₦airaland Forum

BABANGBALI:
➜ About two years ago, my uncle asked me to talk to his wife about returning home. During our conversation, I was shocked by her response. She bluntly said, “Your uncle should go and carry the women he used to carry when he was younger.” It became clear that her decision to stay away was intentional. She knows her husband is now old, weak, and unable to pursue other women or manage much on his own, as he relies solely on his pension and the small support sent by their children.
When I pressed further, she revealed her perspective: she claimed my uncle used to threaten her with the idea of taking a second wife and had maltreated her during their younger years. I couldn’t help but ask if this was some form of revenge. Her words left me wondering if some women patiently wait until old age to settle scores, knowing that their husbands are now vulnerable.
This story reflects a broader reality: old age often seems to favor women more than men. Many men, who once held control in their prime, find themselves at the mercy of their wives and children when they grow older. This dynamic is worsened when men fail to secure a solid foundation for their later years.
My advice to men is this: Plan for your old age. Build a support system independent of anyone, whether it’s financial stability, meaningful relationships, or a reliable community. Avoid relying solely on your wife or children, as situations can change. A secure and well-thought-out plan for your later years can ensure that no one—neither a spouse nor your children—will take you for granted when you are most vulnerable.

HelenaWills:
I don't get it. If a woman can cook at old age, what stops a man from doing same? Kitchen chores aren't gender specific. I would be more concerned about companionship at old age rather than these baseless and sentimental opinions on who should cook or be cooked for. Women don't deserve rest? Blame the children for not providing helps for their aged parents. Rubbish.

Bookhub:
This is what happens when men marry too early the children are all grown and left ,I rather be 70 and my children 20 and below so they will be there with me in my old age while I plan transfer of my acquired wealth to them as I leave.

HelenaWills:
➜I know you're daft and NL's residential clown. Please do well to avoid me on this forum. Thanks.

criuze:
Life can still happen to someone at any age. What if the man look for an averagely advanced woman and marry at least for assistance , since by the look of things the wife has informally divorced him

Myrepublic:
➜Men will shoulder wife and kids all their lives. At old age,some children go say Mama over Papa. And if their mother is a wicked woman,she go brain wash them to hate their dad. Na Wetin dey result to this most times.. Even though some useless fathers dey too o. Meanwhile as a man,as you dey shoulder family responsibilities,also plan for your old age. Because your wife and kids might not be there for you at old age.. Try dey learn from some persons experience too. Very important..

enm:
➜To some of you who are commenting the man did this and that and deserve what he get, well all i can say is pray you don't find yourself in such situation at your old age. This goes beyond cooking, cleaning or washing of clothes though some men are very very poor in this area.
➜Before you lambast me, please consider this first.
⇢What if the man during his active and youthful days was a very caring and loving husband and father?
⇢What if the man during his active and youthful days went all the way including doing some shady or under the table deals to make sure his family have the best of the best provision he could provide
⇢What if the man during his active and youthful days did not involve himself with concubine or extra marital affair
⇢What if the man never try to offend or hurt his wife during his active and youthful days ( although unintentional hurtful actions may arise from time to time lead to the woman or man feeling hurt )
➜ I just want you guys to know that not every neglected old man you see out there deserve what they are getting in their old age. Some of them didn't even enjoyed their marriage and home in their active and youthful days but that didn't stop them from doing what was expected of them as husband and father.

HelenaWills:
I don't get it.
If a woman can cook at old age, what stops a man from doing same?

