₦airaland Forum

You were a pain in his ass, and probably your mum nags him too. Are u actually the one to force him to send you abroad? He was acting based on his own capacity. After all he provided your tuition and upkeep till university level and even gave u 400k for masters. Make he kill himself for u na. People that their pops abandon for secondary school still reach out to their pops after they made it, e com be u. Ogbeni show the man love. Funny enough all the money your mum gave u is still your father's money.

amazinghands:
After giving it some thought, I believe he has the right to do whatever he wants as long as he can afford it. However, "I find it frustrating when people play the victim in the chaos they created" He has a roof over his head, feeding himself isn’t an issue, yet he continues to dwell on the life he once had.

He’s in his sixties, retired, and recently lost a baby with his new wife. I struggle to understand why a man in his sixties would even want to become a father, given the current realities.

While I may not entirely agree with his choices, he is still my father. That said, I don’t feel inclined to support his excessive behaviors, especially financially. Ultimately, I don’t have a problem with what he does, as long as I’m not funding his habits.

The thing with some men ehn...when small money enter their hand they start looking for more wives.

The money pot eventually dries up! And they are brought back to reality.

Blitzking:
Why marry a 2nd wife...without adequate plans for such pikin wey neva settle him life you wan use load kill am..if he didn't get a 2nd wife that kind pressure for old age for no dey there..person neva settle him own life u want make he dey send upkeep money for him new family. Wonder who gave the black man that stupid mentality to depend on their children in old age...old age is not a disability.

Thank you.

His dad asking his son for a car is already an indicator that his finances have already dried up because of his new family. And his son refuses to bail his father out of his bad decision making.



You wan make I send car money so you go flex with your new wife? The wife that most likely hates him because he's her competition? Did we marry her together?

Most of these polygamous men end up dying destitute. They are myopic and only think about themselves in the moment.

The men here are missing the point DELIBERATELY.

xrucifix05:
You were a pain in his ass, and probably your mum nags him too. Are u actually the one to force him to send you abroad? He was acting based on his own capacity. After all he provided your tuition and upkeep till university level and even gave u 400k for masters. Make he kill himself for u na. People that their pops abandon for secondary school still reach out to their pops after they made it, e com be u. Ogbeni show the man love. Funny enough all the money your mum gave u is still your father's money.

You're not reading between the lines or you're being intentionally obtuse. The reason why his father only gave him 400k is because he channelled his finances into his new family.

Now he is broke and wants a new car. He should have thought about that before starting a new family. Why should he send his dad money when it's going towards people that hate him?

Klass99:
Will it kill you to grant his request for a car or go above and beyond this once, then never bother with going above and beyond, again? I'm thinking we all make mistakes, we do wrong things, we fall, we get up, we learn, we grow, and we thank God for giving us another chance. None of us is perfect.

You're looking at two instances where popsie didn't come through for you (Ukraine and the US) what about the times he was there? The earlier years of your life you may not recall, like, late nights at the hospital because you were sick, going into debt to pay your fees so you won't be sent away from school, lying, stealing or cheating so he could put food on the table for you to eat, etcetera.

Don't stay focused on the occasions when he didn't come through. Even God who created us and loves us more than our parents, doesn't give us everything we want.

I say all of this as someone who has learnt and is still learning the value of letting things go for the sake of inner joy and peace as well as harmonious relationships with others. My soul feels lighter and happier when I don't hold on to grudges.

They say the best revenge is to succeed and do well. You've done that, so let go of the bitterness, and grudges. Be kind and nice to the man, he won't live forever, none of us will and we take nothing out of this world.

Modified to add: Your father did not significantly harm you in any way. That he refused to send you to obodo, should not cancel all of the good things he did or got right.

no mind the mumu. His dad even sent him from nursery to higher institutions and he his saying rubbish, still gave him 400k.... maybe that's actually like 50% of the cash the father had in hand then and he will not know bcus he might be thinking the father is well loaded. Mumu mentality

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

so u cherish ur mom bcus she gave u some token when u are travelling, but u did not appreciate ur dad dat sent you to sch till bsc level and even gave u some token so u could travel abroad. U be mumu I swear

amazinghands:
After giving it some thought, I believe he has the right to do whatever he wants as long as he can afford it. However, "I find it frustrating when people play the victim in the chaos they created" He has a roof over his head, feeding himself isn’t an issue, yet he continues to dwell on the life he once had.

