₦airaland Forum

faithfull18:
Simple, not being able to take care of yourself without external help should be a crime in this age.

I agree

Tallesty1:
Look at marriages, even after divorce, the core things a man provides in marriage, he can still be mandated by court to keep providing for the woman and kids. But nothing binds the woman to do anything for him. It’s crazy.

This right here is the reason black men struggle with paying child support. They think it is an exchange for what the woman does for them. You are not paying child support for/to your wife. It is for the KIDS. Once again, the KIDS.

The wife doesn't have to do anything for you. She has to do something for the the KIDS. The KIDS! And the CORE thing she provides is nurturing which is directed at the kids.

Upon separation/divorce, everything is done for the KIDS. Not the husband or wife. The KIDS.

If you as a man can be the primary parent without going to dump the children for your mother in the village. Then by all means establish the woman has the means to pay you child support and she would be made to. It is really simple and I am surprised you think this is an applicable illustration.

pocohantas:
This right here is the reason black men struggle with paying child support. They think it is an exchange for what the woman does for them. You are not paying child support for/to your wife. It is for the KIDS. Once again, the KIDS.

The wife doesn't have to do anything for you. She has to do something for the the KIDS. The KIDS! And the CORE thing she provides is nurturing which is directed at the kids.

Upon separation/divorce, everything is done for the KIDS. Not the husband or wife. The KIDS.

If you as a man can be the primary parent without going to dump the children for your mother in the village. Then by all means establish the woman has the means to pay you child support and she would be made to. It is really simple and I am surprised you think this is an applicable illustration.

Oh yeah, the reason they fight tooth and nail for custody is because nothing from child support benefits them. I get it now.

Tallesty1:
Oh yeah, the reason they fight tooth and nail for custody is because nothing from child support benefits them. I get it now.

Where it is established the man has been the primary caregiver even in the marriage thereby allowing the woman more career-time that led to wealth acquisition, the woman would pay spousal support. A few rich(er) women have. Sadly these cases are few because even when the woman is richer, the man doesn't step up to family duties as it emasculates him. Rihanna is richer and she is still the one dragging her children everywhere and men see her as a model wife/mother. Maybe that is why she has refused to marry whatever-his-name-is. She is avoiding stories that touch.


No court in Nigeria mandates a man to keep doing what he does for a woman after marriage. I have not seen or heard of one case. The 30k to 50k Nigerian men are mandated to pay is definitely not what any grown woman uses to take care of herself and 3 kids. Even in America, with the exception of celebrities and the top percentile of men, the money is barely enough to augment given the woman would have to do school run, doctor appointments, sick days, games day...everything alone. If there is mortgage, she still has to pay it off or take a hit to their living condition. So in reality, POST-DIVORCE, these women take up jobs after losing meaningful work years because all the man is mandated to pay is CHILD SUPPORT. Strictly for the kids, no extras.

If my husband would stay at home while I chase my career and side dudes ___I will happily give him 50k/monthly upon divorce for childcare. Then come pickup every other weekend and return to him immediately to sleep by midnight and wakeup early every morning . I have presented him with this option a few times if he thinks I am not doing enough and he never took it. He instead gave me the money. The women guys scare with this talk are lazy and emotional women.

Women's fight for kids with an average man is more of fear, maternal instinct and longterm emotional control, than actual resources.

Tallesty1:
Do you get? A nice article but he nearly ruined it with that part.

Nearly everything men did in 1985, they’re still doing today, but you don’t see anybody telling them to stop because it’s 2025. Look at marriages, even after divorce, the core things a man provides in marriage, he can still be mandated by court to keep providing for the woman and kids. But nothing binds the woman to do anything for him. It’s crazy.

In my family, everybody cooks. And being the one who stayed in the village longer, I cook local foods better than all of them. Recently, we were in the village for Easter, and I was the one cooking. My brothers were there, their wives too, and my sister, my mother, and others, I was cooking because I love cooking and I trust my own food. But all this talk about 2025 doesn’t move me. Yes, it’s 2025, I can order any food from my phone; heck, I can order both the food and the chef.

Nobody remembers it’s 2025 when we tell men to be the providers and do all the heavy lifting. Recently, because a woman died over ₦500k, the internet was full of “don’t settle for less” and “marry a man that can always cough out a million.” This is coming from a POS attendant that earns ₦15k monthly without any allowance.

