₦airaland Forum

So people of God….

I am 25, left home and working in Lagos. However, I am getting complaints from my mum and siblings about my dad.

It’s not like I am not aware because I know the home I came out from. My dad womanizes a lot, I’ve known that since I was young. My immediate sis got just out of uni yr, the third is in uni and the last in sec school.

Getting complaints that he doesn’t take care of them enough in terms of dropping money. I am doing well for my age, earn 500k plus but the family issue is now draining me cause my mom and siblings now request money from me a lot. I’ve decided to set up a shop for my mom come this December maybe with about 700k or so. Hopefully set up my sis that just got out of uni so she can be good as I don’t want them to look outside.

Here is the issue, I have really tried to overlook his character and act like I don’t know what is going on but I am aware of everything cause my sis and mom tell me everything (which I know of cause prior to when I left home I know his character so they aren’t lying).

I am a man, and I tried to stay on the fence but it is getting to my neck. I have not been calling him at all purposely, he one time told me to borrow him money, I sent him 100k (I acted like I borrowed in my mind I won’t collect it)

Now I got to know he is following a married woman and even paying the woman’s child school fee, like WTF. How can a married man be following a married woman, neglecting his own family responsibilities cause he is busy sharing resources where not ought to. I have really tried to neglect this but it’s getting worse…. He curses my sisters at will, laying curses and what not (they called me and told me which like I said I know him well cause I came out of same home).

Now, I am thinking of calling him to order but I am just trying to do it out of respect. Cause to be honest, anything that will make me to call him or message him, that’s it. I’ll never take his call again or have anything to do with him. At most, I will send him allowances and that’s it. But I really don’t want to do that,,,,,,,, I am the only son and first born. My mom have tried and my siblings have endured too, they can’t be suffering cause of his philandering and non caring nature. I really am having a pity on him, cause the father children relationship is nothing to write about, these girls will grow, leave the house and won’t even look at him again and just care for my mom (that’s my fear), I just don’t want to give that vibe to them but I may just throw in the towel, damn the consequences and call him to order on phone, say my mind and whatever that want to happen should happen but I am really really trying not to do that. How can a 50+ yr old man be acting as such?

How do I handle this case

I really want to deal with this man, I think I have had enough. He isn’t gonna change, I didn’t want to take this route but it is a a must at this point.

SimpleGuy001:
✓I really want to deal with this man, I think I have had enough. He isn’t gonna change, I didn’t want to take this route but it is a a must at this point.

Iff your father's cheating is the issue, then your mother should have left him a long time ago and found herself something doing in order to support you kids better. Your father's adultery should not be a problem for you to deal with but an issue for you to maybe query your mother on. Why did she continue cling to a man who probably only sees her as a housekeeper/baby mama/nanny/cook, etc. ?Does she wish to continue the charade into her old age even when it clearly does not benefit her and her children to do so? What message does she intend for her children to take away from all of her choices so far? Does she really think that becoming a burden to her children even before their feet is planted is the way to go? 🤔

Yes, the situation is not one anyone would wish for but you need to approach it reasonably. If you say you will no longer help the man, that is one thing but declaring you will deal with him because he is continuing to do what your mother has allowed him do to her for all this while ...you need to think more carefully here.

Kobojunkie:
Iff your father's cheating is the issue, then your mother should have left him a long time ago and found herself something doing in order to support you kids better. Your father's adultery should not be a problem for you to deal with but an issue for you to maybe query your mother on. Why did she continue to cling to a man who probably only sees her as a housekeeper/baby mama/nanny/cook, etc. 🤔

Yes, the situation is not one anyone would wish for but you need to approach it reasonably. If you say you will no longer help the man, that is one thing but declaring you will deal with him because he is continuing to do what your mother has allowed him do to her for all this while ...you need to think more carefully here.

To add to this..If You told us the entire truth,
I am very sorry.
Both Your parents are very irresponsible
Both

Your Dad

And

Your Mum too..for not focusing on developing herself but continuously procreating children without a plan or an already set out strategy for the children's future with a deadbeat man

Pregnancy is not Magic or Miracle

Ignore both of them and help your siblings to be set up

Truth is Real

Help your mom and siblings to settle well and stop worrying about your Dad

His eyes go soon clear

Why is your mother reporting him to you and not his family? It's her marriage and her cross to carry.

You can't be taking up responsibilities of your father when he's still alive and married to your mother, she's also selfish for burdening you with her marital affairs, not bothering how it'll affect you as the child.

You should be focusing on yourself and your future, rather than your selfish parents who'll keep emotionally and mentally pulling you back.

Laird:
To add to this..If You told us the entire truth,
I am very sorry.
Both Your parents are very irresponsible
Both

Your Dad

And

Your Mum too..for not focusing on developing herself but continuously procreating children without a plan or an already set out strategy for the children's future with a deadbeat man

Pregnancy is not Magic or Miracle

Ignore both of them and help your siblings to be set up

Truth is Real

For me, I don’t really care tbh. My own is he should just take care of his responsibilities. I’ve told my mom, I’ll get something doing for her.

