₦airaland Forum

Dogalmighty17:
OP. Your wife cheated on you brazenly. Which respect do you say you are looking for again? You mentioned that you wanted to reconcile with her. You wanted to reconcile with a woman who stepped out of her marriage and got good dicked. I need you to hear yourself.

It is no surprise she disrespects you.

Onegai:
Every time a woman hands the kids over to the man and moves on, wailing always commences.

My aunt did it, moved on without a backward glance and her ex proceeded to wail publicly that she abandoned the children (even though he was the one screaming "don't you dare leave this house with my children!".

And everyone told him "Oga shut up, you're just looking for a way to control her".

Even abroad, once the woman hands the kids over to the man and pays child support, they start posting online and crying and looking for who will take care of the kids and asking people to tell the mother to show up.

iamtoofan:
Dont doubt her she knows what she is saying, most naija single mums are into multiple date, from oga in the office to kay, mr bayo , tunde, she go just arrange as she go dey bill these men in sequence, cash out niyen

i get one, single mum with 3 kids she owns a wine shop .. she don nearly kill my friend with billings na their way

another wey be single mum of two she don collect passport one of her magas is about to fly her abroad

Money dey olosho business .. if i was a gurl 🤣🤣

Mom007:
God will not have allowed me to marry someone like this op. Wicked husband and cheating wife. Them fit themselves.

femmoy:
Feel sorry for you brother. Please stop responding to the girls on this platform cos they're all the same, they're serial cheats that use kids to manipulate men (typical Nigerian girls).
I gave up on them all a long time ago when I understood that they're good for nothing but to f*ck and move on.
I'll advise you from experience to totally forget her and move on,I know its hard to forget about the kids but critically thinking the kid(s) might not be yours cos the mother is a cheat.
When you totally blank her and forget she exists,a time will come when she'll come looking for you, except you're not the biological father.

Life is too short to worry about anyone,just be strong and make yourself happy again and leave all these hoes spilling nonsense.

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

maxdosh:
Bro these women nowadays now belong to the same whatsapp group. The same snake that deceived their mother eve is now on rampage. All these women want is to knack responsibly to have kids and afterwards the husband is useless to them. That is what they want.

Go and check, it is the new trend. You see this your situation is similar to what I am going through, what my just divorced friend has been through, what a guy in my church has been through and what many other men are going through.

Women think they are too special and feel the world should be at their feet because they are easily influenced by what they see on social media.

In my case, my soon to be ex wife don even tell her papa to send message to my people so her bride price can be returned.

She has held my daughter away for almost 2 years now in another country and expect me to suffer here in Naija to send her money for upkeep.

The amount of single mothers we will have in the coming years go plenty shaaa.

isabitalko:
Dear Friend

Pls accept my sincere sympathy over your situation. Dealing with a cheating ex and having to loose access to yor kids is no easy struggle. No man should have to go through this.

Unlike many people here, i must say I see ur struggles and I HEAR U

good

I understand how painful it is to be treated as a secondary decision maker, instead of being a principal/major decision maker in the well-being of your kids. This hurts and should not have been. Pls know that your wife is wrong and so is anyone who indulges her.

Please know that you’re a great dad, and your love for your kids shines no matter what people say. For it is only a great dad that fights they way you do over those kids. Pls keep fighting, cos you kids need you as much as they need their mom. Your kids need you to provide emotional support, role modelling, discipline and structure, diverse perspectives in life and to help them build healthy relationships. No woman should have to deprive her kids of their dad. it is wrong on many levels. . So i see that you fight out of love and concern for them.

I also know that you miss your kids. For a girl's first love is her dad; and dads are so uniquely attached to their girls. Many men realise a sense of purpose, fulfilment, legacy, joy and laughter, etc from their kids. So It is terribly mean to deprive a man of that, especially after cheating on him.


