure and wanted to prepare things for her. The fact that they made a major decision without consulting me feels disrespectful, and that's what matters here. It’s not about whether she leaves now or in December, but how the situation was handled.

typical Igbo man with ego

U will just ruin yourself, imagine calling your mom to reach u that means u ain't reasonable.

ultimateprof:
How are you doing today?
This is the name of the drugs that I used to eliminate bedbugs from my house. I promised you some times ago to get the name for you. I'm sorry for delay. The is " Mectizan".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sads7J0_6Mw?si=SkwEgv9UCttkNNd4

I have also created a YouTube video for it.

Wow... Thankss