I Need Wedding Advice Please - Family

I Need Wedding Advice Please - Family - Nairaland

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I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 3:10am On Dec 03, 2024

Hello everyone, I'm sven from Norway but living in ikoyi nigeria and yes I'm white but white as snow

Here's my problem, I'm in love with a wonderful igbo woman and I've been visiting Nigeria for a very long time so I know your wedding laws and what's mandatory and what's not mandatory

I know the legitimately of the traditional wedding is the bride price and once that's done everything else is optional and upto the couple and absolutely no one else but personally don't want the whole traditional thing as I can't mentally cope with it as I complex ptsd from military service and fighting in the al-qaeda and isis wars in Afghanistan

It's the introduction I have issues with as the lady in question as agreed to just marry me anyway I want so just hire somewhere beautiful and have a personalised wedding and an official there to make it legal

How do I explain that a whole traditional introduction is not legally mandatory? As I truly can't cope meeting her whole family and external family all on the same day and all at once that would be torture and I would run before even going in the building and I know it is allowed to just be 4 or 5 members of her family no kinsmen and no elders

I have no family except a 6 year old daughter so it will just be me and her on my side

And I also know that it doesn't have to be a traditional list as I've researched this extensively

A bride price can literally be anything even houses houses or £1,000,000 it's if the groom his woman is worth it

So how do I convince this lady to let me do the introduction with just the most important 5 members of her family and sort the bride price them and pay it to them and meet everyone else 2 at a time by taking them to dinner

A wedding is different as I'm not the focus and it's just guests celebrating like a party but actually meeting a whole family and extended family all at once on the same day is hell one earth to me

So please help

1 Like

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 3:19am On Dec 03, 2024

And sorry all the mistakes but I am literally shitting bricks on this whole situation, I'm in ekiti at the moment with her visiting one of the ranches and she wants to arrange the introduction once we get back to lagos

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by blackpanthar: 3:23am On Dec 03, 2024

Fenrir:
Hello everyone, I'm sven from Norway but living in ikoyi nigeria and yes I'm white but white as snow

Here's my problem, I'm in love with a wonderful igbo woman and I've been visiting Nigeria for a very long time so I know your wedding laws and what's mandatory and what's not mandatory

I know the legitimately of the traditional wedding is the bride price and once that's done everything else is optional and upto the couple and absolutely no one else but personally don't want the whole traditional thing as I can't mentally cope with it as I complex ptsd from military service and fighting in the al-qaeda and isis wars in Afghanistan

It's the introduction I have issues with as the lady in question as agreed to just marry me anyway I want so just hire somewhere beautiful and have a personalised wedding and an official there to make it legal

How do I explain that a whole traditional introduction is not legally mandatory? As I truly can't cope meeting her whole family and external family all on the same day and all at once that would be torture and I would run before even going in the building and I know it is allowed to just be 4 or 5 members of her family no kinsmen and no elders

I have no family except a 6 year old daughter so it will just be me and her on my side

And I also know that it doesn't have to be a traditional list as I've researched this extensively

A bride price can literally be anything even houses houses or £1,000,000 it's if the groom his woman is worth it

So how do I convince this lady to let me do the introduction with just the most important 5 members of her family and sort the bride price them and pay it to them and meet everyone else 2 at a time by taking them to dinner

A wedding is different as I'm not the focus and it's just guests celebrating like a party but actually meeting a whole family and extended family all at once on the same day is hell one earth to me

So please help

You will enjoy your Igbo, they are a unique blend of everything good and prosperous, however...

Seems to me you do not know ENOUGH about the diversity of the Igbo tribe
grin

IGBO culture is very veryyyy diverse..... based on region and states.

Imo state marriage rites are totally different from Awka, even within their states there are different regions and cultures and so different expectations for marriage rites.

I guess no one told you these grin

Now let's say you are in your country and still serving in the military, without any free days or a break. Yet you want to officially wed your bride.

Would she object to your pattern? I mean if you were not physically available, would she not still go ahead with the wedding rites without your physical presence?

lol... Now here is where NIGERIA gets interesting.
OPTION 1
You can have a representative for your wedding.... you can hire a man to stand in for you and do all the stress you do not want to.

OPTION 2
You can pay them OFF........ yes, you can pay for everything and move on with your life with your bride. You don't have to come to Nigeria or be in uncomfortable circumstances that doesn't suit you. Money can be paid to cover for you.

