₦airaland Forum

I must admit that this topic has been overstressed. It is possible that I might have nothing new to tell you. But regardless, I will offer fresh insights. Marriage, child development, family life, religion and politics are topics I am very passionate about. I am of the belief that if we get it right at the family phase, we will raise good children who will, in turn, make our society a better place. Due to my background in psychology, I have read hundreds of clinical formulation documents of mental health patients. One common factor mostly stands out - broken homes.

The weather is so cold. Two lonely and bored people of the opposite sex decide to meet up. The sex was so sweet that it caused an eruption of oxytocin in the woman. It felt good like nicotine, and she asked for more. She thought it was love and got carried away till she fell pregnant. Both parties are unaware of the sacrificial and torrid journey of parenthood. When stress and responsibilities kick in, they hurriedly part ways. The child accidentally becomes a burden both parties seek phantom happiness in different directions.

I believe it's harder to keep your family together abroad. The causal factors are multi-factorial and multi-dimensional. I will try to simplify my view and make it relatable. In Nigeria and Africa as a whole, the roles of a man and a woman in marriage are well-defined in an unwritten form. The man makes the money, and the woman manages the home. Even when they both work, the man is in the deep end, while the woman surveys the riverbank. If they are in mainstream work together, they employ domestic staff and bring in family members to fill the vacuum. This is when you have the financial wherewithal, though. In the UK, for example, both parties see themselves as equals. The only task a man can not do in marriage is to breastfeed a baby or menstruate on behalf of the woman. Equality is so emphasised that some women now position themselves on top of me during sex. I have nothing against marriage equality, but I know there are some household chores women are naturally wired to manage effectively.
Women are more comfortable with childcare than men. Women struggle in some physically demanding jobs like construction, working as a warehouse picker, in medium or high secure mental facilities, amongst others.

From my observation, most women struggle to dip their hands into their pockets to sort their bills. On the other hand, a responsible man is a provider by nature. If the principles of division of labour and specialisation are practised, couples can manage tasks which they can perfectly execute.

If your marriage is in crisis in Nigeria, there is better support from your immediate environment. Your neighbours who hear you yelling at your wife would intervene and try to settle the dispute amicably. Religious leaders, parents, friends, colleagues at work and other parties will be scheming to seek a peaceful resolution to the present dispute. Meanwhile, in the UK, there is little or no support. If you loudly quarrel with your wife in an apartment building, the neighbours might never approach you except if they want to caution/warn you. Most times, they might call the police right away in case somebody's life is in danger. The police are not trained to settle marital disputes. They will opt for the safest option of physical separation. They will mandate the man to leave and encourage both parties to press charges against each other if physical abuse or exploitation had taken place. This will leave an indelible mark on the marriage, leading to a possible crash. Furthermore, there are also social benefits and quick visa settlement routes for single mothers, making being a baby-mama very attractive. The single-parent numbers are concerning. 3.2 million lone‑parent families exist in the UK; approximately 85% (2.7 million) are headed by single mothers, while about 477,000 are single‑father households.

Work also weakens the strength of marriages abroad. Couples tend to spend several hours apart. Most women who work long hours in idle settings are vulnerable to having locational feelings for male colleagues. In UK workplaces, there are always credible rumours of staff romance, especially among night shift workers.

Marriage is also expensive. The cost of renting a family house is high. About £800 on average, which is half of the earnings of most people. This does not factor in the cost of feeding, clothing and other bills (council tax, water, power) which cost a fortune. Specifically, a lone parent typically faces the highest cost, around £290,000 up to age 18. Some sources even suggest figures above £400,000, factoring in higher costs like private education and living inflation. The situation is grimmer when weighed against the highly limited economic resources in the UK. This compounds the level of existing frustration in the marriage. The resultant effect is the single-parent debacle.

Most women have come to realise how difficult marriage is. You will hardly see a white woman say "men are scum". They have come to the brutal realisation that at times, nobody is really at fault. It is not just about the players, it's the game. Not everybody can withstand the rigours of marriage. After having a kid(s), these women are not open to trying again. They suddenly become open to explorative sexual experiences with different men.

Recently, I was speaking to a single woman in her 50s. She complained about having a big tummy. I jokingly told her it didn't matter since she was already getting old after having three grown children. She sharply shut me up and reiterated that she wants to remain attractive to get a man to 'oil her machine'. That is the UK factor for you.

Osahon Osayimwen writes from England.

Before You Japa, Think Well About Your Marriage

Even before japa, how many thinking about their marriage? If people thinking about marriage, will society become nonsense as it's now?
Marriage not used to be as it were, it's now union to become daddies and mummies, thereafter, ......let everyone find his or her way.

Please all women should follow this link to go watch this video. Not sure why the mods keep banning the topic. It will free you totally.

https://www.youtube.com/live/7mwr9A16pNg?si=iLKdkHmJvmG2I7Jf

It is the epitome of " Woman Thou art loosed".

