₦airaland Forum

CosmicDust:
Really i am rude? You called me ENTITLED.
Should i take your low-minded insult as a commendation?
Maybe you should learn how to read, comprehend and use wisdom in your discussions. And also stop comparing yourself to others. That silly statement made me stop reading your epistle. My regards to your mum, hope she's stronger now. I have been in a police cell for 24hrs, that experience is not savory at all.

Yeah, I still insist that you sound ENTITLED. If you can’t self-reflect on the same flaw that almost everyone on this post has pointed out, then that’s an even bigger problem. Someone contributing 100k out of 450k may be stingy (if they actually have the capacity) but not totally irresponsible. The only reason I compared myself to you is because I’ve been through a similar situation so I understand the frustration. My write-up was for you to learn from my experience but you can always chose to ignore.

DestinyGlory:
Yeah, I still insist that you sound ENTITLED. If you can’t self-reflect on the same flaw that almost everyone on this post has pointed out, then that’s an even bigger problem. Someone contributing 100k out of 450k may be stingy (if they actually have the capacity) but not totally irresponsible. The only reason I compared myself to you is because I’ve been through a similar situation so I understand the frustration.

Well I can insist you are a piece of shit too. By the way what crime did your mother commit that sent her behind bars?

CosmicDust:
Well I can insist you are a piece of shit too. By the way what crime did your mother commit that sent her behind bars?

Well that’s your opinion. I would not be sharing any further details on my experience.

DestinyGlory:
Well that’s your opinion. I would not be sharing any further details on my experience.

Good. Your advice is also most unwelcome.

xevove2061:
All i can see here is an entitled prick of a person. What makes you think she has a good job as you say she does. What also makes you think that she is paid well, as you think? Did you ask how she pays her bills and who she has to run to when she has issues of her own? Why do you think its okay to come here complainimg of your elder sister who is atleast sending something back for your feeding. Habe you seen her payslip to know how much she earns monthly? Do you know if the money she makes monthly is enough for her own monthly expenses? You people in nigeria need to stop having this mentality that people abroad are fine. Very few are doing really fine. Some people make over 12m equivalent in naira and its not enough, if that person has their own family what shpuld they now do? Mind you, your bills do not wait for you abroad, you have to pay it and pay it on time otherwise you get interest on those bills. If she was not even bringing any money in the first place, then its a topic for another day. Please and please!, never feel entitled to another persons money and never assume that anyone owes you anything. Are you not a man? Should you not be making your own money despite all odds? You lots are sickening. I tell you!

Thank you for this comment
The fact she's even bringing money does it for me, them no even happy say she dey send...
The OP wrote out all his achievements, he even has a wife but his older sister is in Canada unmarried and alone, he obviously doesn't care for her
Cos he would've at least called her to express his dissatisfaction and then hear her own side of the story
For someone to send that amount you deem small, are you aware of her living conditions in Canada? Do you know if she's living fine and has no health issues ?
She has not visited Nigeria once and you didn't think that she might be finding it difficult to survive not to talk of footing the bills to visit her family in Nigeria
This just boils down to lack of communication cos she's your sister and you should at least be aware of the happenings in her life
She'll obviously be depressed cos she's single, alone and now her family dey judge her join

CosmicDust:
You all get it wrong. I am not bitching about she not assisting me or my younger ones. I simply was expressing how a woman will feel less obliged to the parents that made sacrifices for her. That's the story here.

.


You know your sister before she left for canada.
I personally appeal to you to try for once to ask her how she is doing? The conversatiin should be about her not demand or burden of naija.

I don't doubt your loyalty and support towards your family.
You alluded to the fact that she left whatapp group because she felt the demand was too much.. That decision she made must have been painful for her to make.
You have not lived abroad. So will respect you don't know how it works.. 60 months is not enough time to settle and l feel you expecting so much from her..
You mentioned her masters was partly paid.
Have you clarified if she has clear her debts and have PR.? Is single, kids or planning to buy a house or settle down?
Please try a different approach/tone when you appeal to her.
If you a younger male sibling talking to older sister.. understand the dynamic as well.
No point coming across as dissapointed with her. You make her feel bad and see herself as useful only for money?
I think you are under pressure yourself and you seek relief.
Be humble enough to tell her that you are struggling and would appreciate her effort.
You threaten her over money you will loose her and create a sense of guilt that because your parents paid her masters then she must provide for the whole family.
There is financial pressure but you must trust your sister enough to think she means well for you and your family..
Talk to her with concern not with expectations.
I wish you the best.
All will be sorted.

CosmicDust:
At least i have parents. And I love them.

