₦airaland Forum

dayleke: L O V E it is!!!!

SourYoghurt:
hey aunty pocohantas, how are you, happy Sunday, week and month. I hope everybody is good.


I wanted your opinion about something, and I believe in the female perspective, you are the best candidate to advice me.

So I have this babe I have been with for a while, over 2 months now. She's working, a civil servant in the state civil service then she does a POS gig at the market( met her at the market ) and hair salon business too.

Last week I found out that she was messing around with her ex while we were together and I felt betrayed because this individual talks like she's a saint and has been running around trying to catch me(honestly I am not, I am not even talking to anyone). I threw her out of my place and her mother got to find out about it then she( her mother) begged for days that she(her daughter was unsure about me and was trying not to waste her time).

The past couple of days, I have been thinking about what to do because to be honest everything seems forced. Ohh, I have had several observations about her.

1. She's someone who has this "I need to mend and show werey" at any given disagreement. She can send 20 minutes voice message cussing and crashing out and 1hr later delete them when I choose to ignore her, thank God for GB WhatsApp. And no, I am not the one making her to loose her mind, I have heard and seen her talk to her teenage younger brother and she's constantly on a loggerhead with her immediate younger sister, that one matches her "craze for craze"

2. I know we're not super rich and stuff, so I don't expect her to get me a Cybertruck, lol but I am yet to find anything as cheap as a single spoon that she has ever bought. please do not misunderstand my point, I expect that if someone wants to "stay" in a place you should have little contributions that they should make voluntarily. Although she handles the cooking and cleaning while I wash and fetch water.

3. 45% of my income goes to black tax especially one of my "non biological sister", so she(the babe) suggested that if she hold the money, the woman would stop billing me because I'd be forced not to give or give wayyyy less. So she is aware of my income and hold a large chunk of the money ( I know this sounds foolish). So for her she's constantly looking for ways for us to spend "my money" and it's and has never been a two way thing at least, make she even buy gala say make I take, e no dey ever happen, whenever I joke about it, she will tell me she doesn't have money. But if she is at the market and want to buy matchstick, she'd always ask me to send her the #50.

4. She is NEVER appreciative, for context she did a surgery, I was beside her and was like an errand boy and paid about 30% of the hospital bill, as a matter of fact, none of her siblings came around or was present (they live in the same locality). And at the slightest argument she's always say "anno yus dey benefit anything for this relationship" and the root cause of our argument 99% of the time is due to the fact that I didn't give her money or oblige or "support" her financially.

5. She has problem with me not coming to the parlour to cross legs and gossip or whatever it's that they do. She thinks I am hurting her emotionally by not being available 24/7.


For me, I want someone who is intentional, who shows signs that they'll help me in carrying the burden of life, I want someone who thinks in a "us" way instead of me. I want someone who'll dump my sorry a** the moment I cannot provide.
I know the world is a dog eat dog world, I don't want the mother of my kids to be haughty, vile and violent towards them or for them to pick these traits from her.

So do you think, maybe these traits are normal gen Z traits and it's a follow come that I need to manage. If not, assuming you were in my shoes what'll you do in this situation. Please you can tag your fellows who can advice me about this. I don't want to hold on to something worthless and at the same time I don't want to discard something worthy due to "small bugs".

SourYoghurt:
hey aunty pocohantas, how are you, happy Sunday, week and month. I hope everybody is good.


I wanted your opinion about something, and I believe in the female perspective, you are the best candidate to advice me.

SourYoghurt:
I don't want to hold on to something worthless and at the same time I don't want to discard something worthy due to "small bugs".


[/i]

Double0h7:
In case our fair lady is busy, let me throw my two cents in to the mater (since I read it all). I think you already know what you need to do. You would do yourself and her a great disservice if you didn't wait for your personal person.

There's someone perfect out there for both of you. The one thing you should never compromise on is your wife and the mother of your children.

Don't let people ask you "didn't you see these flaws when you were dating?" "What did you discuss with each other when you were dating?"

