₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
From what you described, your friend was not forced but chose the abandon the children, though.

2. We don't know whose fault it is but we know from your post that you friend decided, of his own, that abandoning the children altogether was in HIS BEST INTEREST --- irrespective or the interest of the children in question.

Stop being petty , me personally wont leave my child to any woman to raise for me... If you no gree carry the pikin go comot my name from the pikin name cus shishi i won't drop. If the pikin becomes president tomorrow e no concern, me sef no dey joke with my hustle. Will be doing fine too. I no dey that reasoning that if i grow old pikin go dey feed me .

Fearurcreeator:
Stop being petty , me personally wont leave my child to any woman to raise for me... If you no gree carry the pikin go comot my name from the pikin name cus shishi i won't drop. If the pikin becomes president tomorrow e no concern, me sef no dey joke with my hustle. Will be doing fine too. I no dey that reasoning that if i grow old pikin go dey feed me .

Abegi leave the guy alone with is one way advice..
It is faceless forum. Anyone can say anything...
But I expected him to do statistically analysis of quotation from people before he comments again.
These are people from different upbringing, different lifestyle, different plights .
Kobojunki won't tell me he loved children more than everyone..
Every father has a level of unconditional love for their children.

Factcheck0001:
it's not like u think

My friend is in d same scenario u described now but he was forced to abandon the child.


The couple had issues as usual n they went their separate ways, the court ordered that the man should pay child support every month n should always b allowed to see his child anytime he wishes.

The guy is always paying money every month on a steady but 4 good time he drove from Ibadan to Lagos to go see the child n he was denied access.


Imagine how annoying that would b?

He had to stop paying n stop going to visit the child.

So will u tell me it's d guys fault?

he should have gone back to court to fight for custody

PattyMike:
Don’t judge!
I gave them the best life, best school, drive to school in the morning n pick ‘em up at noon. I live in a 3 bed duplex, they sleep in aircon rooms. She is with her parents, they moved from ajah to Epe and I don’t know the new address. Yes I have the option to send money to the moms acct without communication as she hasn’t picked my call in 3 months. She petitioned me to human rights and didn’t bother showing up, I drove 4 hours and all ended in futility. How can I seek the help of the court if there’s no address to serve them a notice. This same woman brags around her brothers are rich and she is capable enough to take care of the kids. Just one month of handling bills she run go human rights, I provided steadily for 2 years plus. Before I remember buy boxers for myself I spend all I earn on my family, 60% of my boxers are torn. I hadn’t bought clothes in over a year yet I am working and earning 7 figures. She knows those kids are my life, the best way to punish me is to take them away.

Do u know I attempted suicide the second week they left, I cried everyday the first week without my children. I would’ve died if not for timely intervention of my bestfriend. Don’t be quick to judge my dear friend.

Do u know I have been battling depression n suicidal thoughts for the past 3 months, randomly burst into tears when I see other toddlers with thier dad going to school. The shame n stigma of a broken marriage especially when everyone knows I’m the cause. She made sure everyone knew this, both family n friends home & abroad. I lost friends n business associates and almost lost my sanity, I go waka for road dey talk to myself lol.

Unfortunately I don’t blame her, she has become a monster of my own creation. Leave the marriage if that’s your decision but don’t punish those kids for my mistake.

My biggest weakness na my children, she knows and her family knows. Unfortunately my innocent kids have become a pawn in this dangerous game they’re playing.

Attached is my first n second from 5 months ago.

You’re wasting your precious time responding to that entity. You must be new here, go through people’s post before according them replies. Anyone with a handful of brain cells understands what you’re going through. How many women do you see on this page? They know the truth and avoid it. The two women that said the truth are exceptional, the rest will prefer to stick to their so called narrative.

Sorry about your experience, I can relate. Women will always try to use your weaknesses against you, I would have said you should lock up but we’re not the same. Only the hard hearted men win in this scenario.

