₦airaland Forum

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

What about his hotel now?, bro just do a one time help for him and set him on his own

amazinghands:
On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

Do for him what you can conveniently afford. He should not be dictating to you. His new wife may even join him soon in entitlement mentality and be forming "the loving and dutiful wife and stepmother."

You should have converted 400k in dollars and noted it down. You can still check how much in dollars 400k was back in 2016.

As soon as you were settled enough, you should have sent back the current equivalent in Naira and returned to him.

However, he helped to raise you. The Bible says honour your dad and mum. Do your own part.

If out of the abundance of your kindness you buy him a car, fair enough.

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

Fellow nairalandlers ,this is exactly what redpill and masculinity preachers have even preaching.
As a man ,make sure you enjoy and take care of yourself.keep something for old age for yourself. I repeat ,keep something for yourself for old age sake . His father paid for his studying in nig ,also supported with 400k by then ,which is approximately 2million of today's money. He didn't ask if the land the mom sold was jointly authorized by the father behind closed doors,he didn't know if his father had money. You will.think every big ma. Has money until you get close to them . They are still broke sometimes.
Op is the type that always choose their mother over their gather.
Men read and learn

amazinghands:
When he asked me for the car, I arranged a meeting with him and my brother to discuss his finances (specifically how he manages and collects rent from his properties). Based on what I knew about his financial situation before I left Nigeria, I honestly don’t believe he’s in a bad position. However, he couldn’t give me a clear answer during the conversation and ended up breaking down in tears.

Regardless of what your Dad has done to "hurt" you financially in the past, it is better you stay away from communicating with him than to witness YOUR DAD CRY on your watch.

Regardless of if he is managing his money we'll or not and regardless of his living with his second wife and not your mum, NEVER put your Dad through financial monitoring / investigation / inquisition EVER again especially to the point of YOUR OWN DAD CRYING under your interrogation.

It's better you stay away from your Dad than to make him cry even if you think his tears are manipulative tears or not.

Remember, you don't know what FULLY transpired between your Dad and Mum for him to take a new wife and you can only see today and you don't know what lies in stock for you financially or maritally in the UNPREDICTABLE FUTURE.

If you know you have not fully forgiven your Dad, then send him what you can at arms length and don't get into any phone conversations with him if he will break down in tears (crocodile tears or not).

I don't know if you discuss things with your Mum about your Dad behind his back, but if you do, you need to stop because even our Mum's are not angels.

Oga.. Nah you gangan lack sense... Check well.

gunners160:
can you please keep quiet.. it seems when God was sharing sense u are among those that went with an umbrella. Poor men make stupid and rubish mistakes and have one hell of entitlement mentality. Gone are those days when men will useless their youths and expects their son or daughter to out their neck for their own greed. Imagine a father who did not carry out his responsibilities asking for a car. What an effrontery. One small boy who is unmarried is coming online to say rubbish to support an obnoxious and nitwit act carried out by a selfish dad. Rubbish...... If Elon Musk dad or Jeff Bezoz dad was this careless do u think they will be where they are today.. No provoke me this morning oooo.......... Giving birth is not enough, men should be responsible .. Number of irresponsible dad who knowns nothing than just to procreate is becoming too much.... dont let me lash out on you .....

idahme:
Which double standard? His dad has always supported him all through his education until his bagged his first degree. Will he crucify him because he didn't turn up as expected during his masters degree abroad?

he provides for the father monthly ..how is that crucifying him...?? Must he drive a car .?? I don't get you..

idahme:
Are you saying because his dad didn't do as expected during his postgraduate education the dad didn't support him?

he could have done more for his son which would position him for better opportunities but he ddnt despite he could afford it .. but u are trying to make it look like it doesn't matter while It matters and that's why called it a mistake below but yet u are trying to make it seem like he ddnt do anything wrong

idahme:
of you haven't had any responsibility like having a child and wife and you wouldn't know what others go through until you go through that process.

its funny u are mentioning responsibility and trying to invalidate us that supports supporting a child when we can afford it instead of marrying another wife... It's called sacrifice bro Incase u don't know...

idahme:
Fathers aren't allowed to make a mistake, once a father makes one mistake all his good deeds from age zero to undergraduate degree is nullity that's what you are saying which doesn't depict the good memory before the postgraduate education issues

His good deeds shouldn't be forgotten....So why are u too trying to erase the sons good deeds because he doesn't want to buy extra luxury for the man?? He already pays him monthly salary....He provided to bachelors level and refused to do more.....so let him collect Nigerian bachelors degree salary from his son.

Na oh lest I forget ...just as fathers are allowed to make mistakes mistake.....Let the son make mistake too naaa....