He’s in his sixties, retired, and recently lost a baby with his new wife. I struggle to understand why a man in his sixties would even want to become a father, given the current realities.

While I may not entirely agree with his choices, he is still my father. That said, I don’t feel inclined to support his excessive behaviors, especially financially. Ultimately, I don’t have a problem with what he does, as long as I’m not funding his habits.

As far as he is feeding and has a roof over his head, that's enough. You shouldn't be responsible for his new family

Klass99:
Will it kill you to grant his request for a car or go above and beyond this once, then never bother with going above and beyond, again? I'm thinking we all make mistakes, we do wrong things, we fall, we get up, we learn, we grow, and we thank God for giving us another chance. None of us is perfect.

You're looking at two instances where popsie didn't come through for you (Ukraine and the US) what about the times he was there?

Modified to add: Your father did not significantly harm you in any way. That he refused to send you to obodo, should not cancel all of the good things he did or got right.

Young lady, God will bless you for this response! You spoke my mind.

As a matter of fact, I'm surprised to see some people supporting his actions!

Trust me, I'm sure he must have also made some mistakes at one point or the other but can flex now because he can afford to do things his way.

I even wonder if he even values his peace by holding grudges against his own father?

The fact that he doesn't have an opportunity to change his father is enough lesson for him to think of treating his own people right.

If you have the mind to do this to your own father, who brought you up and must have been there for you countless of times from infant, I wonder how you would treat a third party or whether you even have forgiveness in your dictionary at all.

Well, it's your life. But for posterity sake, remember, this is today, nobody knows what happens tomorrow. So, be kind, not only to your own parents, but everybody that comes your way and learn to move on from bitter experiences.

That's the only way to live life completely.

Peace!

Komu1048:
I am very sure u r not a father yet, i don't know how u concluded that when he needed him most. Are you the one that paid for his prenatal, antenatal n post natal, r u d one that fed him, cloth him n paid his fee. U think to raise pikin na beans.

Youth of nowadays always dodge all form of responsibilities. Anyways life na kamal

Pls turn the volume bro. It's so unfortunate the kind of generation we're raising now. Someone has explained what he's done as a result of what he experienced from his own perspective and judgement and someone is here supporting revenge against his own parents, haaa!....it is well o.

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

Just thank God that you still have a Daddy

Car bawo! Guy soji urself o, no let person finger ur brain. Na ur mama be the key, don't go any extra for him. Hes now turned to a scammer forget relationship. Experience

Klass99:
Will it kill you to grant his request for a car or go above and beyond this once, then never bother with going above and beyond, again? I'm thinking we all make mistakes, we do wrong things, we fall, we get up, we learn, we grow, and we thank God for giving us another chance. None of us is perfect.

You're looking at two instances where popsie didn't come through for you (Ukraine and the US) what about the times he was there? The earlier years of your life you may not recall, like, late nights at the hospital because you were sick, going into debt to pay your fees so you won't be sent away from school, lying, stealing or cheating so he could put food on the table for you to eat, etcetera.

Don't stay focused on the occasions when he didn't come through. Even God who created us and loves us more than our parents, doesn't give us everything we want.

I say all of this as someone who has learnt and is still learning the value of letting things go for the sake of inner joy and peace as well as harmonious relationships with others. My soul feels lighter and happier when I don't hold on to grudges.

They say the best revenge is to succeed and do well. You've done that, so let go of the bitterness, and grudges. Be kind and nice to the man, he won't live forever, none of us will and we take nothing out of this world.

Modified to add: Your father did not significantly harm you in any way. That he refused to send you to obodo, should not cancel all of the good things he did or got right.

Well said!
Op should assist his father with whatever he can afford.

moabdul:
➜All I have to my brother, do it and even more and see how Allah keep answering your prayers. He is your Dad irrespective of his lifestyle. I am also in similar situation but I don't even have much to give my parents.

Stop using the name of Allah, who has yet to save the millions of almajiris that were born and dumped on the streets to fend for themselves by their fathers up north, to lie to him!

he has a second wife. let him cut his coat to his size. why are you even giving him allowance?
you are feeding the second wife

since he broke down in tears, then he is in bad financial situation. he is just ashamed to say it. only give when you can, don't be flamboyant with him. you will be feeding the second wife. and jealousy can start from there

amazinghands:
I appreciate everyone’s comments and suggestions. Just to provide more context: I have only one sibling, and I am of the opinion that he should be able to do more, given how flamboyant he has been with his spending. The main reason I believe he asked for the car is that my mum recently celebrated a lavish birthday (and he likely suspects I was the one who funded it).

