₦airaland Forum

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

Sometimes it pays to be an irresponsible father just a little bit; it will make your wife sit up.
I have come to understand that when people rely on you too much, it makes them lazy and puts lots of pressure on you. It happens in the workplace, family and life generally.

Any girl I'm dating, I usually ask her about this money aspect.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

You didn't add where she is denying you sex ?

This aspect is almost always part of your complaints.

How do I get 40 characters?
Udvafudlepavsgagso

Hmmmm. I like my self sha. I will only complain once and that's all. I will start implementing my next line of action little by little or sometimes at once and it can be deadly. No time for madness.

Then if you like involve the pope I will not answer anybody. A man must be wise and decisive without crying like a baby.

Why complain when you can take action.

tempex88:
you are being unreasonable...look away from her money.

You pay rent and feeding as well as support with the children and house chores, that's expected from any western man.

The moment you delete thinking of how to spend/ she spends her money in your head.......you will experience peace.

By the way, i was once like you.

Please can you expantiate because I dont follow ..He should look away from his wife money and chest everything and still out house chores in a land were emphasis on Bill's is high.

I really dont get you...he never said the wife is a house wife she is a working class who earns and uses most of those things that also contributed to the bills..Are you saying the wife should not be responsible by committing her finances in the upbringing of the family. So were will her income be going to if her immediate family does not benefit from it.

Please I need you to clear the air?or maybe you made a mistake...

justwise:
Answer the question i asked in my previous post, very uncomfortable fact right?

Yes there are women who are financially independent organically but they are countable.

Oga, I dont know the answer. Maybe a quick Google search will answer your question. I know most women are now going to colleges to earn their degrees to make a living. I don't know any woman living off a man nor have I met one.

hope4nigeria:
I wondered why some men are men. Take decisive actions against her and stop complaining, why would you even take woman along with you in the first place

I'm not taking my wife with me, except that she is bringing 40 per cent of the money.

It starts from the beginning. When a man before or even at marriage shows a woman that you are a capable man that can provide for his family. A woman will gladly allow you without wanting to assist, except the extremely kind ones that go out of their way.
So, you laid the foundation from the beginning and so shall it be. The day you stop, there will be big problems in the marriage.

Her mind and soul are not in the marriage. So, she could highlight at any stop of the bus u called married.

The funny thing about this thing is that when we ask your wife, she will have a long list of so many things she does monthly for the family without bothering you. But you won't count it. Everyone is already insinuating she's sending money to her family, some even said ex

Guy, sit your wife down and you both can plan your finances. You said, you earn double, so she expects you can handle everything while she saves for rainy days. If you feel you need help and not for you to start throwing money around( that's one of the reason women prefer to keep theres for emergency) discuss it with your wife. You both have to be as transparent as possible about finace so she can trust you and bring out hers .

The koko is to plan together. Let everyone have their own vex money, but contribute to family at each other's capacity.

GloriousGbola:
someone claims to be in the uk but is still mixing up American and British currency
claim you do dishes when dishwaher can be bought cheaply

gerraria hia with your rd pill engagement

a man in based in uk coming to nairaland to look for advice from small boy incels who dont have gf

No be na wa, na real wa for you.

The OP shared an issue that's affecting his marriage, and instead of addressing that concern you picked on a word in his post, a word that he used in a figurative context, and went off tangent to talk about american and british currencies and dishwashers.

No be everyone for UK get dishwasher, and even if they do, a dishwasher still requires human input cos someone has to load the dishes, add detergent and unload it at the end, so na still work.

OP clearly said he helps with the household chores on top of carrying all the financial weight so that should count for something. Mocking him and accusing him of farming redpill engagements is not only unhelpful but disrespectful. Granted many juveniles dey NL but so are many experienced married folks whose advice he could benefit from. Sometimes people post their issues on NL to gain another perspective. and I believe the OP will be able to sift the sound advice from the chaff.

To the original poster, assuming your story is true, you are not being unreasonable. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. If you’re both working, it’s fair to expect some level of shared financial responsibility, especially when you’ve already carried major burdens like relocating and repaying loans on your own.