Society will whine you about old age or going to beg the children later when it’s their mother that obviously brainwashed them but don’t budge. Find someone else and move on if you can. Nobody cares about the men’s side of the story

Kimikazi2:
➜When the mum blocks access to the kids, it means she's capable of taking care of them without input from the man.
➜How can I be sure that the money is being well spent when I can't even see the kids?
➜ Ladies love to use children as pawns when they know that their ex-partners have soft spot for their kids. That's what I'm hammering on. I saw this firsthand.
➜My aunt broke up with her husband while we were growing up and frustrated every move by the man to see his kids. She's always trying to get sympathy saying the man is terrible but I know how wicked she truly is....

1. What a convenient excuse to shirk one's obligations towards one's own kids.

2. So, not being sure, is reason enough to WITHHOLD resources meant to go towards supporting the child until adulthood?

3. Ladies love to do what you claim, so the men take it on themselves to use the ladies as a convenient excuse to, altogether, abandon their children, right?

4. The husband then took the opportunity to abandon the children — flesh and blood— in response?

Halastershang:
➜You could be right, but think about it this way, how could he tell his child is being cared for properly and not that the money he is sending is being mismanaged by the mother if he doesn't get the chance to see the child? We shouldn't jump into conclusions when we don't have all the facts

1. Complete withholding of support in this case is the best course of action when one is not certain whether one's child is being cared for. If a child you abandoned in such a way walked up to you one day to ask you why you have refused to send money for his upkeep all these many years before, can you look him or her in the eye and spit this out as a reason?

raddyworld:
➜Ogaaa ooo.KOBOJUNKIE....HABA I have been reading your comment since. I just discovered you can hardly settle mattered between couples. It got to a stage I was thinking you may be single with you responds.
➜ The question is that have you ever put urself in the position or experience such? It takes two to proper parenting. And the roles of the father and mother can not be ruled out. Be CLEAR I DONT SUPPORT FATHER ABANDONING THE CHILDREN, WHATSOEVER...
1. But Should a wife that cared about the children keep the children out of the reach of their father?
2. Should a wife that is forgiving and not self ago blocked the husband from accessing?
3. Did both understand marriage before they go into it?
4. Can we all be of the same character or grace to reaction to situations?
➜ Those people are telling u what they felt, how they are in pains and disappointment despite sacrifices, which I think u have not experienced . Yet u come hear to give your one way advice..
➜ I don't believe anyone is the master when it comes to marriage. Bcus we still have elderly people and Clergy still battling with marriage issues in their home. See PRACTICAL MARRIAGE WILL HUMBLE anyone.
Because it is two imperfect being. Let me shine more light to this for u. Some of those people u quoted wrong may not find the happiness in wife but children due to something best known to them presently.
➜Now imagine taking your joy from you despite the sacrifice.. Both spouse should work on no room for divorce and if it happens, let those couples try to be at peace bcus of the children. LETS PUT OURSELVES IN PEOPLE'S SHOES BEFORE COMMENTING.

When two elephants fight, it is the grass — the children in this case— that suffer. The elephants are not in need of pity, especially mine.

2. That is a dumb question to ask me or anything on this matter.

3. Telling me of their personal disappointments, sorrows, etc., all excuses for why they should subject their children to a life of serious hardship, emotional and mental damage, right?

4. Two people are broken up and moved on, yet you are still rambling about marriage. Nonsense! 🙄🙄🙄

The question is, why do you no longer feel you have to go all out for your children when your marriage/relationship with their mother/father is over? Stop flailing all over the place and answer the question.

5. What a wicked response! Your joy exists only when the children and woman live with you. Otherwise, the children might as well no longer exist to you? Ugh! 🙄🙄

Kobojunkie:
When two elephants fight, it is the grass — the children in this case— that suffer. The elephants are not in need of pity, especially mine.

2. That is a dumb question to ask me or anything on this matter.

3. Telling me of their personal disappointments, sorrows, etc., all excuses for why they should subject their children to a life of serious hardship, emotional and mental damage, right?

4. Two people are broken up and moved on, yet you are still rambling about marriage. Nonsense! 🙄🙄🙄

The question is, why do you no longer feel you have to go all out for your children when your marriage/relationship with their mother/father is over? Stop flailing all over the place and answer the question.

