₦airaland Forum

BlindAngel:
Good evening Nairalanders, few months ago I posted here regarding how my wife forced me into marriage that I wasn't in anyway ready for because she got pregnant. I posted about the regret I'm still battling until date, because the love isn't there from my own end and I'm also not in anyway attracted to her physically. I have told her severally that I want to option out of the marriage and not doing again but until date she has refused to let me go.

Back to the main point, my wife lost her dad this morning. Her deceased dad has two wife's and several concubines that gave birth to lots of children, my wife doesn't know some of her half brothers and sisters.

So I went to their family house this morning to console them. The eldest son of the family (her half brother) told me and another in law that we'd be the one to pay for mortuary expenses and casket, and when the burial is getting closer they'd give us a list of things to buy and we'd both bring one goats each.

To be brutally honest I wasn't mad because of this latest expense, I got furious immediately and right on the spot because of the pressure my wife pressured me into getting married to her, by now I'd have been totally free of these unnecessary expenses. More than 19 of her sisters, both biological and half sisters that has given birth, no single expense was listed for their man that they got pregnant for and has a child for. But I and the other in law that paid dowry are the one going through these unnecessary expenses.

So immediately he told me about everything, I charged at my wife right on the spot, right in front of her mom, her brothers, her sisters and some of her friends that came for condolence visit. I got so furious and started shouting at the top of my voice, I reminded her how she forced me into marriage that I'm not in anyway prepared and ready for, both physically, psychologically, emotionally, financially. (I have been reminding her regarding this almost on a daily basis and whenever we are quarreling.

I reminded her how she threatened me with suicide and our of fear of the unknown I wasted almost 4m in getting married to her. I told her that I'd have been free of these expenses if not for her pressure.

Immediately she burst into tears, and started crying endlessly.

Her mom and sisters started yelling at me and I yelled back at all of them. They told me I met her a Virgin and now she's no longer good for me (truly, the whole family thought that I was the one that took her virginity) My wife and I agreed to keep it a secret, but the constant remainder from her mom and sisters made me let the cat out of the bag, I told them that I didn't met her a Virgin that she has already started having sex when I met her, they didn't believe me but with my tone, I know they'd.

I also made mentioned that I'm not buying any goat or paying for mortuary or taking any list from them. That it's their dad and they should take care of every responsibilities, after all he has uncountable children, why putting some of the expense on me? I walked away, and switched off my phone until now that I'm just putting it on.

I know that I acted wrongly and allowed my anger to get the best part of me. But I was furious because no single bill went to her sister's baby father's, absolutely nothing was listed for them. I got furious because these expenses won't be on me right now if not for her pressuring me into marriage that I want ready for. I was furious because I and the other in law that they billed became the scape goat by doing the right thing by getting married and not leaving theirs daughter In ruins, where as those that got their daughter pregnant without getting married to them were totally free from these unnecessary bills. I'm in so much pains and regret right now.

I support your snubbing the family but I don't support your saying openly that your wife pressured you into the marriage.
That one is wrong totally. Even if she did, you as a man took the decision.

Sugarboyy:
What a weak man you are
He should go and apologize to his in-laws?
Well, men have become so weak and that's one of the many problems of today's society and you have shown to be one of these weak men

I have responded to him already, I told him that I won't and will never apologize.

It hurts me more realizing that those (the men) that their daughter have born more than 2 - 3 kids are not tasked with anything, no single billing, absolutely nothing. Where as I and the other in law that did right by getting married to their daughter are the ones that they piled billings for.

BlindAngel:
As I'm talking to you right now, they are saying all manners of words, that I disrespected them and the they won't pity me with the list they'd give me.

That aside, to be brutally honest with you, I didn't mean to disrespect them, I have tried all manner of ways to walk out of this marriage but I don't see that happening. Maybe this will be the deal breaker, I won't do any of what they mentioned, absolutely none. I believe it'd make them hate me and by God's grace I pray and I'm praying hard for them to talk about returning my bride price to me.

Don't spend a dime to pay any burial expenses for them.
Dont try that. If they won't bury their father, let them leave it.

optimismlaz:
My brother if you cares to listen, you did wrong , that their tradition other sisters of hers are not traditionally married and they cannot be tasked or asked to bring something. You must perform your traditional duties and there a lot of benefits and also there also consequences. Act wise

Regarding the benefits, I'm really not interested in what they're because my mind has already left the marriage. If my mind body and soul are still on it I won't have in anyway acted and reacted the way I did no matter what they piled up for me, I'd have handled things with sense.

