₦airaland Forum

SouthAmericalif:
i am 36 and i still have a young mother who is doing well in and i am her only child and helping managing the business and the finances very well
this man sees all the mess i am going through he have not one day seek for solution of either relocating or have a peace talk with the other people.
for two days now i have been indoors i have not even step to my balcony this people have started in my gate again and i hate noise i have to call my mum she was the one that came to set the boundary straight and have peace talk with them to save my head i have to apologize to them even when they say i didn’t wrong them.

You've really try but please look within. There are that a naturally lazy, yes but for your man not to standup for against external aggression then two things are involved. 1. May be he sees you as the aggressor.

2. Which I think is applicable in your case is lack of honour, hope you haven't destroy his honours before friends and neighbours. Are all your neighbours, friends and associates aware that you are the breadwinner of the family? Haven't you shown to them that you are the head of your family?

You said he refused to manage a building you built very well by not going there to collect rents. If he knows that all the tenants there are aware that you are the owner and equally aware that he is a deadbeat his honour, masculinity and ability to defend his territory will be seriously affected.

ejire042:
I recently came across this post that resonated deeply. I feel compelled to share my perspective, as I've experienced something similar. It seems many women risk losing good men due to their own behavior. They try to control their partners, and if the man isn't financially successful, they perceive him as weak and resort to silent treatment. While it's understandable to have financial security, using money to turn your husband into an errand boy diminishes him. You might even push him to the point where he withdraws, like when he refuses to fight your battles with neighbors, likely because he recognizes you're the source of the conflict.

The real issue isn't your husband; it's you. You need to focus on self-improvement and stop blaming him. He will likely be fine without you, but the same might not be true for you. If you find marriage to him stressful, imagine the alternative: living alone. Would that truly be better?

I can relate to this from the other side. My wife once labeled me lazy and unambitious. I knew my own worth and refused to conform to her expectations just to prove something. I wouldn't take just any job to validate my manhood. I felt like a failure, and she found me less attractive. We were on the verge of collapse when my fortunes changed dramatically. Now, things are completely different. My income far surpasses hers. My tithe alone is far more than her monthly income. Now she appreciates her husband.

Your husband is likely a good man who simply lacks motivation, perhaps because you control the finances and make all the decisions. Don't give up on him. Stay with him, respect him, and pray for him. He's not the root of your problems.

I don't know you but this your writeup transmits a very peaceful and calming energy.

ejire042:
➜Its easy to sit behind a phone and type whatever you like. But life will teach you lessons you will never learn reading a million books.
➜Its easy for you to blindly judge when you have not heard the other side of the story.
➜ I just brought another reality to the fore based on my personal experience and not some lame emotions that always beclouds sane judgements. You think the man in question just decided to cruel to his wife?
➜ You think the lady from all her story is the only one going through some form of emotional stress? I will not go further than this. These guys might end up working out their differences and live happily ever after.
➜My own dey my body. I am not perfect, she is not neither. We are a decade in it and committed to keep going. If you never start your own, God help you!

1. If you can't even learn from the many experiences of others documented in those million books, doesn't that invariably mean you are a fool to be kicked and tossed around when life hits?

2. Blindly judge, you say! So, I need first to hear the other side of the story before considering OP's cry for help. OP is shouting that her mind is about to reach its limit with what she has been living with up until now. But somehow you think that rather than immediately suggest she drop everything and care for herself, first listening to someone other parties will be best? Are you people OK at all?

3. That hogwash you spewed earlier is another reality to everything OP has said so far about her mental condition and marriage. Are you OK at all?

4. So, in your mind, because this woman might not be the only one experiencing emotional trauma of this level in the relationship, therefore it is necessary to ignore her cry for help? Are you people OK in the head at all?