5. What a wicked response! Your joy exists only when the children and woman live with you. Otherwise, the children might as well no longer exist to you? Ugh! 🙄🙄

The fact still remains you don't have the experience. I doubt if u are married and if so you are not living with ur family.
Marriage itself is sacrifice. So telling me suffer or not suffer. They called it for better for worst. As a reader I don't expect u selecting words as toddler.
I told u up there that I DONT SUPPORT FATHERS NEGLECTING THEIR CHILDREN. But ur one way argument has never make senses to people who felt the impact. Don't u read where those people are willing to spend on there children. So u comprehension is that a reasonable father will forsake the child care because of issue with the mother.
This can at times happens if the man has other wife's and children around.
Do u think they won't value their children.
I have questions for u.
ARE YOU MARRIED?
IF SO , HAVE U EVER BEEN DIVORCED?
IF SO, HOW ARE YOU MANAGING THE SITUATION?
Thirdly HOW OLD ARE U IN MARRIAGE?
LASTLY, your ideas of them staying separately will still suffer the children. So the best way is the couple to come together so as to continuing building the family.
Honestly you can't love children than most of those guys. Someone even said he nearly commit suicide and hear u are justifying balderdash.

raddyworld:
➜The fact still remains you don't have the experience. I doubt if u are married and if so you are not living with ur family. Marriage itself is sacrifice. So telling me suffer or not suffer. They called it for better for worst. As a reader I don't expect u selecting words as toddler. I told u up there that I DONT SUPPORT FATHERS NEGLECTING THEIR CHILDREN. But ur one way argument has never make senses to people who felt the impact. Don't u read where those people are willing to spend on there children. So u comprehension is that a reasonable father will forsake the child care because of issue with the mother. This can at times happens if the man has other wife's and children around. Do u think they won't value their children. I have questions for u. ARE YOU MARRIED?
IF SO , HAVE U EVER BEEN DIVORCED? IF SO, HOW ARE YOU MANAGING THE SITUATION? Thirdly HOW OLD ARE U IN MARRIAGE?
LASTLY, your ideas of them staying separately will still suffer the children. So the best way is the couple to come together so as to continuing building the family. Honestly you can't love children than most of those guys. Someone even said he nearly commit suicide and hear u are justifying balderdash.

Just look at all of the ramblings... none of them actually related to the child in question. Yet, we are told that these children are somehow loved, even with all of this that has nothing to do with it? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Ahmed0336:
At least you know where she lives. Take her to court, her inability to enroll those kids into a public school is enough for the court to grant you full custody of your kids ( that's if you want to) when next you are visiting, take them to a police station and make sure you have enough evidence to back your claim in court.
Wish you all the best.

Thanks
I don't know the exact location but they are staying with one of her sisters, I don't know the address. The woman is a teacher in IBADAN

Kobojunkie:
Just look at all of the ramblings... none of them actually related to the child in question. Yet, we are told that these children are somehow loved, even with all of this that has nothing to do with it? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Ohoh.
Can u have that finance request if the so called man is dead, abnormal, out of peace, joy and crazy. As the children wellbeing is concerned, so also the parents who will provide all they needed physical and spiritual until they can man up themselves. Can u put the care of a child in the hand of a mad parent?
U can have a marriage neither children if the couple didn't have the peace to agree initially.
It takes wisdom for a woman to allow the father access so as to get the best for the children.
It takes the effort of both parent the give those children the best.
So coming together is the best solution here.
However, if they choose not, they should both save the children of those drama of fatherly or motherly love. Even if the man doesn't have a job to sustain the family. The couple need to create the right environment for the children, not all theses division. I have not read where any said that they intentionally not catered for the children. What I have read is the mother keeping them off to access those children.
Secondly, don't forget that the major reason for this topic is a responsible father not an irresponsible father that won't even check not to talk of money to the children.
In short, try to understand that the level of our anger, tolerant, patience and reaction to things are of different levels.
After all, unity and good parenting environment is primary to the financial issues u talking about.

