₦airaland Forum

Good evening everybody I am need of mature advice because I am depressed, it happened that I was married fourteen years ago I gave birth to one daughter who is 12 years old. I couldn't conceived again for so many years we had been to hospital and we were fine no medical issue at all. For seven years of having our daughter my husband was faithful he hadn't cheated on me or anything but on the 8th year he started messing around with different women. Although I wasn't aware because I trusted him a lot and I wasn't paying attention until 2021 a random number messaged me on WhatsApp sending me pic of her and my hubby and scan so she was pregnant for my hubby. As shocked I was I couldn't waited for him to returned home I called him immediately crying bitterly asking him if he had impregnated someone else he answered me with so much pride that he tough my reason for calling was something important but I am calling him to ask him atupid questions adding even if is true that he had impregnated 100 women what is my business. He hanged up the phone , I was very hurt by his response I decided to wait until he got home and his response to me was so bad that he told me he wasn't satisfied with the only child I had with him and he wanted more children and he is free to impregnated women one after another. We had a heated argument which led to him beating me in front of our daughter. Which had led us to stopped talking for 6 months while he was doing his things and I was also doing my things focusing on my shop and child. Meanwhile the baby mother had twins girl for him while we weren't talking and 3 months after having the babies he caught her with another man at the house he was renting for her which led to a big fight and he was arrested. He spent 2 weeks in jail while the baby mama refused to bailed him and I was also minding my business I didn't visit him or anything because I was hurt. Then his family went to beg the baby mama to bail her I don't know much details but he was released after they begged her. The day he was bailed out of sudden he apologise to me begging me for forgiveness well I didn't forgive him immediately I was still hurt but I had forgiven him finally. He become the sweetest man I ever met in the beginning and our marriage was working fine and we were stronger again. Then the baby mama was begging him through his family to take care of the kids because he blocked her everywhere and the only way she could have reached him was through his family. His elder brother called him asking him to take care of the children but he refused. He told me everything his brother were asking him to take care of the twins, hmmm it wasn't easy for me to try to convinced him after all the pain I went through because of their mother but after all the children were innocents they didn't have to suffer because of their mother mistake. I told him to take care of them but before he could do so he have to conduct a dna test because if she was able to sleep with another man 3 months after their birth there's a possibility she had multiply partners and the twin may not be his.the dna test were conducted after 3 months and the twins were his and he started sending upkeep money every month then when they clocked 2 years old she met with a guy living in Malaysia and she dropped the twins with my inlaws. My husband begged me to accept them so that he can bring them home, hmmm it wasn't easy but I had accepted. Where the problem now started their mother will come at my house anyhow without announcing and she will say she come to meet her girls. I wasn't happy for her to be coming to my house to see her girls although I can never stopped her from seeing her girls but coming to my house was a no. I told my hubby anytime she want to meet her kids he should dropped them at his elder brother house so they can meet over there but she still coming to my house to meet her girl and when I had enough I told my hubby to return the girls back to her but she refused. Me and him started having issue because of his baby mama if she come to my house she will enter my parlour sitting relaxing and I had enough the was a time I had to dragged her and ask her to leave , she slapped me and I slapped her back and thrown her and her girls out of the house. That evening when my hubby returned we had a heated argument which led to him beating me again for the second time since we got married. I left the house and I went to stay with my sister for 3 good months i found out I was pregnant but I refused to tell him and I kept as a secret to him, he never bothered to call. I never called him too meanwhile I was away he was back with his baby mama. To cut the long story short last year I was blessed with a bouncing baby boy after 11 years of waiting to conceive again , my hubby and I got back together before I put to bed and I just discovered that her baby mama third child who is actually a girl belong to him so the reason why he was keeping quiet when his baby maman use to walked into my house anytime she feels like it was because he impregnated her hoping that she would give birth to a boy but god confused her she gave birth to another girl and I gave birth to my boy. This secret is very hard for me to swallow I really hate my hubby for impregnated her once again knowing fully well she was messing around with other men when she had the wins. My heart is really shattered and going back to her he had put our lives in risk of catching diseases. He is begging me but I am finding it very hard to forgive him I don't know what to do please help?

Too long an interesting story but for once I had to read a story on Nairaland to the very end...

Well, madam,all I have to say is that your focus right now should be based on your kids......at least, God don bless you with a son and a daughter and that's what your so-called co-wife is yet to achieve.. ...

As for your husband,let him keep on Tu-facing until his diick will meet his final annihilation.

