₦airaland Forum

yemmit90:
You had solved the problem yourself by suggesting to open business for her. Except she objected to that idea, I don't think you need worry about that again. Set up a business for her, so that she can have enough time to carter home and your children. Women are better off doing business or teaching during their productive years.

Of course, you know what's good for her. What is good for all women. Lol!

Dtruthspeaker:
Ah. Story

She deceived him to marry her. So now that she is married, she has gone back to her former ways.

simplistic view. Are you even married? Who knows if it is a pre teen behind this moniker.

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

play this game with her
don't demand sex from her no matter how long it takes and when she touches you reject her until she starts begging and asking you why....
for the kids let her stop her job that's if you can take care of the family if she stops working...
just imagine if your job makes you leave the house by 5:30am and you get back by 10pm daily...!?
abi u go just fake the life style and see what she would do...

apprentist:
It's not that easy. My kids are my priority. I dream of a home where they will grow with all the care they need. Remarrying comes with too much uncertainty.

The worse part of it is that madam doesn't even act like she cares about how I feel. I've tried all possible means. Talk, beg for s*x, give her suprise packages, even spoken to her parent about it.
Mtchew

Bro find a personal single side chick that you two will understand yourselves. She could be a lady or already born like you. The already born without husband will understand you and your urge very well. Once you cater for part of her finance. You both are good to go. Just let her know that you don't need wife. She should take contraceptive.

Onegai:
Phabulous4 and apprentist (and every other man who is in this situation),

Here's what to do!

Firstly, you're going to ignore almost all the men on this thread. Why? Because I've noticed that in general, Nigerian men give advice like Thanos:

You know, "everyone is starving on this planet so rather than try and help them develop their economy, I'll just kill half of them. Problem solved!"

Nigerian men don't start giving advice with sense until their 50s (and that's only half), they fully come into maturity by their 60s. So they're here telling you to cheat or become polygamous. And if you follow that, I will tell you this confidently, you will need N2-N6mil to file for divorce at Lagos High Court and it will take you 4 years minimum (Separation and Divorce), you will be paying 2 sets of rent and having 2 household expenses.

Meanwhile, "Power Of A Praying Husband" is N3500 per copy.

Which idea is smarter to do?

Now, let's get serious.

Yes, get a Nanny.

Yes, upgrade every appliance you need to get.

Absolutely drop all expectations of her and tell her to do the same for you. What is required is a neat house, hot meals and children who are alive (not even well-behaved, just be alive ).

Tell your wife: "babe I am THE HEAD OF THIS HOUSEHOLD!" If you need me to back thr baby so you can go and make your hair, bring that wrapper! If you need me to be the one fueling the cars so you don't have to worry about that chore, let me have the keys! If you need me to listen to you after you have been stressed at work and be nodding my head and saying "eyahhh!" I go do am!"

Your wife needs time and space to adjust and grow into her new position. You gotta be supportive of that, that is an Ephesians 5 husband: loving her like Christ loved an (unwilling, struggling, not even-existing) church.

You have to step up.

Before you posted this, he posted the link to a WhatsApp group he's starting. Good luck with a new set of red pill guys with live in partners.

What makes you think a man who comes on a public forum to tell his side of the story, on a topic men are notorious for lying about, wants anything other than validation to do what we all know he desires deeply to do? You think your posts are what any of them want to see (unless if they want to make their wives dull intimacy dolls)?

Since na sezxx be the major thing get a side chick and for taking care of the children, if u can afford a visiting nanny, get one also.
Guy life too short for someone to make miserable....

dkidd:
And she's not being selfish abandoning her wifely and motherly duties all for that same job?

Selfishness is one spouse demanding the other to give up a part of their life, just so they'd always be available to them whenever.

For there to be fulfilment in the marriage, what they need to do is find a balance.

Who would want their spouse to be unfulfilled for their own selfish needs?

Ahmed0336:
Oga lemme be honest with you, once your wife starts to notice you no longer beg for sex and you're always happy, that's when things will fall back in place.
I don't have to tell you what to do.

That's it. Man should find side chick especially "after 1 or 2 Baby mama" who will understand him that he doesn't want any child.

adeniyi65:
Bro find a personal single side chick that you two will understand yourselves. She could be a lady or already born like you. The already born without husband will understand you and your urge very well. Once you cater for part of her finance. You both are good to go. Just let her know that you don't need wife. She should take contraceptive.

Very logical advice.

Instead of catering to the finances of his family by hiring a maid, he should get a side chick whose finances he will cater to. That way he will rescue his family and marriage.

