₦airaland Forum

Hmmmmm, I’m really sorry about everything you’ve gone through, why not see a therapist, if it doesn’t work then you guys can separate

Haa! This is alot. Try a separation. But never weaponize taking care of your children's needs.

ojuu4u:
Not until couples involved in marriage learn how to manage each other, marriages would keep scattering everyday.

Meanwhile, with epistle you wrote up there, anybody going through that, should knowl, the woman left him long time ago,........ur title not in tandem with what reality, you are not the one to leave the marriage, she already left you if you ready to accept really, you urself knew, she has another man in her life, but you dnt want to be humiliated, that's why you didn't include that reason here.

Na courage and motivation he dey find

Walai:
Can someone give me at least one convincing reason to get married apart from children (I can get any number of children without getting married) and sex (the cheapest commodity right now) ?

I read in another thread where one girl said they bring more than guys to the table...infact she said they are the table...
..somebody now asked her what they bring that is more ...she said emotional intelligence, and vision that drives the society....I laugh nearly fall comot for chair...

So I don't know maybe u are looking for emotional intelligence, vision,....that might be two reasons to get married

busariabeyx24:
Why I Want to Separate from My Wife

Our relationship has become emotionally unsustainable for me, and after long periods of silence, inner conflict, and attempts to make things work, I have come to the difficult conclusion that separation is the healthiest path forward—for both of us. There are several deeply rooted issues that have contributed to this decision, and I believe it’s important to lay them out clearly.

1. Lack of Intimacy and Weaponization of Sex
Intimacy has all but vanished in our relationship. What’s more painful is that she uses sex as a tool—to control, punish, or manipulate. This has left me feeling undesired, unwanted, and emotionally abandoned. Intimacy is not just physical, it's also about connection, vulnerability, and shared closeness—and we have none of that left.

2. Emotional Abandonment and Loneliness
While she often chooses to go out and spend hours with her friends, I’m left alone in the house, feeling isolated and neglected. Even when we’re in the same space, we’re disconnected. Her priorities have shifted away from our relationship and family, and I feel like a ghost in my own home.

3. Neglect of Parental Responsibilities
Despite being a trained teacher, she makes no effort to support the children academically. Their homework, school needs, and learning challenges fall entirely on me, even though I’m also the primary provider. It hurts to watch our children miss out on guidance that she’s perfectly capable of giving.

4. Communication Breakdown
We barely talk. When we do, it's either transactional or tense. There's no emotional sharing, no joint planning, no meaningful conversation. We exist like two strangers under the same roof.

5. Disregard for My Input and Support
Time and again, I’ve offered her advice that could have helped her avoid unnecessary stress or mistakes, but she disregards me—only to later face the exact consequences I warned about. It feels like my voice has no value in her life.

6. Encouraging Poor Habits in the Kids
She not only neglects the kids’ school work, but she also encourages them to go to the next neighborhood to play or hang out—at times when they should be studying or resting. It undermines my efforts to instill discipline and focus in our children.

7. Lack of Respect for My Hustle
She shows no interest or concern in how I make money, the pressure I’m under, or the sacrifices I make to keep the family going. There’s no appreciation, no empathy, just entitlement and expectation. I feel invisible, like a machine that’s supposed to produce without rest or recognition.

8. Misplaced Priorities
Her life seems to revolve around eating, watching TV, and spending hours gossiping with friends. There’s little to no effort toward improving our household, our relationship, or our children’s future. That kind of passivity is damaging, not just for our marriage but for our family as a whole.

9. Manipulation by Friends
She allows her so-called friends to influence how she treats me, even to the point of disrespect. Rather than defending or standing by me as a partner, she lets their words shape her actions against me. This betrayal by proxy is incredibly painful.

10. Ongoing Emotional Disregard
As I write this, she has been outside gossiping with a friend for over three hours—leaving me inside, emotionally abandoned once again. This isn’t an isolated event; it’s a pattern. I’ve begged for her time, attention, and partnership, but she chooses others over and over again.