My dear,I can't advice you ooo,Me sef na Ashawo,Wata Bam Bam

Hisroyalbadmeat:
My dear,I can't advice you ooo,Me sef na Ashawo,Wata Bam Bam

Make una dey careful o.

Donald Trump don stop HIV aids to Africa o...

I thought Nigerian men don't beat up their wives, and judging by her post, it seems like she's not bothered by the beatings, like it's a normal thing.

Imagine getting beaten up over a side chick and still choosing to stay in such a marriage... Yhoo!!! Some men will make you to unintentionally learn witchcraft...🧙🏽‍♀️🧙🏽‍♀️🧙🏽‍♀️

I'd make sure that the kind of lightning that I send his way has taken push ups from the Benin Republic...⚡⚡⚡

Some women are very strong out there...🤦🤦🤦

Born20win:
➜ Where the problem now started their mother will come at my house anyhow without announcing and she will say she come to meet her girls. I wasn't happy for her to be coming to my house to see her girls although I can never stopped her from seeing her girls but coming to my house was a no. I told my hubby anytime she want to meet her kids he should dropped them at his elder brother house so they can meet over there but she still coming to my house to meet her girl and when I had enough I told my hubby to return the girls back to her but she refused. Me and him started having issue because of his baby mama if she come to my house she will enter my parlour sitting relaxing and I had enough the was a time I had to dragged her and ask her to leave , she slapped me and I slapped her back and thrown her and her girls out of the house. That evening when my hubby returned we had a heated argument which led to him beating me again for the second time since we got married. I left the house and I went to stay with my sister for 3 good months i found out I was pregnant but I refused to tell him and I kept as a secret to him, he never bothered to call. I never called him too meanwhile I was away he was back with his baby mama. To cut the long story short last year I was blessed with a bouncing baby boy after 11 years of waiting to conceive again , my hubby and I got back together before I put to bed and I just discovered that her baby mama third child who is actually a girl belong to him so the reason why he was keeping quiet when his baby maman use to walked into my house anytime she feels like it was because he impregnated her hoping that she would give birth to a boy but god confused her she gave birth to another girl and I gave birth to my boy. This secret is very hard for me to swallow I really hate my hubby for impregnated her once again knowing fully well she was messing around with other men when she had the wins. My heart is really shattered and going back to her he had put our lives in risk of catching diseases. He is begging me but I am finding it very hard to forgive him I don't know what to do please help?

You knew your husband was cheating on you yet you continued to have unprotected sex with him all that while and now have had a baby after it all. So, why the sudden concern about the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and whatnot? 😐😐😐😐

Na the children caught in the middle of all this disgusting foolishness I pity. Apart from them, it seems to be that you all— the adults — deserve each other.

Wetin I wan talk now?🤷‍♂️

Wowzerful! Naija men have some serious latitudes mehn! No wonder, their wings get clipped anyhow in the abroad

To this matter, Aunty which kind wajala come be this nau? How we for do? He cheats, he physically and mentally abuses you,he sexually endangers you, he turned you into a maid raising another woman's children, he disrespected you to the point that his side chic comes into your home as she pleases and even attack you.....you come dey ask wetin to do? Aunty, forgive him o. It is well.