If private conversations haven’t helped, you should consider couples counseling with a professional. I repeat, a PROFESSIONAL. Sometimes having a neutral third party can help couples see things more clearly and break through the deadlock. Just make sure you continue to express yourself clearly, calmly, and without bottling things up.

But if after all efforts there’s still no willingness from her to shift or even acknowledge how much this is affecting you, then you may need to ask yourself some hard questions about what kind of future you want and whether this version of the marriage is sustainable.

Your peace of mind matters too.

hope4nigeria:
I wondered why some men are men. Take decisive actions against her and stop complaining, why would you even take woman along with you in the first place

Bro it won't be easy if you don't take your family with you. Talking from experience. It's just that God should give us our caring wife.

Zooposki:
Even if she was not working, as a mom she is on duty 24/7, while your work does not take up 24/7 of your time. Even if you provide 100% financially, you still should help her in taking care of your children and house. There is also such a thing as invisible labour. Google what it means.

I Dont get you are deviating and changing the narrative..what is your stand that nothing should come from her financially in the running of the home. A home we took an oath to build together please throw more light with respect to what you wrote above. The man did not complain about taking care of the children or helping with house chores, he only made that information open so that commenters can make a clear and unbiased judgement.

But you not answered the main reason for the post ..pls kindly do.

UniQue84:
Please can you expantiate because I dont follow ..He should look away from his wife money and chest everything and still out house chores in a land were emphasis on Bill's is high.

I really dont get you...he never said the wife is a house wife she is a working class who earns and uses most of those things that also contributed to the bills..Are you saying the wife should not be responsible by committing her finances in the upbringing of the family. So were will her income be going to if her immediate family does not benefit from it.

Please I need you to clear the air?or maybe you made a mistake...

I ask you a question, do you want to be right or be happy?

Liazz:
Back home before we travelled, she wasn't employed, I was fully in charge of all finances with the help of my family members.

You should have renegotiated your marriage arrangement after she secured a job. It is not too late to do so now. Get a professional marriage counselor involved.and work towards seeing that that all burdens including financial are shared.

immortalcrown:
She is probably sending her money to her parents and her siblings. If she manages to save so much in the nearby future, she will tell you goodbye.

Spot on

UniQue84:
I Dont get you are deviating and changing the narrative..what is your stand that nothing should come from her financially in the running of the home. A home we took an oath to build together please throw more light with respect to what you wrote above. The man did not complain about taking care of the children or helping with house chores, he only made that information open so that commenters can make a clear and unbiased judgement.

But you not answered the main reason for the post ..pls kindly do.

She might be contributing financially on non essentials, just that the man might not be aware or dont count it. I bet this man complaining does not take care of her personal needs, like buying her clothes, toiletries, etc but still has the audacity to demand that she cook for him and do all the house chores. That is why she is still working to earn her money. Working and doing the bulk of the house chores will take a toll on someone's mental health. She don check out and could care less what the man does.

tempex88:
✓ I ask you a question, do you want to be right or be happy?

if you have to trade in other to be happy, then what you have is not necessarily happiness, but a compromise you tolerate for a period.

kevinexit:
Hmmmm. I like my self sha. I will only complain once and that's all. I will start implementing my next line of action little by little or sometimes at once and it can be deadly. No time for madness.

Then if you like involve the pope I will not answer anybody. A man must be wise and decisive without crying like a baby.

Why complain when you can take action.

Maybe your wife begged to be married.
Some women bring the table and you can't easily walk away from a table that feeds you literally.
You better swallow ego and sort things out amicably.
All this una action na for nairaland page we dey see am.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

Is she a content creator on TikTok?

Slow down bro. Discuss the workability of the union with your wife before she sends you to early grave. You cannot continue like this and fulfil your destiny in good health.

women do not know that life at home is very different from life abroad ...here it is mostly men that foot the bills but in abroad it takes two to survive ...i just pity the men that takes their wives abroad without properly informing them on how things work over there .

Zooposki:
Oga, I dont know the answer. Maybe a quick Google search will answer your question. I know most women are now going to colleges to earn their degrees to make a living. I don't know any woman living off a man nor have I met one.

You are just being dishonest..anyway....

semid4lyfe:
No be na wa, na real wa for you o.