NOTE: Have you considered that your bride just wants to be lavish and show you off and let everyone see you and see how lucky she is to have you?

After such consideration, I think you can travel back to your country, inform her of an emergency or an excuse not to be present and the wedding will still hold in your absence and then when its all done, you will have her all to yourself.

congrats bro.... do the needful and enjoy your home. Igbos are a wonderful people

2 Likes

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by GboyegaD(m): 3:33am On Dec 03, 2024

You don't have a problem. If she loves you, she will make her family members understand and they can reduce themselves to understand 10. Let her know you are willing to buy everything as expected traditionally and you don't want a recurrence of your PSTD as you have complex for too many people.

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 3:37am On Dec 03, 2024

I'm ex military actually but before the military and before 21 I got phds in African cultures and do actually know 371 tribes mate all 260 ethnicities and I know irigwe are just a middle belt igbo from plateau state

It's not that hard but she has no parents and her aunts husband that's not her blood is throwing his weight around and trying to boss a 6 foot 7 Scandinavian around this man wants me to kneel to him in front of all my people which he just learned is a forbidden act in my culture something last wife's family respected and they were yoruba and understood I could not prostrate but she died of cancer 6 years ago

I don't know why you believe all of your people are greedy and selfish because they are not

Nigerians are wonderful people just annoying when it comes to religion

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 3:44am On Dec 03, 2024

I live in ikoyi I'm not going back to Norway life in nigeria is life on easy mode and my daughter asked me to bring her so she can learn about her yoruba half what kind of man or dad would I be if said no to her

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by GboyegaD(m): 3:45am On Dec 03, 2024

Fenrir:
I'm ex military actually but before the military and before 21 I got phds in African cultures and do actually know 371 tribes mate all 260 ethnicities and I know irigwe are just a middle belt igbo from plateau state

It's not that hard but she has no parents and her aunts husband that's not her blood is throwing his weight around and trying to boss a 6 foot 7 Scandinavian around this man wants me to kneel to him in front of all my people which he just learned is a forbidden act in my culture something last wife's family respected and they were yoruba and understood I could not prostrate but she died of cancer 6 years ago

I don't know why you believe all of your people are greedy and selfish because they are not

Nigerians are wonderful people just annoying when it comes to religion

It all depends on her. If she is comfortable with you, she will marry you legally and leave the traditional side of things. At some point, it is up to her to decide what she wants.

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by FriendsAndFans(m): 4:00am On Dec 03, 2024

The most important question is, "if she's not willing to do things the way you are suggesting, what do you think you will do" ?

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by HitSong: 4:31am On Dec 03, 2024

Fenrir:
Hello everyone, I'm sven from Norway but living in ikoyi nigeria and yes I'm white but white as snow

Here's my problem, I'm in love with a wonderful igbo woman and I've been visiting Nigeria for a very long time so I know your wedding laws and what's mandatory and what's not mandatory

I know the legitimately of the traditional wedding is the bride price and once that's done everything else is optional and upto the couple and absolutely no one else but personally don't want the whole traditional thing as I can't mentally cope with it as I complex ptsd from military service and fighting in the al-qaeda and isis wars in Afghanistan

It's the introduction I have issues with as the lady in question as agreed to just marry me anyway I want so just hire somewhere beautiful and have a personalised wedding and an official there to make it legal

How do I explain that a whole traditional introduction is not legally mandatory? As I truly can't cope meeting her whole family and external family all on the same day and all at once that would be torture and I would run before even going in the building and I know it is allowed to just be 4 or 5 members of her family no kinsmen and no elders

I have no family except a 6 year old daughter so it will just be me and her on my side

And I also know that it doesn't have to be a traditional list as I've researched this extensively

A bride price can literally be anything even houses houses or £1,000,000 it's if the groom his woman is worth it

So how do I convince this lady to let me do the introduction with just the most important 5 members of her family and sort the bride price them and pay it to them and meet everyone else 2 at a time by taking them to dinner

A wedding is different as I'm not the focus and it's just guests celebrating like a party but actually meeting a whole family and extended family all at once on the same day is hell one earth to me

So please help

Point of correction, EVEN IF IT'S TRUE THAT YOU'RE CAUCASIAN, YOU'RE NEVER WHITE.
You're only
Pale
Or
Pink
It's impossible for a living human to have real white or black skin colour.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by sleek214(m): 4:41am On Dec 03, 2024

I got you bro.... Not just you and your 6 year old girl. I'd be by your side too. So, it's 3 of us...

