₦airaland Forum

I appreciate my mum for carrying me in her womb for nine uncomfortable and stressful months which caused her lots of discomfort. I also thank her for bearing the pains associated with labor before birthing me. God bless her for breastfeeding me, bathing me, cleaning my poo and taking care of me from birth till age 8 when we started living apart due to life's circumstances beyond her control.
Aside these aforementioned basic benefits I enjoyed from my mum, I have never enjoyed or benefitted any other thing. It pains me to say all these but I just have to. Something pushed me to saying this. Not Every Woman Deserves to be called a "Mother".
My mum was never responsible to me. Never paid my fees, fed me, or bought me clothes. She didn't do for me what every mother would do for her child. She didn't even know how I went to sch and even graduated. She never sowed any seed in my life. She was indifferent to my survival.
Why has suddenly started showing care and concern after I graduated and now trying to make my life better?. I have never seen a mother who is more interested in receiving from her son than giving to same son. I have seen mothers who roasted maize, fried akara, hawked drinks and pure water, sold Ugwu leaf, farmed and did other small small jobs to train her children in sch after her husband's death. What was her excuse for never showing me care and love of a mother?. I thought mothers were special?. I thought mothers were more loving, compassionate and sympathetic?. Mine is selfish. Very selfish. She's a taker and never a giver.
Today she calls me everyday not minding if I'm at work and would be too busy to talk with her. Our calls are usually long calls and I can't pick when at work because I will get distracted. Most times she calls repeatedly like she's in some danger, I get scared and would have to call back to ask whether everything is alright before I can be at ease. She would pick and say she only wanted to greet me. Whenever I'm broke, I don't pick her calls for weeks and sometimes months, because I already know she will bill me steadily. When she request financial help, I gladly grant it immediately as long as I have. Since this year, I've been sending her money almost every week. She knows I earn little below Nigeria's minimum wage and she Also knows I live on same meagre salary but she feels I have more than enough simply because I don't complain to her. I would rather complain to a stranger on the road than complain to her because complaining to her is a total waste of time, she can't help me even if she has. It's confirmed. I'm not guessing, I've seen where she had but refused to help me when I was in a critical condition and needed help. I told her the time of the month when I usually receive my salary and I noticed she's always targeting such days to call and make demands on me.
She doesn't call my other siblings the way she calls me, because those ones are still In sch and she knows they have nothing to give her now. She's not helping them in sch either. If she has her way, she'll even be requesting from them. She's not accountable at all. Before my junior sister got admission, she was working. She worked for many years, saved enough and got admission to sch. While she was working, my mum was always calling her just like she's doing to me now. She almost finished my sister's savings with her numerous demands. What pains me more is as you're doing for her, she's coming up with the another request from her own mum(my grandmother) and it continues like that. There was a time my mum gave my jnr sister out as Househelp to a relative in Lagos and was receiving the salary of my sister directly into her bank account. I was disappointed when I discovered it. I had to stand up and end such nonsense arrangement. My sister isn't a slave.
This woman complains a lot. I'm always praying that if I'm returning back to this world, in my next world, let God not give me her type as a mother please. Others are testifying good about their own mums, but mine is different.
I want to ask the guys here, please how often does your mum call you?. If she had something to offer, I wouldn't even mind the calls, but she has nothing to offer except something to take..
Is it because she lives in the village or what? I have seen many village women singlehandedly training their children because they know Their Children are Their future. But why is mine different?. Annoyingly, she always wants to reap where she didn't sow. She wants to gain favor where she did not labor. She wants to gather what she did not winnow. Till date some people praise her for training us, whereas, she did nothing. I mean nothing at all. Not a penny from her to support me or anyone.
Has someone ever been in this position?
Please tell me how you feel about this.

Wish God had allowed us to choose our Parents.

I will drop an opinion once I find a way to summarize this.

After doing a pseudo summary, I can drop an opinion.

You have a mother. Many didn’t get the chance. Whatever you have in mind to do, do so. With time, you will come to terms with her. I have cousins whose father did nothing but antagonize them throughout their childhoods. Their mother was dead and he was poor. Anything he made, he used in womanizing and drinking. Their aunties and grandmother raised them to adulthood. Their dad never dropped money for livelihood of any sort. His excuse was that his sisters will carry his slack.

What did they do when they grew up and got jobs? They put him on a salary. They sent him money at the end of months and on his birthday. They had no mother. At least they had a father albeit a useless one. Half bread to them was better than an empty belly.

