₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
This question of yours has been thoroughly trashed out here on Nairaland. I suggest you visit the archives so you can realize the answers that have been given over the years to sufficiently explain the reason. Many terrible marriages last donkey years. A better question should be, why should anyone in the current generation be expected to emulate any of them?

it's impatient and non submission that always crash marriages. Alot of men and women of virtue are tolling the path of submission and patience in marriage.

njokuuche77:
➜I respect your view bro, and I agree to a large extent. A real man should be ready to carry the core family responsibilities no doubt. But the truth is, times have changed. Some women now earn more, yet still manage the home fully. So while I agree the man should lead and provide, I believe partnership and understanding still go a long way.
It’s not just about “table” talk, it’s about shared vision.

You are still confusing things a bit here. There are no leaders in a partnership.

Kwinesther:
The way you are so proud of your grandfather's action is so appalling. So because your grandfather did it makes it right abi? Not all men with a functioning p*nnis are worthy to be called men. Do you pray that your daughter marries a man that will not be responsible enough to feed his own children? Thereby leaving your daughter to take up his responsibilities?

s
The point is to show how the reality of so called traditional marriages worked then in the traditional era, it wasnt rich men or big men in the society even then in the so called traditional age.
It wasnt me bragging or being proud
Of course being a man to them is all about having money even if your pennis isnt actually functioning. Lol

CorperKola:
➜The point is to show how the reality of so called traditional marriages worked then in the traditional era, it wasnt rich men or big men in the society even then in the so called traditional age. It wasnt me bragging or being proud Of course being a man to them is all about having money even if your pennis isnt actually functioning. Lol

Una no dey like to read to comprehend... na him be a major problem. Your grandfather was not a traditional man but a P-I-M-P — he did not meet the requirement, which is that he be 100% provider to his wives—hence his marriage cannot be considered a traditional marriage but an aberration. 🥱🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
Una no dey like to read to comprehend... na him be a major problem. 🥱🥱🥱🥱

Na u sabi
Same to you too
Maybe you should read the og topic again
Traditional Man indeed

CorperKola:
➜Na u sabi Same to you tooMaybe you should read the og topic again
Traditional Man indeed

This isn't rocket science. Your grandfather was not a traditional man in a traditional marriage but a P-I-M-P — he did not meet the qualification, which is that he ought to be 100% provider to his wives—hence his marriage cannot be considered a traditional marriage but an aberration. 🥱🥱🥱🥱

I read the topic... You didn't!

Truths9ja:
but blocking her dad is wrong and very bad here. You have to sit here down and correct where she's wrong. Definitely she doesn't show respect for her dad. Soon she will disrespect you one day too. She should know her flaws, she should apologise and connect with her dad back.

That's a past issue. Plus, she was just about 18 then. It was when we newly met.

It's not a big deal actually based on the type of person she is. It doesn't mean she doesn't love her dad.

Kobojunkie:
This isn't rocket science. Your grandfather was not a traditional man in a traditional marriage but a P-I-M-P — he did not meet the qualification, which is that he ought to be 100% provider to his wives—hence his marriage A
I read the topic... You didn't!

[b][/b]
His was an extreme case of 10 wives anyways
how can you say the moment a wife contributes anything in her home, it ceases to be a traditional marriage. Thats what ivam saying is just stupid and wrong .
Pimping or whatever i dont quite get, lol.
Even in some modern marriages there are times when the wife has to chip in and heavens dont fall
If you found a good woman, you found it. There are even wives that are the providers and heavens dont fall
You are a bad woman simple and straightforward, stop using the excuse of traditional man and traditional woman or traditional marriage cos there are no strict lines. Thats my point
Hope you get now

Fryx:
That's a past issue. Plus, she was just about 18 then. It was when we newly met.

It's not a big deal actually based on the type of person she is. It doesn't mean she doesn't love her dad.

ok good

CorperKola:
➜His was an extreme case of 10 wives anyways. how can you say the moment a wife contributes anything in her home, it ceases to be a traditional marriage. Thats what ivam saying is just stupid and wrong .
Pimping or whatever i dont quite get, lol.
➜Even in some modern marriages there are times when the wife has to chip in and heavens dont fall
➜ If you found a good woman, you found it. There are even wives that are the providers and heavens dont fall
You are a bad woman simple and straightforward, stop using the excuse of traditional man and traditional woman or traditional marriage cos there are no strict lines. Thats my point Hope you get now

Open your mind and brain, please, so I don't have to keep repeating myself. The traditional marriage model as defined by your ancestors stipulates that the agreement is between a man and a woman, where the man as husband, carries 100% of the financial burden in the household, where the woman in turn subnits to him and handles 100% of the burden of taking care of the home. Our ancestors have been following this arrangement before you and I were even considered for conception. What your grandfather had does not conform to this; therefore, it was not a traditional marriage but an aberration as far as traditional marriage is concerned.

