₦airaland Forum

Hello nairalanders I know to a lot of Nigerians who have never left the country this may sound funny. But I'm indeed frustrated with my life in America. I moved to America as a student in 2016 for masters in an engineering degree and after about 7 years I obtained a U.S Greencard. I work a middle income job with the government and I'm here with my Nigerian wife. I have faced a series of health challenges since I got here and some have been resolved and some additionally ones have cropped in with the latest being depression and extreme fatigue. Currently I'm on antidepressants but I'm still depressed and frustrated. My job is not that taxing but I wish I could do more save for the extreme fatigue that the doctors have not been able to resolve. I wish I could hustle harder but my health is not allowing me to. I feel also very sad and lonely living in the U.S as it's only me and my wife and I dont really have any friends. Everyone here always mind their business and its tough building any meaningful relationships. I have toyed with the idea of moving back to Nigeria in my head since America has not been all I hoped it will be for me but my wife does not want to and she quickly reminds me of the employment suitation in Nigeria and how it is me that made her come here in the first place. She kind of prefers it here. We have no kids yet so that is one additional information. I'm just venting and frustrated and I hope maybe some Nairalanders can come to my aid. Additional information. I dont come from a rich family that has money sitting in the bank and its me and my own. We just bought a house on a 30 year mortgage so we pretty stuck with paying the debt for 30 years but I don't know how I'd live here for 30 years. Just looking for someone with experience to share ideas with since I have no one. I feel stuck. Please no insults

Try attending churches nau. After that support groups and the likes and before you know it, you have company. Don't do life alone

DrDoc:
Try attending churches nau. After that support groups and the likes and before you know it, you have company. Don't do life alone

I'm no longer very religious.

Lol.

millions of Nigerians are praying to be in your shoes.

The Nigeria you left years ago is not the same currently.

12inchess:
I'm no longer very religious.

Give God a chance please ?

Genuinely surrender your life to Christ if you had not , trust me He would come to your aid!

LordBiden:
Lol.

millions of Nigerians are praying to be in your shoes.

The Nigeria you left years ago is not the same currently.

I know that. I was in Nigeria in 2023. But I virtually miss home. I am homesick AGAIN. You wouldn't understand if you've not lived abroad for long. I am the one wearing the shoe and I know where it's pinching me.

I feel also very sad and lonely living in the U.S as it's only me and my wife and I dont really have any friends.

You have a wife, yet you feel sad and lonely. Are you having troubles in your marriage?
Have you thought of having children? You buy a house to be lived in by just the two of you, abi?

My advice to you is simple.
Find and pursue activities that will keep you occupied. A local church, volunteering, a sport.
Love your wife, have children, devote yourself to those children.

Bankowner:
You have a wife, yet you feel sad and lonely. Are you having troubles in your marriage?
Have you thought of having children? You buy a house to be lived in by just the two of you, abi?

My advice to you is simple.
Find and pursue activities that will keep you occupied. A local church, volunteering, a sport.
Love your wife, have children, devote yourself to those children.

Part of the health issues I am having is fertility issues.

Seen a therapist?

Those antidepressants though....

Sending you loads of strength and healing.


You can still talk to God or journal your feelings. It does help.

Why aren't you exploring adoption?

Why not try to be religious again and see your health transform.

12inchess:
Part of the health issues I am having is fertility issues.

That is not enough to make you sad and lonely.
And the good thing is you're in a country where there are advanced treatments for things like fertility issues as well as options to make it possible to bear children. Explore those options first.

12inchess:
I'm no longer very religious.

What city are you based? I think you can pull through.

I am based here too and I understand the loneliness part you are talking about.

Helpout12345:
What city are you based? I think you can pull through.

I am based here too and I understand the loneliness part you are talking about.

I'm based in Ohio

Bankowner:
That is not enough to make you sad and lonely.
And the good thing is you're in a country where there are advanced treatment for things like fertility issues as well as options to make it possible to bear children. Explore those options first.

Most of the advanced treatments have failed but the fertility issues is not the reason I'm sad and lonely. In fact I fear taking additional responsibility in the name of kids given my physical and mental state. And to those who are asking why are turned irreligious. It's simple. I found out I wasn't gaining much from church.

12inchess:
Part of the health issues I am having is fertility issues.

thought as much. The solution to your problem is in ur hand, it won't be easy for u as an African man but u can do it. You and ur wife can also consider adoption.

