Am I Being Stuck Up? - Family - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum › Nairaland General › Family › Am I Being Stuck Up? (1583 Views)
| Am I Being Stuck Up? by BeautybyTy(op): 11:39pm On Jul 18, 2025 |
Good evening Nairalanders. I am a pretty lady with the right face and body structure with just enough to take care of myself. I am in my 30s but I am not in a hurry to settle down. Yes I have the desire but I am cool. I came on this family post because of one issue, whenever a man is asking me out they are always so excited about me. Infact they can go crazy, buy me gifts ,money etc but, I noticed that they all complain that I do not call or reciprocate by checking up on them (which is weird) when we are talking.. Growing up,men did the chasing without any complaints and I am built that way. These guys want to speak with me few times in a day which I love but they always complain that i do not initiate the conversation a few times in a week or a day Two of them have told me they even refrain from calling in a whole day just to see if I would care but I ended up not calling at all. What brought me to this site is that one of the current talking atage keeps complaining bitterly about it and is asking that I set an alarm each day so I can tell him : 1. When I am at work 2. When I am having lunch 3. When I am leaving the office I feel when someone loves you, this is not supposed to be a big deal. We are barely one month in this talking stage, I just want to be sure he is invested first before I start throwing my cards out. Please help. Thanks 3 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by Kobojunkie: 11:47pm On Jul 18, 2025*. Modified: 9:39pm On Jul 19, 2025 |
BeautybyTy:. First of all, there is nothing wrong with you, and you don't need to change who you are for anyone out there, including someone who supposedly wants to date you. You don't seem to be the dramatic talker, and that is very much OK. If the guy demands you communicate with him often and you are not comfortable with it, you are allowed to look elsewhere for what you seek instead. The moment you begin to change your person to please others, you begin to hand power over your person to them.  You are at the age where you need to have figured out at least much about what you would need in a partner and what you should not settle for in a relationship. Then search yourself, and honestly ask yourself if this person you are with now is someone you should truly invest your time and effort into. (Note that it could also not be that the person is wrong, but that you are just not ready now—timing is simply off.) If you conclude he is not the one or good for you, please let him know you are not ready, and kindly move on to focus your attention on other, maybe more productive, things. If you see him as the right partner and the timing is right, ask yourself why you are still unwilling to step out of yourself to initiate communication. Is it your personality at play, or just that you are not as convinced of him as you would like to be at this time? Be honest with yourself and be honest with him, too! Only ever make a change if and only if that desire for change comes from within you, meaning that you have kinda resolved that the particular change would be to your very benefit(and maybe to others as well). Resolve never to change anything about your person in order to please others or because you are being pressured into doing so. That way, you minimize the chances of losing yourself to others. Don't let anyone bully you into doing what you are not ready for or wanting to do. This is your life, so live it the best way for you, and that way you will have no regrets to cry over. By the way, if you decide that being single is the best way forward, that is OK too. Approximately 50% of the population live and die single— they never get married. So, if you decide singledom is the way, you are not even remotely alone in that. 5 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by Peakdesign23(f): 4:05am On Jul 19, 2025 |
You're not ready yet my dear sister. If you care about this person, I think you should try to make the relationship work, unless it's not in your agenda to settle down someday. 7 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by Baronthecelebri(m): 5:28am On Jul 19, 2025 |
Life is giving and taking,why I will call you but you don't feel like checking up on me 5 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by Stephen0mozzy: 6:21am On Jul 19, 2025 |
As someone up there said, you norva ready. As as another du#mbo# is trying to say "don't change who you are" - that's rubbish. We all grew in different environment where we were conditioned to some things that maturity helps us grow out of - maybe you learned that men do all the chasing, don't crave emotional reciprocity and other stereotypes which are wrong - today's men cherish being "wanted" and if you're emotionally distant it doesn't make you "virtuous", it makes you like a stone wall. Unless you're trying to say you don't find other people interesting or you don't know what it means to "love". If you truly like to be with someone, trust me you'll naturally want to know how they're doing. 11 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by thesolutions(m): 11:11am On Jul 19, 2025*. Modified: 12:12pm On Jul 21, 2025 |