Try dey give summary for those of us wey no Sabi read

Your very correct. Raising Children from a stable family background should be the first priority.

The part I like most in this write up is

...... You will hardly see a white woman say "men are scum". They have come to the brutal realisation that at times, nobody is really at fault. It is not just about the players, it's the game....

To be honest, most Nigerian women traveling abroad being single hardly see a Husband. It is best you first put birth before traveling so that u will know it is money to train the child your going to Hustle. I don't see why the rush when at the end they will still come back and be searching for Husband and most at times remain single and unhappy forever.

We will try our best.

Let me try to complete my 40 character ASAP to appease the gods of nl

Ohh well….

33 more characters needed.
11 more characters needed.

Ok. Thank you very much for the insight .

It is duly noted !

You can use the Keep My Number (KMN) service to retain your number if you travel out of the country or your number stays inactive/dormant for more than 180 days.

Always connect with your family members



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSjKVqFEgEk

For those who didn't read it up

Just avoid taking your Nigerian wife abroad to avoid had I know

Who marriage help. That social contract is overrated!

Yeah forget your marriage after you japa it’s done and dusted

Very valid points there.
It's like the western society is designed to work against marriage. I don't know the motive though

Fiscus105:
Even before japa, how many thinking about their marriage? If people thinking about marriage, will society become nonsense as it's now?
Marriage not used to be as it were, it's now union to become daddies and mummies, thereafter, let everyone find his or her way.

This your ideal, i sorry for you because you're far from the reality, and you're poised to misslead so many people, i just hope people around you have their individual mind. Because you're already more or less off line thinking everybody are like you

I strongly advise anyone having challenges with your wife/husband try not to bring it here, rather, consult your family members.

You can see the type of people here!

Story on this write-up dey Mek person weak. Too long jare

Pray well before you marry. It is good to do so. Do well!

uche87:
Osahon Osayimwen writes from England.

Before You Japa, Think Well About Your Marriage

The moment he spoke about women being on top during sex I tuned out.

There are a lot of marriages that are hairsbreathe away from collapse! I have lost count of families on the Life wire. It's difficult abroad but then it's everywhere.

It takes intentional effort to sustain a marriage. Unfortunately, in today's world, LOVE, FEELINGS, ATTRACTIONS, UNDERSTANDING, AND RESPECT isn't enough to keep a home. The key ingredient is God with FORBEARANCE. Again, you have to FORBEAR which is beyond forgiveness

uche87:
Osahon Osayimwen writes from England.

Before You Japa, Think Well About Your Marriage

Thank you very much!
Especially if you say you are a Christian
Did you consult God?
Did He allow you to go?

Let those who have ear hear...

Don't come here to start lamenting that your marriage is shaking 12 months after you relocate

Honestly, it is difficult to have a peaceful marriage abroad especially with Naija ladies who still foolishly believe a man must be the one to foot household bills.

uche87:
Osahon Osayimwen writes from England.

Before You Japa, Think Well About Your Marriage

Wetin concern you with marriage if people wey dey japa

Well written...dont blame the player, blame the game.

ezugegere:
Very valid points there.
It's like the western society is designed to work against marriage. I don't know the motive though

Motive: Satanic attack on the Human Family established by God!

otherway:
Honestly, it is difficult to have a peaceful marriage abroad especially with Naija ladies who still foolishly believe a man must be the one to foot household bills.

It is not only household bills that causes disagreement in the marriage of japarians

Alleviate poverty first (in any legitimate way). Anything (including marriage) that doesn't work into your grand plan to legitimately alleviate poverty is not meant for your wellness.

To suffer together in Nigeria or one should Japa and know suffering has reduced by half.
I know a woman her husband travelled and she would tell him use condom. I know a woman who japa with their child and told the husband it just for 2 weeks. It's over a year now she never comes back. The husband said he don't care better they leave for a better life . Marriage is not a do or die affair that is why it's no longer till death do us part. Buy sense . Marry and pray. Don't put mind soul and life in marriage but in doing what is right

Rest abeg. Adviser. If you wan japa , you japa. Abeg make we hear word

blackboy:
To suffer together in Nigeria or one should Japa and know suffering has reduced by half.
I know a woman her husband travelled and she would tell him use condom. I know a woman who japa with their child and told the husband it just for 2 weeks. It's over a year now she never comes back. The husband said he don't care better they leave for a better life . Marriage is not a do or die affair that is why it's no longer till death do us part. Buy sense . Marry and pray. Don't put mind soul and life in marriage but in doing what is right

Speak for yourself

No be everybody wey dey Nigeria dey suffer!

About 80% of marriages are facing a serious crack in the UK- from observation. Those who still had a little connection to churches still find a way to cope- my observation, again. It's very difficult to survive especially when children are involved