12inchess:
I'm based in Ohio

Okay. About the general loneliness. I will suggest you try to connect with some Nigerian groups in Ohio, or some other black African groups. They are there in Ohio. You can do a search in Facebook for them. Connect with them, go for their functions and meetings. You can take it from there.

2. You and your wife should try and have an outing activity at least per week. Outing can be visiting new places, going to outdoor exercises like hiking, going to watch sports events, etc.

3. You and your wife can also had traveling within Ohio and the US.

4. My philosophy on depression in the US is to get more outdoors. It works wonders. Try to replicate that our naija life as much as possible.

5. People have suggested churches too. You can start going to church to build some support base and not to be religious.

12inchess:
Most of the advanced treatments have failed but the fertility issues is not the reason I'm sad and lonely. In fact I fear taking additional responsibility in the name of kids given my physical and mental state. And to those who are asking why are turned irreligious. It's simple. I found out I wasn't gaining much from church.

ur problem is very complex

And on being happy generally. You need to find ways to be grateful for what you have and what you have accomplished in life. Think of millions of people that are behind you and praying daily to be where you are.

Think of where you are coming from, where you are now and use that as a way to motivate yourself.

You have a wife, good job, good home, you are legal in the US etc. I am sure there are many you can look inwards to.

There are many Nigerians that are praying daily to be like you even in this US.

12inchess:
Hello nairalanders I know to a lot of Nigerians who have never left the country this may sound funny. But I'm indeed frustrated with my life in America. I moved to America as a student in 2016 for masters in an engineering degree and after about 7 years I obtained a U.S Greencard. I work a middle income job with the government and I'm here with my Nigerian wife. I have faced a series of health challenges since I got here and some have been resolved and some additionally ones have cropped in with the latest being depression and extreme fatigue. Currently I'm on antidepressants but I'm still depressed and frustrated. My job is not that taxing but I wish I could do more save for the extreme fatigue that the doctors have not been able to resolve. I wish I could hustle harder but my health is not allowing me to. I feel also very sad and lonely living in the U.S as it's only me and my wife and I dont really have any friends. Everyone here always mind their business and its tough building any meaningful relationships. I have toyed with the idea of moving back to Nigeria in my head since America has not been all I hoped it will be for me but my wife does not want to and she quickly reminds me of the employment suitation in Nigeria and how it is me that made her come here in the first place. She kind of prefers it here. We have no kids yet so that is one additional information. I'm just venting and frustrated and I hope maybe some Nairalanders can come to my aid. Additional information. I dont come from a rich family that has money sitting in the bank and its me and my own. We just bought a house on a 30 year mortgage so we pretty stuck with paying the debt for 30 years but I don't know how I'd live here for 30 years. Just looking for someone with experience to share ideas with since I have no one. I feel stuck. Please no insults

Why are you taking antidepressants?

12inchess:
Hello nairalanders I know to a lot of Nigerians who have never left the country this may sound funny. But I'm indeed frustrated with my life in America. I moved to America as a student in 2016 for masters in an engineering degree and after about 7 years I obtained a U.S Greencard. I work a middle income job with the government and I'm here with my Nigerian wife. I have faced a series of health challenges since I got here and some have been resolved and some additionally ones have cropped in with the latest being depression and extreme fatigue. Currently I'm on antidepressants but I'm still depressed and frustrated. My job is not that taxing but I wish I could do more save for the extreme fatigue that the doctors have not been able to resolve. I wish I could hustle harder but my health is not allowing me to. I feel also very sad and lonely living in the U.S as it's only me and my wife and I dont really have any friends. Everyone here always mind their business and its tough building any meaningful relationships. I have toyed with the idea of moving back to Nigeria in my head since America has not been all I hoped it will be for me but my wife does not want to and she quickly reminds me of the employment suitation in Nigeria and how it is me that made her come here in the first place. She kind of prefers it here. We have no kids yet so that is one additional information. I'm just venting and frustrated and I hope maybe some Nairalanders can come to my aid. Additional information. I dont come from a rich family that has money sitting in the bank and its me and my own. We just bought a house on a 30 year mortgage so we pretty stuck with paying the debt for 30 years but I don't know how I'd live here for 30 years. Just looking for someone with experience to share ideas with since I have no one. I feel stuck. Please no insults

It's your life so you can be frustrated it's okay.

Can you take some time off, a leave of absence..a change of environment might help you think and reflect on what dreams you had that you never took up.