BeautybyTy:Hi. You are perfect the way you are to yourself. Everyone is perfect to themselves. The choleric, the phlegmatic, the introvert, the extrovert. Everyone is perfect the way they are. But if someone has to be involved with you, both of you needs to make some changes to accommodate each other. That is what talking stage does. It exposes some things that may appear normal but might not be for the other person. If someone that is involved or want to involve himself with you is making some demands that doesn't affect your value and work, such a one is all in for a long lasting relationship. It should not irritate you. It should make you ask yourself questions "is this what I want?". It should make you to get involved by looking out for what he does or doesn't do that might affect your relationship with him in the long run if you ignore it. If you want him, you should be making some demands that would make him better to himself. Even if things change, he would still hold you in high esteem if you guys go separate ways. If you had made some changes about this particular advice he is giving you now when your previous acquaintance complained about it, he wouldn't be making this demands now. It makes it obvious that you need to work on this particular issue wether you are interested in him or not since he is not the only one to point it out. I know you are having cold feet about getting married. I perceive he is in tune with your immediate family and you feel pressured from home. It is the only thing that would make something this simple to appear frustrating. Sorry if I'm. But everything will be alright. 3 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by Chimoobii: 6:36pm On Jul 19, 2025 |
Fully invested in you asin how, it's feels like you have the emotional maturity of a 12 year old, but if you don't like him then fine don't check on him, it doesn't matter, but if you do, then imagine it was the other way round and ask yourself how would you feel if it was you, if someone that you like likes you back then they should show it, it feels like you're just being nice and toleranting them and nobody likes that.............or you're very poor socially. BeautybyTy: 1 Like |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by antidisestablis: 8:50pm On Jul 19, 2025 |
BeautybyTy:It is only a teenager that behaves this way that maybe acceptable. I don't think you are ready to settle down, if you are still behaving like this at your age. I'm sorry if that maybe insultive. If someone just met is calling you cannot call back, what that is showing is that you are not interested in the that person. One of the things that got me attracted to my wife was her caring attitude. We were friends for over a year before I wooed her, anytime she didn't see me or heard from me she will call. In fact those days she called me more than I call her. So try and call back, it shows that you are matured. The only exception is that if you didn't like him at all. 3 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by MrMcJay(m): 6:19am On Jul 20, 2025 |
Shiloh Ground Faith Tabernacle Canaanland Ota, Ogun State. Save that address, you will need it. You will still become a regular guest at Shiloh. 6 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by Factcheck0001: 1:17pm On Jul 20, 2025 |
BeautybyTy:don't worry U will learn when u are close to 40 but by then u won't want to believe u screw yourself u will want to push the blame on innocent village people. Dey dere dey whine yourself 3 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by Double0h7(f): 4:55pm On Jul 20, 2025 |
I’m confused… are you not attracted to the men who are attracted to you  I can’t speak for others but no self respecting person does a 💯 of the emotional labour. The men worth their weight in gold won’t accept nothing less than what they are willing to do for you. You’re making a big deal out of making a call? Not even writing love letters and waiting for the post man! 😂. You’re doing too much sis. Calm down. Show love and care if you expect love and care from others. This isn’t a flex it’s a demonstration of your stunted emotional intelligence. No offence of course. 8 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by poshestmina(f): 1:00am On Jul 22, 2025 |
They returned the energy you gave. It's 2025 ,nobody will chase shadows! 2 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by quincee88(f): 4:40pm On Jul 23, 2025 |
Telling you not to change who you are isn't telling you the truth. You would definitely know if a guy is invested in you if only you learn to listen to the verbal and non verbal communication of his. According to you, this current guy wants to be involved in your daily activities. Others have made same complaint in time past, yet you would like to keep receiving and never give back. This isn't love. This isn't maturity. This is a child talking. Work with someone you really like and build a relationship. Relationship is for two persons, not one. At some point, this current guy will get exhausted because you've made what was to be fun become a serious job. I could go on and on, but lemme go mind my hustle ahbeg. 2 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by RealityKings1: 11:17pm On Jul 23, 2025*. Modified: 10:13am On Jul 27, 2025 |
Deleted |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by Kobojunkie: 11:21pm On Jul 23, 2025 |
RealityKings1:That there statement is far from reality. There are females out there in your Nigeria, who, if they had been born into saner climes, would not have bothered with procreation or the having of a partner. That society focuses on indoctrinating females into believing their lives ought to be centered on procreation, and the having of a partner cannot change the core aspects of who they truly are. |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by RealityKings1: 11:30pm On Jul 23, 2025 |
Kobojunkie:Having a child changes alot of things and it's a beauty that is out of this world. Child birth is strange but unique. Also having a spouse you can share things with most especially discussion is very important. It might not change the core aspects of who you truly are but it will certainly improve your thought process 1 Like |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by Kobojunkie: 11:35pm On Jul 23, 2025 |