Kitchen chores aren't gender specific. I would be more concerned about companionship at old age rather than these baseless and sentimental opinions on who should cook or be cooked for. Women don't deserve rest?
Blame the children for not providing helps for their aged parents.
Rubbish.

tuoyoojo:
➜The issue of brain washing to me is cheap excuse to me. I am not trying to say it doesn't exist but this so called brain washing can only be successful with the unintentional collaboration of the man. What do I mean
Many men have the belief that being a father is just about providing money for the house and thats all. This is just a part of the responsibility.
A father must also be present and visible in the life of his children, someone who is there for their emotional needs and be a Co nurturing parent and not leaving it alone for the mother. Someone who is firm and loving. As humans emotional connection leaves a more last impression than physical provision. This is not to imply that physical provision is not important but it is only part and not the only package
➜As parents we start "writing" exams as we bring up our kids. They score us on physical and emotional provisions. Many father score low on physical provision and even worse on the emotional and nurturing part. The report card is how they treat us when we are older. This is not to say all kids would turn out well even with good home training and nurturing but it goes a long way to hav children who would make our old age more fulfilling.

Kobojunkie:
Shoulder wife and kids by treating them like burdens forced on him while he chases after other women in his youth? Did you bother to read and properly digest the story told by the OP aside from his less reasonable conclusion?

Marriage and raising of kids —having a family— is like setting up and building a company. The more passionate you are about and towards its success, the more reward you are likely to receive in the end from the company. The less committed you are to the success of the company, the more likely the company is never gonna be of benefit to you now and in the future.

Myrepublic:
➜Now the mothers you all now claimed to be gods, do they do more than the fathers? If your father was chasing after young girls,mine wasn't like that. So I speak from my experience, during my upbringing.
➜My papa no dey use my mama play,and na them gather train me. And I dey respect them same way. What I give my mom,is same I give to my that. Sometimes I even join I together,and they both appreciate it.
➜I understand that some of you came from "one kind" family sha.
➜I pray you don't go the route ya dad followed,of follow girls at young age,even when wife and kids dey hux. Say amen

Badmashiii:
You have no idea of what being a man is. A father is supposed to be the son's model of a powerful man. A man that is good at being a man.

Emotional nuturing have absolutely none of this impact.

Bookhub:
This is what happens when men marry too early the children are all grown and left ,I rather be 70 and my children 20 and below so they will be there with me in my old age while I plan transfer of my acquired wealth to them as I leave.

tuoyoojo:
In your own words, who would you define as a powerful man. I would like to learn from your perspective

fatosky1:
Oga please no try am. It is not advisable.

If you have opportunity of marrying earlier probably before attaining 30 say 25 or thereabout do it. Retirement age is 60 years. At 70 you will be using retirement and pension money to train your children.
Before 60, endure your last child had graduated or married so you can reap the fruits of your labour. Also don't embark on high capital intensive projects with your pension.
The pathetic situation painted by the OP is a sad reality of what men suffer at old age when the children kept their mum away from the husband and wife turned vindictive to punish the husband for spousal occasional misbehavior at early point of marriage even though positive events must have overtaken the past lifestyle.
Women tends to be selfish at old age.

Kobojunkie:
1. Stop with the foolish praying and start engaging your brain is what you need to do!

2. Did you read the OP at all? According to his wife and kids, he was an unavailable uncaring husband and father in his youth. If you live with other people and they consider you unavailable and uncaring and you don't agree, then it is up to you to do all there is to change that perception they have of you. You don't ignore it all and then expect all to be well when it comes time for you to benefit from them. Relationship involves people engaging each other and making necessary changes whenever necessary.

3. If you believe that in a relationship the world should revolve around you and your perception of things— whether you think you enjoyed or suffered—, then you have right there failed in that relationship and are bound to suffer it in time.

Kobojunkie:
And what guarantee does this man have that this supposedly averagely advanced woman, aware that his former wife abandoned him, would take care of him or provide him assistance?