My own do not gnash their teeth regretting sponsoring my education to the best universities in the world
They also do not complain about me to my siblings about how i am not fulfillimg my obligation as a kid. Go and sit down.

estybae:
Thank you for this comment
The fact she's even bringing money does it for me, them no even happy say she dey send...
The OP wrote out all his achievements, he even has a wife but his older sister is in Canada unmarried and alone, he obviously doesn't care for her
Cos he would've at least called her to express his dissatisfaction and then hear her own side of the story
For someone to send that amount you deem small, are you aware of her living conditions in Canada? Do you know if she's living fine and has no health issues ?
She has not visited Nigeria once and you didn't think that she might be finding it difficult to survive not to talk of footing the bills to visit her family in Nigeria
This just boils down to lack of communication cos she's your sister and you should at least be aware of the happenings in her life
She'll obviously be depressed cos she's single, alone and now her family dey judge her join

______________________-------------
Thank you for your perspective.. It so painful sometimes that relatives in naija count the years you have left naija and begin to calculate how much you should have made or sent to help them.
The lack of human empathy or concern about your welfare is so disturbing. Some people are just ungrateful and bitter when their
high demand/expectation is not met..
Entitlement breeds dissapoitment.
Parents should train and provide for all wards their equally....Be resposible enough to have kids you can provide for. Poverty is a situation that can be avoided with proper planning..
Health and employment is not guaranteed.
Invest or at least take insurance and live within your means.. What's the point having many kids if your and wife cannot provide for them and be responsible for their unkeep.
It is very tough like the case in question for older siblings to train themselves and provide for older parents and then train siblings.
The Op sister, a female living abroad may not be available to go out and date cos of working long hours to meet family demand. It puts financial pressure on marriages/relationship.. Not sure is appealing to any potential suitor if your other half to be is constantly under pressure to provide for her family..and siblings.
I see why abroad people settle down late..
Not married yet look at what the poor lady is subject to..

estybae:
Thank you for this comment
The fact she's even bringing money does it for me, them no even happy say she dey send...
The OP wrote out all his achievements, he even has a wife but his older sister is in Canada unmarried and alone, he obviously doesn't care for her
Cos he would've at least called her to express his dissatisfaction and then hear her own side of the story
For someone to send that amount you deem small, are you aware of her living conditions in Canada? Do you know if she's living fine and has no health issues ?
She has not visited Nigeria once and you didn't think that she might be finding it difficult to survive not to talk of footing the bills to visit her family in Nigeria
This just boils down to lack of communication cos she's your sister and you should at least be aware of the happenings in her life
She'll obviously be depressed cos she's single, alone and now her family dey judge her join

I didn't talk of her marital status.
Question is if you are abroad and doing well with a good job and your parents(not your siblings) need medical care, will you send 1/4th of the money despite having the capability to do more and wait for the worst? Kindly answer. It's alright not to have a conscience.

xevove2061:
My own do not gnash their teeth regretting sponsoring my education to the best universities in the world
They also do not complain about me to my siblings about how i am not fulfillimg my obligation as a kid. Go and sit down.

So it is the fault of people that they are in a situation of need? Well I no blame you, na me choose to talk else one homosexual lunatic would not start comparing his parents to mine. To hell with you.

CosmicDust:
I didn't talk of her marital status.
Question is if you are abroad and doing well with a good job and your parents(not your siblings) need medical care, will you send 1/4th of the money despite having the capability to do more and wait for the worst? Kindly answer. It's alright not to have a conscience.

This still boils down to lack of communication really
You're not there with her and you might just be assuming she's doing well and she's not
All you need right now is just communication, call your sister and talk to her, ask her how life is treating her over there and know if she really had the money and refused to send it.
It's not that hard.
You might just be jumping into conclusions...

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

Oga I see entitlement over your write up, you think it's easy for those living abroad? It's not by location. What is on you? What supports what you're doing and what is guiding your decisions?

Your sister is not the problem of your family, yes she has her part to do, it doesn't make it a right

estybae:
This still boils down to lack of communication really
You're not there with her and you might just be assuming she's doing well and she's not
All you need right now is just communication, call your sister and talk to her, ask her how life is treating her over there and know if she really had the money and refused to send it.
It's not that hard.
You might just be jumping into conclusions...

Leave this guy, e just day entitled. Nothing more. If e easy make him go abroad.

Yusufisraelj:
Oga I see entitlement over your write up, you think it's easy for those living abroad? It's not by location. What is on you? What supports what you're doing and what is guiding your decisions?