You know what to do. You know what you need. You know the right thing to do. If you're still confused then reread your post, again, and again... until you get it.

pocohantas:
Just 2 months and all this has happened?
That should tell you all you need to know.
Please keep searching...😃

ediko5:
I decided to quote your last statement because it really cracked me up. Did I see you write you don't want to discard something worthy due to small bugs?

May I ask you what you think 'big bugs' are in a relationship?

In your narration, you mentioned cheating or attempted cheating, steady nagging, ungratefulness, insulting, breaking you away from your family, not willing to lend any support to the relationship and so on and you call all these small bugs?

Your write-up is like movie script to me because I'm surprise there are still men like your in this era of red-piller campaigns spearheaded by women.

Oga, it's either the lady is just using you to pass some time or you'll learn the hard way.

You are from a very different background from her and men should always learn to know that different family values can have a serious clash in a relationship.

You're from a family of love while she's from the opposite. You were supporting your younger sibling before she stopped you from doing that. For none of her siblings to come around her when she had a surgery showed the kind of person she is and the kind of family she come from

SourYoghurt:
Hey ediko5, I understand your position and you are right to say anything about me. However, I am new to these things and I needed to be sure I not making a wrong decision even though I have decided within me that this person is not worth spending my time and life with.

I believe for her, she's cashing on my innocence and using me. I am planning to cook up a story to retrieve my money in her possession and feign unemployment and see how everything falls apart like card.

I am shunning the whole redpill thing because, maybe it's the version that I have encountered, it doesn't preach to treat people with decency. So do the version that you practice differ from this?

SourYoghurt:
Hey ediko5, I understand your position and you are right to say anything about me. However, I am new to these things and I needed to be sure I not making a wrong decision even though I have decided within me that this person is not worth spending my time and life with.

I believe for her, she's cashing on my innocence and using me. I am planning to cook up a story to retrieve my money in her possession and feign unemployment and see how everything falls apart like card.

I am shunning the whole redpill thing because, maybe it's the version that I have encountered, it doesn't preach to treat people with decency. So do the version that you practice differ from this?

ediko5:
I understand you bro, like I said you're from a completely different background from her. Personally I started doing relationship in my late 20s so I was kinda naive when I started relationship (I'm not talking about piping around cos I started piping at 16 - so I had a lil street credibility).

When I started dating, I dated with deep emotion, easily fall for call-for-pity drama, I dated with deep sympathy and compassion. It was later I realise that ladies see men with these attitudes as weak and foo - lish men.

My only luck was the orientation I had from a very little age (in all you do, make sure you develop and improve yourself before a girl regularly and never sponsor or fund a girl to be above your level) and it made me not to lose focus on myself to spend the little money I started making on girls.

With due respect, you're a weak man and what you need to understand is that weak men mostly fall victim into the wrong hands and they usually learn the had way.

Ever wonder why good girls end up in the hands of bad men and innocent men like you end up in the hands of street girls? It's simply because the bad ones date with very little or no emotion, sympathy and compassion. They don't compromise their standard and targets because of pity and they hardly ignore red flags.

For the bolded, I will advise that you shouldn't try to be soft while collecting your money from her, transform yourself to a complete new person and tell her to give you your money immediately. If you loose guard to use the soft way, you're not getting a dime from her because girls like that treat good and soft men as my - gus. She's not from a background that understand what is called LOVE, it's fully evident in her family.

I'll advice you give yourself some time in order for you to mingle around and understand. Join some male-centered groups - but be careful how you consume what you read on social media because it make make or destroy you.

Mingle with some older men who are married or more advanced than you - this one helped me alot because I mingled with older people who gave me advice on how to overcome the manipulative games of women.

Read some thread here on Nairaland, I also have few threads I wrote that will make you a stronger man

Dtruthspeaker:
Which man was not first weak? Or which man did not first fall before he learnt to stand?

