₦airaland Forum

My attention has been drawn to this post https://www.nairaland.com/8390904/thinking-suicide and it only fair I give a response

I met her during one of the lowest points in my life — a time when I had nothing but a tourch and a stool at the gate of a compound that wasn’t mine. I was a struggling man, working long hours for little pay, eating the same cold food every night, and wondering if life would ever give me a break.

Then she showed up — not like some movie heroine, but with quiet kindness. She lived in the building five streets awayr. Some days, she brought me food. Other days, it was a warm piece of clothing or just simple conversation that reminded me I was still human. One night it rained so hard that my corner at the house flooded. She opened her door and let me sleep on her couch. That night, I cried silently. Not because I was weak, but because I hadn't felt that kind of care in a long time. That’s the kind of bond we built — not flashy, but real. And that says everything about the kind of person she was.

Then, life turned.

I still remember the day I won 35 million naira from a sports bet. I was in shock. It felt like the universe had finally noticed me. But before I thought of banks or investments, my heart thought of her. The one who stood by me when I had nothing.

I took her to a hotel — not to impress, but to celebrate our journey. It might sound small to some people, but for us, two people who had seen hardship up close, it was like stepping into a new world. We laughed, ate well, danced like fools, and promised each other a better tomorrow.

A few months later while lodged, she told me she was pregnant.

She also said something else — that she wasn’t going back to the small room she rented. Not because she couldn’t, but because she believed it was time for us to start building something real together.

That was a turning point for me. I could’ve run. Fear has a way of creeping in when life changes too fast. But I didn’t. Instead, I found us a mini flat — nothing extravagant, but ours. I left my job (it was a toxic environment already, salaries are delayed), used part of the money to start a business, and began learning how to build a life worth living. For me, for her, and for the child we were expecting.

Some people think love is flowers and dinners. But I know love is showing up when it’s dark. Love is food shared at a gate. A blanket on a cold night. And the decision to face the unknown together.

And because of her, I never walk through any gate without remembering where I came from — and who walked beside me on the way out.

When our child was born, she asked for a lavish naming ceremony — and I gave her that. I believed she deserved it, and it felt like a proper way to welcome our baby into the world. I truly wanted to build something real with her, so I supported her not just emotionally, but financially too.

I encouraged her many times to start a business. I gave her ₦1 million to begin something of her own, but she couldn’t account for how it was spent. I gave her another ₦800,000 — same story. That was when I realized she lacked financial discipline, and it became clear that just providing money wasn’t enough. Meanwhile, the business I started didn’t go as planned, and we found ourselves back at square one.

Things at home became harder. She was stubborn and quick to quarrel. When my siblings came to stay with us, they couldn’t last two weeks before leaving. She had arguments with the next-door neighbor, the landlady, the landlord, and even the neighbors in the next compound. When my own mother visited, she and my mom had a disagreement that ended badly — my mom left upset. Later, she even went to someone on the street to claim to be her mon and to call my mother, warning her to “never try that nonsense again.” That situation led to another fight. Then I knew women are selfish, self-centered and territorial in nature

The truth is, both my family and hers do not support us being together.

We were invited to a housewarming party for our child, and what she wore shocked me — a super micro-mini dress, with her back and cleavage fully exposed. I told her I couldn’t go with her like that. It wasn’t the first time. At a Christmas party for our child, her outfit again seemed more like a statement of availability than a celebration of motherhood. Most of her close friends are either single ladies, single mothers, or divorced. It’s not about judging them — it’s just that the influence has not helped our situation.

Things only got worse. The landlady caught one of her friends smoking in the compound while I was away. When confronted, she lied, saying she was cooking with firewood. Then came her birthday — she asked me for ₦80,000 just to do her hair. I told her honestly that I didn’t have the cash at the moment. Her response? That she would find someone else to give her the money. And she did. She left to celebrate her birthday with a sugar daddy — leaving our child behind in the compound and came back around 10:30pm. If not for the fact that we have few tenants who helped watch over the child, anything could have happened.

Yes, Looking back, I realize I was in a relationship that left me feeling emotionally neglected and physically distant for over a year and a half. During that time, I made choices that weren’t ideal, including seeking affection in places he shouldn't have. Flings with women I am not proud of it, but I am human. I’m not proud of those decisions, but I now understand they came from a place of unmet needs and emotional fatigue.

What’s become clear to me is that I was involved with someone who had a strong grip on emotional manipulation, an expert in emotional blackmail, used guilt as currency. I felt like a tenant in my own life, cohabiting with someone who felt more like a manipulative stranger than a partner. “Is this what love looks like?” I often asked myself at night.. To the men out there, he’d say this: Listen to your instincts. And MOST IMPORTANTLY listen to your mom too.

I also realize now that the advice from those who care about me, like my mom, wasn’t just noise—it was wisdom I was too caught up to fully hear. I’m grateful I didn’t rush into marriage under pressure or illusion.

Brandiebird:
You and your 101 monikers. What do you gain from this? Are you lonely and enjoying the engagement? Why copy and paste stories? You are now quoting your own threads 😂. 2 of your monikers have already commented and the others will come out soon to quote each other 😂

Nairaland, the home of mad people

Brandiebird:
You and your 101 monikers. What do you gain from this? Are you lonely and enjoying the engagement? Why copy and paste stories? You are now quoting your own threads 😂. 2 of your monikers have already commented and the others will come out soon to quote each other 😂

Nairaland, the home of mad people

QueenJazz:
Why do I feel like you and your girl are the same people.

Lol, even using the same fonts. Abeg shift.

Wadoh:
😂 I hear you! right?

But nah, — just trying to keep things neat and structured. The matching fonts? That's just the default swag. 😎

Anyway, I’ll gladly "shift" — or if you want me to clap back, just say the word.

QuinModah:
But let this be a lesson to the men that if you're too nice/kind this is always how they end up treating you.

Kobojunkie:
Nonsense! What about her too nice/kind to him when he was down on his luck?

Kobojunkie:
Nonsense! What about her too nice/kind to him when he was down on his luck?

IyaTola:
Nonso, why are you like this?
You don’t provide for the home. You don’t have a job.
You don’t help with the house chores.
You spend your time drinking and smoking, while she’s out there struggling just to eat — sometimes going hungry so there’s something left for others.

She’s carrying the weight of a home you’ve abandoned.
She’s tired, but still pushing.
She’s hurting, but still hoping.
And you? You’re watching her suffer while doing nothing to ease the burden.

This isn’t love.
This isn’t partnership.
It’s neglect. On top of that you are abusing her.

If you truly care, it’s time to show it — with actions, not excuses.