When he asked me for the car, I arranged a meeting with him and my brother to discuss his finances (specifically how he manages and collects rent from his properties). Based on what I knew about his financial situation before I left Nigeria, I honestly don’t believe he’s in a bad position. However, he couldn’t give me a clear answer during the conversation and ended up breaking down in tears.

The real issue is that I can only afford to buy one car, and that will undoubtedly go to my mum. I am aware that this decision will likely further strain our relationship.

Don't avange for your self, conquer evil with good.

However is yours to decide.

let me not talk for now ..
My parent can’t take risk for me .
Me I can’t take risk for them .
They have born me I have my own life .
They have use their life the way they can.
I no they look back again.

collect the car
na fight with the second wife be dat ooo

adelafe2019:
Your father did well. He nurtured you from a baby till you graduated in a Nigerian University. He also helped you partially when you were study abroad.

Your main complaint is that he married a second wife with a stepson.

Suppose your mum happened to be the second wife and not the first wife would you hate him of course no.

Thank God and your dad as well as your adorable mother for the roles they played in making you a successful man.

If you can afford to buy him a car do so, take care of him. If you like after his death collect the car and sell it. To recover part of your money.

Lf you spend a lot on his funeral but never buy the car the money spent on his funeral is not for him but just to show off that you are rich.

Lamasta:
The father did not offend him, what if the man was actually been honest to him that that's what he could afford at that instance.....

I don't know why fathers are always at the receiving end of ungrateful children they suffer to train to adulthood

Hmm. More reasons men should protect themselves for future sake. The world do not give a damn about you as a man

tensazangetsu20:
You even try. I dont send my father one kobo and the day he asks me for money eh, lemme not even talk

E sharp. No vex when you old your Children no send you money too.

Oga buy am the car way he want if you get the means nothing dey this life. After all u no go see am forever .. and let the car be on your name make that woman son no go dey drive mother wey him no suffer buy

FuckTheMod:
Very senseless response.
If one marriage no favour you as a man, you either endure, divorce or take a second wife.
If marriage no favour you as a woman, you either endure or divorce. There's no two ways about it.
Why does polygamy usually sound strange weird or strange to some of you, especially HYPOCRITE Christians?
What's the big deal in polygamy?
Even in your Bible, most men of God married more than one wife.

To you, polygamy is a sin
Yet many of you fornicate, do adultery, cheat in marriage and have numerous BODYCOUNT.
A girl who has date numerous guys before marriage and have even slept with married men will start thinking even should fall if her own husband takes a second wife or have girlfriend.
Una matter just tire me.

Every man should do life the way he or she pleases buy when the consequences begin as a result of your action to stress other ppl...a man who decides to have a family should be ready to take care of them and not become a burden to others if damgote decides to marry 100 wives he is capable and his decisions won't affect his children badly..but a man still struggling is marrying more than one wife who I he expecting to bail him out..the child he invested in in his youth shey cos giving birth and training kids don tirn investment for una.

FuckTheMod:
Very senseless response.
If one marriage no favour you as a man, you either endure, divorce or take a second wife.
If marriage no favour you as a woman, you either endure or divorce. There's no two ways about it.
Why does polygamy usually sound strange weird or strange to some of you, especially HYPOCRITE Christians?
What's the big deal in polygamy?
Even in your Bible, most men of God married more than one wife.

To you, polygamy is a sin
Yet many of you fornicate, do adultery, cheat in marriage and have numerous BODYCOUNT.
A girl who has date numerous guys before marriage and have even slept with married men will start thinking even should fall if her own husband takes a second wife or have girlfriend.
Una matter just tire me.

Every man should do life the way he or she pleases buy when the consequences begin as a result of your action to stress other ppl...a man who decides to have a family should be ready to take care of them and not become a burden to others if damgote decides to marry 100 wives he is capable and his decisions won't affect his children badly..but a man still struggling is marrying more than one wife who I he expecting to bail him out..the child he invested in in his youth shey cos giving birth and training kids don tirn investment for una..

amazinghands:
I relocated to the United States about eight years ago. My relationship with my dad has been strained and continues to deteriorate.