I know you had to stop paying for their welfare and i understand why. I dont know what to say for it seem that your major concern is to determine their paternity if you havent done so. You also need to have a discussion with the lady and her family around your intention to be involved in the kids life. for it is only then that you can have a conversation with your in-laws regarding paying the requested money ( of course, you can negotiate if you have to pay).

I dont advise you to take ur ex back as she has proven unconcerned. Pls dont. Be very thoughtful here. Dont solve a problem with another problem.

Go for counselling if you can. I imagine that you are going through a lot as any good father should.

On a parting note: It’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling. Just remember, this moment doesn’t define the future. Your love for them is powerful, and that connection will never break.

iamtoofan:
most of dem dont even have common boyfriend not to talk of kids

But bros how you do you expect a man to forget the woman that holds custody of his kids, which move on isonù be that

You don see where chicken lay egg move on, regardless of how those two want to go apart ... those children will always connect them.

oja tii omo ba ti wor ... what if the woman jam odogwu n she neva looks back ?? what if the we say the children will look back n they did not ??

do you even know long you will live and when the children wil deem fit to look for you their father ... may God disappoint these women give us long life

femmoy:
A resounding Amen 🙏 to that @bolded

When I say move on, I don't mean he should totally forget about the kids[b],what I mean is that since his ex-wife is using the kids to torture him emotionally [/b]and psychologically,he should be strong as a man and look away for his mental sanity. If the children are his,she'll always find him,their father would definitely be needed at a point in the kids life.

Another side to it is that the pertanity of the kids might be doubtful, so why worrying himself chasing shadows instead of using the opportunity to improve himself.

"They can steal a poor man's wife but not his children "
I believe the adage and that's why I he needs not worry himself over what cannot be taken from him.

Onegai:
Reading most of the replies from men on this thread...mehnnnn...

I can see why so many of them are sad and lonely in old age.

This is no way to live.

See angry young men running around destroying their lives and that of others. The Bible literally preaches constantly about the destructive nature of Pride and Anger, yet all the Red Pill guys have embraced it and pushed it to the masses.

We are really in the end times.

Where are the sensible older folks (50 and above) to mentor these men?

I just thank God for my family, we had 1 mistake and swore that it would never happen again. My sisters and I would beat up any of my brothers (men over the age of 45 o!) If they follow any of the men's advice in this thread. My mother will ignore her sons and go and look for her grand babies.

Because, how dare you say your pride and anger is keeping me from my nieces or grandchildren, making you not care for them and expect me to support you, are you mad?

I look at my boys and I know if I see them act like this, be you 35 years of age, I'll whoop your arse like you're 6 years old and go and establish a relationship with my grandchildren. As I clearly failed in parenting the first time, I'll make sure those babies don't suffer because of my failure in training their father well.

It is well

LilMissFavvy:
You think you can take care of two young daughters as a single man? No, you cannot. They are better off staying with Grandpa/wife.
Your ex wife informed you about the kids whereabouts after she had taken them to Grandpa's house, so what? She at least informed you. Then you stopped paying school fees/feeding, you thought they will beg you, but grandpa stood up and took responsibility, now you are back complaining. Grandpa told you to return all expenses before he will release the kids to you or mother, yet you are still here arguing. Even if Grandpa says you should pay 2million, then be ready to cough out that amount, you can never win the case in court because you stopped paying for their upkeep.

Mom007:
Ogbeni shut it with your bla bla bla talk. If e too pain you, go and collect your kids and take care of them yourself. And make sure you don't take them to your own parents while you go to work o... and don't get a nanny. You must bathe them, cook and clean up after them, wash their clothes, do school run etc all while you hold your 9 to 5 job. Sauce for the goose must be sauce for the gander after all!Failure to do all these things means you shut up and keep sending money for your children's upkeep.
Yen yen yen, na she go suffer am! Dead beat dad's like you have only one card to play which is withholding money. E too pain you say after you played your last card, she refused to be bothered that's why you came here to cry.
No one said you should go back to a cheating wife but if you can't play your part in raising your children, the only part which anyone really expects from a double standard hypocrite like you than shut up abeg and watch their grandpa be a better father to them than you will ever be.