Over 80% of girls don't know what marriage is at the initial stage before going into it, and if know one guides them very well, they often fall out. Marriage is like a government with the man as the head. Although, he shouldn't be autocratic, but his instructions are final, because most at times they see farther than the women. But only few women are ready to be obedient to their husbands and take instructions from them.

ojuu4u:
Not until couples involved in marriage learn how to manage each other, marriages would keep scattering everyday.

Meanwhile, with epistle you wrote up there, anybody going through that, should knowl, the woman left him long time ago,........ur title not in tandem with what reality, you are not the one to leave the marriage, she already left you if you ready to accept really, you urself knew, she has another man in her life, but you dnt want to be humiliated, that's why you didn't include that reason here.

Some pple just like to take their partner for granted when they see they have more leverage.....happens to both sex...
power is sweet and it often makes pple misbehàve.....pull out a divorce letter and u'll see them begging when they realize the person they've been treating badly actually has more leverage

busariabeyx24:
Why I Want to Separate from My Wife

Our relationship has become emotionally unsustainable for me, and after long periods of silence, inner conflict, and attempts to make things work, I have come to the difficult conclusion that separation is the healthiest path forward—for both of us. There are several deeply rooted issues that have contributed to this decision, and I believe it’s important to lay them out clearly.

1. Lack of Intimacy and Weaponization of Sex
Intimacy has all but vanished in our relationship. What’s more painful is that she uses sex as a tool—to control, punish, or manipulate. This has left me feeling undesired, unwanted, and emotionally abandoned. Intimacy is not just physical, it's also about connection, vulnerability, and shared closeness—and we have none of that left.

2. Emotional Abandonment and Loneliness
While she often chooses to go out and spend hours with her friends, I’m left alone in the house, feeling isolated and neglected. Even when we’re in the same space, we’re disconnected. Her priorities have shifted away from our relationship and family, and I feel like a ghost in my own home.

3. Neglect of Parental Responsibilities
Despite being a trained teacher, she makes no effort to support the children academically. Their homework, school needs, and learning challenges fall entirely on me, even though I’m also the primary provider. It hurts to watch our children miss out on guidance that she’s perfectly capable of giving.

4. Communication Breakdown
We barely talk. When we do, it's either transactional or tense. There's no emotional sharing, no joint planning, no meaningful conversation. We exist like two strangers under the same roof.

5. Disregard for My Input and Support
Time and again, I’ve offered her advice that could have helped her avoid unnecessary stress or mistakes, but she disregards me—only to later face the exact consequences I warned about. It feels like my voice has no value in her life.

6. Encouraging Poor Habits in the Kids
She not only neglects the kids’ school work, but she also encourages them to go to the next neighborhood to play or hang out—at times when they should be studying or resting. It undermines my efforts to instill discipline and focus in our children.

7. Lack of Respect for My Hustle
She shows no interest or concern in how I make money, the pressure I’m under, or the sacrifices I make to keep the family going. There’s no appreciation, no empathy, just entitlement and expectation. I feel invisible, like a machine that’s supposed to produce without rest or recognition.

8. Misplaced Priorities
Her life seems to revolve around eating, watching TV, and spending hours gossiping with friends. There’s little to no effort toward improving our household, our relationship, or our children’s future. That kind of passivity is damaging, not just for our marriage but for our family as a whole.

9. Manipulation by Friends
She allows her so-called friends to influence how she treats me, even to the point of disrespect. Rather than defending or standing by me as a partner, she lets their words shape her actions against me. This betrayal by proxy is incredibly painful.

10. Ongoing Emotional Disregard
As I write this, she has been outside gossiping with a friend for over three hours—leaving me inside, emotionally abandoned once again. This isn’t an isolated event; it’s a pattern. I’ve begged for her time, attention, and partnership, but she chooses others over and over again.

I wish we can hear her own side, but unfortunately i know we cant.
However, you didnt say when and how this problem started. I cant take side until i am able to know what caused this. besides i dont want to start assuming things in my head. How did it start? how many years in marriage are you guys? How many kids and their ages?

Another man as taken your position

busariabeyx24:
Why I Want to Separate from My Wife

Our relationship has become emotionally unsustainable for me, and after long periods of silence, inner conflict, and attempts to make things work, I have come to the difficult conclusion that separation is the healthiest path forward—for both of us. There are several deeply rooted issues that have contributed to this decision, and I believe it’s important to lay them out clearly.