Please any idea what the consequences are? I really would loved to know please.

Prettychild:
Oga you did wrong. First of all, I don’t believe that a woman would force you into marrying her. If you don’t want her, never date her so you won’t accuse her of forcing you into marriage. Your in-laws can’t bill the baby fathers cos those children are traditionally not theirs. You are the legitimate in-laws and so would receive billing which is normal. It’s you that would use your discretion to decide which one you would prefer to do in the list

So whatever they'd be piling on the list, all isn't compulsory and mandatory to provide??

[quote author=Okeke3595 post=132864273][/quote]No, ondo state... Ilaje by tribe.

madridguy:
If you know what is good for you just go and apologize to your wife, mother-inlaw and the entire family.

If you know you cannot do their culture, why marry their daughter?

While you were sleeping with their daughter without protection, pouring your seed in her body what result are you expecting?

After that, did they put a gun on your head to pay and bride price and marry her?

I will suggest you don't make unnecessary enemies, just try and calm down and see what you could do.... Life na gently no be everything be gra gra my brother.

Bro, you be mumu for saying this thrash, honestly.
Apologise to useless inlaws that don't have respect not sense of responsibility?
Tueehhh!!! Weak emasculated men everywhere.
I'm married mind you and my in-laws know I'm not a weak man that can be manipulated and they respect me because of that. And that's how they equally earned my respect because they maintain their lanes.
You don't give me nonsense and neither can you manipulate me or gaslight me.
Stop being dumb and weak.

BlindAngel:
Good evening Nairalanders, few months ago I posted here regarding how my wife forced me into marriage that I wasn't in anyway ready for because she got pregnant. I posted about the regret I'm still battling until date, because the love isn't there from my own end and I'm also not in anyway attracted to her physically. I have told her severally that I want to option out of the marriage and not doing again but until date she has refused to let me go.

Back to the main point, my wife lost her dad this morning. Her deceased dad has two wife's and several concubines that gave birth to lots of children, my wife doesn't know some of her half brothers and sisters.

So I went to their family house this morning to console them. The eldest son of the family (her half brother) told me and another in law that we'd be the one to pay for mortuary expenses and casket, and when the burial is getting closer they'd give us a list of things to buy and we'd both bring one goats each.

To be brutally honest I wasn't mad because of this latest expense, I got furious immediately and right on the spot because of the pressure my wife pressured me into getting married to her, by now I'd have been totally free of these unnecessary expenses. More than 19 of her sisters, both biological and half sisters that has given birth, no single expense was listed for their man that they got pregnant for and has a child for. But I and the other in law that paid dowry are the one going through these unnecessary expenses.

So immediately he told me about everything, I charged at my wife right on the spot, right in front of her mom, her brothers, her sisters and some of her friends that came for condolence visit. I got so furious and started shouting at the top of my voice, I reminded her how she forced me into marriage that I'm not in anyway prepared and ready for, both physically, psychologically, emotionally, financially. (I have been reminding her regarding this almost on a daily basis and whenever we are quarreling.

I reminded her how she threatened me with suicide and our of fear of the unknown I wasted almost 4m in getting married to her. I told her that I'd have been free of these expenses if not for her pressure.

Immediately she burst into tears, and started crying endlessly.

Her mom and sisters started yelling at me and I yelled back at all of them. They told me I met her a Virgin and now she's no longer good for me (truly, the whole family thought that I was the one that took her virginity) My wife and I agreed to keep it a secret, but the constant remainder from her mom and sisters made me let the cat out of the bag, I told them that I didn't met her a Virgin that she has already started having sex when I met her, they didn't believe me but with my tone, I know they'd.

I also made mentioned that I'm not buying any goat or paying for mortuary or taking any list from them. That it's their dad and they should take care of every responsibilities, after all he has uncountable children, why putting some of the expense on me? I walked away, and switched off my phone until now that I'm just putting it on.

I know that I acted wrongly and allowed my anger to get the best part of me. But I was furious because no single bill went to her sister's baby father's, absolutely nothing was listed for them. I got furious because these expenses won't be on me right now if not for her pressuring me into marriage that I want ready for. I was furious because I and the other in law that they billed became the scape goat by doing the right thing by getting married and not leaving theirs daughter In ruins, where as those that got their daughter pregnant without getting married to them were totally free from these unnecessary bills. I'm in so much pains and regret right now.

divorce her she doesn't love you!

kevwemike:
Guy wat is wrong with U? Why are U talking like a child, U don't like the girl but Ur dick like her pussy to the extent U got her pregnant, and U are here saying that she force u into the marriage, u dey here urself? The truth is that wat the family counted for U is the right thing to do as in-law , just try and do the needful is Ur in-law.

mumu shey you be simp kwanu

Ginaz:
You should have respected her a bit, the outbursts are not needed in this critical time that her dad is dead. She needs you for comfort and peace , you can tell the family the extent you can assist financially without degrading her worth before her people.