Do all you can for your father. You may cry out your eyeballs the day he goes to sleep, the pain will not be about his eventual demise, but the fact that you denied him the favor he sought. It may seem a revenge today, but you may likely have regrets when he is no more.
I lost my dad a few years ago, it still hurts when I recall not doing the very little things I ought to have done for him during my visits to the hospital.
I had a tough time growing up, polygamy was in the equation, and a lot happened.

cole19:
Imagine rubbish wey people dey comment all because the man couldn't fully fund your school to the US. This guy has a super dad but he wouldn't know. With time, you will understand.
The world is unfair to men
How i wish my father had done half of what your father did for you hen...

I swear na wetin i dey talk..

cole19:
Imagine rubbish wey people dey comment all because the man couldn't fully fund your school to the US. This guy has a super dad but he wouldn't know. With time, you will understand.
The world is unfair to men
How i wish my father had done half of what your father did for you hen...

I swear na wetin i dey talk..


So this is about you feeling your dad didn't do enough or he didnt kill or overstress himself enough for you, if you no wan give am, keep am, anything that makes you sleep, i was thinking stupid like this at a time till i went to meet an agent cos i wanted to begin a business, the old man made some points that changed my veiw, for you to have person wey born you still alive and you able to create smile for them is a privilege .. All he has done since your birth nko, have you for once thought of what he goes through sacrificing his own happiness for yours, are you sure your mum brought him happiness.. But he is now a bad person.. Funny

You see that little one, you're doing for your Dad channel it towards me ASAP. I command you send it to me now.... Make I see if this soap dey work.

A man can marry more than one wife, he did his best for you. Do your best for him as well.

gunners160:
can you please keep quiet.. it seems when God was sharing sense u are among those that went with an umbrella. Poor men make stupid and rubish mistakes and have one hell of entitlement mentality. Gone are those days when men will useless their youths and expects their son or daughter to out their neck for their own greed. Imagine a father who did not carry out his responsibilities asking for a car. What an effrontery. One small boy who is unmarried is coming online to say rubbish to support an obnoxious and nitwit act carried out by a selfish dad. Rubbish...... If Elon Musk dad or Jeff Bezoz dad was this careless do u think they will be where they are today.. No provoke me this morning oooo.......... Giving birth is not enough, men should be responsible .. Number of irresponsible dad who knowns nothing than just to procreate is becoming too much.... dont let me lash out on you .....

Maybe irresponsibility runs in your your lineage.
Your own father might have even disowned you poor thing.
Bitter souls like you want everyone to feel your pains with you. Looser this pains you must carry alone.
Not transferable.
Bitter soul.
Kill your dad and mum if you like. You're alone on this.
Weakling look for someone else to blame for your misfortune and poverty.
You're owed nothing

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

To be fair, it's your money. If you decide not to give him, you're not wrong.

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

If you can afford to buy h8m a car please do it for him.He was a responsible father to sone extent.He paid your fees and upjeep as a father should.
There are many useless fathers who will not spend a dime on their children because he is seperated from the mother.

In my own case,my uncle never sponsored his daughters abroad but he put resources to sponsor the sons alone.The daughters never fought him but show sone understanding.

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

No you're not.

zarathustra:
It's complex but all I can say is: If you can afford it , do it. Let him have it if it is within your means.

true, as its his father he should do the best he can but only under the means he has!

tensazangetsu20:
You even try. I dont send my father one kobo and the day he asks me for money eh, lemme not even talk

And u want him to start behaving like you
And you think it's funny

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

Please do not neglect him, he fathered you, but keep it within your means. You can buy the car for him but do not buy anything flashy that will require expensive maintainace. This way you will heap coals of fire on his head!

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

My dear brother ,I won’t advise you to show any grievances to your father .if there’s anything you can do in your capacity .please do it .Count your self lucky that your hustle was blessed but I also want you to remember that you the potter in the market never wish to be a porter and he’s still dreaming of better tomorrow ,who knows ,God can still bless the potter .As a child in my own opinion ,providing for your parent should be a thing of joy .if buying car does not affect you ,get him one .its no big deal ,Let him feel the glory .one way or the other .He would have been a good father in the past .use that as consideration .circumstances can make you like him too ,Would be happy if you were in his shoes .Dont revenge.The issue between them shouldn’t be a yard stick for your responsibilities.What if it was your mum ,would you have purnished her too?My brother ,don’t listen to wrong advise here on Nairaland ooo.we have many immature people here .

The best revenge you can give is to succeed.
Your father tried, at least he saw you through your uni in Nigeria even added 400k to your traveling expense.😀😀Haba your dad tried🌼🌼,I will give him flowers.

My father left the house to be with another woman with 3kids after his frustration to send my mama away no work. Didn't even know how I entered and finished my nursing school
We called him several times,even when the house was leaking, he said na we dey live there, make we repair it.
Not until 13years later, we set our eyes on him and until recently we started talking.