He was telling me that we can all go together that he is not going to suffer at old age if that is what I think.

Lol, for me I wish him the best. I just want my sisters to be doing well and get my mother to be doing something. As for the marriage, it is my mom’s problem. When I have set her up, she can decide if she wants to continue her marriage. As for me, I am done with their issue. He will get his allowance from me, and I move ahead. Hopefully all will be well and my siblings are able to leave.

You aren't serious deal with your father as a baby or what, you better tighten up by empower your mom and finance your sister.Let him be

Oga leave the innocent man alone and face your life. Your mom and siblings should work hard for themselves. In as much your father don't beat her or fight her she should please let him be. Man life no easy guy man gat cool with side chick

SimpleGuy001:
So people of God….

I am 25, left home and working in Lagos. However, I am getting complaints from my mum and siblings about my dad.

It’s not like I am not aware because I know the home I came out from. My dad womanizes a lot, I’ve known that since I was young. My immediate sis got just out of uni yr, the third is in uni and the last in sec school.

Getting complaints that he doesn’t take care of them enough in terms of dropping money. I am doing well for my age, earn 500k plus but the family issue is now draining me cause my mom and siblings now request money from me a lot. I’ve decided to set up a shop for my mom come this December maybe with about 700k or so. Hopefully set up my sis that just got out of uni so she can be good as I don’t want them to look outside.

Here is the issue, I have really tried to overlook his character and act like I don’t know what is going on but I am aware of everything cause my sis and mom tell me everything (which I know of cause prior to when I left home I know his character so they aren’t lying).

I am a man, and I tried to stay on the fence but it is getting to my neck. I have not been calling him at all purposely, he one time told me to borrow him money, I sent him 100k (I acted like I borrowed in my mind I won’t collect it)

Now I got to know he is following a married woman and even paying the woman’s child school fee, like WTF. How can a married man be following a married woman, neglecting his own family responsibilities cause he is busy sharing resources where not ought to. I have really tried to neglect this but it’s getting worse…. He curses my sisters at will, laying curses and what not (they called me and told me which like I said I know him well cause I came out of same home).

Now, I am thinking of calling him to order but I am just trying to do it out of respect. Cause to be honest, anything that will make me to call him or message him, that’s it. I’ll never take his call again or have anything to do with him. At most, I will send him allowances and that’s it. But I really don’t want to do that,,,,,,,, I am the only son and first born. My mom have tried and my siblings have endured too, they can’t be suffering cause of his philandering and non caring nature. I really am having a pity on him, cause the father children relationship is nothing to write about, these girls will grow, leave the house and won’t even look at him again and just care for my mom (that’s my fear), I just don’t want to give that vibe to them but I may just throw in the towel, damn the consequences and call him to order on phone, say my mind and whatever that want to happen should happen but I am really really trying not to do that. How can a 50+ yr old man be acting as such?

How do I handle this case

Leave your father deal with sapa first

hakeemhakeem:
You aren't serious deal with your father as a baby or what, you better tighten up by empower your mom and finance your sister.Let him be

He's an immature adult. His mother and sister have probably filled his head with stories.
When he eventually decides to grow up, he will understand life a lot better.

Lol this story sounds familiar, but in my case, old man is 70+ but will prefer to spend the money he gets on side chicks. OP, you are a 25 year old and and I admire your maturity and level of responsibility. Trust me, some guys wouldn't even care and will even take their father's side. At this point, my advice is for you to ignore him. It's your mom's cross to bear since she didn't think your father's philandering ways was reason enough to have left her marriage a long time ago.

One thing I have come to realize about married Nigerian women is that, it is difficult for them to leave their marriage on account of a cheating husband. They would rather leave if their husband is not buoyant enough than leave because he cheated. I once asked my mom to leave her marriage and she said: "over my dead body". So, whenever she complains now, I respectfully ask her to endure and carry her cross since she signed up for it. Face your life and pray so you don't end up behaving like your dad. I say this because one of my siblings who used to be my dad's greatest critic has inherited his behavior.

Mind your business and focus on your life improvements

SimpleGuy001:
He was telling me that we can all go together that he is not going to suffer at old age if that is what I think.


He will get his allowance from me, and I move ahead. Hopefully all will be well and my siblings are able to leave.

Hello. So, quick question please:

Why is your father getting an allowance? Especially as he is using the money to be irresponsible.

Why are you funding his irresponsibility yet at the same time, complaining about it?

Didn't it occur to you that if you stopped giving his extra money, he wouldn't have enough to lavish on side chics?

Because nothing makes a man faithful more than poverty and nothing gives a man wings more than extra cash burning in his pocket.

Your sisters are not getting enough, there's a chance they may end up making bad moral decisions to financially support themselves and you're funding the lifestyle of the person who's letting them down, instead of giving that money directly to them?

Why? Heck, he's even told you he don't need you all but kindly give him money to have sexx outside and you're agreeing, then coming to complain?

