₦airaland Forum

GboyegaD:
Did you say Nigeria wasn't affected by the global crisis in 2008? Ask those in oil and gas particularly downstream and those in the financial service market if they truly were not affected greatly.

I was in the financial industry and I am speaking from experience...we were economically better off at that time.

U can Google the statistics for further findings.

The woman will continue to provide till the man picks-up. The main thing is that the woman will acknowledge wedar the man is improving or the man is just sitting lazy. If it's the former, she should keep providing!

ibechris:
I was in the financial industry and I am speaking from experience...we were economically better off at that time.

U can Google the statistics for further findings.

I was in the banking sector too and we did suffer a lot particularly business in the downstream and those in the stock trading business. We may not have suffered as much as other countries, it is because we do not have the real sector. Do you know how many banks at that point had to focus on recovery instead of giving new facilities? Do you remember how many people were laid off due to the crisis?

frozen70:
You contribution still gets down to support your wife in domestic chores

I support her not because I am doing badly but because it is my responsibility. That was how it was raised and it makes sense to me that it takes two to build a home.

Love800:
The woman will continue to provide till the man picks-up. The main thing is that the woman will acknowledge wedar the man is improving or the man is just sitting lazy. If it's the former, she should keep providing!

You all make it about the woman. What is the man to do is the question.

Maeve7:
➜ You all make it about the woman. What is the man to do is the question.

It is a question for the man and woman to decide between themselves.
Whether
⚉ The woman bears 100% of the provider role as well as 100% of the chores on her shoulders alone(while the man does nothing in the meantime)
⚉ The man bears 100% of the chores alone while the woman focuses on handling 100% of the provider role
⚉ The man bears maybe 50% of the chores responsibility while the woman focuses on 100% of the provider role and maybe 50% of the chores
...it is all up to the woman and the man to decide for themselves.

I already said it there. Read my comment again please.

Maeve7:
You all make it about the woman. What is the man to do is the question.

Love800:
I already said it there. Read my comment again please.

I did. I still don’t know what the man will be doing.

The man should be up-and-doing(serious) during that period. Showing signs of job-hunting or preparing for business he wish to do. When the wife acknowledge this, she will be willing to continue providing for the family.

Maeve7:
I did. I still don’t know what the man will be doing.

Love800:
➜The man should be up-and-doing(serious) during that period. Showing signs of job-hunting or preparing for business he wish to do. When the wife acknowledge this, she will be willing to continue providing for the family.

Showing signs of job-hunting or preparing for business is not the same as having a job that brings in money. So long as he is not making money, he is not a provider. And OP's question is direct: what should the man's role be towards his family when he is not actively providing?

When he is not actively providing, he is actively sourcing out for other means of making money. I can't be washing plates or doing mother roles, because am jobless. Never!

Kobojunkie:
Showing signs of job-hunting or preparing for business is not the same as having a job that brings in money. So long as he is not making money, he is not a provider. And OP's question is direct: what should the man's role be towards his family when he is not actively providing?

Love800:
✓ When he is not actively providing, he is actively sourcing out for other means of making money.
✓ I can't be washing plates or doing mother roles, because am jobless. Never!

Again, actively sourcing is not same as actively providing. An unemployed individual-- not earning any income of benefit -- is not a provider. 🙄

2. The women who accept this as their lot are the ones I blame.

Love800:
The man should be up-and-doing(serious) during that period. Showing signs of job-hunting or preparing for business he wish to do. When the wife acknowledge this, she will be willing to continue providing for the family.

That’s everything?

Yes. Thats all.

Maeve7:
That’s everything?

But actively sourcing will lead to actively providing. Thats the point am making!

Why wont they(women) accept it!! Okay, when broke, she should be jumping from one man to another, or she seek divorce? Thats crazy!

Kobojunkie:
Again, actively sourcing is not same as actively providing. An unemployed individual-- not earning any income of benefit -- is not a provider. 🙄

2. The women who accept this as their lot are the ones I blame.

Love800:
But actively sourcing will lead to actively providing. Thats the point am making! Why wont they(women) accept it!! Okay, when broke, she should be jumping from one man to another, or she seek divorce? Thats crazy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSy4X6NiqfA?si=x6kxQai7Usu7nipt

Alright.

I appreciate.