You did wrong. Despite you don't love her , she's a human with feelings. I can't imagine being reminded how I'm not needed constantly by my husband, she's going through a lot.

Be kind or rather seek a divorce if you can't stand the marriage anymore.

sharap

stainzvill:
You're not attracted to her physically but u burst nuts inside her ...That aside, u nor handle the situation maturedly

mugu

Ginaz:
You should have respected her a bit, the outbursts are not needed in this critical time that her dad is dead. She needs you for comfort and peace , you can tell the family the extent you can assist financially without degrading her worth before her people.

You did wrong. Despite you don't love her , she's a human with feelings. I can't imagine being reminded how I'm not needed constantly by my husband, she's going
through a lot.

Be kind or rather seek a divorce if you can't stand the marriage anymore.

Interesting, thanks my sister some men are truly unwise.Her wife needs him seriously at the moment. Even if he cannot spend the money requested, he should try his best.Nothing last for ever.its just the matter of the moment. If he has spent 4million in the past,they see him as champions still.He should demonstrate maturity by carrying others along to see that the burial is done at once.its not every day bus.The wife will ever appreciate him.He should remember he daughters too who would be marrying to other men too.What you sow is what you get.Life is so funny at times. May God provide for him at this critical time. It shall come to past.

BlindAngel:
As I'm talking to you right now, they are saying all manners of words, that I disrespected them and the they won't pity me with the list they'd give me.

That aside, to be brutally honest with you, I didn't mean to disrespect them, I have tried all manner of ways to walk out of this marriage but I don't see that happening. Maybe this will be the deal breaker, I won't do any of what they mentioned, absolutely none. I believe it'd make them hate me and by God's grace I pray and I'm praying hard for them to talk about returning my bride price to me.

are you from the north? Its very common there! I divorced my wife too, she and her family wahala too much

idahme:
Why una dey always talk trash? Is he more of a child than the children of the deceased? The man has plethora of children but an outsider (in-law) will be the one to carry more load than the children that's absurd, if I am in his shoes I won't for a single second.

If it comes to liabilities they know a man is an in-law to share with the liabilities but if it comes to assets (property sharing) the man is never invited. Children should have the responsibility of taking care of their parents in health and in death inlaws can assist but that's not their primary responsibilities.

I have two in-laws married to my sisters, we only informed them that mum will be going under knife, the information was to give them that respect of been in the know but the expenses has been borne already by us the children. If they decide to help that's fine but it's an error for we the children to give them the lion share of the bills never and I will also reject anyone who ever does that to me.

We should learn to take accountability and responsibilities for ourselves and family and not shift it to others because they got married to someone in the family.

.

Thank you so very much sir, your wisdom will never run dry. Please permit me to copy this response to my notepad, I'd be needing it for future reference. Most especially the part that you stated in laws are only known as an in law when it comes to liabilities. Thank you so very much sir, may thy Lord God Almighty shower his unending blessings upon your life and that of your household, thank you so very much, I really do appreciate, thank you.

Yippeedaniel:
Guy you're wrong in all aspects. From claiming forced marriage to shouting at your inlaws and your wife. Got and apologize to all of them and do the needful. Something dey will me say u dey beat that gal.

You think I would have acted in such a way and manner if my mind body and soul is still in the marriage? I'm only there physically, but to be brutally honest with u, I'm really no longer interested. And this is why I was able to showcase such boldness with our fear of any repercussions.

humblespirit:
You disgrace the mother of child in public,kudos to you,you are a man.

Still feels like yesterday when I was pleading with her endlessly that I'm not in anyway ready for marriage, still feels like yesterday when she showed me all sorts of hell to the extend I didn't realized when I bowed to pressure and agreed to marry her. I agree that I disgraced her but I won't forget the torture that I went through during the period she was pressuring me endlessly. If she has listened to me back then and stayed calm, until I'm fully ready for marriage all these won't have been happening.