The OP shared an issue that's affecting his marriage, and instead of addressing that concern you picked on a word in his post, a word that he used in a figurative context, and went off tangent to talk about american and british currencies and dishwashers.

No be everyone for UK get dishwasher, and even if they do, a dishwasher still requires human input cos someone has to load the dishes, add detergent and unload it at the end, so na still work.

OP clearly said he helps with the household chores on top of carrying all the financial weight so that should count for something. Mocking him and accusing him of farming redpill engagements is not only unhelpful but disrespectful. Granted many juveniles dey NL but so are many experienced married folks whose advice he could benefit from. Sometimes people post their issues on NL to gain another perspective. and I believe the OP will be able to sift the sound advice from the chaff.

To the original poster, assuming your story is true, you are not being unreasonable. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. If you’re both working, it’s fair to expect some level of shared financial responsibility, especially when you’ve already carried major burdens like relocating and repaying loans on your own.

If private conversations haven’t helped, you should consider couples counseling with a professional. I repeat, a PROFESSIONAL. Sometimes having a neutral third party can help couples see things more clearly and break through the deadlock. Just make sure you continue to express yourself clearly, calmly, and without bottling things up.

But if after all efforts there’s still no willingness from her to shift or even acknowledge how much this is affecting you, then you may need to ask yourself some hard questions about what kind of future you want and whether this version of the marriage is sustainable.

Your peace of mind matters too.

You are a mod on this platform so you know how it goes. Fp is full of made up stories with a goal of bashing women.

Unfortunately Seun has allowed this to happen so now I take any of these stories with a handful of salt.

Now we have an anonymous poster creating a thread where he claims he has lived in the UK for three years.

He has never lived or worked in America so where is he getting the term dime from. Brits use the word Pence for coins.

There are usually little things you can use to catch people lying. Like when people in us say they are using panadol (it is called Tylenol in the US)

Most importantly appliances like dishwashers and washing machines are not that expensive can be bought on credit and will immediately make life easier for the family. Within Nigeria people can say it is for the wealthy but in the west it is just a standard home appliance like a fridge or an iron

The story reads to me like one of those stories with a clear goal of demonizing women

Unfortunately poster has deliberately failed to add crucial info like what work he or his wife does.

I also find the story hard to believe because they are supposedly in the UK and have not found their feet. Any man in Nigeria will tell you that naija women play the game of my salary is for me, your salary is for the family. But they can afford to do that over here. No fresh immigrant family in the uk can afford to do that. Selfishness cannot trump reality.

Zooposki:
No be only ribs. Imagine in this day and age still believing that a man birthed a woman.

Ribs means she's there to help her... Written and meaning in context is different..
You can do yours as you wishes ...

justwise:
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You are just being dishonest..anyway....

I'm the most straight forward person you would ever encounter. I don't know anyone that does, at least in my life. Maybe I will start paying more attention to the celebrities to see who is living off whom, but that might be too boring for me. I will rather watch investment videos or read about other important stuff.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

Some men dey suffer in dis marriage of a tin

fredoooooo:
Ribs means she's there to help her... Written and meaning in context is different..
You can do yours as you wishes ...

Nobody came to help anyone. Forge your path and stop all these talk. We all were born alone and we will die alone. Stop listening to a misogynistic so called god created by man.

Liazz:
Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife?
We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.

We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.

Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking.
I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.

I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.

This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I?
Your comments are highly welcome.

report her to her parent and tell them all what she did to you and your family. With that you will have a peace of mind.

jesmond3945:
i live in uk too. The system is different. Here you are on your own. Also, the reason why most men have nothing to show after years in abroad is because of this. If you are not doing 50 50 with your wife my brother you would not achieve anything and the worsf you might work yourself to death. Anyone that advises you otherwise hates you. With 50 50 with my wife we built 2 properties in nigeria, we bought a house in uk, we bought cars in uk, we help people back home, we travel too. Like i said this is an advise. Many men in uk are regretring for chesting bills alone. Uk was created for household income.

Pls how long have you been in the UK ?

Better find a way to bring her back to Nigeria n divorce her in Nigeria ,