If he's asking for more and it's a necessity you can afford, you can give it to him, you're justifiably right in human's perceptive, but for your peace and God's blessings just do it.

Nothing good in polygamy

tensazangetsu20:
You even try. I dont send my father one kobo and the day he asks me for money eh, lemme not even talk

there are some natural laws you dont joke with . allow the almighty to judge, do your bit and leave the rest.

you sef go born and make e no be say , you may start talking DESPITE ALL YOU DID FOR YOUR PIKIN in future. Just apply wisdom.

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

My brother you are not wrong. Tell him to cut his coat according to his size. He wants to use your hard earned money to feed his stepson.


Whatever you give him should be okay for him. You're giving him money for his upkeep and not to his new wife and stepson.

Lamasta:
The father did not offend him, what if the man was actually been honest to him that that's what he could afford at that instance.....

I don't know why fathers are always at the receiving end of ungrateful children they suffer to train to adulthood

He can't reap where he didn't sow

princessyere1:
Can’t you read or something ??

Teach me otondo

Please buy car for your mum...he shouldn't reap where he didn't sow.Aura for aura.

Say no to polygamy

amazinghands:
I appreciate everyone’s comments and suggestions. Just to provide more context: I have only one sibling, and I am of the opinion that he should be able to do more, given how flamboyant he has been with his spending. The main reason I believe he asked for the car is that my mum recently celebrated a lavish birthday (and he likely suspects I was the one who funded it).

When he asked me for the car, I arranged a meeting with him and my brother to discuss his finances (specifically how he manages and collects rent from his properties). Based on what I knew about his financial situation before I left Nigeria, I honestly don’t believe he’s in a bad position. However, he couldn’t give me a clear answer during the conversation and ended up breaking down in tears.

The real issue is that I can only afford to buy one car, and that will undoubtedly go to my mum. I am aware that this decision will likely further strain our relationship.

If you are a man, ensure you have resources to take care of yourself at all times, to avoid premature death and suffering.

All your sacrifices may not count, when you need it the most.

There is no need to comment on this boy and the mother.

Op
From your story so far, your dad's only offence was not sponsoring u abroad
But he's been catering for you since you're a child till your university days?
If you have the means, just do it, he's still ur father

CaveAdullam:
It takes being exposed to understand situations. Exposure makes you enter different terrains and grasped a lot of knowledge.

It is this that has made me overcome any form of antipathy for my parents - whether good or bad.

Exposure and knowledge will make you build empathy. Because it's only empathy that can can make you not treat someone badly, the way they have treated you.

It is empathy that will make you turn your left cheek when someone slap you on the right cheek.

Strong empathy is rooted in deep knowledge. And it is as a result of not allowing your pains and suffering to becloud you and become vicious.

Those not consumed by their suffering and won't allow themselves to be a conduit or tool in the hand of the devil in seeking for revenge are God's people (this is not about religion. Hope the reader will understand).

Our parents acted based on their limited scope of knowledge. They acted the way they deem fit and thought that their actions whether good or bad won't be detrimental to their well-being and family. They acted based on ignorance.

There are still some decisions my parents will advise me to take. I don't. Because I know they are talking from a standpoint of the 20th century. It doesn't mean that everything they say is foolish. But as a more exposed individual I have to weigh their suggestions in the light of the 21st century.

Hanlon's Razor: don't attribute to malice what's as a result of stupidity.

Please, man, forgive your father and have full peace. At least, you are at a point where you can take good care of yourself and family. If not for anything, but for the little good things he has done for you as a child.

He is your father. You can't change that fact.

Tell your father, how he failed you and his nuclear family. Pour your heart outside. Let him know your height of disappointment in him. Perhaps, he may be remorseful and ask for forgiveness.

However, whatever you know you can do for him that won't bring you problem, regrets, and setbacks, do it.

Buy him a car if you can. Give him allowances if you can.

You are already far from him. So irregardless of his actions, it can't get to you. Even though he decides to persists in his ways.

This is not to guilt trip you. You can do as it pleases you. No big deal. Your attitude toward him is reasonable.

But you are doing it because you are now wiser and bigger than your father.

Don't allow 1 error to erase 99 good.

Thanks.

I love you bro...spoken like a truly liberated man.

You are 100% right. He sacrificed less than 50% for you unlike your mum. So he should get far less.

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

Blissbath:
He can't reap where he didn't sow

The OP never mentioned anywhere that the father punished him or treat him badly he only emphasized that the man did not support him to the level he expected from his own point of view which is a bad judgment from the OP

amazinghands:
I.

Am I in the wrong here?

What if he conducted DNA and he realized you weren’t his but instead of sending you and una mama out, he just decided to swallow it all up and was filled with nothing but hatred afterwards?

There are lots of IF’s that could have happened to make him change afterwards or he might just be a pure (curse word withheld because he be agbalagba) Adult