Brahamimo:
I appreciate my mum for carrying me in her womb for uncomfortable months which caused her lots of discomfort. I also thank her for bearing the pains associated with labor before birthing me. God bless her for breastfeeding me, bathing me, cleaning my poo and taking care of me from birth till age 8 when we started living apart due to life's circumstances beyond her control.
Aside the above-listed basic benefits I enjoyed from my mum, I have never enjoyed or benefitted any other thing. It pains me to say all these but I just have to. Something pushed me to saying this.
My mum was never responsible to me. Never paid my fees, fed me, or bought me clothes. She didn't do for me what every mother would do for her child. She didn't even know how I went to sch and even graduated. She never sowed any seed in my life. She was indifferent to my survival.
Why has suddenly started showing care and concern after I graduated and now trying to make my life better?. I have never seen a mother who is more interested in receiving from her son than giving to same son. I have seen mothers who roasted maize, fried akara, hawked drinks and pure water, sold Ugwu leaf, farmed and did other small small jobs to train her children in sch after her husband's death. What was her excuse for never showing me care and love of a mother?. I thought mothers were special?. I thought mothers were more loving, compassionate and sympathetic?. Mine is selfish. Very selfish. She's a taker and never a giver.
Today she calls me everyday not minding if I'm at work and would be too busy to talk with her. Our calls are usually long calls and I can't pick when at work because I will get distracted. Most times she calls repeatedly like she's in some danger, I get scared and would have to call back to ask whether everything is alright before I can be at ease. She would pick and say she only wanted to greet me. Whenever I'm broke, I don't pick her calls for weeks and sometimes months, because I already know she will bill me steadily. When she request financial help, I gladly grant it immediately as long as I have. Since this year, I've been sending her money almost every week. She knows I earn little below Nigeria's minimum wage and she Also knows I live on same meagre salary but she feels I have more than enough simply because I don't complain to her. I would rather complain to a stranger on the road than complain to her because complaining to her is a total waste of time, she can't help me even if she has. It's confirmed. I'm not guessing, I've seen where she had but refused to help me when I was in a critical condition and needed help. I told her the time of the month when I usually receive my salary and I noticed she's always targeting such days to call and make demands on me.
She doesn't call my other siblings the way she calls me, because those ones are still In sch and she knows they have nothing to give her now. She's not helping them in sch either. If she has her way, she'll even be requesting from them. She's not accountable at all. Before my junior sister got admission, she was working. She worked for many years, saved enough and got admission to sch. While she was working, my mum was always calling her just like she's doing to me now. She almost finished my sister's savings with her numerous demands. What pains me more is as you're doing for her, she's coming up with the another request from her own mum(my grandmother) and it continues like that. There was a time my mum gave my jnr sister out as Househelp to a relative in Lagos and was receiving the salary of my sister directly into her bank account. I was disappointed when I discovered it. I had to stand up and end such nonsense arrangement. My sister isn't a slave.
This woman complains a lot. I'm always praying that if I'm returning back to this world, in my next world, let God not give me her type as a mother please. Others are testifying good about their own mums, but mine is different.
I want to ask the guys here, please how often does your mum call you?. If she had something to offer, I wouldn't even mind the calls, but she has nothing to offer except something to take..
Has someone ever been in this position?
Please tell me how you feel about this

A total stranger cannot be asking you for money.

So do what pleases you.

Brahamimo:
➜This woman complains a lot. I'm always praying that if I'm returning back to this world, in my next world, let God not give me her type as a mother please. Others are testifying good about their own mums, but mine is different.
I want to ask the guys here, please how often does your mum call you?. If she had something to offer, I wouldn't even mind the calls, but she has nothing to offer except something to take..
➜ Has someone ever been in this position? Please tell me how you feel about this

. Not everyone who parents a child— man or woman— is a good parent. You mentioned earlier that all mothers do things a certain way, but that claim is far from the reality of things. About half of mothers out there do not — for one reason or another —do for their kids much of what you claim your mother did not do for you. So, there is no need to attempt to compare your mother to others, as your experience is just as valid as everyone else's out there.

2. Did you know that there are others out there in the same shoe you are in who would give everything they have to the same mother? Some of these individuals are convinced that because their mother carried them for 9 months, their very lives are to be devoted to serving her whims in every way. If some of those people were to show up here to tell you that you are some sort of ungrateful element for rejecting your mother's calls, and maybe even refusing to send her money regularly. How exactly would you take that?