1 Like

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Onegai(f): 10:24am On Dec 03, 2024

Both of you need to meet halfway.

Compromise and communication are the backbone of every marriage.

Best start practising that now.

Tell her to reduce the number of relatives showing up in exchange for either the wedding of her dreams (or even better) the honeymoon of her dreams.

The traditional rites are important, but Nigerians love their egos, her uncle wants to flex his at your expense. Ask your future wife if that is what she truly wants, to see you humiliated for that man's ego.

It's her life, not her family's.

Or you can go the devious way and get her pregnant and suddenly act like you're about to bail on her. It's a shotgun move, but it usually forces everyone to calm down and be reasonable.

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Gloriagee(f): 11:36am On Dec 03, 2024

Can you throw more light on this?

Fenrir:
I'm ex military actually but before the military and before 21 I got phds in African cultures and do actually know 371 tribes mate all 260 ethnicities and I know irigwe are just a middle belt igbo from plateau state

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 11:41am On Dec 03, 2024

The man is not her Uncle he shares no blood with, hes not even igbo, he married her igbo aunt, and her brothers are telling to just take her out of Nigeria to marry her and do everything after as married in 1 country is married everywhere, her dream is do none of it, to take her sibling to Hawaii then send a few million naira and just get married, its me that feels uncomfortable without AN introduction however i cannot mentally with the numbers the older generation want as its them that cant compromise not us

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 11:49am On Dec 03, 2024

As for the race comment, white as snow just means I'm far from the fjords and ice cold currents of Norway, im literally made for the cold and Nigeria is always like an oven to me
,

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 12:02pm On Dec 03, 2024

And sorry about the mistake again,like i said im shitting bricks about this. Scandinavia is honour and duty culture not religious or traditional its honourable to take a woman without telling an elder

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 12:25pm On Dec 03, 2024

[quote author=Gloriagee post=133142452]Can you throw more light on this?

[/quoteo]

Ok,

Ijaw 800 bce

Igbo 11th century ce

Yoruba 14th ce

Scandinavian 2300 bce

Scandinavians proto germanic meaning we have common ancestors but split before germans were established same with igbo and irigwe and lots of other tribes

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by DenreleDave(m): 1:18pm On Dec 03, 2024

Fenrir:
As for the race comment, white as snow just means I'm far from the fjords and ice cold currents of Norway, im literally made for the cold and Nigeria is always like an oven to me
,

So what do you intend to do?

Fenrir

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by DenreleDave(m): 1:20pm On Dec 03, 2024

Fenrir:
As for the race comment, white as snow just means I'm far from the fjords and ice cold currents of Norway, im literally made for the cold and Nigeria is always like an oven to me
,

Do you have friends here in Nigeria?

I mean Nigerians friends and close pal?

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 1:35pm On Dec 03, 2024

Lots of friends Nigerians wonderful just annoying if your athiest like me, and call me insane because I don't believe a god, and an 80 year old Yoruba woman i call nåde as her family took care of me when i was a teenager and came to study your tribes

I think I'll just do what her brothers say and marry her in Hawaii then do introduction and bride price after

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Neptunium(m): 4:21pm On Dec 03, 2024*

1 Like

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by DenreleDave(m): 5:53pm On Dec 03, 2024

Fenrir:
Lots of friends Nigerians wonderful just annoying if your athiest like me, and call me insane because I don't believe a god, and an 80 year old Yoruba woman i call nåde as her family took care of me when i was a teenager and came to study your tribes

I think I'll just do what her brothers say and marry her in Hawaii then do introduction and bride price after

You are falling to pressure bcox of a woman... You don't need to do this for a woman that would not blink twice b4 she dumps U...

Stand firm on Ur ground..

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by DenreleDave(m): 5:55pm On Dec 03, 2024

Fenrir:
Lots of friends Nigerians wonderful just annoying if your athiest like me, and call me insane because I don't believe a god, and an 80 year old Yoruba woman i call nåde as her family took care of me when i was a teenager and came to study your tribes

I think I'll just do what her brothers say and marry her in Hawaii then do introduction and bride price after

That guy is right... That Nigerian lady is only with u bcox she thinks u will go back to Norway or she might try to convince u to go by force...