2. Modern marriages or partnership marriages are different from traditional marriages in that no single individual in the marriage carries 100% of the financial burden or the taking care of the home. These responsibilities are shared. 🤔🤔

3. If a good woman is a woman you can manipulate into accepting that which is unfair, then good luck. You already have your grandfather as a role model there, it seems. Just don't come complaining when that good woman finally decides that she has had enough of your manipulation.🥱🥱🥱🥱

CorperKola:
s
The point is to show how the reality of so called traditional marriages worked then in the traditional era, it wasnt rich men or big men in the society even then in the so called traditional age.
It wasnt me bragging or being proud
Of course being a man to them is all about having money even if your pennis isnt actually functioning. Lol

I do not think traditional marriage worked that way in that era. I think that was your own grandfather's way of raising his children and treating his own family. Because my grandfathers (maternal and paternal) even though polygamous, fend for and fed their children, even trained them in school with the little they had then.

1Sharon:
They also didn’t make their wives take their surname.


Be careful what YOU ask for.

Surname is not a topic after bride price. Abeg rest

Kobojunkie:
Open your mind and brain, please, so I don't have to keep repeating myself. The traditional marriage model as defined by your ancestors stipulates that the agreement is between a man and a woman, where the man as husband, carries 100% of the financial burden in the household, where the woman in turn subnits to him and handles 100% of the burden of taking care of the home. Our ancestors have been following this arrangement before you and I were even considered for conception. What your grandfather had does not conform to this; therefore, it was not a traditional marriage but an aberration as far as traditional marriage is concerned.

2. Modern marriages or partnership marriages are different from traditional marriages in that no single individual in the marriage carries 100% of the financial burden or the taking care of the home. These responsibilities are shared. 🤔🤔

3. If a good woman is a woman you can manipulate into accepting that which is unfair, then good luck. You already have your grandfather as a role model there, it seems. Just don't come complaining when that good woman finally decides that she has had enough of your manipulation.🥱🥱🥱🥱

Open your own mind and brain
You were sold a fairytale that never existed, you are no longer a child and should be able to see beneath the surface of unrealistic half truths or outright lies that were sold to you as a child. Start using your brain. Its not too late.
Wawu
Wonders shall never end, a good woman having to chip in sometimes in her home is what would make her decide she has had enough and leave a marriage.
Wonders shall never end indeed. I laugh in Spanish.
I pity you sha
Life will teach you eventually
I havent heard anything more ridiculous in a while

CorperKola:
➜Open your own mind and brain You were sold a fairytale that never existed, you are no longer a child and should be able to see beneath the surface of unrealistic half truths or outright lies that were sold to you as a child. Start using your brain. Its not too late. Wawu. Wonders shall never end, a good woman having to chip in sometimes in her home is what would make her decide she has had enough and leave a marriage. Wonders shall never end indeed. I laugh in Spanish. I pity you sha Life will teach you eventually. I havent heard anything more ridiculous in a while

I see that in the end, you have resorted to spewing tripe talk all over the place. I will leave you to it then. 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
I see that in the end, you have resorted to spewing tripe talk all over the place. I will leave you to it then. 🥱🥱🥱

Do you even hear yourself sometimes when you think
This kind of talk is really crazy
I hope u are atractive and lucky enough to pull a millionnaire.
Cos i swear this ur mindset is crazy talk
At this point i am just concerned for you
Maybe u'll undestand my prior points more now and link them all together

CorperKola:
➜Do you even hear yourself sometimes when you think This kind of talk is really crazy I hope u are atractive and lucky enough to pull a millionnaire. Cos i swear this ur mindset is crazy talk At this point i am just concerned for you Maybe u'll undestand my prior points more now and link them all together

You seem to think your ignorance can be hidden behind all these ramblings, abi? 🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱

Truths9ja:
The set of ladies in this generation aren't ready to submit to their husbands again. It's 50:50 sharing of responsibilities in the family here

Only on the internet especially when they are below 24.

Blitzerz:
Surname is not a topic after bride price. Abeg rest

We’re talking about traditional men are we not?

MrSly:
Only on the internet especially when they are below 24.

even the above 24 and displaying that act too.

1Sharon:
We’re talking about traditional men are we not?

Yes.
There were no need for any documents those traditional days
They simply call u mama whatever once u are in your husband house.
Simple.

I didn't see your response earlier. I'll respond to you soon

MissOpe:
I can't speak for all women , but I can speak for me....
Firstly, I don't want u to sing submission in my ears always, I'm very stubborn and ill not yield if ure forceful, I swear.
Secondly, if I dey split bills with u, try dey split chores with me...
Thirdly , life is give and take, in other words transactional, If you want total submission, I also demand total Bill payment..
Just like money used for payment of goods and services, if u no gree pay, don't expect service rendition it's very simple

Firstly, I don't want u to sing submission in my ears always, I'm very stubborn and ill not yield if ure forceful, I swear.