5. What is the point of being a decade in it if it might eventually end with you both killing each other like the story of the policeman and his wife that was featured on Nairaland yesterday? Don't you see how very foolish it is of you to pretend it is OK to endure what amounts to continuous emotional trauma at this point in time? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Like I said on the thread about the policemen and his wife who eventually killed each other, if this woman wakes up tomorrow and murders his wife, your kind will come marching in to ask her why she didn't divorce the man before it all. Nonsense!🙄🙄🙄

SouthAmericalif:
so my life story is on front page , first time after being here on nairaland for more than 15years
omo i will just keep my fingers crossed and fither the advice from other people’s experience thank you all.

Yes ma'am. Follow Montaque's advise by simply pretending that he's not there jare ... If he dies and you're a widow, you will live and take care of yourself and your children.

Also, stop telling him your plans and how much you have. Negative vibes dey destroy hustles. You get passport, carry am travel with your kids else they will suffer o

Does he have education/ friends/ family you can talk to about him facing his responsibilities?

dominique:
I would have said OP is exaggerating if I didn't have an aunt that married a man EXACTLY like this. She slumped and died at the age of 42 leaving 2 young teenagers behind. There are so many irresponsible men like this out there yet they'll come online to diminish women's efforts, claim they're the ones paying all the bills and women are leeches. That's why I will continue to say it that Nigerian men are 100% worse than the women they constantly criticize

Same thing is happening to me already
My man come like women join, he doesn't have money to pay rent, but he has money to give to side chicks. No money to pay an only child school fees (where some people have 5kids) but there's money for constant beer 🍺, no money to cook, but there's money to play betting. An early grave is what such women will experience if they don't wise up, in my case I was captivated by his handsomeness and six pack, a guy that's over six feet tall but so lazy. Nobody should overlook reg flags when dating o, it was same when we were dating, I was the one spending on him while still competing with other chicks for his attention. He would dress up in suits so neighbours would think he has a good job only to leave to play bet from morning till when normal people are returning home in d evening from thier various work. he claims he graduated with an upper degree from the University but he's actually a school dropout, probably used his school fees to play bet. And it was exactly like this when I was dating him. He now claim it's the side women that are spending on him, while he wastes away in betnaija shops and beer parlour, imagine the shamelessness!!!! Good riddance! I took over the role of both man and woman in the marriage until last year when I decided to use my tongue 👅 to count my teeths, if u understand what I mean. Worst is, he thinks he did me a great favour by marrying me, all the time he would say there are enough boyfriends out there but no husband, as if he married me properly, someone that couldn't afford an ordinary introduction. Well, I can't kill myself for a man that will mourn my death for barely two days in his side chick's house.

This is what I tell humans everyday
Don't dare start what you can't finish,but no they will always tag it "is it because you're lucky"
Lucky my foot
I set boundaries,no pretences,I hate what I hate and do not like what I hate till tomorrow

ozo13:
some men dey sha.toyota Camry for this Tinubu era and the man still dey fuckup. Just take a break to your mother's house and relax.your brain seems full of alot of his excesses and need to reset.
Am not asking you to leave the marriage.subtly dey talk sense into him.tell him you are becoming weak and ur strength isn't there again to carry on with everything u have been doing.tell him you need him to up his game.
My elder sister of 41yrs old is in same mess .and already hypertensive as early as 35yr of age.i hate discussing such issues sha

And some of this type of men can complain and also claim fine boy

alklas:
Him for don step up since
If u dey put him mouth 4 ur kpekus

I couldn't stop laughing. People are discussing serious matters and you carry kpekus put inside.

SouthAmericalif:
I can’t keep quiet anymore,i lost my mum sister to abusive marriage because she was left to struggle and care for her children alone while her husband was doing fine boy all along and carrying woman even till now this february making 6years of her demise. she begged to live but high blood pressure and liver damage no be your mate.

I have started developing hbp too because i need to stay in marriage. got married at 26+ with out courtship never knew i was marrying a lazy man.
i was doing well when he met me, so i taught i could wage any challenge but trying to fix him up i was going down and he is 7years older.