If you like roll with Methuselah, every man will first be fall and is weak before he learns to stand strong because women range from bad to very 3vil. And a boy/man first falls for the bad/3vil ones when he thinks he is ready to play in the field.

And this is where you see the Truth is experience is

"Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment." - Benjamin Franklin

Dtruthspeaker:
The major idea of red pill is that you must be wiser than the woeman

SourYoghurt:
where do I go to to learn more about it, please point me towards that direction

SourYoghurt:
where do I go to to learn more about it, please point me towards that direction

ediko5:
The say experience is the best teacher but some experience are best gotten from people's past experience because some experience can destroy you for life.

From his write up, the man is probably someone in his 30s and it's clear he was a reserved man that focused on his career building. These are the kind of men that mostly fall victim in the hands of demonic la-dies.

So I see nothing wrong in me respectfully pointing his weaknesses to him.

SourYoghurt:
hey aunty pocohantas, how are you, happy Sunday, week and month. I hope everybody is good.


I wanted your opinion about something, and I believe in the female perspective, you are the best candidate to advice me.

So I have this babe I have been with for a while, over 2 months now. She's working, a civil servant in the state civil service then she does a POS gig at the market( met her at the market ) and hair salon business too.

Last week I found out that she was messing around with her ex while we were together and I felt betrayed because this individual talks like she's a saint and has been running around trying to catch me(honestly I am not, I am not even talking to anyone). I threw her out of my place and her mother got to find out about it then she( her mother) begged for days that she(her daughter was unsure about me and was trying not to waste her time).

The past couple of days, I have been thinking about what to do because to be honest everything seems forced. Ohh, I have had several observations about her.

1. She's someone who has this "I need to mend and show werey" at any given disagreement. She can send 20 minutes voice message cussing and crashing out and 1hr later delete them when I choose to ignore her, thank God for GB WhatsApp. And no, I am not the one making her to loose her mind, I have heard and seen her talk to her teenage younger brother and she's constantly on a loggerhead with her immediate younger sister, that one matches her "craze for craze"

2. I know we're not super rich and stuff, so I don't expect her to get me a Cybertruck, lol but I am yet to find anything as cheap as a single spoon that she has ever bought. please do not misunderstand my point, I expect that if someone wants to "stay" in a place you should have little contributions that they should make voluntarily. Although she handles the cooking and cleaning while I wash and fetch water.

3. 45% of my income goes to black tax especially one of my "non biological sister", so she(the babe) suggested that if she hold the money, the woman would stop billing me because I'd be forced not to give or give wayyyy less. So she is aware of my income and hold a large chunk of the money ( I know this sounds foolish). So for her she's constantly looking for ways for us to spend "my money" and it's and has never been a two way thing at least, make she even buy gala say make I take, e no dey ever happen, whenever I joke about it, she will tell me she doesn't have money. But if she is at the market and want to buy matchstick, she'd always ask me to send her the #50.

4. She is NEVER appreciative, for context she did a surgery, I was beside her and was like an errand boy and paid about 30% of the hospital bill, as a matter of fact, none of her siblings came around or was present (they live in the same locality). And at the slightest argument she's always say "anno yus dey benefit anything for this relationship" and the root cause of our argument 99% of the time is due to the fact that I didn't give her money or oblige or "support" her financially.

5. She has problem with me not coming to the parlour to cross legs and gossip or whatever it's that they do. She thinks I am hurting her emotionally by not being available 24/7.


For me, I want someone who is intentional, who shows signs that they'll help me in carrying the burden of life, I want someone who thinks in a "us" way instead of me. I want someone who'll dump my sorry a** the moment I cannot provide.
I know the world is a dog eat dog world, I don't want the mother of my kids to be haughty, vile and violent towards them or for them to pick these traits from her.

So do you think, maybe these traits are normal gen Z traits and it's a follow come that I need to manage. If not, assuming you were in my shoes what'll you do in this situation. Please you can tag your fellows who can advice me about this. I don't want to hold on to something worthless and at the same time I don't want to discard something worthy due to "small bugs".