Recently in a conversation with one, she said she can't marry a broke guy because she doesn't want to suffer; and I asked why she would suffer because of his brokenness when he isn’t asking for her own money?

Women have all the opportunities that men have, they have the education men had, they can get all the skills men have access to, and for some good reason, it’s even easier for them. But nobody reminds them it's 2025 when they hold back their own money and expect everything to come from the man. Nobody tells them it's 2025 when they're planning their dream weddings without contributing a single kobo.

Na man dey do man las las, NEPO kids dey buy off the whole food in the canteen because they no wan queue while LAPO kids are being told to start cooking because it's 2025. Na money and fellow man dey do man.

I dey live in one beedrom, I marry woman put inside, she no add extra room, na me dey pay the bills but na she settle for less.

Chineke kpọkwa ha ọkụ

Sir, i don't know if you're conversant with Chris brown or Adin ross
So both guys were on live sometimes this year
A girl entered the live stream
When she saw Chris
She was shocked. She had to ask Adin if that was the actual Chris
And just one response from Chris sent her sprawling
Now what caught my attention was that
She told Chris that.. "she would clean, she can cook and she was open to learning new recipe for him and even when he wanted to HIT he can HIT ANYTIME



What point am i driving at
I'm saying You're very apt sir!



Well I always thank God for my life sha
Topics like this back in the day, would rile me up
Would have gotten me all vexed
Till i found out what Men yesteryears enjoyed.



I don't stress myself again
Even talking to ladies and hearing their opinions in issues i don't even
I just observe
Lol
U come to me with that bs of cookin is a survival skill and not want u enjoy doing for ur man
By all means whatever we are doing, it's temporary




Look at one niccur up there calling men idiots
Lol
I grew up in a house where my father cooks
Cooks better than my mom sef. But mumsy no gree o
Mama say make pop dey e own o
Make she leave kitchen for am.. and she got better at it and now i always jokingly tell any girl (they'd spend 2 months with mom to cook her way) cause I'm so stucked on her food


As much as cooking is a survival skil
IT'S GENDER SPECIFIC
Make nobody whine e papa for here
I provide, still come home to cook
Even if you provide so?

Abeg abeg abeg mah enter office before i vex

Tallesty1:
Oh yeah, the reason they fight tooth and nail for custody is because nothing from child support benefits them. I get it now.

Typical female response


Mama say halfing of a guy's net worth is for the "kids" lol

"The kids"


Okay traffid hold me na why i stee dey



The jokes keep writing themselves

*Halving a man's net worth is for the kids*
Gotta be the most outrageous statement I've read today

dhiqson:
Typical female response


Mama say halfing of a guy's net worth is for the "kids" lol

"The kids"


Okay traffid hold me na why i stee dey

No woman in Nigeria has halved any man's wealth. Halfing a man's wealth in the West is for less than 5% of men. The CEOs, celebrities and wealthy guys. I am sure both you and him wouldn't lose half of your wealth upon divorce (in Nigeria). The men losing half of their wealth like Bezos and Gates are not complaining on NL. They willingly gave it to these women who were in most cases part of the enterprise.

The remaining 95% of women would get child support upon divorce. Then return to serious struggle. The main reason single parent homes suffer deliquent kids _ lack of resources. Let's stick to FACTS and not typical male response.

Thank you

pocohantas:
Where it is established the man has been the primary caregiver even in the marriage thereby allowing the woman more career-time that led to wealth acquisition, the woman would pay spousal support. A few rich(er) women have. Sadly these cases are few because even when the woman is richer, the man doesn't step up to family duties as it emasculates him. Rihanna is richer and she is still the one dragging her children everywhere and men see her as a model wife/mother. Maybe that is why she has refused to marry whatever-his-name-is. She is avoiding stories that touch.


No court in Nigeria mandates a man to keep doing what he does for a woman after marriage. I have not seen or heard of one case. The 30k to 50k Nigerian men are mandated to pay is definitely not what any grown woman uses to take care of herself and 3 kids. Even in America, with the exception of celebrities and the top percentile of men, the money is barely enough to augment given the woman would have to do school run, doctor appointments, sick days, games day...everything alone. If there is mortgage, she still has to pay it off or take a hit to their living condition. So in reality, POST-DIVORCE, these women take up jobs after losing meaningful work years because all the man is mandated to pay is CHILD SUPPORT. Strictly for the kids, no extras.