1. Lack of Intimacy and Weaponization of Sex
Intimacy has all but vanished in our relationship. What’s more painful is that she uses sex as a tool—to control, punish, or manipulate. This has left me feeling undesired, unwanted, and emotionally abandoned. Intimacy is not just physical, it's also about connection, vulnerability, and shared closeness—and we have none of that left.

2. Emotional Abandonment and Loneliness
While she often chooses to go out and spend hours with her friends, I’m left alone in the house, feeling isolated and neglected. Even when we’re in the same space, we’re disconnected. Her priorities have shifted away from our relationship and family, and I feel like a ghost in my own home.

3. Neglect of Parental Responsibilities
Despite being a trained teacher, she makes no effort to support the children academically. Their homework, school needs, and learning challenges fall entirely on me, even though I’m also the primary provider. It hurts to watch our children miss out on guidance that she’s perfectly capable of giving.

4. Communication Breakdown
We barely talk. When we do, it's either transactional or tense. There's no emotional sharing, no joint planning, no meaningful conversation. We exist like two strangers under the same roof.

5. Disregard for My Input and Support
Time and again, I’ve offered her advice that could have helped her avoid unnecessary stress or mistakes, but she disregards me—only to later face the exact consequences I warned about. It feels like my voice has no value in her life.

6. Encouraging Poor Habits in the Kids
She not only neglects the kids’ school work, but she also encourages them to go to the next neighborhood to play or hang out—at times when they should be studying or resting. It undermines my efforts to instill discipline and focus in our children.

7. Lack of Respect for My Hustle
She shows no interest or concern in how I make money, the pressure I’m under, or the sacrifices I make to keep the family going. There’s no appreciation, no empathy, just entitlement and expectation. I feel invisible, like a machine that’s supposed to produce without rest or recognition.

8. Misplaced Priorities
Her life seems to revolve around eating, watching TV, and spending hours gossiping with friends. There’s little to no effort toward improving our household, our relationship, or our children’s future. That kind of passivity is damaging, not just for our marriage but for our family as a whole.

9. Manipulation by Friends
She allows her so-called friends to influence how she treats me, even to the point of disrespect. Rather than defending or standing by me as a partner, she lets their words shape her actions against me. This betrayal by proxy is incredibly painful.

10. Ongoing Emotional Disregard
As I write this, she has been outside gossiping with a friend for over three hours—leaving me inside, emotionally abandoned once again. This isn’t an isolated event; it’s a pattern. I’ve begged for her time, attention, and partnership, but she chooses others over and over again.

Look for someone she respects to counsel me both of you. Some arrogant women will claim they don't respect anybody.Explore more avenues for peace. The cost of divorce on your. children is more than you can imagine.

After this move, if she continues, you can consider divorce. If you will consider divorce, let the children understand why.

If the marriage is relatively young, she is still fantasizing with her childhood toys. She would soon mature.

Negroid001:
This is why 2 wives is the best

walahi I said this often

busariabeyx24:
Why I Want to Separate from My Wife

Our relationship has become emotionally unsustainable for me, and after long periods of silence, inner conflict, and attempts to make things work, I have come to the difficult conclusion that separation is the healthiest path forward—for both of us. There are several deeply rooted issues that have contributed to this decision, and I believe it’s important to lay them out clearly.

1. Lack of Intimacy and Weaponization of Sex
Intimacy has all but vanished in our relationship. What’s more painful is that she uses sex as a tool—to control, punish, or manipulate. This has left me feeling undesired, unwanted, and emotionally abandoned. Intimacy is not just physical, it's also about connection, vulnerability, and shared closeness—and we have none of that left.

2. Emotional Abandonment and Loneliness
While she often chooses to go out and spend hours with her friends, I’m left alone in the house, feeling isolated and neglected. Even when we’re in the same space, we’re disconnected. Her priorities have shifted away from our relationship and family, and I feel like a ghost in my own home.

3. Neglect of Parental Responsibilities
Despite being a trained teacher, she makes no effort to support the children academically. Their homework, school needs, and learning challenges fall entirely on me, even though I’m also the primary provider. It hurts to watch our children miss out on guidance that she’s perfectly capable of giving.