Firstly i bought keke napep after much training for months he still couldn’t handle it na so so accident call i dey receive it was so tiring so we decide to give it out,the story long but to cut it short

Quit if you want . You mention high blood pressure and liver disease that kill you sister, that is not due stress now. The man might be lazy where did he come from ? Do you try to figure out what he like to do before buying the Keke napep?
You are developing high blood pressure which is probably inherited that you now blaming on marital problem .

pyyxxaro:
➜It's really painful,try and reach out to someone he respects so much ... If afterwards he doesn't change ,Madam carry you load vamos oh, who die naim lose

You people are just plain wicked to the bone of you! 😂😂😂😂😂

You advised her to go look for someone else to help motivate her own husband to take on the role of a husband in what is supposed to be his own marriage. But in the next statement you insist that it is her load to carry if your, albeit silly, advice does not work out for her. 😩😩😩😩

drololaaof:
➜Quit if you want . You mention high blood pressure and liver disease that kill you sister, that is not due stress now. The man might be lazy where did he come from ? Do you try to figure out what he like to do before buying the Keke napep?
You are developing high blood pressure which is probably inherited that you now blaming on marital problem .

So, if she dies under all of this stress, it is also inherited and not connected to the stress of her marriage? 😶😶😶😶😶

@SouthAmericalif, see this one here dey tell you say if you die tomorrow, na your fault and not your marriage to blame. So, keep on keeping on life as a slave to a man who probably only offers you dick. 😁😁😁😁

Ojemedad:
I don’t support weak and lazy men, a man is supposed to take care of responsibilities. My elder sister got married to a lazy man like this also. Until your sister is in such a situation you will not see anything wrong in it. My sister takes care of 95% of the house responsibilities, she recently completed her house this shameful man still moved in with her even though there are many works to be done in the house also . Men should be men.

Some foolish men no know say lazy women are irritants, while lazy men are completely unacceptable.
My advice for such lazy men is be grateful if you have a wife that foots the bill. Secondly don't eat any food she cooks without you contributing. Such foods are for her and your children. The hunger should push you to go out there. I swear u go must find something doing

ejire042:
Its easy to sit behind a phone and type whatever you like. But life will teach you lessons you will never learn reading a million books. Its easy for you to blindly judge when you have not heard the other side of the story. I just brought another reality to the fore based on my personal experience and not some lame emotions that always beclouds sane judgements. You think the man in question just decided to cruel to his wife? You think the lady from all her story is the only one going through some form of emotional stress? I will not go further than this. These guys might end up working out their differences and live happily ever after.
My own dey my body. I am not perfect, she is not neither. We are a decade in it and committed to keep going.
If you never start your own, God help you!

If you know the guy you are giving a response you will know it is a waste of time. His goal on nairaland is to twist every sensible narrative.

Housing:
You've really try but please look within. There are that a naturally lazy, yes but for your man not to standup for against external aggression then two things are involved. 1. May be he sees you as the aggressor.

2. Which I think is applicable in your case is lack of honour, hope you haven't destroy his honours before friends and neighbours. Are all your neighbours, friends and associates aware that you are the breadwinner of the family? Haven't you shown to them that you are the head of your family?

You said he refused to manage a building you built very well by not going there to collect rents. If he knows that all the tenants there are aware that you are the owner and equally aware that he is a deadbeat his honour, masculinity and ability to defend his territory will be seriously affected.

Which other proof does anybody need? She has come on nairaland to tear him down with questionable claims of her own excellence. That man is to be pitied because it is obvious he lives daily in the torment of his wife's dishonour. Only VERY STRONG men thrive in the midst of such demonic energy.

SouthAmericalif:
so my life story is on front page , first time after being here on nairaland for more than 15years
omo i will just keep my fingers crossed and fither the advice from other people’s experience thank you all.

I will say this you deserve so much better. The amount of work you have put in is wild. You should be enjoying life much better than this. Please and please divorce him, I know all these Christain values are pushing you not to leave 100%.