Born20win:
Good evening everybody I am need of mature advice because I am depressed, it happened that I was married fourteen years ago I gave birth to one daughter who is 12 years old. I couldn't conceived again for so many years we had been to hospital and we were fine no medical issue at all. For seven years of having our daughter my husband was faithful he hadn't cheated on me or anything but on the 8th year he started messing around with different women. Although I wasn't aware because I trusted him a lot and I wasn't paying attention until 2021 a random number messaged me on WhatsApp sending me pic of her and my hubby and scan so she was pregnant for my hubby. As shocked I was I couldn't waited for him to returned home I called him immediately crying bitterly asking him if he had impregnated someone else he answered me with so much pride that he tough my reason for calling was something important but I am calling him to ask him atupid questions adding even if is true that he had impregnated 100 women what is my business. He hanged up the phone , I was very hurt by his response I decided to wait until he got home and his response to me was so bad that he told me he wasn't satisfied with the only child I had with him and he wanted more children and he is free to impregnated women one after another. We had a heated argument which led to him beating me in front of our daughter. Which had led us to stopped talking for 6 months while he was doing his things and I was also doing my things focusing on my shop and child. Meanwhile the baby mother had twins girl for him while we weren't talking and 3 months after having the babies he caught her with another man at the house he was renting for her which led to a big fight and he was arrested. He spent 2 weeks in jail while the baby mama refused to bailed him and I was also minding my business I didn't visit him or anything because I was hurt. Then his family went to beg the baby mama to bail her I don't know much details but he was released after they begged her. The day he was bailed out of sudden he apologise to me begging me for forgiveness well I didn't forgive him immediately I was still hurt but I had forgiven him finally. He become the sweetest man I ever met in the beginning and our marriage was working fine and we were stronger again. Then the baby mama was begging him through his family to take care of the kids because he blocked her everywhere and the only way she could have reached him was through his family. His elder brother called him asking him to take care of the children but he refused. He told me everything his brother were asking him to take care of the twins, hmmm it wasn't easy for me to try to convinced him after all the pain I went through because of their mother but after all the children were innocents they didn't have to suffer because of their mother mistake. I told him to take care of them but before he could do so he have to conduct a dna test because if she was able to sleep with another man 3 months after their birth there's a possibility she had multiply partners and the twin may not be his.the dna test were conducted after 3 months and the twins were his and he started sending upkeep money every month then when they clocked 2 years old she met with a guy living in Malaysia and she dropped the twins with my inlaws. My husband begged me to accept them so that he can bring them home, hmmm it wasn't easy but I had accepted. Where the problem now started their mother will come at my house anyhow without announcing and she will say she come to meet her girls. I wasn't happy for her to be coming to my house to see her girls although I can never stopped her from seeing her girls but coming to my house was a no. I told my hubby anytime she want to meet her kids he should dropped them at his elder brother house so they can meet over there but she still coming to my house to meet her girl and when I had enough I told my hubby to return the girls back to her but she refused. Me and him started having issue because of his baby mama if she come to my house she will enter my parlour sitting relaxing and I had enough the was a time I had to dragged her and ask her to leave , she slapped me and I slapped her back and thrown her and her girls out of the house. That evening when my hubby returned we had a heated argument which led to him beating me again for the second time since we got married. I left the house and I went to stay with my sister for 3 good months i found out I was pregnant but I refused to tell him and I kept as a secret to him, he never bothered to call. I never called him too meanwhile I was away he was back with his baby mama. To cut the long story short last year I was blessed with a bouncing baby boy after 11 years of waiting to conceive again , my hubby and I got back together before I put to bed and I just discovered that her baby mama third child who is actually a girl belong to him so the reason why he was keeping quiet when his baby maman use to walked into my house anytime she feels like it was because he impregnated her hoping that she would give birth to a boy but god confused her she gave birth to another girl and I gave birth to my boy. This secret is very hard for me to swallow I really hate my hubby for impregnated her once again knowing fully well she was messing around with other men when she had the wins. My heart is really shattered and going back to her he had put our lives in risk of catching diseases. He is begging me but I am finding it very hard to forgive him I don't know what to do please help?

Wow! This is really a tough matter...
Please, go back to your home because of your kids but please, just mind your business and your kids for the sake of peace.
Only God can change your type of husband at this point... Just do the right things that'll give you peace.
I pray your husband comes back to his senses sooner than later.

If you can take care of yourself and your kids, I'll advise you to go for a divorce. On no ground should you return to the person you call a husband.

Once can be forgiven but twice? And there's even domestic violence involved. Your marriage has broken down and that's a reality you have to face. Be strong and put an end to that marriage.

Kobojunkie:
You knew your husband was cheating on you yet you continued to have unprotected sex with him all that while and now have had a baby after it all. So, why the sudden concern about the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and whatnot? 😐😐😐😐

Na the children caught in the middle of all this disgusting foolishness I pity. Apart from them, it seems to be that you all— the adults — deserve each other.

Kobojunkie speak pidgin today. You change your weed supplier?

Sonnobax15:

Too long an interesting story but for once I had to read a story on Nairaland to the very end...

Well, madam,all I have to say is that your focus right now should be based on your kids......at least, God don bless you with a son and a daughter and that's what your so-called co-wife is yet to achieve.. ...

As for your husband,let him keep on Tu-facing until his diick will meet his final annihilation.

Thanks for the advice I am trying to focus on my children and business but it is not working because I hate him so much being in the same house with him is killing me.

sisisioge:
Wowzerful! Naija men have some serious latitudes mehn! No wonder, their wings get clipped anyhow in the abroad

To this matter, Aunty which kind wajala come be this nau? How we for do? He cheats, he physically and mentally abuses you,he sexually endangers you, he turned you into a maid raising another woman's children, he disrespected you to the point that his side chic comes into your home as she pleases and even attack you.....you come dey ask wetin to do? Aunty, forgive him o. It is well.