Overmars36:
You acted childish honestly. You dare not try that with my sister. You didn't only insult your wife but her entire lineage. You goofed big time!
Nothing wrong in you refusing to be pressured into doing what u wouldn't want to do. But to say it in that manner particularly in the public, means u are a kid. Nobody forced u into marriage. Nobody.
I pity that innocent lady. She didn't choose the family she came from. Nobody ever chose the family they come from cos we don't have such right by nature. It wasn't her fault that the dad had several concubines and perhaps lived an irresponsible Life. You're a disgrace honestly. You had better go your separate ways since u don't love her. By now I am sure you are already cheating on that innocent beautiful lady.

You think I would have reacted in such a disrespectful way and manner, not minding the consequences if my mind is still in the marriage??

Regarding cheating on her, yes... That's true, I barely touch her but normally have sex almost on a daily basis if not on a daily basis with girls that I'm attracted to.

This is one of the main reason I need her to go, I'm tired of wasting my money on hotels. Jumping from one hotel to another, paying for condomless sex just to feel that pleasure and satisfaction that I'd have been getting for free from my wife if I'm attracted to her. Once she has left, I will find a lady I'm fully attracted to and would no longer be wasting my money on hotels and sex.

Donemmy:
How old are you please?

Boss, I'm 30.

Irresponsible people no know wet in God do for them. Give them advice but not cash. They should list out every adult member of the family and levy them 10k each at least. They should plan the burial with that. Anyhow they do it, It their father thats involved.

If you fall for this, just know that more bills will continue to come, don't be surprised when her brothers wan marry,na una go foot the bills, feeding and all bills in the family

Stand your ground and refuse the bills,but give whatever you can let go as a support because na your father in-law.... stop saying your wife forced you into the marriage, you both decided it the day you started sleeping without protection and contraceptives, it's good you told them she wasn't a virgin because that's the guilt they use against you to make you succumb, you marrying her should be seen as a blessing not a curse, put your household in peace, as for your in-law no give them chance to enter you, else you may die of depression, any in-law wey get such audacity to command you in this manner, shouldn't be close to you.. draw your wife closer and let her see reasons,no be when you squander that you guys use in sustaining una self, who will take care of her and the kids... support your in-law with whatever you can give, but if they refuse to accept it, stay on your own, no in-law forces the son in-law to pay bill, na with beg, except you ask them to share it... but vawulence is allowed if they want war.... taaa, stop going to their house, shaaa dey careful with your wife,dem fit give her something to put inside your food,say e go make you dey do like mumu, she fit put the right amount and e go work and she fit put over and e fit kill you


Violence I meant na from the children but the mana, just dey do I hear you ma

Collect list and go, if they ask you how far tell them you are trying to get money.. dey dribble them till the time reach, them tell them omo,situation hard,this is all you could afford....

Then for your house,try limit feeding money and spending to reflect your plans

Babe you know things are hard now, let's be managing for now so I can channel some money to your family... sometimes make she go hungry sef, and you pretend no money make you borrow so she fit eat etc

Wisdom is profit to direct...

My in-law how far, calm,I'm working on it,things rough

Even your wife no go fit talk because she sef go dey tell them how she no fit chop belleful

Be wise like a cat and dangerously mischievous

Na them go call you to bring anything you have

If u Wan give 500k now, first give 150k,as wetin you fit raise, after some weeks give 50 or 100k

Na so you go dey do am till 380k,you go begin cry for house say you broke, your wife go dey feel am too, say she dey suffer, she go tell her family to free her husband, as house dey in scarce resources, some days to the burial tighten hand for house, but dey buy baby food o, for the child,tell wife say make una two go hungry than the baby, na for her front you go dey call dey beg for money for baby food, tell her you don't know how things suddenly got hard, hunger go hold both of una, few days to the burial, make u tell her say una go fast o,so you fit raise money for the burial as e don reach....


Never show a woman from a poor home how rich you are, e get consequences.....

So you should add to my advice and watch as things go good, after the burial, a month after, start opening finance in the house but next time no open hand waaaa like tap, open to some length as custom demands for expenditures and do once in a while you do dorime and close up

Reduce or stop financial assistance to your in-laws, always complain of how dey wrecked you because of their greed and you trying to be foolish

Whenever they mention you in any bill,your wife no go gree on your behalf, she'll be like ever since the burial, my family no dey fit chop well like before again...be wise else more bills are still coming

obayendo1010:
Chill bro, you worry too much, wisdom is profitable to direct, Be calm, you don't need to fight anyone, just dont make yourself available, once the date of the burial set, send your support through your wife and inform everyone you travel and won't be available for the burial, that you wife will deliver your msg.
They will still bury their father, lastly always respect your wife,stopping feeling funky, she never force you.