enm:
➜Believe it or not; if you like engage with your brain from now till thy kingdom come, if things one to go south instead of north there is nothing you can do about it that why i still stand by that pray and pray that think work out well for good for all involved.
➜Not where in my post did i applause or encourage the activities of irresponsible men or fathers.
➜Now we hear from the wife side her reasons but can you beat your chest that's what the wife said actually happen. Am not saying she is lying but what she thought might be actually far from the truth.
➜There are a lot of men out there in the trenches working hard to make sure their family do not lack but the wife will be lamenting and telling it to the children how their father is irresponsible, giving them peanuts and spending time out there with their girlfriend when they are suppose to be at home meanwhile the said husband/father is doing overtime at work or running doing some side job ( if he does shift work). With that mindset or scenario i just painted above what do you think will happen when he gets old, even if the man have try to correct countless times.
➜Just because one is in a relationship does not mean the world should revolved around one but that doesn't mean one should suffer because of it.
➜My earlier post was based on the fact that i saw a lot of comment categorizing all men found in such position as husband and father who failed in their duty and i want to point out that it shouldn't be so. A lot of them don't deserve the neglect they are getting in their old age but life happened.
➜And am still saying pray that we don't find ourselves in such situation. Nobody wish for bad ending both men and women but note this people change either for good or for bad if you like treat and carry them like your heaven.

criuze:
➜How will I know bro, Maybe to give a try, sometimes some how in my village aged people do marry younger women, even younger or at the same age with their first daughters especially if the have pre marriage child , and it sometimes works, Humans will keep giving tries
➜In extreme cases that shouldn't be ruled out, at least for final resort, an averagely advance woman or a daughter-like wife, in most cases stay humble especially if their said man flicker embers of hope to her and her pre or post marriage children. She might eventually grow wings though , but the said man would have met the before the wings emerge completely

Kobojunkie:
Thank you! How can a man who is busy chasing around other women in his youth claim he was present, visible, and emotionally available at the same time for his children? It is impossi-cant.

2. Indeed!

Kobojunkie:
1. You mean you have never been back to your village to see how the many men who do such typically end up in the end?

2. In most cases? Are you kidding? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

criuze:
➜How will I be kidding , the other part is there are some live-in house keepers/helps , basically cooks that's ends up into wives, withstanding that most don't end up as wife, but can give support when needed most
Lass lass a man should have a sunset plan and on a more serious note, I believe this scenario totally unAfrican, no black skinned people abandoned their aged parents. It is not a norm here

Kobojunkie:
1. When it comes to family, what you described RARELY ever happens. That is why the vast majority of people out there who commit themselves to their kids and relationships, don't ever end up regretting it. And no, prayer does not solve a marriage. I know your scammers-in-the-lords have made you lot believe that bogus lie but the truth of this world is that it does no such thing.

There many good men out there who suffers what they know nothing about in their prime by their wife in their old age

2. The OP described what the woman and her kids said was an irresponsible father.

I wanted to ask if you were with the said man by the OP to know if truly he was irresponsible.

3. You aren't saying she is lying but you are here indicating she is? What the f-k is up with you people? 😂😂😂😂

I wonder what would been your say if the topic were to be that the old man left his old wife for younger girl after she never bothered to come back home from omugwo

4. If all you as a man can offer your family is money, then you should never ever consider getting married. Tales of men suffering in trenches while neglecting the emotional and physical needs of their families plenty for out there. Raising a family requires presence both physical and emotional. If you are not able to offer that—physical and emotional presence— in addition to financial support, you should not even bother having kids or a family of your own for that matter. 🤔

I don't see where a man will have time for the physical, emotional and most importantly the financial support for their kids in this present Nigeria coz majority of men now are on salary and that takes away your time and freedom...imagine a man coming home after stressful and expected to be singing lullaby to sometimes an already slept child or children...most kids have their fathers time on weekends which is even the average working class not to talk of the lower working class men and these are the majority now...so typically the whole homely thing falls on the mother and that's if she is not working too

5. Don't have a family at all if you are convinced that all you have to offer is nothing but your suffering. 🙄

6. Bunkum! No one categorized all men, rather they categorized the men described by OP are mostly men who failed as fathers. 🤔

No proof that he failed as a father

7. Stop praying! If you want to be loved by your father, act accordingly; your choices will lead you to the end you most deserve, no matter how much you pray and fast. 🤔

Baronthecelebri:
The best way is to plan your future as a man, if you're spending 5k for the family every day, spend 4k, save 1k for old age.