Your sister is not the problem of your family, yes she has her part to do, it doesn't make it a right

I hope your parents are alive. I hope they get to read your comment to understand that if at anytime your help is needed in their lives, you will never raise a finger. It is alright not to have a conscience.

CosmicDust:
I hope your parents are alive. I hope they get to read your comment to understand that if at anytime your help is needed in their lives, you will never raise a finger. It is alright not to have a conscience.

My brother I'm empathetic to your situation, if I share certain things with you here you probably might not believe. I know what it means to cather for loved ones and I know what it means to be very alone and use your skill to fetch yourself food and comfort.

God remains the helper of men not fellow men, God can use men, but my brother, what you need is guidance into what you need to do to unturn the hand of hardship or struggle especially financial. Until you come to that point my brother you'll only be angry at people.

God have asked me to resign a 150K job back in 2018 to start up something. Until you're guided, your outcomes will certainly remain "normal". And don't think I succeed in that venture I failed badly and went into debt, but by the finger of God I can never worry about certain things at the moment. Again it's not people that's the problem, our limitations are chiefly a reflection of our inadequacies. Until we become better in philosophy, attitude and action, nothing intrinsically would.

Sapeleomi:
______________________-------------
Thank you for your perspective.. It so painful sometimes that relatives in naija count the years you have left naija and begin to calculate how much you should have made or sent to help them.
The lack of human empathy or concern about your welfare is so disturbing. Some people are just ungrateful and bitter when their
high demand/expectation is not met..
Entitlement breeds dissapoitment.
Parents should train and provide for all wards their equally....Be resposible enough to have kids you can provide for. Poverty is a situation that can be avoided with proper planning..
Health and employment is not guaranteed.
Invest or at least take insurance and live within your means.. What's the point having many kids if your and wife cannot provide for them and be responsible for their unkeep.
It is very tough like the case in question for older siblings to train themselves and provide for older parents and then train siblings.
The Op sister, a female living abroad may not be available to go out and date cos of working long hours to meet family demand. It puts financial pressure on marriages/relationship.. Not sure is appealing to any potential suitor if your other half to be is constantly under pressure to provide for her family..and siblings.
I see why abroad people settle down late..
Not married yet look at what the poor lady is subject to..

You are wise.

like1:
If this is not entitlement mentality I don't know what is it. OP do what you can do for your parents without complaining. No dey look your older sister. If you no fit too, lock up too and stop being a baby.

Your sister sends 40k monthly, she is already trying. You re calculating how much is 40k in Canadian dollars. You are even expecting your sister who has spent only 5 years in Canada to be able to have enough money to bring you abroad. If your sister id actually who you say she is, it is obvious entitlement mentality from your side is a major factor to the way she behaves.

Because there is nothing she ever does that will be appreciated.

Moreover, do you know her burdens in Canada, have you tried to inquire? Does she work as a student? 20 hours a week? Has she overstayed her visa and not able to renew and now staying illegally? What is her status in Canada.

Op even said she left the family whatsapp group, saying they're extorting her.
I think they really do.

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

I hardly comment on nairaland posts....this really got my attention, and I felt what you are going though @op, please, don't give up, please, focus and trust in God alone, man will always fail, even one's blood brother can fail, re engineer your mindset to trust in God and God alone.........it's so sad she can't even help at least one of you to come over, believe me, she will realize her wrongs very soon, just leave her alone but don't keep malice with her, trust in God , I wish your family well, and i wish dad and mum and great health recovery, I pray they will live long and enjoy God's blessings.....once again , don't give up!!!!

xavuv:
What makes you think she's doing well for herself, Because she says so? Or you think so? ...She may just be hyping herself unnecessarily. Abroad is not a land flowing with milk and honey.

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Modification:
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for some people that quot3d me, please stop doing these yeye convertions from CAD to NGN. It doesnt work like that. Bulk of the Money made in Canada is spent in Canada. Though many are still lucky to have savings.

For the sister to even send 100k out of 450k shows to me that she's got savings but not much. If she has more than 450k to dole out, she will, honestly. An unmarried woman with no kids for that matter. In my opinion, things are not that OK with her at the moment.

And she's just been there for only 5years, cut her some slack, brother cosmic. She's not 'there' yet, she will will soon get 'there', inshallah

rear op's story very well, you would understand, I don't think you understand,

GREATESTPIANIST:
I hardly comment on nairaland posts....this really got my attention, and I felt what you are going though @op, please, don't give up, please, focus and trust in God alone, man will always fail, even one's blood brother can fail, re engineer your mindset to trust in God and God alone.........it's so sad she can't even help at least one of you to come over, believe me, she will realize her wrongs very soon, just leave her alone but don't keep malice with her, trust in God , I wish your family well, and i wish dad and mum and great health recovery, I pray they will live long and enjoy God's blessings.....once again , don't give up!!!!