To me, this is personality so whether you were meant to be submissive or not, it's personality. Let's take msrriage out of it, at work, you are probably someone who is strong and stands her ground. You no de gree for anybody. You can do aluta. Nothing wrong in that but in other places outside marriage that you have shown your stubbornness, have you always won? What will you consider winning? Do you think you must win? Or do you think the world is deceitful expecting you to be a coward all in the name of peace? Let me know. Let's leave marriage out of this one, it's just your approach to life generally.


Secondly, if I dey split bills with u, try dey split chores with me...

I agree with sharing something. In fact, what is going on today is that women were formerly dependent on men because they had the economic advantage in the past. Today many men are not prepared for the shift in power and women are not in the old way where they can live n their own without a man because they have money!
To your quote, why did you choose chores vs bills? Do you think a man who does 100% should do chores and do you think men who stay at home should do chores alone and leave the bills? Do you like a man who does chores or will you like to have a house husband? This is no judgment, I'm just asking you honest questions. I have posted about this scenario before, let me paste it in the next post but I want your honest opinion. I am really interested in your POV without any judgment and respect your opinion, so there's no intention to prove any point, just learning from each other.

Thirdly , life is give and take, in other words transactional, If you want total submission, I also demand total Bill payment..
Just like money used for payment of goods and services, if u no gree pay, don't expect service rendition it's very simple

I agree. This life is transactional even if people like to deny it but I think romance defies logic and this is where emotion takes over. Even in finance, not all expenditures are logical, some spending are emotional. I agree with you. It's difficult to expect a woman, except she has some moral values, religious beliefs or sees something others cannot see to be submissive when you have nothing. This is why again I said this is an emotional decision. For instance, when some women have it all, they then have to decide whether they want to settle with someone and who they want to. Usually they will eliminate the men in the pool who do not have anything, then the men who have but not up to them, then they start looking at the man who are either at par or above them. It's mostly in Beauty and The Beast that one rich person will go for a poor person. It doesn't matter happen in real life but again it does. People choose something about an individual and decide to spend the rest of their lives with this person. An old rich man knows this young girl wants his money but he doesn't care, he still marries her at 86 and she's 26 and an old woman, a grandma can do this too but they all know what they want. Back to your statement, will you be submissive to a man who earns more than you? Will things change if later in the marriage, he loses money?

MissOpe, I found some time to reply 👆

The post below is for Number 2 I had in my last post. Enjoy

papyjaypaul:
A stay at home dad should be a work from home boss because women don't usually like what looks like them, including what they perceive as weak men but when I read that he took his wife's last name, I saved myself of unnecessary advice.

Just so you know, women who have tried this boss thing, especially the ones with kids but they cannot live with the emotional guilt and jealousy of the dad being a good father and they are not there because they are 'working'. They will eventually blame the man for taking their place, and being a 'lazy' man while they go out to hustle. She will hate that job that brings food to the table.

With women, you can never win because they don't like the truth told to them. They like to blame everyone else. This is not bashing women. I love and respect women but I know how women think. They always think the men are the ones against them and when they get into a man's shoes, they are surprised how the shoe is. Men on the other hand have learned not to complain, the man that complains is a weak man, so you are taught to learn how to make things work. Men are deliberately lazy because it is a choice, if they decide to stop acting like that, women would not have anyone to take care of. Men lived alone before they got married to you so they can survive on bread for 7 days. They are that lazy and annoying. That's why when a woman comes into a man's house, she changes things because it is in her nature to be more caring and organized. You will see the difference between a man who is living like he is in a jungle and a woman who turns that jungle to a royal house. I hear women saying it's not my job to take care of an adult, I can make my own money. I pity you. Men that have been spoiled by their mothers, you now think he only wants to wive you because you are a man like him? A man is choosing who can take care of his house, any other thing, he is lying to you. You will be surprised that this man who is a stay at home dad will still have women hitting at him because he is caring and the woman will start seeing other housewives in the neighborhood as competitors🤣
Women these days say that men are not properly brought up, that they can't do house chores. Without money, the stay at home dad will have other women admiring him that if you send him out of the house because you control the finance, other women will quickly pick him up. My dear, it is not because he is Oga at work that women are flocking after him. You think if you remove money from men, they will be weak.

Let me give you a perfect example of something like this. Watch this video from Everybody Hates Chris

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKFGETbB7BU?feature=shared

When Julius decides to become a mom at home because he is not working, he does it so well that Rochelle is jealous and the children like his food, they love Daddy and she has FOMO. She becomes unhappy because he is looking better than her.


As a man, design your house the way you want, support your wife and women around you but never ever forget that as a man, it is a lonely world. Nobody cares if you fail so if you lose that power and give it to a woman, you have yourself to blame.


Nature is in perfect order. Challenge it and find out...

One more question MissOpe, do you think the maternal instinct of women does anything on this discussion?

I don't know if I asked this question earlier, do you like a submissive man? Submissive man with money and submissive man without money. I appreciate your honest bunch of replies

Blitzerz:
Surname is not a topic after bride price. Abeg rest

The person you quoted is correct. What you have said proves her right. British trade women and make her a property, our culture never does that. You can't become another person's child just because of marriage, you bear your papa name