₦airaland Forum

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

The problem here is ; you are being to emotional towards her.Act up like a man.

pneumaticos:
COVID time sweet lol
Had same experience as yours

But not exactly

Marriage was 2021

Fortunately wifee wasn't working

But here is the deal...except you make the marriage western( you will need to localise some areas

Do you have the capacity to take care of the family ,if she stops working ?

What are your ideas around her career and what plans do you have In moving her forward (build trust)

Bro, because I am a Christian too and tried avoiding the issues around early marriages especially for ladies who do not know the need of their man

You will need change the plan in getting sexaul satisfaction

Then you will need reduce the home stress which is multi demensional

If you are sure she is not lazy

Take her off the job through her father or family members
And tell her you would be paying her salary monthly ( aside home keep money)

Tell her the new way you intend getting more funds to pay that salary consistently ( you need something believable)

This dosnt make sense..but lol
You need to bribe her, use all manner of tricks you know to gain trust and make her resign

Finally,get a maid... Get two if need be

In all...you need earn 2x of your present earnings to do things 2x of your current capacity

I left home yesterday to rest...as we have a child already...

If you are stressed as a man...you will need sex for real..

So I had to buy that time by making it available before I get home
By asking her of any pressing needs she had since she is home..I used the need as an access because she could still give me the excuse of been .busy with her work ( runs the business from home)

If you understand your wife enough, you should find a spot to always have access to the yash you need
It's the third time this week, while she told me only once per week because sex no be food
Well for her mind..that's ok
Na me know as he dey do me

Once in week! Marriage de fear me.

Men and sex.x tho.

Tiring sh*t.

Feels like an annoying chore.

I can live the rest of my life without having se.x and be completely fine.
For me,se.x is for procreation.
I'm done with child bearing.
Why should I be punishing myself again?

Get yaself a side chick oga, good and understand one oo, let the side chick knows why. There are some needs that can't be ignored for long. As for madam, ask of sex once in a while and if she refuses, no panic. I know she's human too, one day she go reason am and make it up to you oga.

Onegai:
Phabulous4 and apprentist,

Let me give you small gist.

Like 7/8 years ago, my husband and I lived in a 3 brdm very small apartment. Very messy (because I'm not a Domestic Goddess) and we had 2 kids under the age of 4 (nightmare).

And then our Nanny's uncle's father's grandmother died (translation: she had found a higher paying job) so she quit abruptly.

Leaving hubby and I. That man rolled up his sleeves and became a house-husband after office hours were done.

That particular day, he swept, I cooked, he mopped, I bathed the babies. After that, I looked at this man in his faded tshirt and boxers and he was suddenly looking sexier than Rege Jean Page. And that's how we had unbelievably hot fok, in the corridor of that small flat, no fan, no mattress, nothing. Do you know how hard floor tiles are on your knees when you're blowing off a man Do you know how hard a concrete wall is on your back?? I fokked that man's brains out that night and I would have kept going, if he could do upto 3 rounds before midnight. Even remembering that night still makes me Hot.

Now, why did my man get himself a Por.nstar that night?

Well,because of this really old Christian book "Se.x Starts In The Kitchen".

That book said that when you're married, romance is one thing that ignites passion but security and support is what keeps it alive.

A woman turns from a Wife to a Mother and everything about her changes.

Mentally, she shifts into Mama Bear and Protective mode for her kids, her entire existence becomes keeping them alive. Especially when they're young (once they hit 8, 10, she couldn't care less if they burn down the house ).

Nothing else matters, because most women are wired like that so that the human species survives. In Nature, the human child is one of the weakest young out there. Antelope are born running, tadpoles swim at birth, but human babies are helpless for 5 years. They require the most protection.

And then add the stresses of work and society and social media being overwhelming.

Your wives are basket cases right now, running on vibes alone. She herself doesn't even know it.

And that's where you come in.

Brothers, your job, your mission (should you choose to accept it ) is to be her PROTECTOR AND SECURITY DURING THIS PERIOD, SO SHE CAN DO WHAT NATURE INTENDED HER TO DO, FOR YOUR CHILDREN.

