₦airaland Forum

BlindAngel:
As I'm talking to you right now, they are saying all manners of words, that I disrespected them and the they won't pity me with the list they'd give me.

That aside, to be brutally honest with you, I didn't mean to disrespect them, I have tried all manner of ways to walk out of this marriage but I don't see that happening. Maybe this will be the deal breaker, I won't do any of what they mentioned, absolutely none. I believe it'd make them hate me and by God's grace I pray and I'm praying hard for them to talk about returning my bride price to me.

Hope you don't eat her food shaa? Guy, you're wicked o!

SlayQueenSlayer:
No vex, I Just dey wonder how their preek dey take stand. Because mind will do the opposite.

This further proves why the OP was able to impregnate his wife.

Guys sleep with girls they don't have anything for, he's not the first and won't be the last.

wirinet:
Which kind yeye tradition is that? Did you ask if that is also his tradition? Or is your own tradition superior to his own?
Did you tell him or sign a pre nuptial agreement before marriage, that he will be responsible for the burial of the wife's family when any of them pass on?

When they requested you to pay/bring some items for marriage, do they ask about your tradition before given you the list? Many of you will just come online and start typing what you have no knowledge about. No wife, no children and yet, you think you can interfere in other responsible people's matter with your wrong mindset. You all need to understand how Nigerian marital system works. You better seek the knowledge now.

So if you hadn't married her, u wouldn't have paid any expenses all your life? Instead of you to explain to them that you don't have money to do that you went on to claim the crown of irresponsible man of the universe.

Welldone o. Clap for yourself. Your wife was mourning n d best u could do was throw ur irresponsibility at her face. Hide your face Mr man. Better switch off your phone forever.

Overmars36:
You acted childish honestly. You dare not try that with my sister. You didn't only insult your wife but her entire lineage. You goofed big time!
Nothing wrong in you refusing to be pressured into doing what u wouldn't want to do. But to say it in that manner particularly in the public, means u are a kid. Nobody forced u into marriage. Nobody.
I pity that innocent lady. She didn't choose the family she came from. Nobody ever chose the family they come from cos we don't have such right by nature. It wasn't her fault that the dad had several concubines and perhaps lived an irresponsible Life. You're a disgrace honestly. You had better go your separate ways since u don't love her. By now I am sure you are already cheating on that innocent beautiful lady.

🤣🤣🤣
And you said , you are down with typhoid and haven't eating for days ...that you slumped when you went to fetch water. ...🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 And you have the energy to type all these insults ......
Instead of you to simply say your opinion without no insults...... It show how you are raised .......🤣🤣🤣 obviously, you are a kid. ...

If I were in ur shoes, I wld do same minus d emotional outburst n public castigation of ur wife, reject d bills n pray it brings abt d end to ur marriage.

BadBradley:
are you the son of the dead man? Who's denying that in-laws don't have part to play?

I am asking you where in Nigeria in-laws are mandatorily required to pay for mortuary costs and be in charge of the burial ?

oga u only know of ur own cuture. try and seek knowledge.

It's better to speak out. Many people are dying in silence thereby accommodating more pressure.
U can only do what you can do for the burial. But putting bulk of the expenses on ur head is not acceptable.

kevwemike:
oga u only know of ur own cuture. try and seek knowledge.

so your culture allow your in-laws to bury your fathers?

I will like to know that culture and people.

rolams:
When they requested you to pay/bring some items for marriage, do they ask about your tradition before given you the list? Many of you will just come online and start typing what you have no knowledge about. No wife, no children and yet, you think you can interfere in other responsible people's matter with your wrong mindset. You all need to understand how Nigerian marital system works. You better seek the knowledge now.

It's you that don't understand Nigerian marital laws. In Nigeria there are three types of marriages - court marriages, traditional marriage and religious marriage. Most couples do all three. Some couples carry out only one. Court wedding is superior to all other weddings according to Nigerian law.
Now, payment of bride price is what renders traditional marriage legal. All other things are just ceremonial. No law or custom can obligate a man (or woman for that matter) to be responsible for the burial of in-laws. That's exploitation and an overreach.

BadBradley:
so your culture allow your in-laws to bury your fathers?

I will like to know that culture and people.

lame

wirinet:
It's you that don't understand Nigerian marital laws. In Nigeria there are three types of marriages - court marriages, traditional marriage and religious marriage. Most couples do all three. Some couples carry out only one. Court wedding is superior to all other weddings according to Nigerian law.
Now, payment of bride price is what renders traditional marriage legal. All other things are just ceremonial. No law or custom can obligate a man (or woman for that matter) to be responsible for the burial of in-laws. That's exploitation and an overreach.

When you get married, tell your in-laws all these. I am very sure they will love you wholeheartedly. Thanks

OfficialAPCNig:
Na Yourba,.you don't need to be told.