You are asking the wrong question. I don't think you need validation of your feelings from those who do not see your experience the way you do. You were wounded by your experience, and your feelings are just as valid as any other person's feelings. You should seek healing for yourself and your siblings, and you will not get it by asking others about their experiences.

meobizy:
I will drop an opinion once I find a way to summarize this.

Okay Dear.
May God grant you the perfect opinion ma

It's unfortunate you have to go through all these.
My advice, change your phone number and distance yourself from her for your growth and sanity.
In order to grow, sometimes you gotta be selfish and you owe her NOTHING....

Ahmed0336:
It's unfortunate you have to go through all these.
My advice, change your phone number and distance yourself from her for your growth and sanity.
In order to grow, sometimes you gotta be selfish and you owe her NOTHING....

You're correct

I will block her number for say, one month. No time for unnecessary distractions.

Brahamimo:
You're correct

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TEuUTT_k4E?si=P7jZGxgfakji7lU8

Tell her to look for a job. She's a lazy woman

May God no allow us to have Yama yama parents IJN...

Therock5555:
May God no allow us to have Yama yama parents IJN...

Amen

Ah! Mother, thank you so much for all you have done for me and all the support you have given to me despite the fact that I'm a coconut head. But you have continued to support me knowing that you and Daddy raised me well to be a great and good man.

Daddy, I want to say thank you for choosing your wife to be my mother; her support has been beyond human understanding. She doesn't cheat even after you left (confirmed it myself), she doesn't lie, or engage in any immoral activities that will bring shame to us.

I really want to give her a better life, help me on this journey, Lord.

Mother, thank you for everything. Daddy, I adore, love, and honor you for everything especially this woman.

Even though I haven't been working or earning anything for months, this woman has been supporting and taking care of my feedings as I rack my brain and muscles for our future. Lord, I'm grateful. She doesn't disrespect me, she asks for my advices and opinions, and never turns her back on me.

Ah! God, I'm grateful.

SuperOnyi:






Ah! Mother, thank you so much for all you have done for me and all the support you have given to me despite the fact that I'm a coconut head. But you have continued to support me knowing that you and Daddy raised me well to be a great and good man.

Daddy, I want to say thank you for choosing your wife to be my mother; her support has been beyond human understanding. She doesn't cheat even after you left (confirmed it myself), she doesn't lie, or engage in any immoral activities that will bring shame to us.

I really want to give her a better life, help me on this journey, Lord.

Mother, thank you for everything. Daddy, I adore, love, and honor you for everything especially this woman.

Even though I haven't been working or earning anything for months, this woman has been supporting and taking care of my feedings as I rack my brain and muscles for our future. Lord, I'm grateful. She doesn't disrespect me, she asks for my advices and opinions, and never turns her back on me.

Ah! God, I'm grateful.

So how does this satisfy my curiosity now?

Therock5555:
May God no allow us to have Yama yama parents IJN...

You have it in the wrong order. Yama-yama parents choose to have kids; kids don't choose their parents. Praying to your gods afterward, you have been born by yama-yama people, won't change the yama-yamaness of the parents you have.

My first question to you is how do you manage to survive and still find some money to give to her with the little you earn? You can choose to answer or not.

God never allowed me to experience such experience and till date I still appreciate my mom's care and selflessness for me and my siblings. I'm the last born and the only graduate in my family all thanks to her. She did everything possible to make it happen.

Of course, I took up part responsibility the moment I started earning while in school. She's the only person who could ask me for anything and I wouldn't hesitate to give it. It pains me greatly that she's no more.

You need to start thinking about yourself. You're in no better condition to be helping anyone financially especially people who have little or no need for it.

With time, I hope you'll heal but in the meantime, love her in anyway that you can. The fact that you still care for her even after all this makes you the better person. It shows your mind haven't been twisted/polluted enough with hatred and malice.

hatozeck:
My first question to you is how do you manage to survive and still find some money to give to her with the little you earn? You can choose to answer or not.

God never allowed me to experience such experience and till date I still appreciate my mom's care and selflessness for me and my siblings. I'm the last born and the only graduate in my family all thanks to her. She did everything possible to make it happen.

Of course, I took up part responsibility the moment I started earning while in school. She's the only person who could ask me for anything and I wouldn't hesitate to give it. It pains me greatly that she's no more.

You need to start thinking about yourself. You're in no better condition to be helping anyone financially especially people who have little or no need for it.