Which is why sexx starts in the kitchen, which is why I rushed my hubby: because he was supporting me so I could be a better Mum.

And that made him so, so sexy in my eyes.

And I am not the only woman like that.

So that's my explanation for what's going on, my next post will be "here's what you're gonna do".

I read this somewhere:
A man needs sěxx to relax. A woman needs to be relaxed to have sěxx.

Very true.

Am facing this same scenario, you just have to ensure, though not that easy, even in a day, when I tell my wife to pick the children from school, she conplained, it's by God grace, had sit her down, I beg for sex, noticing it's not mutual, bathe for the children, paid house bills, do most of chores, but I noticed am a good man, I just smile and let God have it's ways, this our generation is really in God's hands, by brother, endure and do the once you can do, thanks

With all the comments read here, I still believe we need to understand true meaning of marriage, majority doesn't understand what Marriage is all about...example " two must agree on something and it stands", Two must become one, but with what I read here, two isn't one, and what works for A might not work for B, but you still have to make it work....I literally talk in proverb here....and I just don't want to dilute more.....To the publisher of this post, GOD will give you wisdom to control your home and guide you and your wife on the right path. I am not even sure, there are times for family prayer in your home, I mean fervent prayer apart from daily devotion, with what I read in your post. well, GOD will see you through in JESUS CHRIST NAME. Amen

Be careful of which advice you choose on nairaland not to land on a pit because we speak from different perspectives.

As a Christian, patience and prayer is a key. Everything will.normalise . At least she doesn't deny you at all. Talk her into it,mention it before God,she will change. Don't let her quit the job. Your family is still young. Growing a new business now not easy.
Give it enough time.

Have you ever thought of if you lose your job (God Forbid)?

Let her work please, I see that your family is financially stable to some extent Unlik men who earn little and all responsibility is on him.

Way out.

Discuss with her, those weekends that she's free, stroll out and have fun that could bring the intimacy back also be more sexy now and ensure your dressing is what is used to be back then.

Keep your marriage

BABANGBALI:
If person talk now nairaland bot go vex like EFCC and press the ban button. All i know be sey sex is available outside. Leave your wife for one month without asking her for sex, na she go run back to you with her brain reset

I tell you, for the first time in my life I chop Ban dats days go. Na wetin I talk make oga get side chick

People who are saying the woman shouldn't quit her job don't know the basics of marriage. The man married her because he needed a wife and a mother to his children, that is, a homemaker. The woman married him because she needed a husband and father to their children, that is, the breadwinner. These are the PRIMARY responsibilities of the man and his wife. The moment any of them fail in this two, they are no longer worth calling the spouse. So if the woman allows her job to come in the way of her primary duty to her husband then she is causing the marriage to fail. Her marriage is the more important when compared to her job because that's her primary duty. If she felt that her job means more to her than her wifely duties to her spouse, then she shouldn't have bothered getting married in the first place. I hate nonsense, really

Africonji:
@apprentist: I feel your pain bro. This phase of marriage is one that they hardly tell men about before they enter it. I hate to break it to you bro, but the truth is that it'll only probably get worse, so brace yourself. A lot of married men are also going through what you're experiencing -- sexual starvation in marriage. The truth is that most women begin to get comfortable in marriage and see sex as a tool that can be weaponized against their husbands.

The worst part is that when they're in that phase (for some women the phase sets in when they're hitting 40 or beyond while for other others it's earlier, but trust me they always hit that phase at some point), they can go without sex for as long as they want, not caring about the sexual needs of their spouse, leaving the man frustrated.

Unless you get lucky, it'll only get worse (she might revert back to her old ways temporarily but na lie). She'll only give you sex as a pacifier from now on, not because she necessarily enjoys it. And with it time and age the frequency will only get lesser and lesser.

Most married men that've been married for long can relate to your plight. With time you'll know how to sort yourself though 😜 -- No be me go tell you wetin to do.