1. Family marrying two wives and having several children from several concubines

2. Several daughters having several out-of-wedlock children.and husbands

3. Forcing burial contributions on in-laws against their will

Definitely, Yoruba. But that number 1 is the main reason I believe this happened in Yoruba land

The guy confirm am say you dey correct. Trap dey bush Antelope go enter, Soup don set!

kevwemike:
lame

Oga, where in Nigeria are in-laws customarily mandated to bury a man? It's a question and I don't see why you're saying lame. No be diss.

Fatherless Imbecilës like you raised by single frustrated mothers with no culture will never keep your bastardy within your family confines but will always spread it around.

Stupid oaf!

BlindAngel:
I understand your points, but me doing the right thing by getting married to their daughter and removing shame from her eye's now seems like a crime. The one's that got their daughter pregnant and didn't do anything on their head, not even an introduction are on the safer side right now. No single expense was calculated for them, I have always regretted this marriage right from the very first day, but this recent development just made me regret it 10x more than I already did.

Oga, you no get right to dey knack their pikin wey you never pay dowry for so i don't understand why you are acting like you did something special for doing the right thing.
Regretting 10 times more because of what the brother said? Abeg, you be man so? You should learn to protect her even if you guys are divorced because she is at least the mother of your child. You got to apologize to her for the public humiliation.
As for the items you are asked to buy, you don't have to if you don't want to. If his kids will not but him, then his siblings should. It is no custom as he would have been buried but whoever if none of his kids were married.

BlindAngel:
We quarrel, we fight, she normally holds my shirt and slack and wide my shirt neck which I hates and it's extremely painful to me to my bone marrow, but I don't think it'd be possible for us to hurt ourselves deeply. Only once has she carried knife and threatened to stab me, we were still dating then and haven't married, that day she destroyed my qasa standing fan and nearly broke my TV, since then until date such level of anger and destruction hasn't erupt, until date.

Recently she only holds my shirt and never letting go and challenge me to beat her. Which sometimes I loose myself and sometimes I don't. Recently she told her mom and my mom that I normally beats her, and I asked her if she has ever gotten a swollen eye or bleeding nose that some men normally beats their wife to such extend which I haven't ever gone to such length.

How do you guys still get to live together under one roof after these beatings? Will you allow any man beat your daughter? Food for thought.

BlindAngel:
I don't feel like she played me, she indeed played and manipulated me, by now I'd have been completely single like almost all of my guy's. Living my life to the fullest until I'm fully ready for marriage and it's responsibilities.

That aside, imagine my wife telling me this morning that how much is goat? That I'm complaining about that they're talking about life and I'm complaining about money, if money can buy life etc.

I then responded that goat is almost 100k if I asked her to cough 100k or 50k if she'd be able to bring it. That because I normally gives her money occasionally she doesn't know the value of money and how hard it is to get.

We dated for two years before marriage and in those two years she only worked twice, firstly... In a bet 9ja shop which she worked only one month and stopped, Secondly in another bet 9ja shop, she worked for a month also and stopped, with the excuse that the manager in charge is controlling. Since then until date she hasn't done anything to earn money or knows how hard it is to earn it, I'll give her 13 to 15k for soup and she'd always complain that it isn't enough. She doesn't know how to manage.

Why? Because she doesn't know the value of money or how hard it is to make money in this current economy.

Why are you blaming her for everything? Abeg, learn to act like a man and take responsibilities. She hasn't been working and you are comfortable with it, why now talk her down? You saw the signs and decided to act like an alpha and omega, why blame her for it?

advanceDNA:
No job + No career + Zero ambition = marriage as only achivement

Did he not see this before going into the marriage? Why not blame the man who acted all sufficient from the onset.

GboyegaD:
Did he not see this before going into the marriage? Why not blame the man who acted all sufficient from the onset.

Someone asked why she's staying in such marriage.....but u want me to Blame the man for her choosing to stay in a marriage where the man doesn't love her? And let's her know he doesn't love her?
I should blame the man for forcing herself on a man that ddnt want her from the start? I should blame the man for her ambitionless life??

Do u read or u just jump into mentions for response sake....

Lol.....go meet your fellow "woman" when u want to dialogue with emotions and progesterone....

advanceDNA:
Someone asked why she's staying in such marriage.....but u want me to Blame the man for her choosing to stay in a marriage where the man doesn't love her? And let's her know he doesn't love her?
I should blame the man for forcing herself on a man that ddnt want her from the start? I should blame the man for her ambitionless life??

Do u read or u just jump into mentions for response sake....

Lol.....go meet your fellow "woman" when u want to dialogue with emotions and progesterone....

For the record, I am a man and you are not worth engaging.

rolams:
When you get married, tell your in-laws all these. I am very sure they will love you wholeheartedly. Thanks

I am married with teenage children. I am married to an igbo woman for that matter, and I made it clear from the very beginning that I don't take shit from anybody.
I know what I have done for my wife's family, and they appreciate it. I did it all without any compulsion or guilt tripping.
Same reason I stopped going to church. I am a fiercely independent minded person, no one including my family could get me to do what I don't want to.