If my husband would stay at home while I chase my career and side dudes ___I will happily give him 50k/monthly upon divorce for childcare. Then come pickup every other weekend and return to him immediately to sleep by midnight and wakeup early every morning . I have presented him with this option a few times if he thinks I am not doing enough and he never took it. He instead gave me the money. The women guys scare with this talk are lazy and emotional women. Women's fight for kids with an average man is more of fear, maternal instinct and longterm emotional control, than actual resources.

If the child lives with her, and he funds that child’s life, he's funding her household whether she admits it or not. The money doesn't come with a condition don't touch me unless it's for junior.

And don’t say the man should fight for custody when the court treats working men like sperm donors and wallets.

Dragging men to court, fighting over salaries, and threatening jail isn’t love for the kids. A man gets a job with a bigger pay and boom, she wants a bigger child support? Why? Did the child's needs suddenly increase?

dhiqson:
Sir, i don't know if you're conversant with Chris brown or Adin ross
So both guys were on live sometimes this year
A girl entered the live stream
When she saw Chris
She was shocked. She had to ask Adin if that was the actual Chris
And just one response from Chris sent her sprawling
Now what caught my attention was that
She told Chris that.. "she would clean, she can cook and she was open to learning new recipe for him and even when he wanted to HIT he can HIT ANYTIME



What point am i driving at
I'm saying You're very apt sir!



Well I always thank God for my life sha
Topics like this back in the day, would rile me up
Would have gotten me all vexed
Till i found out what Men yesteryears enjoyed.



I don't stress myself again
Even talking to ladies and hearing their opinions in issues i don't even
I just observe
Lol
U come to me with that bs of cookin is a survival skill and not want u enjoy doing for ur man
By all means whatever we are doing, it's temporary




Look at one niccur up there calling men idiots
Lol
I grew up in a house where my father cooks
Cooks better than my mom sef. But mumsy no gree o
Mama say make pop dey e own o
Make she leave kitchen for am.. and she got better at it and now i always jokingly tell any girl (they'd spend 2 months with mom to cook her way) cause I'm so stucked on her food


As much as cooking is a survival skil
IT'S GENDER SPECIFIC
Make nobody whine e papa for here
I provide, still come home to cook
Even if you provide so?

Abeg abeg abeg mah enter office before i vex

I’ll cook for my family because my dad did for us and we loved it, honestly, we even craved his meals. But the moment you start telling me, “It’s 2025, so you should be cooking,” that’s where the wahala starts.

My last relationship ended for two reasons.

First, she wanted to know how I would support her career. I asked, “Are you working for yourself or for the household?” She said it doesn’t matter. I told her, If you're working for yourself while I fund all of us, then I don't owe you so much as a ‘how was work today?’. Your job holds no value for the family.

Second, she said she only wants two kids. I told her, “I’m having three.” She said she had already made up her mind and wasn’t ready to mentally accommodate a third. I replied, “The third mustn't come from you.”

There are things I don’t negotiate. It riles me to see men become sissies just because women have conditioned them into becoming the kind of men want as a partner but they’d never want as a brother or a son

Tallesty1:
If the child lives with her, and he funds that child’s life, he's funding her household whether she admits it or not. The money doesn't come with a condition don't touch me unless it's for junior.

And don’t say the man should fight for custody when the court treats working men like sperm donors and wallets.

Dragging men to court, fighting over salaries, and threatening jail isn’t love for the kids. A man gets a job with a bigger pay and boom, she wants a bigger child support? Why? Did the child's needs suddenly increase?

Do you know any woman in Nigeria that has benefited from this scenario you described?

There are women who do not ask for child support. They take their kids and disappear. These women are accused of denying their ex-husbands and kids their right to each other. Yet when they ask for child support, you say it is for her? Lol! Doomed if you do, still doomed if you don't.

If you are capable, you will fight for your kids. No law in Nigeria treats men like sperm donors. Men are in most cases unwilling (and incapable) of being the primary parent. Even you said it yourself that your family went to retrieve your nephew from his father because the child was neglected. So I wonder what you are arguing about and what part of women fighting to be with their kids out of fear/maternal instinct you don't understand.

Tallesty1:
Do you get? A nice article but he nearly ruined it with that part.