4. Communication Breakdown
We barely talk. When we do, it's either transactional or tense. There's no emotional sharing, no joint planning, no meaningful conversation. We exist like two strangers under the same roof.

5. Disregard for My Input and Support
Time and again, I’ve offered her advice that could have helped her avoid unnecessary stress or mistakes, but she disregards me—only to later face the exact consequences I warned about. It feels like my voice has no value in her life.

6. Encouraging Poor Habits in the Kids
She not only neglects the kids’ school work, but she also encourages them to go to the next neighborhood to play or hang out—at times when they should be studying or resting. It undermines my efforts to instill discipline and focus in our children.

7. Lack of Respect for My Hustle
She shows no interest or concern in how I make money, the pressure I’m under, or the sacrifices I make to keep the family going. There’s no appreciation, no empathy, just entitlement and expectation. I feel invisible, like a machine that’s supposed to produce without rest or recognition.

8. Misplaced Priorities
Her life seems to revolve around eating, watching TV, and spending hours gossiping with friends. There’s little to no effort toward improving our household, our relationship, or our children’s future. That kind of passivity is damaging, not just for our marriage but for our family as a whole.

9. Manipulation by Friends
She allows her so-called friends to influence how she treats me, even to the point of disrespect. Rather than defending or standing by me as a partner, she lets their words shape her actions against me. This betrayal by proxy is incredibly painful.

10. Ongoing Emotional Disregard
As I write this, she has been outside gossiping with a friend for over three hours—leaving me inside, emotionally abandoned once again. This isn’t an isolated event; it’s a pattern. I’ve begged for her time, attention, and partnership, but she chooses others over and over again.

@Op,
If your children are grown,at least 10yrs and above,please go ahead with the separation.
The kind of wife you described,will never change rather your lifespan decreased by the day.
That's a highly manipulative and dangerous woman right there.

She might already be seeing someone else.

Watch what you eat henceforth.
I'm telling you from experience

Thinking of separating from my wife too.
I don't like the way she ma treats my son from another woman

All that history lesson when you can just divorce?


Waste of time

@ Descarado,

Licking it like lollipop, aphrodisiac, eating her gently till she squirts, Nawao , you latest entry in your Diary don corrupt me, huh

Under your own roof or you paid for she has gone for long
Do the needful don't let 1 person take your life been alive and single is better than under six feet my brother

XtraFortunes:
This is a lot, but one can't judge till one hears the other side of the story. Good luck

Fact!

busariabeyx24:
Why I Want to Separate from My Wife

Our relationship has become emotionally unsustainable for me, and after long periods of silence, inner conflict, and attempts to make things work, I have come to the difficult conclusion that separation is the healthiest path forward—for both of us. There are several deeply rooted issues that have contributed to this decision, and I believe it’s important to lay them out clearly.

1. Lack of Intimacy and Weaponization of Sex
Intimacy has all but vanished in our relationship. What’s more painful is that she uses sex as a tool—to control, punish, or manipulate. This has left me feeling undesired, unwanted, and emotionally abandoned. Intimacy is not just physical, it's also about connection, vulnerability, and shared closeness—and we have none of that left.

2. Emotional Abandonment and Loneliness
While she often chooses to go out and spend hours with her friends, I’m left alone in the house, feeling isolated and neglected. Even when we’re in the same space, we’re disconnected. Her priorities have shifted away from our relationship and family, and I feel like a ghost in my own home.

3. Neglect of Parental Responsibilities
Despite being a trained teacher, she makes no effort to support the children academically. Their homework, school needs, and learning challenges fall entirely on me, even though I’m also the primary provider. It hurts to watch our children miss out on guidance that she’s perfectly capable of giving.

4. Communication Breakdown
We barely talk. When we do, it's either transactional or tense. There's no emotional sharing, no joint planning, no meaningful conversation. We exist like two strangers under the same roof.

5. Disregard for My Input and Support
Time and again, I’ve offered her advice that could have helped her avoid unnecessary stress or mistakes, but she disregards me—only to later face the exact consequences I warned about. It feels like my voice has no value in her life.