Factcheck0001:
it's not like u think

My friend is in d same scenario u described now but he was forced to abandon the child.


The couple had issues as usual n they went their separate ways, the court ordered that the man should pay child support every month n should always b allowed to see his child anytime he wishes.

The guy is always paying money every month on a steady but 4 good time he drove from Ibadan to Lagos to go see the child n he was denied access.


Imagine how annoying that would b?

He had to stop paying n stop going to visit the child.

So will u tell me it's d guys fault?

how much can court asked to pay for child support?

raddyworld:
➜Ohoh. Can u have that finance request if the so called man is dead, abnormal, out of peace, joy and crazy. As the children wellbeing is concerned, so also the parents who will provide all they needed physical and spiritual until they can man up themselves. Can u put the care of a child in the hand of a mad parent? U can have a marriage neither children if the couple didn't have the peace to agree initially. It takes wisdom for a woman to allow the father access so as to get the best for the children. It takes the effort of both parent the give those children the best. So coming together is the best solution here.
However, if they choose not, they should both save the children of those drama of fatherly or motherly love. Even if the man doesn't have a job to sustain the family. The couple need to create the right environment for the children, not all theses division. I have not read where any said that they intentionally not catered for the children. What I have read is the mother keeping them off to access those children.
Secondly, don't forget that the major reason for this topic is a responsible father not an irresponsible father that won't even check not to talk of money to the children. In short, try to understand that the level of our anger, tolerant, patience and reaction to things are of different levels.
After all, unity and good parenting environment is primary to the financial issues u talking about.

Storyland! 🙄🙄🙄🙄

The long and short of all this remains that you choose to abandon your children the moment the woman you were formerly in a relationship with decides to go her way. All these long epistles to nowhere are unnecessary, given that no amount of word salad you continue to cook up can hide that fact.

Kobojunkie:
Storyland! 🙄🙄🙄🙄

The long and short of all this remains that you choose to abandon your children the moment the woman you were formerly in a relationship with decides to go her way. All these long epistles to nowhere are unnecessary, given that no amount of word salad you continue to cook up can hide that fact.

Can you abandoned ur children when your wife decides to divorce you. As the matter of fact the law says the man should still take care of the children. And what does the woman derived from keeping those children from their father..
It's either u are a female disguising as male.
U never emphasize on the woman errors even if its not enough for the father to neglect the children. You don't have the experience...
I have seen mother begging the Father for fatherly blessing on the daughters that was was away from him since teenager during the daughters wedding. Bcus the first wedding was arranged without the father and lead to breakup between the couple.
If I am doubting you marital status it starts with ur response on such marital issues.
If you have not been there stop castigating or condemning those who have experience it

raddyworld:
➜Can you abandoned ur children when your wife decides to divorce you. As the matter of fact the law says the man should still take care of the children. And what does the woman derived from keeping those children from their father.. It's either u are a female disguising as male. U never emphasize on the woman errors even if its not enough for the father to neglect the children. You don't have the experience... I have seen mother begging the Father for fatherly blessing on the daughters that was was away from him since teenager during the daughters wedding. Bcus the first wedding was arranged without the father and lead to breakup between the couple. If I am doubting you marital status it starts with ur response on such marital issues. If you have not been there stop castigating or condemning those who have experience it

Kai! ... Many Nigerians really don't like their children at all....love of children is definitely far from them! 🙄🙄🙄

Kobojunkie:
Kai! ... Many Nigerians really don't like their children at all....love of children is definitely far from them! 🙄🙄🙄

U are not married. Bcus the truth is if u love the children without the woman. U won't got far as family. If you love the wife NEGLECTING the children,they will both suffer it. The parent are like roof/umbrella for the children. Once it is damaged it will affect the home(most especially the children) so both parent must work on themselves. Marriage is sacrifice. Even if it will take the husband and wife to sacrifice their ego..
What if the man continues to pay till those children needed him during wedding, so u expect the father who is not forgiving to let slide?
Or cant u see what happened as a result of mobhad parenting issue?

raddyworld:
➜U are not married. Bcus the truth is if u love the children without the woman. U won't got far as family. If you love the wife NEGLECTING the children,they will both suffer it. The parent are like roof/umbrella for the children. Once it is damaged it will affect the home(most especially the children) so both parent must work on themselves. Marriage is sacrifice. Even if it will take the husband and wife to sacrifice their ego.. What if the man continues to pay till those children needed him during wedding, so u expect the father who is not forgiving to let slide? Or cant u see what happened as a result of mobhad parenting issue?