Kobojunkie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSy4X6NiqfA?si=x6kxQai7Usu7nipt

Maeve7:
You all make it about the woman. What is the man to do is the question.

I am trying to understand this question. Can you provide more context so that my response isn't generalized or based on just expectations?

GboyegaD:
I am trying to understand this question. Can you provide more context so that my response isn't generalized or based on just expectations?

Hi. My comment wasn’t addressing your replies on this thread.

I wrote it because a lot of posts were about the wife and how she must support her husband. Or implying that she won’t.

I want to know what a husband should do, other than job hunting, when he is out of work/business.

I am disappointed by myself. I should have known that the average male on NL doesn’t know what to do other than provide, if at all.

Maeve7:
Hi. My comment wasn’t addressing your replies on this thread.

I wrote it because a lot of posts were about the wife and how she must support her husband. Or implying that she won’t.

I want to know what a husband should do, other than job hunting, when he is out of work/business.

I am disappointed by myself. I should have known that the average male on NL doesn’t know what to do other than provide, if at all.

It is the extent of dysfunction in our culture set in unrealistic expectations and the ignorance of many. I feel nothing should change whether a partner is in or out of work/business with respect to responsibilities. What could change is the family budget and maybe more empathy to help the other party out of work to be strong psychologically to face the challenge.

That said, if the man has been all about providing only, I would expect the woman to have some decent conversation on how she needs him to help with some of the house chores. I want to presume the woman must have been mentioning that to him directly/indirectly while he is still providing. If she wasn't asking for his support with house chores, it might be difficult to bring that up as that might affect his ego however, it is a case of she finding a way to talk to him about it not from her being the current provider perspective but on the need to help out as that could also boost his confidence and help his mental state at this transition time.

GboyegaD:
It is the extent of dysfunction in our culture set in unrealistic expectations and the ignorance of many. I feel nothing should change whether a partner is in or out of work/business with respect to responsibilities. What could change is the family budget and maybe more empathy to help the other party out of work to be strong psychologically to face the challenge.

That said, if the man has been all about providing only, I would expect the woman to have some decent conversation on how she needs him to help with some of the house chores. I want to presume the woman must have been mentioning that to him directly/indirectly while he is still providing. If she wasn't asking for his support with house chores, it might be difficult to bring that up as that might affect his ego however, it is a case of she finding a way to talk to him about it not from her being the current provider perspective but on the need to help out as that could also boost his confidence and help his mental state at this transition time.

Dysfunction is the operative word here. The fact that many see it as beneath them to take over domestic work, that ensures the wellbeing of the family , is highly disrespectful to the work mostly women do and makes the husband replaceable once the wife can provide more than he can.

Look at how many people have or, better, have not even thought of what they could do for and with their children given more time. It’s sad.

Maeve7:
If a man can’t provide or provides only very little (for reasons he can’t control) and his wife does because she makes much more, what is the husband’s role?

That shouldn't be special since they are partners

6Milk:
That shouldn't be special since they are partners

Where is the answer to the question?

Acidosis:
If a woman is doing much better financially, the best approach is to support her partner by helping him establish a trade, business, or other venture to elevate his status, rather than relegating him to a domestic role.

Solving a problem by "forcefully" turning one partner into a domestic spouse, whether man or woman, is evil. Both partners should contribute financially and do household chores. The idea of who contributes more in either role should be irrelevant. Experience has also shown that the one earning more could actually have more time to spend at home than the other. This is 2025.

If you allow your wife to solely handle financial contributions while she does nothing with household chores, you are setting yourself up for failure. This is the truth: you will lose her respect, and she WILL eventually view other men at her workplace as better than you.

@bold:

What does relegating the husband to a domestic partner mean?

And I haven't seen a wife who contributes NOTHING to the emotional/ domestic aspect of the marriage.

None.

emmaodet:
Lol...you wan leave that man? you think at this point he is ROLESS?
Needs to be discarded?
In this life as a man....HUSTLE oooooooo
If a man and a lady are hustling and the man scaled first, the society and the woman expects the man to pull her up BUT if the woman scaled the fence first, she looks down at you and tell you to double your hustle if you want her to wait for you or else....sope otilo

What is the usefulness of an average man that does not make money?

Love800:
When he is not actively providing, he is actively sourcing out for other means of making money. I can't be washing plates or doing mother roles, because am jobless. Never!