Either way, she is just after herself..
Be careful, stand on Ur decision

1 Like

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 6:36pm On Dec 03, 2024

Now your just being ridiculous

1) I'm 39 and she's 26
2) she's proven beyond all doubt that she with because of how i treat her and my attitude,my attitude that society thinks is only a suggestion and nothing more
3) she's to sign a pre nup without hesitation and without holding a grudge
4) when did i say that want to live in Nigeria full time? I said i dont want to go to back to Norway and if understand our tax system you will know why, i said that I'm currently living in ikoyi, that i love Nigeria and here because my daughter asked to learn about her Yoruba half

5) there 195 countries, i have no living family except my daughter so reason go back, i honestly don't care where i live as long as my child is happy, healthy and educated in a country that separates church from state, for example a country that's not doing what the uk is doing and bringing back ridiculous blasphemy law because of a particular belief system invading and taking over something most sane people would not allow

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 9:31pm On Dec 03, 2024

all sorted 😊 thanks people, no parents so nothing stops an introduction with her mothers side, they are happy with 6 people and a modern bride price, that's a relief they don't care as long as shes happy and taken care of

Told you most Nigerians wonderful and understand the difference between i cant and i dont to

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Onegai(f): 1:05am On Dec 04, 2024*

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 1:16am On Dec 04, 2024*

mate white countries dont a law where a Nigerian husband can violate his wife and not be punished for it I make her feel safe and would kill for her she knows that, thats why she told her elders over video call she will choose over them any day and he 5 brothers support it 1 being my age

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 1:37am On Dec 04, 2024

Onegai:
You can't convince a middle-aged man with baggage that a 20-something-year old chose being with him because of his sparkling personality.

Abeg free our sis, Naija dey hard. Make she find greener pastures the legal way.

Lady, take a good at the man your with and ask yourself if you got cancer, became inconvenient to him and couldn't give him sex anymore would he stick around?
If you told your.him want your man taking care you not nurses or strangers

Would he cook for you everyday?
Spoon feed you?
Wash you?
Give you.the medication himself?
Carry you everywhere to save your strength to fight the cancer?

I have once and would again

Would your man? Or would he abandon you?

1 Like

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 1:48am On Dec 04, 2024

Onegai:
You can't convince a middle-aged man with baggage that a 20-something-year old chose being with him because of his sparkling personality.

Abeg free our sis, Naija dey hard. Make she find greener pastures the legal way.

After a life war killing and fighting for countries that are mine she puts me at peace and i make her feel safe, secure and loved

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Onegai(f): 5:40am On Dec 04, 2024*

Fenrir:
After a life war killing and fighting for countries that are mine she puts me at peace and i make her feel safe, secure and loved

I'm not saying you don't deserve happiness, everyone does. You're not hurting anyone (well done for taking care of your late wife during her cancer).

I'm glad she's signing a prenuptial. Protect yourself. Make sure she never comes between you and your daughter.

Women from 3rd world countries are usually survivors and are tough as nails.

There's a saying in Igbo land: "if you're going to eat a frog, eat one that has eggs so at least there's some benefit when people call you a frog eater".

Congratulations on your marriage, dude.

1 Like

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Crest4(m): 8:24am On Dec 04, 2024

What happened to the other Nigerian lady you've a child with?

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by Fenrir(op): 10:39am On Dec 04, 2024

Crest4:
What happened to the other Nigerian lady you've a child with?

Died of cancer 6 years ago said that multiple times
Specifically a brain tumour

And i was a royal marine not mercenary, yes a Norwegian in the British military for the passport privileges as back then were worth their weight in gold now basically toilet paper

MOS 11B
Military operative specialist that means i was sniper, but highly adaptable so also interrogations, advanced battlefield combat instructor because of mma training since I started walking as toddler, i was bred and raised for the military
Oh and from 2010-2015 i trained your military in a cultural exchange the joke that your military is starting with the airforce in jos

And you have admit my race is just the best at war because of 2 concepts

1) MAD (mutually assumed destruction) if we cant have it then you cant either
2) if you want peace then you prepare for war

And unlike you nancy boys we will fight for other countries taking bullets for people we have never met and will never meet just to protect innocent women and children

Re: I Need Wedding Advice Please by AngelSlay: 11:12am On Dec 04, 2024

Crest4:
What happened to the other Nigerian lady you've a child with?

1 Like

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