Kai!.... Nigerians... who do una this evil, abeg? 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Kobojunkie:
1. Imagine me as a child asking you why my dad should withhold his responsibilities towards me, his child, in the case that he is not allowed to see me? Do I stop needing to be fed, catered for, nurtured, etc., because, for some reason, he is not allowed to see me? Why should the child have to suffer because two adults are not mature enough to set aside their issues?

2. My concern has never been about the ladies or the men's, but about the responsibility of parents to their children. So, stop bringing up meaningless issues between two equally immature, vindictive adults— withholding support from your child because the mother is not cooperating with you is a vindictive move against the child— and focus more on the fact that the abandoned child is caused to suffer needlessly, all because of what?

Why is it so hard for you to advise your fellow gender to allow access to the kids? Guys, it's a silly mind game. If the man is denied access to the kids, the mother will brainwash the said kids that the dad is a deadbeat. So it's still a vicious cycle.

Kimikazi2:
➜Why is it so hard for you to advise your fellow gender to allow access to the kids? Guys, it's a silly mind game. If the man is denied access to the kids, the mother will brainwash the said kids that the dad is a deadbeat. So it's still a vicious cycle.

At least make effort to learn the meaning and application of words before using them. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

A "deadbeat" is a slang term used to describe someone who habitually fails to pay debts or fulfill financial obligations. It can also refer to a lazy or irresponsible person who is not willing to work or contribute. The term is often used in a derogatory way to criticize someone's lack of responsibility.

For instance, you are a deadbeat dad if you fail to pay regular — typically monthly —child support for your children. You are financially obligated to provide for the well-being and nurture of your child from the moment of birth until that child becomes an independent adult. There are no valid excuses against fulfilling this obligation(not granted one by law, sickness or death). And no, it does not matter the opinion of your children when it comes to your fulfillment of this obligation.

Kobojunkie:
At least make effort to learn the meaning and application of words before using them. 🙄🙄🙄🙄
For instance, you are a deadbeat dad if you fail to pay regular — typically monthly —child support for your children. You are financially obligated to provide for the well-being and nurture of your child from the moment of birth until that child becomes an independent adult. There are no valid excuses against fulfilling this obligation(not granted one by law, sickness or death). And no, it does not matter the opinion of your children when it comes to your fulfillment of this obligation.

Calm down grammar Nazi, it's not just about finance. If one isn't doing what a father ought to do generally, that's being a deadbeat. The question is how can one be a good father and a role model in absentia?

Kimikazi2:
➜ Calm down grammar Nazi, it's not just about finance. If one isn't doing what a father ought to do generally, that's being a deadbeat.
➜ The question is how can one be a good father and a role model in absentia?

What do most Nigerian fathers typically pride themselves for doing as fathers, is it not basically providing financially for the raising of their children? (Of course, we all know and are aware that fathers ought to do more, but since we are on the issue of Nigerian fathers, let's at least tackle the basics here.) A good Nigerian father starts off by being a good provider to his children. This is the traditional arrangement that many a Nigerian man has argued for to this day. A deadbeat Nigerian father is one whose mouth is full of numerous excuses for why he should not be expected to meet at least his financial obligations towards his children.

2. How can he be a good father or role model when he can't even measure up as a good provider in absentia? Good father wey no fit send money for school, feeding, and needs... who him audio goodness help?🙄🙄🙄

Toymax88:
Thanks
I don't know the exact location but they are staying with one of her sisters, I don't know the address. The woman is a teacher in IBADAN

Trace her sister's school, make sure you follow her without her knowledge to her address.
Then report them to the necessary authority.
If you don't have time, hire someone who can. All the best ..

