₦airaland Forum

So this is a real-life story and it’s currently happening to a friend of mine. I spoke with him today. What will you do if you were in his situation?

John has been dating Lola for the past 10 years, and she was the love of his life. He met her as a virgin. They got married and moved to Canada.

Now, it was very difficult for both of them to get into their respective careers in the new country, and soon the kids started arriving. In five years, they now have three kids. John had to enroll in school while working three jobs just to cope with the expenses. They already bought a home with a mortgage.

At some point, Lola slid into depression and had to start taking antidepressant medications. This meant she couldn’t work, and all the financial burden had to be carried by John alone. To put this relationship in context, John is an Igbo guy while Lola is from the South-West. They met while living together in Ibadan. John is the spirikoko type—always praying—while Lola has grown cold and withdrawn over time.

Because of the bills and John’s three jobs, they didn’t get to spend enough time together as a couple, and they gradually grew apart. John was always away working.

Unknown to John, Lola had started an affair with a Nigerian guy she met at Redeemed Church. They were already sleeping together. Each time John tried to make love to his wife, she would reject his advances. John, sensing something was wrong, confronted her.

She confessed. Yes, she had slept with another man and had lost interest in John and in the marriage.

Remember, they have three kids under five. Lola’s family are here in Canada and they are supporting her in this matter. In her defense, Lola accused John of always working and not having time for her. That was her reason for looking outside for another man’s affection.

Now, John went through her phone and found a search history about “how to accuse and implicate your husband.”

They’ve both been avoiding each other for the past two weeks. John spoke with me for two hours yesterday, crying on the phone and feeling crushed and disappointed. He is already planning to get a new place and move out of their home.

I advised him to file for a divorce.

Who is at fault here, and what would your advice be for John?
Remember, this happened in real life.

The one that works hard to provide for the home is accused of not spending enough time with the family. The one that gives up money-making opportunities just to spend enough time with the family is accused of not providing enough for the family.

The RCCG guy sleeping with her will not marry her when John leaves.

immortalcrown:
The one that works hard to provide for the home is accused of not spending enough time with the family. The one that gives up money-making opportunities just to spend enough time with the family is accused of not providing enough for the family.

The RCCG guy sleeping with her will not marry her when John leaves.

With three kids? No one is marrying her just that the guy is devastated, the lady is n8t even apologizing or remorseful

Tell him that he should focus on his kids and he should be very careful of the mother of his kids because she is no more his wife,she can accuse him falsely.

Nnamdipapa:
So this is a real-life story and it’s currently happening to a friend of mine. I spoke with him today. What will you do if you were in his situation?

John has been dating Lola for the past 10 years, and she was the love of his life. He met her as a virgin. They got married and moved to Canada.

Now, it was very difficult for both of them to get into their respective careers in the new country, and soon the kids started arriving. In five years, they now have three kids. John had to enroll in school while working three jobs just to cope with the expenses. They already bought a home with a mortgage.

At some point, Lola slid into depression and had to start taking antidepressant medications. This meant she couldn’t work, and all the financial burden had to be carried by John alone. To put this relationship in context, John is an Igbo guy while Lola is from the South-West. They met while living together in Ibadan. John is the spirikoko type—always praying—while Lola has grown cold and withdrawn over time.

Because of the bills and John’s three jobs, they didn’t get to spend enough time together as a couple, and they gradually grew apart. John was always away working.

Unknown to John, Lola had started an affair with a Nigerian guy she met at Redeemed Church. They were already sleeping together. Each time John tried to make love to his wife, she would reject his advances. John, sensing something was wrong, confronted her.

She confessed. Yes, she had slept with another man and had lost interest in John and in the marriage.

Remember, they have three kids under five. Lola’s family are here in Canada and they are supporting her in this matter. In her defense, Lola accused John of always working and not having time for her. That was her reason for looking outside for another man’s affection.

Now, John went through her phone and found a search history about “how to accuse and implicate your husband.”

They’ve both been avoiding each other for the past two weeks. John spoke with me for two hours yesterday, crying on the phone and feeling crushed and disappointed. He is already planning to get a new place and move out of their home.

I advised him to file for a divorce.

Who is at fault here, and what would your advice be for John?
Remember, this happened in real life.

She is just waiting for him to make a mistake and she will use it against him.

As of now, she has no offence on him cos he is providing and doing 3 jobs to do so. With his discovery about her search history, it won't be easy for him to let go cos he loves and never expected this but truth is that... She has a ticking bomb waiting to explode on him. She will sending him packing and he will also loose his kids when that bomb goes off.

As of now, he has upper hand based on her cheating but even so, she will claim that she was mentally unstable.

May God see him through and lead him right.

He shd divorce her n move on with his life n provide for the kids....otherwise she will keep cheating n he will become unhappy n might affect him at his job n then he gets fired from any of the 3 jobs

Well the Bible through the living words of Jesus Christ has made it clear, Divorce on the grounds of adultery is spiritually legal, I’ll file for divorce and make sure I’ve full custody of the kids. Period

LOL

Understand female nature and have peace.