RealityKings1:1. It changes a lot of things, yet many women go on to either kill or abandon their babies, some as soon as they are born, some later on. And this is your idea of beauty that is out of this world? 2. Well, that may be important to some people, but it isn't to all. If having a spouse was that great, the divorce/spousal abandonment rates wouldn't be as high as it is today, would they? 3. Are you telling me all those out there in marriages, including those stuck in relationships going nowhere, all have far improved thought processes as a result of being married? Why do we like telling these silly lies, abeg? 🙄🙄🙄 |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by RealityKings1: 11:39pm On Jul 23, 2025 |
Kobojunkie:For the number 2 point, People fall in love (which is genuine) and people fall out of love. Its nothing strange, what matters most is how one is able to handle the situation. |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by Kobojunkie: 11:42pm On Jul 23, 2025 |
RealityKings1:Well, if people can fall in and out of love, many times a one lifetime, then why attach so much importance to what may be a fleeting experience? You claim the experience can be genuine and I am like, who defines genuine or how does one define genuine in this case? For instance, Mr A & Miss B fell in love and got married less than 3 months after meeting. One year later, both got divorced. From your previous comment, that fleeting connection Mr A & Miss B had for a short while should hold a very important place in their lives. If Mr A considered his experience genuine— he thought he did his very best in the marriage—, whereas Miss B considered it just another bad experience—she felt disrespected and belittled by her partner in it— to add to her list of other disappointments, which one of them is right and who is wrong? Why? |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by Nobody: 8:35am On Jul 24, 2025 |
Energy for energy, Vibration for vibration and frequency for frequency. But then, setting alarms for calls on your whereabouts is petty. Reeks of control. As an Aquarius, personal freedom is non negotiable. Set your redline. 1 Like |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by AngelSlay: 3:04pm On Jul 24, 2025 |
You're used to being pursued and prefer to observe in the early stages, but many modern men want emotional effort too—not just beauty. Men want to feel wanted—a simple check-in goes a long way. Your behavior feels natural to you, but to them, it feels one-sided. The man asking for constant updates via alarms is too controlling, especially so early—that's a red flag. You don’t need to chase, but try to initiate once or twice a week if you're interested. Communicate clearly that you're taking your time but willing to meet them halfway. Bottom line: Don’t lose yourself, but evolve a little for the right person—not someone trying to micromanage your day. BeautybyTy: 3 Likes |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by pansophist(m): 11:29pm On Jul 25, 2025 |
You are not being stucked up, you just have standards. You are perfect the way you are sis. Dont change for any man. The men should understand. You are a busy woman and can foot your own bills. If they cant at least be patience with you, then they are not for you. A man that cannot tolerate you at your worse, does not deserve you at best. You are a queen. Go girl. Dump their sorry ass and let the right man find you.  6 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by Nobody: 12:09am On Jul 26, 2025 |
 pansophist: |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by pansophist(m): 7:40am On Jul 26, 2025*. Modified: 8:45pm On Jul 30, 2025 |
Newusername:If I have Gonorrhoea, refuse to cure it, and angry that women are leaving me because of that, is it the women that is at fault or me? Deluding myself into thinking that my Gonorrhoea is ''standards'' that weeds off the wrong women is self-destructive because in reality, it protects those women from me. The same analogy can be used for having a bad character. Just as Gonorrhoea is a disease of the biology, negative traits is a disease of one's character. The disease of your character will put off people away from you. You will think your standards are high, but in reality, you are the lower person, just that you also suffers from delusion. This deisease plagues many young women, who somehow thinks they hold all the cards when it comes to male-female relationships. A woman that wants to get married should listen to what men says, because you do not have any control of the man that goes on one knee,. 10 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by AllBlack: 8:31am On Jul 26, 2025 |
BeautybyTy:who told you? self glorification 1 Like |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by 6ixT8: 2:43pm On Jul 26, 2025 |
pansophist:Glad you shade more light to your first post; cos it didn't came off as a pure sarcasm. |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by Kobojunkie: 2:52pm On Jul 26, 2025*. Modified: 3:14pm On Jul 26, 2025 |
AllBlack:Is this accusation coming from a place of not being able to find anything to love about yourself? Are you someone who always needs validation from others or something? |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by Nobody: 9:36am On Jul 27, 2025 |
pansophist:Apt |
| Re: Am I Being Stuck Up? by tensazangetsu20(m): 11:33pm On Jul 27, 2025 |
They are asking you to just call and check up on them and its a problem for you. You never ready yet. Keep it up, the right man will find you |
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