I can't remember the last time I had sex.
I'm very sure it has not happened this year

After childbirth,I felt there was no reason to continue stressing myself in the name of sex.

I'm so sorry for men.
They can't stay without sex.
Pity

Those asking you to stop her from working don't like you. This will be the beginning of your challenges and your own mental health issues. You want to take away her source of independence in the name of marriage, right? Oga, you need keep talking and involve yourself more in the house.

I stopped reading at this point.
How selfish!

I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming.

christejames:
NwaAmaikpe calmly gave some nice advice? 😲



That means Tinubu fit change for good anytime ooo 😂 😂 😂

I am surprise too, calm headed reply from NwaAmaikpe from start to finish

apprentist:
Thank you so much for the advice. It means a lot to me.

I specially like the idea of house help. But with the way I am now, I'd have sex with the house help. And I can't even allow a young girl because it would be too risky.

😂😂😂😂😂

apprentist:
Thanks for taking out the time to comment. I wouldn't like to sound like I'm defending myself here.

1. I had tried to teach her to drive but no success and she doesn't have the time to go to driving school

2. I recently upgraded my washing machine to manual to fully auto so as to avoid the stress of rinsing and drying. And I do 100% of the laundry at home.

The only reason I can consider a housemaid would be to take care of my kids after school which to me is as same as them being in day care. Why do we underestimate the importance of parent care for children at their early stage in Africa? Anyways, your point is made. Thanks again

You had solved the problem yourself by suggesting to open business for her. Except she objected to that idea, I don't think you need worry about that again. Set up a business for her, so that she can have enough time to carter home and your children. Women are better off doing business or teaching during their productive years.

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

She needs to quit the job for another or for a business.

NwaAmaikpe:



We have all been misled for so long, but it is best we demystify this myth, not for ourselves but for posterity and people in your shoes; because you will soon be gaslighted by woke people who will call you inconsiderate, selfish, nagging and not supportive enough.

First things first, she has to quit the job and be a housewife for a while if you are to salvage your relationship.

Sex is not a want, it is a need.
A human need, which comes with an urge....just the same way as hunger.

We all know that women view marriage as a trophy that gives them the privilege of the title 'Mrs' and having children, but she should not rub it on your face that your job is done.

It is justified to come back from work really drained and not have the appetite for sex, just like it is possible to come back so drained from work that you can't even eat till you've rested.
You've not written anywhere that you chuck your preek straight at her face once she walks through the door, so I just have to believe that you initiate sex when you have assessed it to be alright to.

As long as a person is not mentally or emotionally distressed wherein a temporary loss in appetite arises,
(emphasis on the word temporary, because when someone gets a terrible news, they'd instantly lose the appetite for food, and grieve for days but they eventually recommence eating).

So a persistent refusal of intimacy and becoming workcentric despite appeals and interventions from her parents is a symptom of an even more malignant problem.
How come the same woman who is too tired for sex, is not too tired to breastfeed her kids; simply because it is a need.
But these are both needs?

My worry even gets worse with your concern about the kids not getting much attention from her.
If her job is not what the family survives on, why will she be that passionate to work on public holidays, school holidays, and every Saturday?
Reflect on this and you'd see, you alone enabled her!

Verily, verily, I can say unto you, if the Holy Bible deemed it fit to equate a mother's love and attention for her own kids as unshakeable, then you do not need a native doctor to tell you there is a big distraction somewhere.

A big distraction that she has become addicted to, because every woman who has cheated will tell you that there is nothing as addictive as the attention from a strange man.
So break the addiction and get her to quit that job ASAP

God forbid that a woman you married with your own money does not get turned on when you touch her.
It is a natural response to stimuli, because that same woman who has painted sex with you to be a difficult chore will get drenchingly wet if she reads an erotic novel, watch porn or gets fiddled by another man.

Social media, streaming sites, greed, an excess of men ever-ready to shag people's wifes and acute poverty has made Nigerian women extremely susceptible to not just being distracted but ultimately unfaithful.

