₦airaland Forum

EverydayTipsfor:
Why do so many African fathers neglect their children, especially after a divorce or separation? Does divorcing the mother also mean divorcing the children?

How can you be at peace knowing your children are not feeding well? Just because they’re with their mother, you think it's no longer your concern? How do you sleep well, eat well, and laugh with friends, knowing that a part of you — your own flesh and blood — is out there suffering?

So as to give the irresponsible mother enough time to carry out their brainwashing agenda. There is no gain is fruitless venture. A wise child will always look for the father.

Some men believe that once they lose access to the woman’s body, any child that came from that body is not their business anymore. Some of course. Before any cry-babies get in my mentions with nonsense

Factcheck0001:
so for your mind u think I get strength to argue with someone like u?

I stated a plain fact, you dey talk argue...to what end?

ugodson:
✓ Samantha 125 is very correct. Am experiencing this currently she took my kids along with her , i called and called if i could be paying school fees no responses, she called years later asking for school which i told her i dont have a problem with it i will pay school fees but Firstly i need to know the school they attend a d secondly the kids will be spending long vacation with me. Please Nairaland is that too much to ask? Ever since then no reply.
✓ Why will i be paying for school i dont know about later she can be telling the kids she is the one paying

So, the kids only exist to you if she will allow them spend long vacation with you, otherwise they might not exist to you?

2. Ah, there is it! Another directly admission!

EverydayTipsfor:
Why do so many African fathers neglect their children, especially after a divorce or separation? Does divorcing the mother also mean divorcing the children?

How can you be at peace knowing your children are not feeding well? Just because they’re with their mother, you think it's no longer your concern? How do you sleep well, eat well, and laugh with friends, knowing that a part of you — your own flesh and blood — is out there suffering?

They have no connection with the children. They were not in their lives from day 1
Most of them are wired with little or no emotions

Well some men neglect the kids so that the mother go feel am

EverydayTipsfor:
Why do so many African fathers neglect their children, especially after a divorce or separation? Does divorcing the mother also mean divorcing the children?

How can you be at peace knowing your children are not feeding well? Just because they’re with their mother, you think it's no longer your concern? How do you sleep well, eat well, and laugh with friends, knowing that a part of you — your own flesh and blood — is out there suffering?

Ofekongsk:
Well some men neglect the kids so that the mother go feel am

It is, for them, a chance to get back at the mothers without even an ounce of consideration as to how to children would feel, right?

Kobojunkie:
So, the kids only exist to you if she will allow them spend long vacation with you, otherwise they might not exist to you?

2. Ah, there is it! Another directly admission!

Why trying to twist things. Can't i know the school i will be paying for? When i say vacation i mean holidays am not out if the country

EverydayTipsfor:
That's a sad one. Disowning your own children as a way of punishing your ex wife. God!
This is a very traumatizing situation, as the children are the one who suffers the more

U can only say this??

What about where she said ur gender are also guilty of pushing the man away, that should have a comment from you??

ugodson:
✓ Why trying to twist things. Can't i know the school i will be paying for? When i say vacation i mean holidays am not out if the country

Read your very own words, abeg!

ugodson:
Samantha 125 is very correct. Am experiencing this currently she took my kids along with her , i called and called if i could be paying school fees no responses, she called years later asking for school which i told her i dont have a problem with it i will pay school fees but Firstly i need to know the school they attend a d secondly the kids will be spending long vacation with me. Please Nairaland is that too much to ask? Ever since then no reply.
Why will i be paying for school i dont know about later she can be telling the kids she is the one paying

No be you write am?

If the woman refuses, for instance to allow you this long vacation or holiday, or whatever it is, with the kids, will you still pay for their school fees? Your ending question there to us suggests it won't happen. 🤔

True.
Most couples just get into marriages without having certain necessary conversations. Real marriage conversations before marriage will go a long way to reduce all this unnecessary pain on the kids
In addition, most mothers portray the fathers in bad light to the kids. The men tend to take the blame while the mothers are the saints

Kobojunkie:
It is, for them, a chance to get back at the mothers without even an ounce of consideration as to how to children would feel, right?