Thanks for your encouraging words. God bless you for lifting my hearts.

CosmicDust:
Thanks for your encouraging words. God bless you for lifting my hearts.

God bless you boss

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

It might not be easy for her there
It not easy abroad too

CosmicDust:
I didn't talk of her marital status.
Question is if you are abroad and doing well with a good job and your parents(not your siblings) need medical care, will you send 1/4th of the money despite having the capability to do more and wait for the worst? Kindly answer. It's alright not to have a conscience.

This is entitlement mentality. How do you know she has money?

Ok let me ask you, where does your sister work in Canada?, How much is her monthly salary? How much is her monthly expenses? How much does she have left after monthly expenses.

While you are at that, tell us what and what she has did for the family before now. Has she contributed to your expenses before now?

Also why at that, how old is she? why is she not married and na you the broke one even younger than she is, see money marry? Is she happy and fulfilled? What are her worries? Do you guys care about her worries except to send money?

You are really wicked, not just entitled and it is obvious you don't have your sister's good at heart. If I am your sister and I have money, I will rather prefer to throw it away than your hands touch it.

CosmicDust:
Because someone chooses to air out his mind online, you begin to judge the person that he is entitled? Did you read the piece, did i beg anybody for money, or what the fúck is your problem?

You problem is that you are entitled, wicked, a cry baby and probably a user, all at the same time but you don't want to see it. That write-up there simply advised you on what life should be about but you still have to cry and complain on top.

CosmicDust:
You all get it wrong. I am not bitching about she not assisting me or my younger ones. I simply was expressing how a woman will feel less obliged to the parents that made sacrifices for her. That's the story here.

Story are you the parents? Allow the parents to complain, do what you can do and quit being a baby. No dey look siblings for family expenses, if you want to do, do. If you no get, say no get and mind your business. This is because you don't know what the other person is passing through, if you are not close to the person.

Mumusaphire:
hmm mm. U are right, but many people are just heartless. They won't change no matter what. I also have a brother here in Nigeria, abuja, our first born. Doing well, real big man, working in federal ministry of justice, abuja, na real Senior staff ooooo, that before u get to his office, u must pass many securities. To cut a story short, he can't help financially, he can't help getting we his siblings a job, or connect us. Even his wife also work in federal interner revenue in abuja, high rank also. Last too weeks, I was so down, even till now, but am just managing myself. I summoned my courage to call him because have knew that he won't help. I sent him message on WhatsApp with prove of my health. It was on sat that day, election day. He replied that haha, that i should pls give her till Monday, that he will run around to help me. I thought in my mind that my brother want run around on top how much. Even have spend more than 50k before I decided to msg him. At last, it was on Thursday my brother sent me money. I was surprised to see just 5k. So u can see many of them can't change, but just heartless. But they can donates for church to show off.

So sorry about what you went through. I just pray that families understand the strength in unity. Giving/helping is a privilege (my opinion)

akube34:
bro I Dey Canada too. Even if you Dey earn minimum wage, $80 a month is too small too send to your parents a month. Forget this entitlement mentality, let’s call a spade a spade, she is stingy

Are you for real? Like there are not people who are homeless in Canada, people who are squatting and can't afford rent, people who are in debt? Do you know her situation?

like1:
Are you for real? Like there are not people who are homeless in Canada, people who are squatting and can't afford rent, people who are in debt? Do you know her situation?

u r funny. I repeat, unless you are lazy, and not willing or o grind, $80 is not much. I never said it was easy to make dis money oooo, I just said if you plan well, life won’t be that hard even in debt

ednut1:
You don’t know if she is in debt abroad, huge mortgage, unemployed or has issues you know nothing about. African parents should plan for their future and stop this entitlement.

Na wa oh..see talk. It shows the kind of way you treat your parents.

Kirchoffs:
Na wa oh..see talk. It shows the kind of way you treat your parents.

my parents do not need me to survive. They sorted out their retirement 🥱

ednut1:
my parents do not need me to survive. They sorted out their retirement 🥱

So because your parents are well to do, you now advise others not to take care of their own parents because their own parents didn't sort out their own retirement.

Quite unfortunate the way some of you reason

Kirchoffs:
So because your parents are well to do, you now advise others not to take care of their own parents because their own parents didn't sort out their own retirement.

Quite unfortunate the way some of you reason

the topic is not about parents. Nothing in my submission is out of the ordinary. The person may be suffering abroad while you think they have money. Abeg rest