Very, very good advice. You deserve a mug of the best ale.

chinchum:
simplistic view. Are you even married? Who knows if it is a pre teen behind this moniker.

Honestly, it sounds like social baiting. He has started a Whatsapp group of disgruntled men already. He probably has a book he wants to sell to help those guys take control of their wives lives.

Ishilove:
That is the genesis of their problem. They discussed about the demands of her job and how it would affect their family, but did they reach an agreement?

I think not because if they did, the man will not be here complaining about what he feared would happen when they got married.

Makes me wonder what they spent the long hours discussing during their courtship

The truth is, the man set out to be selfish from the start.

BRATISLAVA:
Very logical advice.

Instead of catering to the finances of his family by hiring a maid, he should get a side chick whose finances he will cater to. That way he will rescue his family and marriage.

Very, very good advice. You deserve a mug of the best ale.

Once the man urge is being met outside and he's not disturbing his wife for sex as he used to again, his wife would be the one to come back to her senses to start giving him the time that he want from her.

SisterAnn:
I have experienced everything you wrote here and I concur.

The only thing I don't agree with I that women were not created to work (make wealth).

In the bible which is often the standard in arguments like this, the virtuous woman worked. She did business. She sold clothings, she made money.

A woman should never be idle. That's a devil's workshop there.

I didn't spend all together 8yrs getting a degree to become a housewife.

I will loose myself in that marriage. I'm big on spending and it's because I earn enough for myself without being a burden to my spouse.

The one I don't like is too much neglect of the family because you are a working mom.

Italy today, Milan tomorrow and UK next week. This is a no-no for me. You can't give your family good attention with this.

Even when I was a department head in the bank, I made it a duty never to take work home.

But full time housewife is a no for me.

A little business that fetches so little is also a no.

Op seems a good guy, he should calm down and find a good solution to the challenge.

Thanks for your understanding.

Regardless, I did not imply that women are ment to be idle, what I ment was that whatever a woman does should not be an integral contribution to the family finances and she doesn't have to shoulder responsibilities of any kind, whether directly or indirectly. It disrupts her hormones.

Owning a business or working in a public office is good, but even at that, if pressure starts to build in either of this places, it will still affect her.

It's best if the husband has a family business where she will be the general overseer and not a managerial position that comes with tasks while she receives her salary like every other employee.

From experience, women are happy and always in their best when there's no pressure.

The fact is that a man can easily step aside from pampering a woman if she is always showing she's capable.

This is why most women that are hardworking mostly fall victim of wrong guys.

A woman that appears soft and fragile always enjoys more than those that show strength.

And it gets worst when a woman starts a relationship with a man when he's still struggling financially, though she may be a good support through his struggles, most of the times, moving forward it makes her forget her position. She continue working while the man unintentionally forgets to pet her

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

Marriage is not for the faint-hearted honestly.

I don't get the nature of your wife's job though, that requires her to work even on weekends, and public holidays ?

Well, most relationships/marriage problems would reduce if both parties have mutual understanding.

Speaking from experience, most women that are naturally stubborn only requires you to be very stern with them in some cases. Speaking soft, and being petful doesn't do anything or get the required results when dealing with a stubborn woman. So you have to man up, and be very firm as the leader of your house. Since you said you've spoken to her, and also asked family members to talk to her too, yet no way!

See leave Christianity by the side for now, and tell her that, if she doesn't want to stop the job, and start up a business inorder to have more time for the kids, and yourself, then you will get yourself a very good mistress.

If she doesn't bulge or protest, then you have your answers that your wife might be getting it elsewhere cos the marriage is not even up to 10yrs yet, so why so many excuses already?.

But if, she feels bad about you saying you want to get a mistress, and tries to be reasonable then she still values you, the kids, and the marriage.

You can then tell her how supportive you will be towards her and the kids, etc. Well, you suppose don know the mumu button of the person way you marry by now!

Talk to her. Tell her how you feel and how you can't do without sex. Tell her about the urges to cheat, and BEG her to help you not to succumb to those desires.
If her job is providing much to the family, then you may be the one to adjust a little.
If your job can feed you both and still have excess, then she has to leave that job.
If you mistakenly divorce, she will adjust by forve to take care of the kids. It's better to adjust now than later.
Talk to her. Sit her down and talk to her.

Tell her to resign from that work and set her up in business or she should forget about the marriage.

merits:
Tell her to resign from that work and set her up in business or she should forget about the marriage.

I hope some of you men understand that not everyone is good at running a business.
Do you?

Asking someone to give up a part of their life, what they're good at, that makes them feel useful is just selfish.