EverydayTipsfor:
Why do so many African fathers neglect their children, especially after a divorce or separation? Does divorcing the mother also mean divorcing the children?

How can you be at peace knowing your children are not feeding well? Just because they’re with their mother, you think it's no longer your concern? How do you sleep well, eat well, and laugh with friends, knowing that a part of you — your own flesh and blood — is out there suffering?

What's your take on a present father but whose partner personalised the kid? Because of that, the father withheld his financial responsibility towards the kid until the mother is ready to take the child to him.
Like she wouldn't take the kid to his house even when he insists but he could only go to her house to see the kid. The communication between the parents is good, excellent. Just that the mother kind of made a secret vow never to set her feet in his house, and nothing like being afraid of assault or violence or any surprise. The trust is there, 100%

Kobojunkie:
From what you described, your friend was not forced but chose the abandon the children, though.

2. We don't know whose fault it is but we know from your post that you friend decided, of his own, that abandoning the children altogether was in HIS BEST INTEREST --- irrespective or the interest of the children in question.

nut u didn't talk about ur fellow devul that denied him seeing his child.. ONKR... SINGO MODA OF FOUR

Kobojunkie:
Read your very own words, abeg! No be you write am?

If the woman refuses, for instance to allow you this long vacation or holiday, or whatever it is, with the kids, will you still pay for their school fees? Your ending question there to us suggests it won't happen. 🤔

Would you advice your brother to pay the school fees to his ex or directly to the school?

ugodson:
✓ Would you advice your brother to pay the school fees to his ex or directly to the school?

Either, depending on the situation. As along as I know the children live with her and are catered for by her, why not? The courts are there for me to fight whatever issue I may have with her but there is absolutely no reason why I should abandon my children's needs for or because of any human.

EverydayTipsfor:
But that's not fair. If mothers are to be given up like that, what will happen to the child/children?

You mean the same Mothers that makes a Man's life a living h£ll ,because he wants to be in his children's lives until he gives up for his mental health?

de.

Algold:
No man wish to neglect his children. Let me correct that notion most women keeps.
Divorce is a bitter thing on both. Men wish the best for the kids, like schooling, apprenticeship, and getting a better spouse. But you see that bitter jezebel in-between him and the kids. Always feed the kids with negative stuff about the man.
If you meet any divorcee. Let him tell you his experience.

I have a contrary opinion to yours. What about in situations some men evict their kids from home to their mothers just because their wives hurt them. Should children be made to pay for the sins of their mothers

Kobojunkie:
Either, depending on the situation. As along as I know the children live with her and are catered for by her, why not? The courts are there for me to fight whatever issue I may have with her but there is absolutely no reason why I should abandon my children's needs for or because of any human.

Why should a man's life be turned into a living hell because he wants to be in his children's lives?
At which point does he say enough! and prioritise his mental health?
Abi his own wellbeing doesn't matter?

DarkJeddi:
➜Why should a man's life be turned into a living hell because he wants to be in his children's lives?
➜ At which point does he say enough! and prioritise his mental health?
➜ Abi his own wellbeing doesn't matter?

What worries me more is the fact that you pretend it is well within bounds to procreate while at the same time live as though those children don't even exist.

2. Prioritize a man's mental health and well-being over that of the children he has with the woman he now seems at loggerheads with?

3. Prioritize a man's well-being over that of his child?

damoladeji:
➜I have a contrary opinion to yours. What about in situations some men evict their kids from home to their mothers just because their wives hurt them. Should children be made to pay for the sins of their mothers

In Nigeria, the average man sees the woman and her sins tied with the children, though. So, when a woman has a falling out with her man, traditionally, the man is allowed to chase the woman and her children back to her parents.

DarkJeddi:
➜You mean the same Mothers that makes a Man's life a living h£ll ,because he wants to be in his children's lives until he gives up for his mental health?