Extreme fatigue typically needs a break
.no pressure ..no pending commitments.
Start with 2 weeks or one month and be a child again .
Doesn't have to be anywhere expensive ..a resort where you can see sunlight regularly.

Your wife is responding from a place of fear so her discouragement is because she sees you moving as losing your security. So take that break with her.

The one time I had extreme fatigue I had experienced mild depression months before which I didn't pay attention to.

I was on a call and my speech just slowed down everything just slowed. I asked those on the call if I sounded strange. They called for help . Hospital checked everything and my vitals were fine. Yet I felt and moved like someone who was recovering from surgery.

In the end I cut down everything that day. Work Calls, Stress shut it all out. I learned from that.

Take a break and find you again.. remember the things you really enjoyed no matter how silly they are and do them. It will help reset you.
Since you're being treated for depression go on these breaks with someone and find some Sun

Tohsynetita1:
Why are you taking antidepressants?

Exactly. Those American antidepressants hardly solve the problem. They are just there to manage it for the rest of your life, if they don't even make your situation more worse.

I am not a doctor but this is my observation in the US.

12inchess:
Most of the advanced treatments have failed but the fertility issues is not the reason I'm sad and lonely. In fact I fear taking additional responsibility in the name of kids given my physical and mental state. And to those who are asking why are turned irreligious. It's simple. I found out I wasn't gaining much from church.

Focus on you first, children can come later.

Consider volunteering..it's good cos it gets you out of your own head. Gratitude and helping others can do a lot when you're giving without expecting anything in return

About church, take small steps and just talk to God. One day at a time just talk

Tohsynetita1:
Why are you taking antidepressants?

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

12inchess:
Most of the advanced treatments have failed but the fertility issues is not the reason I'm sad and lonely. In fact I fear taking additional responsibility in the name of kids given my physical and mental state. And to those who are asking why are turned irreligious. It's simple. I found out I wasn't gaining much from church.

You probably need a break. Take one, go to Nigeria for 6 months. Maybe, just maybe, that will reset your thinking.

Me hope you're not using us to catch cruise sha.

Taal17:
It's your life so you can be frustrated it's okay.

Can you take some time off, a leave of absence..a change of environment might help you think and reflect on what dreams you had that you never took up.

Extreme fatigue typically needs a break
.no pressure ..no pending commitments.
Start with 2 weeks or one month and be a child again .
Doesn't have to be anywhere expensive ..a resort where you can see sunlight regularly.

Your wife is responding from a place of fear so her discouragement is because she sees you moving as losing your security. So take that break with her.

The one time I had extreme fatigue I had experienced mild depression months before which I didn't pay attention to.

I was on a call and my speech just slowed down everything just slowed. I asked those on the call if I sounded strange. They called for help . Hospital checked everything and my vitals were fine. Yet I felt and moved like someone who was recovering from surgery.

In the end I cut down everything that day. Work Calls, Stress shut it all out. I learned from that.

Take a break and find you again.. remember the things you really enjoyed no matter how silly they are and do them. It will help reset you.
Since you're being treated for depression go on these breaks with someone and find some Sun

Can you take a leave of absence from a new job. I've been there for less than a year and just passed my probation period of 6 months.

Bankowner:
You probably need a break. Take one, go to Nigeria for 6 months. Maybe, just maybe, that will reset your thinking.

Me hope you're not using us to catch cruise sha.

Thanks for all the replies so far. I'm not using you guys to catch cruise. This really is my situation. Go to Nigeria for 6 months ke?? 6 months is too long oooo. Make T pain come finish me for Naija. Abeg ooooo

I understand you perfectly. I plan to return home too when I'm done. America may be a place to hustle, but home is home.
Find a place in your State to relocate to. You may pay her visit from time to time.

12inchess:
Can you take a leave of absence from a new job. I've been there for less than a year and just passed my probation period of 6 months.

Find out about your HR policies.

Or get your doctor to provide a letter and take FMLA. It's federal govt protected leave, your job would be protected. I think FMLA is up to 12 weeks.

Find out about it

You have to be alive to work o. So pls put yourself first and get back to yourself biko.
The US makes you feel like you have to work till you grind yourself like crayfish lol.

12inchess:
I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

Wait o, which Drug is it Fluoxetine?

Tohsynetita1:
Wait o, which Drug is it Fluoxetine?

I don't know what that is.