Hmmm I don't think I will ever forgive him again

dawnomike:
Wow! This is really a tough matter...
Please, go back to your home because of your kids but please, just mind your business and your kids for the sake of peace.
Only God can change your type of husband at this point... Just do the right things that'll give you peace.
I pray your husband comes back to his senses sooner than later.

Thanks I am in my home I returned back before I put to bed to my son but I didn't know that the baby mama third child belong to him , I though the child belong to the guy in Malaysia. If I knew the truth earlier I would have never returned to him.

Kobojunkie:
You knew your husband was cheating on you yet you continued to have unprotected sex with him all that while and now have had a baby after it all. So, why the sudden concern about the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and whatnot? 😐😐😐😐

Na the children caught in the middle of all this disgusting foolishness I pity. Apart from them, it seems to be that you all— the adults — deserve each other.

Let me clarify after the first reconciliation I didn't have sex with him immediately he went for check up for stds and after everything was clear we started having sex but the second reconciliation I wasn't even aware he was back with her because after catching her with another man while the teins were 3 months old he had vowed to not sleep with her again. The second time he didn't do any stds test because he swore that he didn't sleep with his baby mama or any other women , I was very stupid to easily belived him that's why I am regretting sleeping with him unprotected risking my life not knowing that he was back with his baby mama and they even had a child.

Dogalmighty17:
If you can take care of yourself and your kids, I'll advise you to go for a divorce. On no ground should you return to the person you call a husband.

Once can be forgiven but twice? And there's even domestic violence involved. Your marriage has broken down and that's a reality you have to face. Be strong and put an end to that marriage.

Thanks I returned back because I wasn't aware of the secret and now I am regretting I don't know since I returned back if leaving will be a good option for my children.

Born20win:
✓ Let me clarify after the first reconciliation I didn't have sex with him immediately he went for check up for stds and after everything was clear we started having sex but the second reconciliation I wasn't even aware he was back with her because after catching her with another man while the teins were 3 months old he had vowed to not sleep with her again. The second time he didn't do any stds test because he swore that he didn't sleep with his baby mama or any other women , I was very stupid to easily belived him that's why I am regretting sleeping with him unprotected risking my life not knowing that he was back with his baby mama and they even had a child.

The man literally explained to you that you and your daughter occupied a place of least importance both by his response to you over the phone, the beaten that followed that which was in front of your daughter and then by fact that he has a place rented for the baby mama to boot. You dey here dey talk of first and second reconciliation. Come on! 2+ 2 can never equal 5 so what are you trying to say to us. That you were not already loudly aware of the risk and you place before the first so-called reconciliation? 😩

We need to begin taken responsibility for what is our own foolishness abeg. No be all the time we go dey think to blame me jo! 😩😩😩😩

Just pick up the pieces, learn from fully from this so you can at least help prevent your kids from falling victims to the very same. The gal is what now, 14? She witnessed it all and is probably not aware of how it is her mother's fault as well for making bad decisions. Teach her better abeg!

Born20win:
Good evening everybody I am need of mature advice because I am depressed, it happened that I was married fourteen years ago I gave birth to one daughter who is 12 years old. I couldn't conceived again for so many years we had been to hospital and we were fine no medical issue at all. Although I wasn't aware because I trusted him a lot and I wasn't paying attention until 2021 a random number messaged me on WhatsApp sending me pic of her and my hubby and scan so she was pregnant for my hubby. This secret is very hard for me to swallow I really hate my hubby for impregnated her once again knowing fully well she was messing around with other men when she had the wins. My heart is really shattered and going back to her he had put our lives in risk of catching diseases. He is begging me but I am finding it very hard to forgive him I don't know what to do please help?

You have limited time. Use it to obtain all you can from your husband. Set up your own business in your name, acquire your own land & house in your name. Establish yourself financially because you are in a sinking ship. Take what you can before everything scatters. Learn from Annie idibia ( Mrs 2face)

delugadou:
➜ You have limited time. Use it to obtain all you can from your husband. Set up your own business in your name, acquire your own land & house in your name. Establish yourself financially because you are in a sinking ship. Take what you can before everything scatters. Learn from Annie idibia ( Mrs 2face)

When she comes back to announce she is on the third baby while the baby mama is working on the fourth or fifth, you go talk say this na good advice you give her then?

Madam, this your matter is beyond the brains of many people here.

Go and seek advice from elderly people in your life.

Samantha125:
I thought Nigerian men don't beat up their wives, and judging by her post, it seems like she's not bothered by the beatings, like it's a normal thing.