Same way I raise my children - to be independent minded.

GboyegaD:
Oga, you no get right to dey knack their pikin wey you never pay dowry for so i don't understand why you are acting like you did something special for doing the right thing.

I don't understand why you guys think we are still living in the 19th century. Sex nowadays is a very cheap commodity. It's not every girl you knack that you will have to pay bride price for. Knacking most times is for temporary enjoyment or curing konji - by both man and women, most times with incentives.
Afterall the girl was not a virgin when the husband-to-be met her . Do you know how many rods have passed through than hole? Why didn't the previous guys do the right thing and pay her bride price? It's because those other guys did not allow themselves to be manipulated.

Regretting 10 times more because of what the brother said? Abeg, you be man so? You should learn to protect her even if you guys are divorced because she is at least the mother of your child. You got to apologize to her for the public humiliation.

The marriage itself was not built on mutual love and respect but on other extraneous selfish reasons. The girl needed financial stability and the guy needed constant knackering, Nothing else. Outside these the couples obviously hate each other's guts.

As for the items you are asked to buy, you don't have to if you don't want to. If his kids will not but him, then his siblings should. It is no custom as he would have been buried but whoever if none of his kids were married.

The in-laws have no right to present the guy with a list of demands, as if he is just asking for their daughters hand in marriage. I am sure if they had approached the guy with respect pleading with him to help in covering some of the burial expenses as the family is not doing so well. I am sure he would have done something from his heart. I am sure the wife's family is contributing to the stress in the marriage.

GboyegaD:
For the record, I am a man and you are not worth engaging.

Lol......he's shalaying that he's not woman.

..I ddnt call u a woman...it was a jab...but u were not just an observant reader to notice context/quotation marks...

If u were patient enough u would have noticed my earlier comment was a response to someone else's specific question instead of rushing to play blame games

wirinet:
That means it's better to be a baby daddy than to be a husband. Being a baby daddy frees you of all obligations of husband, inlaw and even daddy. You are free to be enjoying different kpekus as you like without any obligations.

Hmmmm...

Procashtips:
Reasons he's feeling cheated and now trapped for doing the right thing by marrying her legally instead of doing like every other men that abandoned her sistes and half sisters.

Sure, I think the guy been no like the girl but she's his girlfriend, because I have seen guys with some girls as their girlfriend but never wish to marry them meaning he never wish to marry her besides no be every relationship has to end in marriage. And him spending almost 4m for common wedding meaning he is financially ok at least.... Em go seen leave his wife na just matter of time bro..

kevwemike:
Guy wat is wrong with U? Why are U talking like a child, U don't like the girl but Ur dick like her pussy to the extent U got her pregnant, and U are here saying that she force u into the marriage, u dey here urself? The truth is that wat the family counted for U is the right thing to do as in-law , just try and do the needful is Ur in-law.

Sense appears very far from you. Don't plan big with your family, wait for your in-law. Your remains will stay and decay.

BlindAngel:
More than 19 of her sisters, both biological and half sisters that has given birth, no single expense was listed for their man that they got pregnant for and has a child for. But I and the other in law that paid dowry are the one going through these unnecessary expenses.

Are the fathers of out-of-wedlock kids considered in-laws?

charlsecy:
Are the fathers of out-of-wedlock kids considered in-laws?

What's the advantage to the man of being in-law? Even sef what the benefits of the marriage to the man?

BlindAngel:
Thank you, leaving her won't be easy but I will fight tooth and nail for this to become a reality. I haven't been happy ever since I got married, not even one day of love, laughter and happiness.

Always sad, I love sleeping alone in the other room than sleeping on same bed with her, I love cuddling but barely touch her whenever I sleep on same bed with her, the marriage is also sex less. I barely get an erection starring at her totally naked body, but would get an instant and strong erection while driving and seeing my spec of a lady on bike or walking along the road.

How long do you think you can keep living like this ?

Procashtips:
What kind of "normal" are you talking about?

Name just 3 ethnic group that it's normal for their inlaws to foot burial expenses.

Just 3

I'm waiting.

It’s normal for an in-law to be given a portion of burial bills but not all the burial expenses. I know Igbos and some tribes in the South South that do such

BlindAngel:
So whatever they'd be piling on the list, all isn't compulsory and mandatory to provide??

It isn’t compulsory, tell them the ones that you can do, then leave the rest

BlindAngel:
I won't regret anything, you think I'd have reacted in such a rude way and manner if my mind is still in the marriage?? Of course I won't, my mind is no longer in it and I'm hoping and praying heavily for what transpired yesterday to be the deal breaker that'd make me get back my bride price.

You can always walk away from the marriage. Your wife will learn to move on.

However, what I observed from this and you previous post is you dont show much maturity or respect to your wife and her family.

The way you treat your wife is a key factor to your progress and grace in life. Check and see homes around you and you'll see this is a time-tested principle.