Does the man really desire to be with the children or does he use the woman as an excuse to shirk his responsibilities towards the children?

EverydayTipsfor:
Why do so many African fathers neglect their children, especially after a divorce or separation? Does divorcing the mother also mean divorcing the children?

How can you be at peace knowing your children are not feeding well? Just because they’re with their mother, you think it's no longer your concern? How do you sleep well, eat well, and laugh with friends, knowing that a part of you — your own flesh and blood — is out there suffering?

This is a big fat lie.

Most fathers want to be in children's lives but the bitter ex-wife will do everything within their power to keep the children away from the father as a way to punish the father.

Most ex-wives will even poison and brainwash the kids into hating their dads

Ask around. It's usually the useless mother that a ways want to use the children as weapon to break the father. On many occasions, she understood the kind of love and bond that exist between the children and their father, and she's trying to exploit that to break the father by denying him access to them. I'm not talking about such fathers that didn't even take care of the family before the divorce.

omoredia:
The next wife will not take care of the child as well as the child's mother. Thats why

This is not true though

Kobojunkie:
From what you described, your friend was not forced but chose the abandon the children, though.

2. We don't know whose fault it is but we know from your post that you friend decided, of his own, that abandoning the children altogether was in HIS BEST INTEREST --- irrespective or the interest of the children in question.

your inability to comprehend a simple scenario is totally your fault because you failed to see where the fellow drove all the way from Ibadan to Lagos and was still denied access to the child.

stuffs2002:
➜your inability to comprehend a simple scenario is totally your fault because you failed to see where the fellow drove all the way from Ibadan to Lagos and was still denied access to the child.

I really don't understand how you people think at all. Your friend drove from Ibadan to Lagos to see the kid, only to be denied visitation; should he completely abandon the child? Is that really how your brain works?

stuffs2002:
This is a big fat lie. Most fathers want to be in children's lives but the bitter ex-wife will do everything within their power to keep the children away from the father as a way to punish the father.
Most ex-wives will even poison and brainwash the kids into hating their dads

. Do these fathers in turn abandon the children?

Samantha125:
Some men do want to be present fathers, but the problem is their bitter ex wives who keep looking for a reason to pick a fight with them whenever they try to keep in touch with their children.

You'd hear a lady still picking up a fight over things that happened years ago whenever the father of her children tries to make amends with her for the sake of their children without necessarily getting back together with her... In as much as some men can be useless fathers by deciding to disown their children as a way to punishing their ex wives upon divorce, others are trying, but the problem is this gender of ours that keeps pushing them away.

Co- parenting is still a foreign practice in most parts of Africa as the parents are unable to put their sentiments of each other aside by doing what is in the best interest of the children ... They're selfish.

Honestly u deserve a bottle of LEGEND BEER but my account is red.

This the the problem I'm facing. After divorce, I want to be paying school fees and some other stuufs but I was not allowed, they denied me access to both the wife and children. The funniest part is that these people are so poor. The children are not in school. I'm not even asking for the custody of the children because of their age.

I had gone to IBADAN from ILORIN 5 times and I was denied access. I have been calling or sending messages but they ignored.

Just to enroll the children in PUBLIC SCHOOLS and I wil be sending the SCHOOL FEES to the teachers or principal and HM. THEY DENIED ME A COMPLETE ACCESS

ugodson:
Samantha 125 is very correct. Am experiencing this currently she took my kids along with her , i called and called if i could be paying school fees no responses, she called years later asking for school which i told her i dont have a problem with it i will pay school fees but Firstly i need to know the school they attend a d secondly the kids will be spending long vacation with me. Please Nairaland is that too much to ask? Ever since then no reply.

Why will i be paying for school i dont know about later she can be telling the kids she is the one paying

You have done well.

Hmmm...sometimes it's not the guys fault ooo. A scenario where the guy asked for account no of the school to pay school fees the lady got angry and refused to pick calls again, saying the guy isn't ready yet( she wants the money in her account.