Nearly everything men did in 1985, they’re still doing today, but you don’t see anybody telling them to stop because it’s 2025. Look at marriages, even after divorce, the core things a man provides in marriage, he can still be mandated by court to keep providing for the woman and kids. But nothing binds the woman to do anything for him. It’s crazy.

In my family, everybody cooks. And being the one who stayed in the village longer, I cook local foods better than all of them. Recently, we were in the village for Easter, and I was the one cooking. My brothers were there, their wives too, and my sister, my mother, and others, I was cooking because I love cooking and I trust my own food. But all this talk about 2025 doesn’t move me. Yes, it’s 2025, I can order any food from my phone; heck, I can order both the food and the chef.

Nobody remembers it’s 2025 when we tell men to be the providers and do all the heavy lifting. Recently, because a woman died over ₦500k, the internet was full of “don’t settle for less” and “marry a man that can always cough out a million.” This is coming from a POS attendant that earns ₦15k monthly without any allowance.

Recently in a conversation with one, she said she can't marry a broke guy because she doesn't want to suffer; and I asked why she would suffer because of his brokenness when he isn’t asking for her own money?

Women have all the opportunities that men have, they have the education men had, they can get all the skills men have access to, and for some good reason, it’s even easier for them. But nobody reminds them it's 2025 when they hold back their own money and expect everything to come from the man. Nobody tells them it's 2025 when they're planning their dream weddings without contributing a single kobo.

Na man dey do man las las, NEPO kids dey buy off the whole food in the canteen because they no wan queue while LAPO kids are being told to start cooking because it's 2025. Na money and fellow man dey do man.

I dey live in one beedrom, I marry woman put inside, she no add extra room, na me dey pay the bills but na she settle for less.

Chineke kpọkwa ha ọkụ

I wish I could like this post 2 million times😁

And yes, Chukwu kpo ndi ife n’eme n’isi (Feminist) and broke girls oku every day, twice on Wednesday morning.

pocohantas:
No woman in Nigeria has halved any man's wealth. Halfing a man's wealth is for less than 5% of men. The CEOs, celebrities and wealthy guys. I am sure both you and him wouldn't lose half of your wealth upon divorce (in Nigeria). The men losing half of their wealth like Bezos and Gates are not complaining on NL. They willingly gave it to these women who were in most cases part of the enterprise.

The remaining 95% of women would get child support upon divorce. Then return to serious struggle. The main reason single parent homes suffer deliquent kids _ lack of resources. Let's stick to FACTS and not typical male response.

Thank you

Back up this claim with evidence

Valwezzy:
Back up this claim with evidence

I don't need any evidence to back it up.
The laws on marriage in Nigeria (post divorce) is evident to every sensible human. 👍

pocohantas:
I don't need any evidence to back it up.
The laws on marriage in Nigeria (post divorce) is evident to every sensible human. 👍

Ok

Valwezzy:
Ok

Good boy.🤝

pocohantas:
I don't need any evidence to back it up.
The laws on marriage in Nigeria (post divorce) is evident to every sensible human. 👍

the reality is that in nigeria NOTHING will happen if a man decides to abandon his family, or blow all his money on side chick or marry another wife who starts chopping the bulk of his income

women have little to no protection

it is only within lagos woman have some form of protection and it is more towards DV and SA than financial abuse

even if you decide to take your husbdan to court on the already weak child support laws, you wil waste time as nigerias courts move very slowly and more importantly, you will be fatur4ed on PM news and all those daily rags where you and the man will be trading insults of weak erction, she smells, etc.

GloriousGbola:
the reality is that in nigeria NOTHING will happen if a man decides to abandon his family, or blow all his money on side chick or marry another wife who starts chopping the bulk of his income

women have little to no protection

it is only within lagos woman have some form of protection and it is more towards DV and SA than financial abuse

even if you decide to take your husbdan to court on the already weak child support laws, you wil waste time as nigerias courts move very slowly and more importantly, you will be fatur4ed on PM news and all those daily rags where you and the man will be trading insults of weak erction, she smells, etc.

I am always confused when I read those posts on Nairaland. Am I in a different Nigeria? You address it and they try to mansplain/gaslight you.