Background:
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family with both my mom and dad working hard. Everything changed when my dad started earning significant money. His newfound wealth led to a lifestyle filled with parties, women, and alcohol (to be fair, he earned his money, so he had the right to spend it as he pleased). He built a hotel and was barely home afterward.

2010:
While I was in college, I wanted to leave Nigeria due to the incessant ASUU strikes. I told my dad I wanted to study abroad. Initially, he agreed and gave me the funds to start the process. I was admitted to a school in Ukraine and secured a visa, but he later said he couldn’t afford to send me abroad. This decision felt contradictory, as his lifestyle said otherwise. (To be fair, it’s his money, and he has the right to decide how to spend it.)

2016:
I got admitted to a master’s program in the U.S. and approached my dad for help again. He told me to "cut my coat according to my size" and said he couldn’t sell any of his properties for the sake of a child studying abroad. (Again, to be fair, he was right—he had already paid for my college tuition in Nigeria.) Around the same time, he married another wife.

On the other hand, my mom sold her only piece of land and some jewelry to give me half of my first semester's tuition. After involving family members, my dad reluctantly gave me ₦400,000, stating that was all he could afford. I thanked him for the support.

Fast Forward to Today:
I struggled and worked odd jobs to make ends meet, determined never to ask him for help again. Over time, I’ve become financially stable, secured a good job, and am now a permanent resident. I give my dad a monthly allowance and occasionally send more during festive seasons. My mom, on the other hand, gets spoiled with gifts, extra money, and I’ve even invited her to visit and spend time with me in the U.S.

Now, my dad is broke and has suggested I buy him a car and increase what I do for him, despite the fact that my parents are separated and he currently lives with his second wife. I’ve told myself I won’t go above and beyond for him, especially since he chose to prioritize his lifestyle and the new wife (who came with a stepson). I find it hard to reconcile his past decisions with his current expectations.

Am I in the wrong here?

I feel your pain something similar happened to me

And when I finally forgave him, he died 2 days later. Please note he wasn’t sick I just didn’t know the man reduced his age to get a job, he was 10 years older and it didn’t show.

Moral of the story, let go and spoil both parents because very soon they won’t be there for you to spoil.

You can choose to be foolish and hold what you Dad did against you, without considering all the times he showed up for you. (Even if he never showed up for you. Or you can choose to act like Jesus.

I see a lot of young people men giving stupid advise of not helping. Go with them at your peril.
Sorry my words are hash!!

tensazangetsu20:
You even try. I dont send my father one kobo and the day he asks me for money eh, lemme not even talk

It’s like you don’t know God. His instruction has nothing to do with what the person is doing. Do what he says. Honor your father and mother. That you might live long.

Don’t play bro. I urge you, man to man. Honor your father. Nice or nasty. He is your father.

Na God you go fear. Not man.

Ehen.

Aceekidc4:
My mother was a prostitute when she gave birth to me. She gave birth to me and abandoned me in the orphanage. I ran out of the orphanage to become a serial killer and a thief. God help my life

hmmmm na wa o!! What a confession

Interesting responses.

Most of the comments by the male folks were so emotional rather than logical. If to say OP is a woman, they'd have pounced on her. OP is aggrieved and rightfully so.

The thing with buying a car is that it requires maintenance. If anyone is to deserve that privilege, it's the mom. His father should sell off some of his properties to fund his lifestyle.

This thread is a lesson for every male reader, married or unmarried, young or old.

Fearurcreeator:
Which old age , you no get money well well ni... Pikin wey no get sense ... Mama don enter him head , him eye go clear se

Na so.

Beremx:
no wonder i display idiocy on nairaland. Now I know why am really really useless and full of bitterness

Eyah sorry..........we didn't know you were suffering so much.........but you too always try to have sense even if it's small🥱

wjxavier:
It’s like you don’t know God. His instruction has nothing to do with what the person is doing. Do what he says. Honor your father and mother. That you might live long.

Don’t play bro. I urge you, man to man. Honor your father. Nice or nasty. He is your father.

Na God you go fear. Not man.

Ehen.

Let us not forget, fathers also have obligations not to set up avoidable situations that breed resentment in their children.

tensazangetsu20:
I am more prosperous than you. Dey play

This guy ehn 😂😂