So you are not providing yet cannot do chores.

What is your usefulness at that point in the marriage?

Maeve7:
Dysfunction is the operative word here. The fact that many see it as beneath them to take over domestic work, that ensures the wellbeing of the family , is highly disrespectful to the work mostly women do and makes the husband replaceable once the wife can provide more than he can.

Look at how many people have or, better, have not even thought of what they could do for and with their children given more time. It’s sad.

@ bold:

Absolutely on point.

Especially becoming easily replaceable as soon as the wife can care for herself alone financially.

Anyways, they are in luck. Some women would rather be single married women with useless husbands than be single mothers.

There is nothing wrong with the traditional marriage system; just make sure you never lose the ability to provide and provide well if you want to maintain that model.

It is a travesty if you want to maintain a traditional model while you are broke. Then you become like 'P' in psychology.

This mentality of women believing that usefulness of a man to them is solely based on money and ability to provide for them is why women have no moral standing to demand monogamy from a man who is financially capable.

If I am nothing to you when I am broke, then you are nothing to me too when I make money and capable.

Helpout12345:
1. This mentality of women believing that usefulness of a man to them is solely based on money and ability to provide for them is why

2. women have no moral standing to demand monogamy from a man who is financially capable.

3. If I am nothing to you when I am broke,

4. then you are nothing to me too when I make money and capable.

1. It is men that confined their usefulness to money in marriage. On this thread, almost all the men have inferred they cannot pick up domestic chores or any other 'motherly duty'. Then it inferes that they are bringing money into the marriage.

2. This redpill drivel is laughable at best. Poor wretched men are cheating; men whose wives are feeding are cheating; students still eating mama thank you are cheating. A man's unfaithfulness has nothing to do with his pocket. Secondly, faithfulness is expected from you in a committed relationship/ marriage. No one asked you to wait till you are rich before you commit yourself. It is like a woman saying 'because I worked out or learnt how to be a great housekeeper, no man has the moral right to demand faithfulness'.

3. If a woman said you mean nothing to her while broke, you move on to the next woman who will accept you broke and not adding any other value to her life or you level up on money since you do not want to do any other thing.

4. If a woman wouldn't accept you while broke, why are you bothering yourself with her when you have hammered? Shouldn't you have moved on to another woman worthy of the rich you (who also deems you worthy)?

Like I say, to cure the madness of crazy gender takes, just flip it:

Imagine a husband who provides and still does the domestics while he has a wife. What is the usefulness of the wife to him? (Doesn't even compare because the wife will still birth kids but let's put that aside).

You think the domestic part of marriage is beneath you; OK sir. Oya handle finances, story enters it.

What gangan do you want to bring into the marriage?

bukatyne:
1. It is men that confined their usefulness to money in marriage. On this thread, almost all the men have inferred they cannot pick up domestic chores or any other 'motherly duty'. Then it inferes that they are bringing money into the marriage.

2. This redpill drivel is laughable at best. Poor wretched men are cheating; men whose wives are feeding are cheating; students still eating mama thank you are cheating. A man's unfaithfulness has nothing to do with his pocket. Secondly, faithfulness is expected from you in a committed relationship/ marriage. No one asked you to wait till you are rich before you commit yourself. It is like a woman saying 'because I worked out or learnt how to be a great housekeeper, no man has the moral right to demand faithfulness'.

3. If a woman said you mean nothing to her while broke, you move on to the next woman who will accept you broke and not adding any other value to her life or you level up on money since you do not want to do any other thing.

4. If a woman wouldn't accept you while broke, why are you bothering yourself with her when you have hammered? Shouldn't you have moved on to another woman worthy of the rich you (who also deems you worthy)?

Like I say, to cure the madness of crazy gender takes, just flip it:

Imagine a husband who provides and still does the domestics while he has a wife. What is the usefulness of the wife to him? (Doesn't even compare because the wife will still birth kids but let's put that aside).

You think the domestic part of marriage is beneath you; OK sir. Oya handle finances, story enters it.

What gangan do you want to bring into the marriage?

sex is what i need gan gan

Firebox123:
sex is what i need gan gan

Only sex?

Your wife is super duper lucky

No domestics, house keeping, child raising, family management..... Just sex!

You are doing well.....