Please for your sake leave 100%. He has failed you, move on and focus your efforts on yourself and kids. Which you the best

Sultan5:
➜I will say this you deserve so much better. The amount of work you have put in is wild. You should be enjoying life much better than this. Please and please divorce him, I know all these Christain values are pushing you not to leave 100%.
Please for your sake leave 100%. He has failed you, move on and focus your efforts on yourself and kids. Which you the best

I am not against your advice but has the man really failed her? Or is it that she originally thought she could train him only to see now that it was stewpid of her to think she could train a grown-arsed man, to begin with? 😏

Housing:
➜ You've really try but please look within. There are that a naturally lazy, yes but for your man not to standup for against external aggression then two things are involved.
1. May be he sees you as the aggressor.
2. Which I think is applicable in your case is lack of honour, hope you haven't destroy his honours before friends and neighbours. Are all your neighbours, friends and associates aware that you are the breadwinner of the family? Haven't you shown to them that you are the head of your family?
You said he refused to manage a building you built very well by not going there to collect rents. If he knows that all the tenants there are aware that you are the owner and equally aware that he is a deadbeat his honour, masculinity and ability to defend his territory will be seriously affected.

If this woman were your daughter married to this man, what would honestly be your advice to her at this point in time? That she consider herself the aggressor? Or maybe sign the house over to the man so his ego can be appeased?

Seunmuham:
For saying," being single is the worst thing that can happen to a lady", I'll say you have a pop corn for a brain and your lecturers failed, you should be locked up in a 4x4 cage for being a danger to society.

Look at them...people that social media have fried their brains

franchasng:
➜Don't let anyone deceive you, there is predestined life but you still have the opportunity to fight it out if you can fight the spiritual battle. All humans have a predestined life but you still have a chance to fight it out and change your destiny if you have the fighting spirit to do so. Even Bible recorded this when God said; "I will bless whom I will bless". Also go and read about Jabez in the Bible. Let me stop here for now

This one is a certified religious nutjob!

The statement in bold is a CONTRADICTION. You can't be predestined while at the same time having a chance to fight your programming. It is either you are predestined(pre-programmed) or you are not pre-programmed. .... Religion is filled with so many of these kinds of contradictions aka falsehoods and you Christians in your many delusions abi na denominations champion them every time you open your mouths to speak.

Make I marry you nah, so that all these things no. Stop. Enjoy your life abeg!

SouthAmericalif:
i feel so depressed i have been suffering an injustice for too long and have not face anything been single living with my mum she gave me one million last year to add to what i have to japa and i converted it to usd and gave it to keep for me he misplaced it and we later find it
it’s 12:47 pm he saw me packing and told him why i am angry he has long fallen asleep when he knows am in tears

tonididdy:
There's nothing like a lazy man
It's either a working man or a not-working man, period!

Bros there are lazy men. Even if you give them a job, they will find an excuse not to do. Either the distance is too far, or the closing time is too late, or the pressure is too much, or the official car is years back or I can't get to watch my team play or my boss shouted at me

WantsandMore:
interesting. How does anyone gets on the good side of life?

By way of the contradiction spewed by the other poster? Are you kidding?

cr7lomo:
Look at them...people that social media have fried their brains

Look at them, people that feels that oppressing women make them strong. Mumu said being single is the worst thing that can happen to a woman. Are you this slow? Or this insecure or or you lack so much self love or confident.

Honeydenz:
Same thing is happening to me already
My man come like women join, he doesn't have money to pay rent, but he has money to give to side chicks. No money to pay an only child school fees (where some people have 5kids) but there's money for constant beer 🍺, no money to cook, but there's money to play betting. An early grave is what such women will experience if they don't wise up, in my case I was captivated by his handsomeness and six pack, a guy that's over six feet tall but so lazy. Nobody should overlook reg flags when dating o, it was same when we were dating, I was the one spending on him while still competing with other chicks for his attention. He would dress up in suits so neighbours would think he has a good job only to leave to play bet from morning till when normal people are returning home in d evening from thier various work. he claims he graduated with an upper degree from the University but he's actually a school dropout, probably used his school fees to play bet. And it was exactly like this when I was dating him. He now claim it's the side women that are spending on him, while he wastes away in betnaija shops and beer parlour, imagine the shamelessness!!!! Good riddance! I took over the role of both man and woman in the marriage until last year when I decided to use my tongue 👅 to count my teeths, if u understand what I mean. Worst is, he thinks he did me a great favour by marrying me, all the time he would say there are enough boyfriends out there but no husband, as if he married me properly, someone that couldn't afford an ordinary introduction. Well, I can't kill myself for a man that will mourn my death for barely two days in his side chick's house.