If a working single mother is willing to go all out to always satisfy her visiting man, why is then difficult for a married woman to do the same for her home based man (horse band) ? See finish?

What if husbands too are not always in the mood to provide ? would they not be termed irresponsible?

It is all about deception before marriage and then indolence and abdication of wify duties during marriage.

You are asking a man not to charge his battery with someone else yet you are a spoil spot for him ... How then do you expect him to be a top performer at work? Are you not wicked and selfish as a wife?

I think the Muslims got it right in this department if you would ask me .

Only few monogamous women really satisfy their faithful husbands. Majority don't. You can't desire to be eating your cake and still be having it ?

If a woman is giving sex at least 3 times in a week as a Marital obligation to her husband then there wouldn't be any need to waste energy elsewhere for both of them. If there is genuine love and a sense of duty, it shouldn't be too difficult to fulfill this vital conjugal communion.

But if it is like some of us who don't enjoy this up to 10 times in a year on the average, only God can help.

May God continue to help all responsible husbands out there.

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

Uncle calm down o.

You gave this story by yourself, so it's not being cooked up by your wife to get sympathy.

What are the major worries of yours?

Little or no sex, little or no attention for you.

You also gave a detailed analysis of the number of hours she works. It's not a rocket science to know that she must be tired now!

Now if she's tired, what is sex to a tired body?

It's very apparent that you're not spending similar number of hours at a paid employment like she does, or else you wouldn't remember sex by the time you're back home.

I can't remember if you people resides in Lagos which is another crazy factor.

While sex to 90% of men is physical, to women it's more of emotional and psychological thing.

If you guys are that close as you narrated in your story, you can enjoy your babe every night without the rigor of intercourses.

Just sleeping in each others arms will be a win-win situation for both of you.

What's a man enjoying in a sex that you aren't looking into the eyes and moans of your wife.

A tired woman will sleep off in 30mins of lying down now.

That's nothing but mere brute, which is what majority of us men grew up to know as great sex.

Please, get a feeling of her tiredness and you'll be surprised about how she'll be looking forward to seeing you at the end of each day's work. She'll be looking forward to the sex you're dying for.

Now, let's come to the your plans of setting her up in business and therefore be able to free her from the grueling working hours of the 9-5 rat race of employment.

Until you set up the business by the side while she's trying to wind up from her employment, she won't take that kind of risk that most of us men are funny of taking.

Marriage to women is 90% about security and any other thing including sex is just 10%. This is what we men don't want to understand.

A man will leave an employment without anything to fall back upon all in the name of business set up.

That's dumb, I know because I've done that before.

What Should You Do Now?

1. There's nothing missing, it's just you that need to see the reality of her situation.

2. If you're not selfish, you won't die if you don't have sex every day. Men think they'll die without sex daily.

3. Enjoy the presence of the woman every evening when she comes back from work when everyone has taken their dinner.

4. You must arrange for dinner before she returns from work, either by cooking it yourself or you go buy it before she returns. We men don't see it this way.

5. If you apply these steps/points, you'll be dazed to discover that despite her tiredness you'll be having sex every night if you want it, she may even be the one initiating it. Sex is always a mind business for women before it becomes skin to skin.

6. Think more of her needs than yours and the beautiful soul you married will be back.

7. I can't find any advice to give the woman because na you bring complain.

8. Until she begins that business you're talking about, let her rest when she comes back from work.

9. If you follow this points, she may drop that job in the next 3 months.

Sex sex sex, this one still get money or maybe na all those under 30, once you begin to cross 40, there u will know that sex is nothing.
is after u don eat food bellefull na that time u go think of sex, that if u actually know what you are doing.( no be all those refugee for maiduguri oooo, those one go born hundred children even without shishi.

complet:
Am facing this same scenario, you just have to ensure, though not that easy, even in a day, when I tell my wife to pick the children from school, she conplained, it's by God grace, had sit her down, I beg for sex, noticing it's not mutual, bathe for the children, paid house bills, do most of chores, but I noticed am a good man, I just smile and let God have it's ways, this our generation is really in God's hands, by brother, endure and do the once you can do, thanks

Men and sex
Is sex food or oxygen?

Hmmm

apprentist:
It's not that easy. My kids are my priority. I dream of a home where they will grow with all the care they need. Remarrying comes with too much uncertainty.

The worse part of it is that madam doesn't even act like she cares about how I feel. I've tried all possible means. Talk, beg for s*x, give her suprise packages, even spoken to her parent about it.
Mtchew

I don't think the problem in your house was caused by a tight work schedule. You need to look more closely. There are or might be other more disturbing causes. Meanwhile what job does your wife do?