That's like me getting mad a drug addict took money off me to go buy more drugs. Why would I give him extra cash?

Your daddy wants to be a Baby Boy and have a Baby Boy lifestyle, let him fund it with his own sweat. Wish him well and keep your sweat and money in your own pockets.

If my 2 boys are hurting my grand babies with a foolish lifestyle, I'm not going to keep funding it, I'll cut his supply off and see how long those other women keep loving his dry pockets.

And before you "argufiy" with me (I just made up that word ), ask yourself "if my mama stops cooking and catering for my siblings and dad because a LG chairman has entered her eye and she's borrowing money to buy wig and lace and screaming she's done with us...would I require a thread on Nairaland to tell me what to do??"

SimpleGuy001:
I really want to deal with this man, I think I have had enough. He isn’t gonna change, I didn’t want to take this route but it is a a must at this point.

Have u ever spoken with ur father...call ur father and talk to him man to man.

Dysfunctional family. What if you go off radar and live your life? If you drop dead right now, don't you feel they would move on? Simplify life. Selfishness or self preservation? Avoid chaos and follow the path of least resistance. If you must fight, pick your fights and a time of your choosing.

thesicilian:
He's an immature adult. His mother and sister have probably filled his head with stories.
When he eventually decides to grow up, he will understand life a lot better.

you be comedian. He knows his father even more than the sisters. Na old age the man go collect last last. Those kind of men thought they won't get old again.

SimpleGuy001:
I really want to deal with this man, I think I have had enough. He isn’t gonna change, I didn’t want to take this route but it is a a must at this point.

I have a similar case. My problem with you is that you're still funding his wayward lifestyle through the money you keep sending to him. Your father can never change. Only old age will take that from him and he will later regret his actions but already late. Please focus on your mother and siblings. Don't even go home and talk to him. That won't change him. He will shout at you, curse you, report you to his family members, neighbours and his girlfriend. I know him type. Let your mother and siblings be your priority.

SimpleGuy001:
So people of God….

I am 25, left home and working in Lagos. However, I am getting complaints from my mum and siblings about my dad.

It’s not like I am not aware because I know the home I came out from. My dad womanizes a lot, I’ve known that since I was young. My immediate sis got just out of uni yr, the third is in uni and the last in sec school.

Getting complaints that he doesn’t take care of them enough in terms of dropping money. I am doing well for my age, earn 500k plus but the family issue is now draining me cause my mom and siblings now request money from me a lot. I’ve decided to set up a shop for my mom come this December maybe with about 700k or so. Hopefully set up my sis that just got out of uni so she can be good as I don’t want them to look outside.

Here is the issue, I have really tried to overlook his character and act like I don’t know what is going on but I am aware of everything cause my sis and mom tell me everything (which I know of cause prior to when I left home I know his character so they aren’t lying).

I am a man, and I tried to stay on the fence but it is getting to my neck. I have not been calling him at all purposely, he one time told me to borrow him money, I sent him 100k (I acted like I borrowed in my mind I won’t collect it)

Now I got to know he is following a married woman and even paying the woman’s child school fee, like WTF. How can a married man be following a married woman, neglecting his own family responsibilities cause he is busy sharing resources where not ought to. I have really tried to neglect this but it’s getting worse…. He curses my sisters at will, laying curses and what not (they called me and told me which like I said I know him well cause I came out of same home).

Now, I am thinking of calling him to order but I am just trying to do it out of respect. Cause to be honest, anything that will make me to call him or message him, that’s it. I’ll never take his call again or have anything to do with him. At most, I will send him allowances and that’s it. But I really don’t want to do that,,,,,,,, I am the only son and first born. My mom have tried and my siblings have endured too, they can’t be suffering cause of his philandering and non caring nature. I really am having a pity on him, cause the father children relationship is nothing to write about, these girls will grow, leave the house and won’t even look at him again and just care for my mom (that’s my fear), I just don’t want to give that vibe to them but I may just throw in the towel, damn the consequences and call him to order on phone, say my mind and whatever that want to happen should happen but I am really really trying not to do that. How can a 50+ yr old man be acting as such?

How do I handle this case

Bro, I'm in a similar case as well, just that mine doesn't have human feelings at all and my mum is late,

Ever since my mum died it been from one woman to another even giving birth to a girl that me and my sis didn't know about till the child was about 2 years old, me and my sis faced a lot, I just graduated and hoping to get a good job so I would show him pepper he made me pass through ever since I was young

badboyTee:
Bro, I'm in a similar case as well, just that mine doesn't have human feelings at all and my mum is late,

Ever since my mum died it been from one woman to another even giving birth to a girl that me and my sis didn't know about till the child was about 2 years old, me and my sis faced a lot, I just graduated and hoping to get a good job so I would show him pepper he made me pass through ever since I was young

Lol you would show your dad pepper
Anger , resentment and revenge.
4th dimensional emotions.
Change this emotions forget ur dad.

dont you have uncles or your father friends, people he can listen to, addressing him head on is not a good idea. talk to people he respect and if no changes you can confront him directly