If she does not value your preek, look for someone who will. But because no one will love your preek like you, try to masturrbate a bit more as you seek clarity to this misfortune in your relationship.

Because like I said when i started off, sex is a need and if she does not want to get this need from you, who then is meeting this need for her when she leaves your house for work?

Valid 👍

Mariangeles:
I stopped reading at this point.
How selfish!

And she's not being selfish abandoning her wifely and motherly duties all for that same job?

Mariangeles:
I stopped reading at this point.
How selfish!

That is the genesis of their problem. They discussed about the demands of her job and how it would affect their family, but did they reach an agreement?

I think not because if they did, the man will not be here complaining about what he feared would happen when they got married.

Makes me wonder what they spent the long hours discussing during their courtship

.

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

I don’t advice religious people, go seek your God’s validation

NotOfThisWorld:
A woman should never quit her job for a man and it's selfish of you to ask that of her. You didn't mention the nature of her job but perhaps she could do part-time, if that's possible, but completely quitting should be unacceptable.

Wen things dont work as suppose need for strategizing comes up........

If in this current situation of the country and you still care about sex instead of Ur kids wellbeing, you must be poor!
A poor man only thinks of sex cos that's the only pleasure they can have.

Is she getting it somewhere🤔

apprentist:
It's not that easy. My kids are my priority. I dream of a home where they will grow with all the care they need. Remarrying comes with too much uncertainty.

The worse part of it is that madam doesn't even act like she cares about how I feel. I've tried all possible means. Talk, beg for s*x, give her suprise packages, even spoken to her parent about it.
Mtchew

Another one, another day.

Strungup78 and Martinez will have something to say here.

Men who whine and talk too much are liars. And those who exaggerate to epic proportions what other "men are passing through" are the most miserable of them.

Take this story with a swimming pool full of salt. The truth will out.

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

apprentist:
I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job.

We are in May 2025 and you are already in December 2025.

Nigga is already operating in the future.

amazing

Sammy5413:
If in this current situation of the country and you still care about sex instead of Ur kids wellbeing, you must be poor!
A poor man only thinks of sex cos that's the only pleasure they can have.

why should he not care about sex?

so because he has to care for his kids he should not care abo0ut sex?

why then is he married?

what has poverty got to do with wanting sex?

all the small girls buying big phones, cars and doing BBL, where are they getting money for those things and what are they giving in exchange for those gifts?

are you rich?

delugadou:
If what you are earning can take care of the family, make sure she quits the job immediately. Eliminate every threat to your marriage. Don't listen to anyone that is advising you to manage oo. Regret is waiting in front.

The moment you stop sleeping with your wife, her colleagues will take over. That's why she should quit ASAP.

Thought you all wanted a hard working, productive, educated woman who brings something to the table? A woman who holds her own and isn't all about the thing between her legs to control you? A woman you won't spend a dime on, who can discuss astronomy and calculate your NPV just by being near you? Has she not brought a table and more to this marriage? Is she a liability? She's bringing in the money you all fantasize about and has a job. Such a hard working woman.

Why is it now such a burden for you to enjoy your desires? Clearly she's working harder than he does. Otherwise he wouldn't have time to nag and pester her.

A lot of you boys don't know what you want. You now want her to sit at home churning out babies, or worse still, forcing a business on her that she's not interested in. A pawn to sate your insecurities.

Now you've shifted to the possibility that she will be cheating.

Is there any imaginary scenario you guys don't come up with, just because you need to nail a woman, any and every woman, to the cross of marriage?

There's no woman who is going to be good enough for you lot. Misogyny is terrible. This is a woman, not a dog you're advising on.

In all this nagging, he's never considered having assistance at home. He's looking for how to sleep with such a person if she comes along. It tells a lot about his standing and the mentality that comes with it. But hee wants her to quit her job, just like the rest of you do. Because that woman is a sock puppet to do his every bidding.

Get a second wife. Problem solved. Before that do a DNA test on your children to confirm