There is not one Nigerian woman living large on the stipend her ex- husband sends. Not even Annie Idibia. Annie and May Edochie are lucky they had something doing and rode on the fame. Else serious suffer go hold them ehn. Is it not Obasanjo's exwife that was thrown out of her house over unpaid rent earlier this year? A whole ex-president's wife. Precious that divorced FFK nko? There is one Northern elite who was asked to pay 200k for 3kids after all the court case. 😂😂😂

I have heard firsthand from lawyers what average Nigerian men are mandated to pay. That is if they pay sef. It is on NL Nigerian men are losing half their wealth and paying huge child support. Tinubu is really working.

Nnamdipapa:
Everyone cooks, my daughter and sons. Woke up at 3am on night with the gas on, I went downstairs to find my older son cooking a full meal, he claimed he woke up hungry.

Please do not encourage that habit. Eating and hunger is psychological most times. Find out what is making him use food as a coping mechanism.

Sort it out with him before it consume him and he become a glutton. You know what will be in the future.

Eating is used as a form of escapism. In nigeria, more than two 3rd of the population especially in the south do that. Why it doesn't show is because we don't live a soft life. Our daily chores and work make us burn calories so it's never pronounced.

Check out Nigerians living soft life, they are mainly overweight or obese eg the politicians. We don't see food as what it is. We just eat and eat even if our tummy is bursting.

descarado:
Please do not encourage that habit. Eating and hunger is psychological most times. Find out what is making him use food as a coping mechanism.

Sort it out with him before it consume him and he become a glutton. You know what will be in the future.

Eating is used as a form of escapism. In nigeria, more than two 3rd of the population especially in the south do that. Why it doesn't show is because we don't live a soft life. Our daily chores and work make us burn calories so it's never pronounced.

Check out Nigerians living soft life, they are mainly overweight or obese eg the politicians. We don't see food as what it is. We just eat and eat even if our tummy is bursting.

Nothing like coping mechanism. He was hungry and cooked his own food.

Nnamdipapa:
Nothing like coping mechanism. He was hungry and cooked his own food.

Lol, this man you no dey gree.

To the topic, just like gyming, cooking has a way of influencing a man's life.
Normally, it used to be a bargaining chip for most women (I did not cook because I was not around). It deprives them that shakara.
Secondly, the man becomes too picky. They usually don't settle for anything less of a taste (extra work for any potential partner).

I observed this during my NYSC. My then roommate was extremely good at cooking that the first day we met in our PPA we toured round Calabar municipal in search of a preferred meal for him. I didn't understand this until I got hooked too in cooking. I stopped patronizing most restaurants. I noticed the tiniest error in most foods. Enjoying people's food became by luck.

That skill really changes a man's taste bud and preference.
For me, it's a necessary skill that comes with a major lifestyle change

JOACHINpedro:
Lol, this man you no dey gree.

To the topic, just like gyming, cooking has a way of influencing a man's life.
Normally, it used to be a bargaining chip for most women (I did not cook because I was not around). It deprives them that shakara.
Secondly, the man becomes too picky. They usually don't settle for anything less of a taste (extra work for any potential partner).

I observed this during my NYSC. My then roommate was extremely good at cooking that the first day we met in our PPA we toured round Calabar municipal in search of a preferred meal for him. I didn't understand this until I got hooked too in cooking. I stopped patronizing most restaurants. I noticed the tiniest error in most foods. Enjoying people's food became by luck.

That skill really changes a man's taste bud and preference.
For me, it's a necessary skill that comes with a major lifestyle change

I totally agree

To all the Chefs in the house cooking and day and baking soda

For me gender roles and life skills in cooking shouldn't be used in the same context...

Cooking is a gender role
Cooking is a survival skill

When there is a conversation of gender role...

It simply means that both gender are in the picture... And if the 2 gender are in the picture and roles are to be assigned... Women will cook


But in the other hand... It's is also a survival skills... In a situation where you have to come to rescue....


Doh I didn't read your write up.
Hahahaha

“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.”

There is a man I know that his wife doesn't cook.

The man is rich. So when he married her, it was the maids that were doing the cooking.

The man has retired from business, has grandkids. He's the one cooking for himself.

Simpish thread.

Come and force me.

So as I have 19 yrs old daughter and 16 yrs old son I go enter kitchen begin learn how to cook. Nonsense post

We should make money.

Know DIY.

Have a 6-pack.

Know how to fight.

All the women have to do is just look pretty.

Double0h7:
There’s nothing more attractive than a man who knows his way around a kitchen! To just sit there with your favourite 🍹, and just watch him at work is an aphrodisiac of the highest order 😍

mstchew