That is the heights of irresponsibility. I can never neglect my kids or ex wife no matter what. I would rather die than neglect my kids.

Ahmed0336:
Trace her sister's school, make sure you follow her without her knowledge to her address.
Then report them to the necessary authority.
If you don't have time, hire someone who can. All the best ..

That's where the problem lies, I don't know her house address and I don't know the name of the school where she teaches in IBADAN

Toymax88:
That's where the problem lies, I don't know her house address and I don't know the name of the school where she teaches in IBADAN

If you have any of their phone number and you are sure it is on, visit any CID office to track the location of the number. You can start from there.

[quote author=Ahmed0336 post=135739014]If you have any of their phone number and you are sure it is on, visit any CID office to track the location of the number. You can start from there.

Ahmed0336:
If you have any of their phone number and you are sure it is on, visit any CID office to track the location of the number. You can start from there.

I have the mother in-law's phone number but the woman is not answering my calls. I have to their family house at BARIKA 5 times but no positive response

My wife has changed her phone number and even before she does, NSCDC was unable to track her phone number, my 20k was later refunded after a futile attempt

SKhanmi:
You’re wasting your precious time responding to that entity. You must be new here, go through people’s post before according them replies. Anyone with a handful of brain cells understands what you’re going through. How many women do you see on this page? They know the truth and avoid it. The two women that said the truth are exceptional, the rest will prefer to stick to their so called narrative.

Sorry about your experience, I can relate. Women will always try to use your weaknesses against you, I would have said you should lock up but we’re not the same. Only the hard hearted men win in this scenario.

Society will whine you about old age or going to beg the children later when it’s their mother that obviously brainwashed them but don’t budge. Find someone else and move on if you can. Nobody cares about the men’s side of the story

Thanks broda. I have started sending them money back weekly, if she likes make she unblock me. I’ll keep sending when I have and keep my receipts for proof.
Inside his nonsense he made a point, should the innocent kids suffer for their mother’s wickedness? What I’m trying to avoid is that brainwashing. Yes they will find me when they grow but that psychological trauma nko. Hopefully God go touch her heart grant her peace.

Gbadugbakun:
So that I can have time to focus on my new lover. Besides the child would remind me of my ex wife and I don't want that. So everything about her including her children would be divorced.

Wtf 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂u dey craze oo

Kobojunkie:
Read your very own words, abeg! No be you write am?

If the woman refuses, for instance to allow you this long vacation or holiday, or whatever it is, with the kids, will you still pay for their school fees? Your ending question there to us suggests it won't happen. 🤔

Does he not have the right to spend time me with his kids?
The kids have always been with their mother, I see nothing bad, if he decides that he want the kids to spend the long vacation with him.

PattyMike:
In my case, I am not allowed access to my children. Infact I haven’t set eyes on them in 4 months. The wife blocked me everywhere, even Snapchat where I saved a video of my kids she got the notification cleared all chats n pics then blocked me. Tarnished my image to friend n family, yes I have a big part in the issue but it hurts me I am not allowed to see my kids. Infact she is planning on traveling out of the country with the kids. To make sure I never see them again. I refused to send any more money until I am allowed at least a weekend per month with my kids and a week stay with me during school holiday. It hurts me everyday when I think of it but what can I do? I currently don’t know thier whereabouts.

Go and report the situation to immigration, give them her details and the children details. They will not allow her to fly out with the children. You still have enough right over those children in Nigeria than any other part of the world.

aremuforlife:
✓ Does he not have the right to spend time me with his kids?
✓ The kids have always been with their mother,
✓ I see nothing bad, if he decides that he want the kids to spend the long vacation with him.

Of course he does have a right to see the kids, but nothing of that right is in exchange for his duty as their provider and supporter.

2. So?

3. I see nothing bad in that either.

This topic is on fathers being deadbeats -- refusing to support the upkeep and nature of their children. Try to stay focused and stop muddling issues already!;!