This Is a very beautiful piece of advice. I will do exactly as you say, thank you so much.

That aside she forced me boss, still feels like yesterday, remembering right now the hell I went through in her hands. I didn't even know when I later bowed to. pressure, the pressure was too much.

Karleb:
You did well.

Don't you ever regret what you did here.

I won't regret it, ever. Thank you, this response just boosted my morale. Thank you.

Hussein035:
In Islam the father will be resting by now not all these nonsense ceremony and I believe the man even died in pain when they left him lonely and sick

Nonsense religious practice

This is about culture, and has nothing to do with religion
One issue with muslims is the way they bring religion into everything.
Cultures have always been there before religious practices

StPete:
Let me be plain and honest with you.

Your wife intends to poison you. That is why she used those words slow painful death. Don’t be surprised that they possibly poisoned their father the last time they saw him and that’s why he became sick. He died a slow painful death

He really did died a slow and painful death. He became a skeleton, unable to eat for weeks, walk, talk.

Urinating and passing excretas on himself, with big boils with pus in the whole of his body.

No, ondo state... Ilaje by tribe.[/quote]Guy, you are playing with fire ( Ayelala)

I wouldn’t advice anyone to marry from Ondo State, Ikale to be precise because I can relate.
My Dad saw hell, when my Mum died. (Blessed memory). To the extent that he said none of us should marry from Ondo State.

You don’t have any audacity to yell or insult your wife and her family. When you are drilling her honey pot, u didn’t know it would lead to pregnancy right.

Guy, you better watch your back, Ikale are very stubborn, fetish, and diabolic. I pray you come out of this unscratched.

regenerateman:
It seems that you are immature. Just accept the bill from your in-laws.

Accepting it is not a problem, the problem right here is the fact that they're using it to take advantage of me. Most painful part of it is the fact that those that refused to do the right thing but enjoying their daughter for free are left with absolutely no bill, none at all.

Iseoluwani:
my brother you are not weak, na man you be.
with respect to you, your in laws are irresponsible

Thank you sir, I appreciate these words. They just boosted my morale, thank you.

BlindAngel:
He really did died a slow and painful death. He became a skeleton, unable to eat for weeks, walk, talk.

Urinating and passing excretas on himself, with big boils with pus in the whole of his body.

You think this is ordinary?
I repeat myself, you have made a big mistake.

Guy, you better be watchful and prayerful. Ondo state (Ikale) is a red zone. My late Mum is from Ikale.

AfonjaConehead:
I just read a thread from a stupid demented loser of a man.

First paragraph was even enough for one to know about the loser behind it.
Op you are a disgrace....you know how to crush and get someone pregnant but you do t know how to be responsible.....
You are a destroyer and you will never go free or have peace if anything happens to that poor lady.
All you ranted in here are all garbage and if I were that woman's brother,we would've beaten the daylights out of you right there.....


The family should just look for the bride price and free their daughter from this shameless disgusting monster

Thank you, no wahala, I'm a monster. They should give me back my bride price, I'd gladly accept it.

You think I'd have acted in such rude way and manner if my mind is still in the marriage?? And not minding the consequences?? I pray and I hope that this will be the deal breaker for me getting back my bride price and finally leaving this marriage.

idahme:
Whenever I say hi to a lady and we start talking, the moment I discover she is not in good terms with their dad omo my hand no dey I'm off...I don't like stress

I wish I knew this earlier, I won't be in this mess that I'm in right now. It was recently that I learnt about it from Twitter.

optimismlaz:
My brother if you cares to listen, you did wrong , that their tradition other sisters of hers are not traditionally married and they cannot be tasked or asked to bring something. You must perform your traditional duties and there a lot of benefits and also there also consequences. Act wise

A son in-law doesn't owe any traditional burial rites to his father/mother in-law, and there is neither benefits nor consequences attached to it.
Those are not his parents nor blood relatives
The normal thing is to share the levies to all the bereaved children, including the married daughters.
The husbands of these married ladies(aka son in-laws) will then help their wives to fulfill the obligations, and make any free will donations if they have.
You guys should stop all these trash

advanceDNA:
Oga ...u did not do anything wrong....na fire and petrol them dey use respond to that kind fire.... Otherwise, they will try it again....

No gree for any body.....

Thank you, this response just boosted my morale, thank you so very much.