don't pretend that u didn't miss his sexk

Celestialsword:
you can't change what has been predestined, It's has been programmed spiritually and it must manifest physically.

Help me explain the contradiction abeg! Religion is a weapon fashioned against the minds of the masses. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

yaseer111:
don't pretend that u didn't miss his sexk

So because of sex you will essentially throw the rest of your life in the trash pile? This is 2025!

Honeydenz:
➜Same thing is happening to me already My man come like women join, he doesn't have money to pay rent, but he has money to give to side chicks. No money to pay an only child school fees (where some people have 5kids) but there's money for constant beer 🍺, no money to cook, but there's money to play betting. An early grave is what such women will experience if they don't wise up, in my case I was captivated by his handsomeness and six pack, a guy that's over six feet tall but so lazy. Nobody should overlook reg flags when dating o, it was same when we were dating, I was the one spending on him while still competing with other chicks for his attention. He would dress up in suits so neighbours would think he has a good job only to leave to play bet from morning till when normal people are returning home in d evening from thier various work. he claims he graduated with an upper degree from the University but he's actually a school dropout, probably used his school fees to play bet. And it was exactly like this when I was dating him. He now claim it's the side women that are spending on him, while he wastes away in betnaija shops and beer parlour, imagine the shamelessness!!!! Good riddance! I took over the role of both man and woman in the marriage until last year when I decided to use my tongue 👅 to count my teeths, if u understand what I mean. Worst is, he thinks he did me a great favour by marrying me, all the time he would say there are enough boyfriends out there but no husband, as if he married me properly, someone that couldn't afford an ordinary introduction. Well, I can't kill myself for a man that will mourn my death for barely two days in his side chick's house.

I hope you finally got your life back from that period of .... you put yourself through in the name of marriage. Marriage is a decent arrangement when both people in it are in as partners. But when one partner decides to carry it all while the other sits loose and free, then what you have isn't marriage but living in bondage

Seunmuham:
Look at them, people that feels that oppressing women make them strong. Mumu said being single is the worst thing that can happen to a woman. Are you this slow? Or this insecure or or you lack so much self love or confident.

Oppressing ....only dumb 4ks think this way ....

SouthAmericalif:
look at the time i am writing this after having stressful day with work i can’t sleep because i am in pain
because of business i bought him toyota camry, bought big nylon machine he no work all this money na from legit struggles when i suppose package my self japa
but the business i dey use my hand do dey work even with this i dey run 2bedroom flat rent ,expensive act fees and all the bills myself include food. I no complain
my complain now is that while carrying out all this struggles one neighbor out of joblessness and jealousy of what i am not even enjoying will be bullying me psychologically publicly

You ought to have a partner that will complement your effort and not put your effort down as your current partner is doing, nothing is beyond redemption Ma'am, the Lord is your strengths, that's how many strong men have been burnt out cos of lazy partners also

Kobojunkie:
So because of sex you will essentially throw the rest of your life in the trash pile? This is 2025!

nothing like throw life in the trash pile. At least she's doing well what's wrong here if she continue to shoulder the responsibility since she's enjoying his sexx

yaseer111:
nothing like throw life in the trash pile. At least she's doing well what's wrong here if she continue to shoulder the responsibility since she's enjoying his sexx

Are you mentally disconnected or what? Did you read any of what the poster typed?

Kobojunkie:
Are you mentally disconnected or what? Did you read any of what the poster typed?

I am talking about this particular op's story, I am talking about the lady that quoted with similar story said she married her husband because he's handsome 6 feet tall with six pack