Imagine getting beaten up over a side chick and still choosing to stay in such a marriage... Yhoo!!! Some men will make you to unintentionally learn witchcraft...🧙🏽‍♀️🧙🏽‍♀️🧙🏽‍♀️

I'd make sure that the kind of lightning that I send his way has taken push ups from the Benin Republic...⚡⚡⚡

Some women are very strong out there...🤦🤦🤦

So you cannot cannot accept a small correction slap from your husband?

You ppl should continue with your cheating partners,Trump has halted HIV vaccine PEN FAR,to Africa.
mess around,find out.If you don't have enough money to buy the vaccines,you drop dead.

Be alive and healthy for your kids.
Remember Osinachi
Remember the Burnt Anambra woman
Remember IVD's wife.

Then remember Queen May

What did I just read?
Nigerian married women are STRONG. It is well with you ma.
How'd you go through this without HBP?

Correctional what? Am I a thug or an unruly child that I'm going to get a correctional slap?

My own father never gave me any and there was never a day whereby I witnessed or heard him do the same with my mother, so who am I to endure such nonsense? He even told me in front of everyone on my wedding day that if my husband ever ill treats me in anyway, my bedroom will forever be available for me to come back home.

And if I continue staying in such an abusive marriage, one of us will end up leaving the house in a body bag, I might not know who, but one of us will... Already I have a licensed gun locked up in a safe... I got it for self defence.

Nnamdipapa:
So you cannot cannot accept a small correction slap from your husband?

Samantha125:
Correctional what? Am I a thug or an unruly child that I'm going to get a correctional slap?

My own father never gave me any and there was never a day whereby I witnessed or heard him do the same with my mother, so who am I to endure such nonsense? He even said it in front of everyone on my wedding day that if my husband ever ill treats me in anyway, my bedroom will forever be available for me to come back home.

And if I continue staying in such an abusive marriage, one of us will end up leaving the house in a body bag, I might not know who, but one of us will... Already I have a licensed gun locked up in a safe... I got it for self defence.

Are you saying a small correctional slap administered out of love is wrong?

Wow ! I have a babymama...These are exactly the fears of my fiancee.

Kobojunkie:
When she comes back to announce she is on the third baby while the baby mama is working on the fourth or fifth, you go talk say this na good advice you give her then?

So what's your own advice

I'm a full grown adult and your wife... If you feel that I did something wrong, let's talk about it.

For me violence is not a sign of love... If I correct you by slapping you, would you like it?

Nnamdipapa:
Are you saying a small correctional slap administered out of love is wrong?

Samantha125:
I'm a full grown adult and your wife... If you feel that I did something wrong, let's talk about it.

For me violence is not a sign of love... If I correct you by slapping you, would you like it?

If your hand is so soft and luscious why not? I may even want more.

Most times the husband, as the leader of the home, is usually the one tasked with administering the " corrective" slaps.

Now, do not be angry when your husband slaps you in corrections ok? It is because he loves you.

Maybe where you guys are from, you're used to seeing your fathers giving your mothers those corrective slaps to a point that it's a norm for you guys... I never saw my father do it to my mother, so why should it starts with me?

This is proof that DV is so normalised in many African countries, hence you hardly hear any cases of it being reported to the police even though women would be getting killed by their husbands and boyfriends on a daily basis... Those women see getting beaten up as a sign of love.

SA is trying to fight against that problem and I'm not going to willingly allow myself to be a victim of it in the name of love... I love him, but I love myself more.

Nnamdipapa:
If your hand is so soft and luscious why not? I may even want more.

Most times the husband, as the leader of the home, is usually the one tasked with administering the " corrective" slaps.

Now, do not be angry when your husband slaps you in corrections ok? It is because he loves you.

Samantha125:
Maybe where you guys are from, you're used to seeing your fathers giving your mothers those corrective slaps to a point that it's a norm for you guys... I never saw my father do it to my mother, so why should it starts with me?

This is proof that DV is so normalised in many African countries, hence you hardly hear any cases of it being reported to the police even though women would be getting killed by their husbands and boyfriends on a daily basis... Those women see getting beaten up as a sign of love.

SA is trying to fight against that problem and I'm not going to willingly allow myself to be a victim of it in the name of love... I love him, but I love myself more.

I am just trolling you for fun.

I for one, do not condone dv and have never raised my hands on a woman all my life.
I do not even support spanking of kids not matter what.

Madam keep forgiving, you're very good at it. There's no other advise we can possibly give you.