With time, I hope you'll heal but in the meantime, love her in anyway that you can. The fact that you still care for her even after all this makes you the better person. It shows your mind haven't been twisted/polluted enough with hatred and malice.

God bless you Sir.
I have a lot to say but nairaland will never contain me. I would rather talk with you privately

Why do you send her money weekly when you claim she knows the time you receive salary monthly? The right thing to do is to place her on monthly income, like 15-20% of your salary, otherwise you will never be able to plan for your future. she knows you are not wise and goes as far as dumping your grandmother's financial problems on you. You were never close to her in the past, so speaking to her on phone once a month is enough, when you are ready you will know what to do.

Kobojunkie:
You have it in the wrong order. Yama-yama parents choose to have kids; kids don't choose their parents. Praying to your gods afterward, you have been born by yama-yama people, won't change the yama-yamaness of the parents you have.

Just dey play.... If God answers my prayer, then He wouldn't allow Yama Yama parents to have children...


Problem solved....😁😁😁😁

LilMissFavvy:
Why do you send her money weekly when you claim she knows the time you receive salary monthly? The right thing to do is to place her on monthly income, like 15-20% of your salary, otherwise you will never be able to plan for your future. she knows you are not wise and goes as far as dumping your grandmother's financial problems on you. You were never close to her in the past, so speaking to her on phone once a month is enough, when you are ready you will know what to do.

It's not as easy as you think my dear sister. It's well

Therock5555:
✓ Just dey play.... If God answers my prayer, then He wouldn't allow Yama Yama parents to have children...
Problem solved....😁😁😁😁

If? Have any of your numerous Christian gods --- 46,000 images and counting --- ever, in fact, answered the many prayers of your pastors alone, let alone the many prayers of you, their followers? 🤔

Kobojunkie:
If? Have any of your numerous Christian gods --- 46,000 images and counting --- ever, in fact, answered the many prayers of your pastors alone, let alone the many prayers of you, their followers? 🤔

I could tell you something pal but you'll definitely not believe me so I won't waste both of our time...😁😁

Therock5555:
✓ I could tell you something pal but you'll definitely not believe me so I won't waste both of our time...😁😁

Meaning you have absolutely no proof to offer me in this way of this thing you intend to tell me, right?

Kobojunkie:
Meaning you have absolutely no proof to offer me in this way of this thing you intend to tell me, right?

Well it's my personal situation not hear say but you wey I know, we'll keep debating till eternity...

So I choose peace and silence....

Therock5555:
✓ Well it's my personal situation not hear say but you wey I know, we'll keep debating till eternity...
So I choose peace and silence....

A personal situation is merely a delusional one until proven/evidenced. You know that, right?

Kobojunkie:
A personal situation is merely a delusional one until proven/evidenced. You know that, right?

See eh, add me on Whatsapp make we argue...


I don't want to do this argument on NL

Therock5555:
✓ See eh, add me on Whatsapp make we argue...
I don't want to do this argument on NL

I no dey do Whatsapp arguing.

Kobojunkie:
I no dey do Whatsapp arguing.

Oya rest biko.. 😁😁😁

Kobojunkie:
I no dey do Whatsapp arguing.

😄😄😄😄😄🌞

I believe you feel this way because many people have been guilt-tripped into believing the myths surrounding what is often labeled as "African Mothers." But listen—I'm a mother, and I refuse to be defined by any harmful stereotype. I want to be called a mother because I love, care, and nurture. Here's what I'm saying:

In life, boundaries and rights are essential. They help establish healthy, safe, and loving relationships among people and also protect our mental well-being. First, clear your mind of all the false beliefs you’ve internalized about "African Mothers." According to the Holy Bible, you owe no one anything except love. So, forgive your mother for her wrongs—but also set clear boundaries for yourself.

Your boundaries should protect your rights and privileges as a person. They should safeguard your respect, privacy, and mental health. These boundaries must make you feel safe, whole, and fulfilled as an individual. Toward others, show empathy, and let the Golden Rule guide your interactions. Only you can create that kind of peace for yourself.

If you don’t—or can’t—do this, you’ll continue carrying fire in your bosom, trapped in the endless cycle of the “African mother and child” narrative.

What exactly are you complaining about, if you are comfortable to give, take care of her needs, and if not, do whatever within your capacity. Don't kill yourself over such a mother, let her only feel proud of having you withiout necessarily giving yourself undue pressure.

Nursing you from the womb to about 8 years old is not an easy job too, that is why you need to respect her even withiout giving her the supports she might naturally deserved.