6. Encouraging Poor Habits in the Kids
She not only neglects the kids’ school work, but she also encourages them to go to the next neighborhood to play or hang out—at times when they should be studying or resting. It undermines my efforts to instill discipline and focus in our children.

7. Lack of Respect for My Hustle
She shows no interest or concern in how I make money, the pressure I’m under, or the sacrifices I make to keep the family going. There’s no appreciation, no empathy, just entitlement and expectation. I feel invisible, like a machine that’s supposed to produce without rest or recognition.

8. Misplaced Priorities
Her life seems to revolve around eating, watching TV, and spending hours gossiping with friends. There’s little to no effort toward improving our household, our relationship, or our children’s future. That kind of passivity is damaging, not just for our marriage but for our family as a whole.

9. Manipulation by Friends
She allows her so-called friends to influence how she treats me, even to the point of disrespect. Rather than defending or standing by me as a partner, she lets their words shape her actions against me. This betrayal by proxy is incredibly painful.

10. Ongoing Emotional Disregard
As I write this, she has been outside gossiping with a friend for over three hours—leaving me inside, emotionally abandoned once again. This isn’t an isolated event; it’s a pattern. I’ve begged for her time, attention, and partnership, but she chooses others over and over again.

Thanks for sharing.

How did it get here? Were there telltale signs from the beginning? It'll be very insightful for some of us.

Relax, calm down, think about the whole situation, and do what you think is best for you. It will be very difficult for an outsider to understand your struggles.

Only the one who wears the shoe knows where it pinches.

You're waking up later my brother. She has already divorced you before now

Walai:
Can someone give me at least one convincing reason to get married apart from children (I can get any number of children without getting married) and sex (the cheapest commodity right now) ?

To care for you at old age or as a support system for when you health deteriorates. Don't tell me you'll pay outsiders who'd feel no kind of empathy towards you.

CodeTemplarr:
Hmmm. We need to develop a marriage video game and have couples play for days at a time to test waters and solidify their perspective.

Let's work on this idea bro! Totally down for it!

KillahPriest:
You don't need to shout or beg anymore, your wife is quarter gone out of the house already so the best thing is to look out for yourself and the kids. If its possible to get a lesson teacher and house keeper that comes once or twice a week, I believe you should take that option and don't even bother about asking her permission/input. Also take care of yourself by dressing sharp (if you dont) and smelling nice, go out more often even if it's to the gym. If your house is big, take a separate room from hers and don't ever bother her about sèx again. Give her anything she wants financially but allow her fly. You're a guy man so you should know women need rivals once in a while and it's just the sad world we live in. If you cant cheat then, get a bestie or rent a babe but you gan need to unload so how we wan do am now You gats blow outside Anyways, no follow am drag anything again even if she open mouth say she wan go, open door quietly and give her thirty minutes to move her stuff, nobody go tell her say township na mind, na she go find out by herself. Your main issue is that you lack self confidence which is very important when dealing with these our women. See, even if she involves her parents or whoever, you have to calmly tell them that their daughter is useless and you didnt know from day one that she lacked home training as a decent woman but no wahala. My advice is under the assumption that you're doing your full duties financially as a father and husband and if you're not, go wash your head for your papa village

Word!

You will not see all those "women support group" , "men are this and that" monikers in this thread now.

If it is a thread about a woman complaining about a man, they will be all over the thread spilling their bitterness.

Mr. Perfect. So u did not do anything?. No woman does all Dis to a perfect man dat u ve painted urself. There r bad women but u not mentioning even one of ur weakness is a red flag on ur side.

Xannadu:
Valid reasons

Sure all the 10 reasons carry weight

12345baba:
Na only she commit all these? Which one u commit,?

make him too tell us wetin him commit

Lamanii22:
Hmmmmm, I’m really sorry about everything you’ve gone through, why not see a therapist, if it doesn’t work then you guys can separate

The wife is the one who needs to see a therapist if all of these is true.

Uche559:
Mr. Perfect. So u did not do anything?. No woman does all Dis to a perfect man dat u ve painted urself. There r bad women but u not mentioning even one of ur weakness is a red flag on ur side.

I thought i was the only one that saw the Red flag