₦airaland Forum

Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

She is probably sending her money to her parents and her siblings. If she manages to save so much in the nearby future, she will tell you goodbye.

[quote author=Liazz post=135898128]Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.
We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.
Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.
I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.
This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.
[/quota merging seems amiss. How were the financial dynamics while you were u Naija?

[quote author=Patented post=135898378][/quote]Back home before we travelled, she wasn't employed, I was fully in charge of all finances with the help of my family members.

And he will remain and keep footing bills! What makes her a wife?

Liazz:
Back home before we travelled, she wasn't employed, I was fully in charge of all finances with the help of my family members.

It's either she got too used to that arrangement or she get plans wey she no dey tell you IMO

Women can make you go crazy in marriage at times, bro abeg start preparing your mind for the worse. So that it won't hit you hard when you realise

It high time you take a step ahead start saving what ever remains goes to the family upkeep, one of her legs is out of the marriage.she only buying her time to complete the house back home with her family, you are sleeping on a bicycle

Then leave the marriage,or concentrate on your self.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.
We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.
Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.
I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.
This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

Who buys the food in the house and how old are your children?

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.
We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.
Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.
I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.
This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

I wondered why some men are men. Take decisive actions against her and stop complaining, why would you even take woman along with you in the first place

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.
We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.
Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.
I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.
This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

Cheif, you're not being unreasonable. This is not naija, bills are plenty. You have to expressly state that she contributes or start planning your exit. I hope you have some emergency funds/assets stashed back in Nigeria before the bailiff comes knocking on your door.

Be diplomatic in your discussions with her over the issue, you are disadvantaged here,
If you snooze, you may loose all you think you are living for.

Some men just too mumu. Please carry your load by yourself. Things that should be settled since the beginning are what is coming up now.

This is why most men die early. Dem go carry load wen pass Dem. She doesn't love you one bit. Don't be a Captain save a hoe. If she ain't willing to contribute, she can butt out.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.
We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.
Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.
I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.
This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

She is planning something most likely.

Prepare your mind for the worst.

Start saving in your own capacity for yourself

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.
We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.
Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.
I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.
This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

i live in uk too. The system is different. Here you are on your own. Also, the reason why most men have nothing to show after years in abroad is because of this. If you are not doing 50 50 with your wife my brother you would not achieve anything and the worsf you might work yourself to death. Anyone that advises you otherwise hates you. With 50 50 with my wife we built 2 properties in nigeria, we bought a house in uk, we bought cars in uk, we help people back home, we travel too. Like i said this is an advise. Many men in uk are regretring for chesting bills alone. Uk was created for household income.

Liazz:
Back home before we travelled, she wasn't employed, I was fully in charge of all finances with the help of my family members.

thats where you spoiled your wife. The thing is now ingrained. Do this. Stop helping in the home, stop carrying her along, just focus on yourself and the kids. She would come around.

Liazz:
Your comments are highly welcome.

She is saving her money for an eventual separation, she is obviously getting a tutorial from outside. A woman who is 100% committed to her marriage doesn't need to be told that marriage requires team work.

I will only advice you to start preparing urself too, by ensuring that you have savings, so that u wouldn't be caught unaware when the eventuality happens. Women are unpredictable. Take them abroad and see their real character

jesmond3945:
i live in uk too. The system is different. Here you are on your own. Also, the reason why most men have nothing to show after years in abroad is because of this. If you are not doing 50 50 with your wife my brother you would not achieve anything and the worsf you might work yourself to death. Anyone that advises you otherwise hates you. With 50 50 with my wife we built 2 properties in nigeria, we bought a house in uk, we bought cars in uk, we help people back home, we travel too. Like i said this is an advise. Many men in uk are regretring for chesting bills alone. Uk was created for household income.

Do you have kids and what is their age range?

Do both of you work full time?

Your wife needs to understand that over there bills are split 50/50 by the couple unlike here in Nigeria or Africa where the husband bears almost all the bills 100%.

I hope she won't use a flimsy excuse to get you thrown out of the house, that will be double jeopardy for you!

Bro, that's women for you.

My advice for all men is "Prioritize yourself in all you do". Very important.
Refuse to be blinded by love, belief or religion. Be intentional about being selfish.

And above all, never be afraid to walk away at anytime.

My cent!!!

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.
We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.
Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.
I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.
This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

She is supposed to contribute too.. who made it a law that women can't foot bills in a relationship?
@OP The truth is that while you work yourself to meet family needs, your wife is busy sending money to either her parents, relatives or ex-bfs.

Henix:
She is saving her money for the eventual separation, she is obviously getting a tutorial from outside. A woman who is 100% committed to her marriage doesn't need to be told that marriage requires team work.

I will only advice you to start preparing urself too, by ensuring that you have savings, so that u wouldn't be caught unaware when the eventuality happens. Women are unpredictable. Take them abroad and see their real character

It's not every woman that you can take abroad, unfortunately most Nigerian men do not know this. They just want to relocate!

justwise:
Who buys the food in the house and how old are your children?

I finance everything 100%, I give her money and she goes out to buy the food stuff.
We have 2 kids, 5 years and 3 months of age. That's why it's complicated, I can't make any drastic decision as my kids may suffer. Social workers in UK also don't tolerating suffering children, they will take your children away from u and u will never see them again.

Liazz:
I finance everything 100%, I give her money and she goes out to buy the food stuff.
We have 2 kids, 5 years and 3 months of age. That's why it's complicated, I can't make any drastic decision as my kids may suffer. Social workers in UK also don't tolerating suffering children, they will take your children away from u and u will never see them again.

Why don't you trick her and the kids to Nigeria then, just seize her passport and forget her or better still just tell her you lost your job and you will be staying at a friend's place for the mean time. That way you can know what to do by staying with a friend or whatever to observe the situation. Tell her you also lost all you had to a business or something like that. That will show you her true colours so prepare for the worse.

I understand you better bro.

It's not easy, but you have to close your eyes to some things for your own good.

I hope you're not the dependent.

Liazz:
I finance everything 100%, I give her money and she goes out to buy the food stuff.
We have 2 kids, 5 years and 3 months of age. That's why it's complicated, I can't make any drastic decision as my kids may suffer. Social workers in UK also don't tolerating suffering children, they will take your children away from u and u will never see them again.

Any marriage that makes you feel like its a trap run o

Marriage won't stop teaching us lessons.


Sometimes good lesson, sometimes bad one

Woman help your husband na .. that's why you're his ribs .. why are you so selfish...

Abroad is not Africa where wife is expected to be just wife and wait for husband to settle all house bills.. both of you are expected to contribute if not equally then 60/40! But if you feel that’s not the case.. then file for a divorce.. but be ready to pay your child support! At least you can start ur life with someone else who is easy to support u

It’s well wit your family in Jesus name amen

Have faith

exercise patience

Endure
Sit down and have ❤️ to ❤️ talk