First your wife is behaving like a witch - using sex to fight attack you, maybe she wants you to offend God by committing adultery

Which work is she doing self?

Thank God you have children

Ignore her totally and focus on your children, don't even sleep on the same bed with her, pray hard too, let her see that your spiritual life has improved.

If she doesn't change na confirm witch be that, God go judge her

spiceadole:
Men and sex
Is sex food or oxygen?

If a woman can not give her husband adequate sex, she doesn't need to marry

Cos she knows what's at stake before agreeing

kingviny:
If a working single mother is willing to go all out to always satisfy her visiting man, why is then difficult for a married woman to do the same for her home based man (horse band) ? See finish?

What if husbands too are not always in the mood to provide ? would they not be termed irresponsible?

It is all about deception before marriage and then indolence and abdication of wify duties during marriage.

You are asking a man not to charge his battery with someone else yet you are a spoil spot for him ... How then do you expect him to be a top performer at work? Are you not wicked and selfish as a wife?

I think the Muslims got it right in this department if you would ask me .

Only few monogamous women really satisfy their faithful husbands. Majority don't. You can't desire to be eating your cake and still be having it ?

If a woman is giving sex at least 3 times in a week as a Marital obligation to her husband then there wouldn't be any need to waste energy elsewhere for both of them. If there is genuine love and a sense of duty, it shouldn't be too difficult to fulfill this vital conjugal communion.

But if it is like some of us who don't enjoy this up to 10 times in a year on the average, only God can help.

May God continue to help all responsible husbands out there.

You have said it all

Many women cos their husbands are Christian indulge in it

You could see the man said when they were dating she was giving him frequently

When I was dating my wife even when she has gone to work I will control her to sneak to come and collect and she will come, but now if I ask her she won't come if am at home

Women are deceitful that's their make-up, only the very few godly ones are not like that

Educationalserv:
Which trouble pass the one him dey now . Life too short . Aboki is marrying 4 no wahala wetin be two

Abeg, getat

Weak man, see how woman dey drive him crazy, she already knows you're weak, you pay too much attention to her, she control your emotions and you're just a victim, you know solutions. I do not advised adult men whose wife are treating like a junk. You're a head not a tail. Make Demand or get disgraced.

Zocalite:
If a woman can not give her husband adequate sex, she doesn't need to marry

Cos she knows what's at stake before agreeing

The prostitutes that you men patronise,did you marry them?

Is marriage only for sex?

Funny!


I haven't allowed my husband to touch me this year.
Let him divorce me because of lack of sex ..
Everytime sex this,sex that
Mtcheeeeeeew

apprentist:
Hello Guys, let me first of all say the cliché "It is well".

Now let we start.
I met my wife years back just before the COVID-19 year during which we dated for almost a year and then eventually got married just when the lock down was reducing. I started this story this way because I wanted to emphasis that during that period, we had so much time to bond and she was mostly available to me as she only worked on shifts 2 to 3 days per week.
We could sit and talk for long, go out at late nights and have great s*x as frequently as we needed.

This I think gave me a mirage of an anticipated marriage life so I didn't hesitate to take it a step further ones the lockdown was relaxed.
I also made it clear to her that her job would have to give way when their kids start coming as I had plans to assist her further her edu and also put up a biz for her.

Speed up to after COVID-19, she resumed work which till this day demands 5 days a week and 2 to 3 Saturdays per month all from 7:45am till 5pm. Often times she'd return home tired and would manage to make dinner and off to bed till the next day circle continues.
It became worse when we started having children. I drive them to school as early as 7:40am before dropping her off at her job. And then I'll pick them up by 5:30pm or 6pm when she's done with her job for the day (let me mention that this extends to public holidays and school holidays or breaks).

I got tired and in December 2025 I told her she has to quit the job. My plan was to enroll her back into a private school after my kids are Upto 4 years as one of them still depends on breast milk. I also gave her the option of starting a business which I understand is a dynamic move and might not be successful, but at this stage of my life it's something I could afford to risk and so I didn't mind.

I must also mention that out of a 100% sex, 50% is not mutual as I could sense she isn't interested and 40% is a denial as she would rather deny me of s*x with the excuse that she is tired.

Simply put, I'm tired.
I'm a Christian and divorce isn't an option. Also I can't cheat, but I am starved of s*x and my kids are not given the attention they deserve.
Pls advice me

Adapt or ...

Mine works 6am to 6pm all week including Sundays.
If I had the means I would have stopped her long ago but watin man fit do