Afodot0022:
Am not like your baby father or the father that gave birth to you that are all deadbeat. I am a real man and a responsible one to the core. If I don't care about my kids, I won't make all this efforts am making on them. Have sense pls

Afodot0022:
You are a woman so you will never understand my point. Am not trying to take custody of the kids, but they should stay with either the mom or dad. I won't pay any money to the father cos I never approved or permit her taking them there .. I won't want her to push me to forget about those kids and move on. I will count my loss and move on

rotwailler:
My broda leave the kids and continue to work on yourself, because going to court will even hurt and distable you more because u can never win 😁.
Be happy look for more money and look for another wife bro and have more kids except your level nor dey work again.
This people call women can be evil ooo🥱

In divorce or separation everyone is meant to suffer even d kids😔

isabitalko:
Thanks for your contribution. However, the bane of the issue is that the presence of the kids' dad is missing in the life of the kids. And the man is also deprived of the joy of seeing his kids grow.

People often focus on the financial welfare, dont make that mistake. The kids need to BE whole. And that can be achieved when both parents are involved in their lives.


The separation was wrongly done. I dont know whose fault it is because i didnt read his previous post.
In an idea seperation case, both parties ought to have disccused the kids welfare ( and reach an understanding on how the kids will be raised and access to the kids by both parties). This wasnt done.

The woman has already erred by taking the kids away from the man and depriving him access to them. The man is less wrong on this matter. he his willing to provide if he is allowed to be part of their lives.

Most people blame the man cos they dont have experience. I have experience through a friend's marriage. Nobody knows what type of ill-treatment the man gets from his ex in as we speak. Some exes can be rude, mean and very impolite, which i think is the case with this man.

The man is just a victim of a woman's world, especially when it involved kids.

Ciao

Onegai:
Reading most of the replies from men on this thread...mehnnnn...

I can see why so many of them are sad and lonely in old age.

This is no way to live.

See angry young men running around destroying their lives and that of others. The Bible literally preaches constantly about the destructive nature of Pride and Anger, yet all the Red Pill guys have embraced it and pushed it to the masses.

We are really in the end times.

Where are the sensible older folks (50 and above) to mentor these men?

I just thank God for my family, we had 1 mistake and swore that it would never happen again. My sisters and I would beat up any of my brothers (men over the age of 45 o!) If they follow any of the men's advice in this thread. My mother will ignore her sons and go and look for her grand babies.

Because, how dare you say your pride and anger is keeping me from my nieces or grandchildren, making you not care for them and expect me to support you, are you mad?

I look at my boys and I know if I see them act like this, be you 35 years of age, I'll whoop your arse like you're 6 years old and go and establish a relationship with my grandchildren. As I clearly failed in parenting the first time, I'll make sure those babies don't suffer because of my failure in training their father well.

It is well

LilMissFavvy:
You think you can take care of two young daughters as a single man? No, you cannot. They are better off staying with Grandpa/wife.
Your ex wife informed you about the kids whereabouts after she had taken them to Grandpa's house, so what? She at least informed you. Then you stopped paying school fees/feeding, you thought they will beg you, but grandpa stood up and took responsibility, now you are back complaining. Grandpa told you to return all expenses before he will release the kids to you or mother, yet you are still here arguing. Even if Grandpa says you should pay 2million, then be ready to cough out that amount, you can never win the case in court because you stopped paying for their upkeep.

kTea:
Was that too difficult for him to have done with his virgin gf? Make una dey try connect brain to una hands before typing inugo

pocohantas:
They won't connect it. Dude doesn't want the kids. He only wants his ex-wife to be saddled with them to the point she has no single time to build any new relationship. Same period he was starving his kids - he was accommodating his ex-virgin gf and feeding her. So much for loving his children.

He doesn't want primary custody of those children. He won't sue anybody.