He should move out ASAP and speak to a good lawyer. We no wan hear of another stabbing incidence in Canada.

Safety and Sanity first! Life first! All other things can be sorted out with time.

Nnamdipapa:
➜So this is a real-life story and it’s currently happening to a friend of mine. I spoke with him today. What will you do if you were in his situation?
John has been dating Lola for the past 10 years, and she was the love of his life. He met her as a virgin. They got married and moved to Canada. Now, it was very difficult for both of them to get into their respective careers in the new country, and soon the kids started arriving. In five years, they now have three kids. John had to enroll in school while working three jobs just to cope with the expenses. They already bought a home with a mortgage. At some point, Lola slid into depression and had to start taking antidepressant medications. This meant she couldn’t work, and all the financial burden had to be carried by John alone. ...Because of the bills and John’s three jobs, they didn’t get to spend enough time together as a couple, and they gradually grew apart. John was always away working. Unknown to John, Lola had started an affair with a Nigerian guy she met at Redeemed Church. They were already sleeping together. Each time John tried to make love to his wife, she would reject his advances. John, sensing something was wrong, confronted her. She confessed. Yes, she had slept with another man and had lost interest in John and in the marriage.....Remember, they have three kids under five. Lola’s family are here in Canada and they are supporting her in this matter. In her defense, Lola accused John of always working and not having time for her. That was her reason for looking outside for another man’s affection.
Now, John went through her phone and found a search history about “how to accuse and implicate your husband.”
They’ve both been avoiding each other for the past two weeks. John spoke with me for two hours yesterday, crying on the phone and feeling crushed and disappointed. He is already planning to get a new place and move out of their home.
I advised him to file for a divorce. Who is at fault here, and what would your advice be for John? Remember, this happened in real life.

The relationship has ended. So what exactly is your friend waiting for? He should gather separate from the woman immediately, gather all of the evidence of the cheating that he can, along with the search history information, and head straight to the courts, all while making sure the children are catered for mentally, emotionally, and physically throughout the ordeal.

immortalcrown:
The one that works hard to provide for the home is accused of not spending enough time with the family. The one that gives up money-making opportunities just to spend enough time with the family is accused of not providing enough for the family. The RCCG guy sleeping with her will not marry her when John leaves.

So? That you think all affairs are had in hopes of marriage is the most pathetic thing.

Nnamdipapa:
➜With three kids? No one is marrying her just that the guy is devastated, the lady is n8t even apologizing or remorseful

. Even with 10 kids, she can still get herself married off to some other person out there. That should not be your concern or anyone else's jor!

She already made it clear that she is done with your friend and the marriage, right? What is he waiting for? She confessed to cheating on him, and that is clear grounds for divorce. So, what is keeping him in the same house with her? Na make we hear say one person stab another next?

eniolorunfe:
➜ He should move out ASAP and speak to a good lawyer. We no wan hear of another stabbing incidence in Canada. Safety and Sanity first! Life first! All other things can be sorted out with time.

Exactly! Before his spirikoko-ism turns to, "Na devil make me do am," he should move out immediately to avoid trouble.

He should run a DNA for the kids first. E get why.
Instead of her to complain to her husband about not being around all the time, she decided to cheat. That's not fair na

he should just Man up and know he don't have a wife an more.
Move on with your life Man.
She have moved so should you.

Kobojunkie:
The relationship has ended. So what exactly is your friend waiting for? He should gather separate from the woman immediately, gather all of the evidence of the cheating that he can, along with the search history information, and head straight to the courts, all while making sure the children are catered for mentally, emotionally, and physically throughout the ordeal.

He is going for counseling in the church. I am sure the oastor will advise to pray about it. I am tired of advising church people.

Kobojunkie:
. Even with 10 kids, she can still get herself married off to some other person out there. That should not be your concern or anyone else's jor!

She already made it clear that she is done with your friend and the marriage, right? What is he waiting for? She confessed to cheating on him, and that is clear grounds for divorce. So, what is keeping him in the same house with her? Na make we hear say one person stab another next?

She won't abroad as a single lady from Africa. I know tons of beautiful single ladies here trying desperately to get married without any luck talkless of one with three kids.

princepee:
he should just Man up and know he don't have a wife an more.
Move on with your life Man.
She have moved so should you.

Its hard, they have a mortgage together and three little kids. Now, they are not talking to each other at home while beo is crying and praying.

Nnamdipapa:
➜He is going for counseling in the church.
➜I am sure the oastor will advise to pray about it. I am tired of advising church people.

1. You mean more Spiricoco brainwashing, right?

2. You better remind your friend that many of those other guys who were in a similar situation ended up killing their spouses were also spiricoco to him. For Pete's sake, his wife was shagging another spiricoco like himself.

Àlso, because of so much work, my friend has failed to take care of himself so he is overweight a d I suspect that might have something to do in the sexual department leaving her unfulfilled the few times they smashed.

Kobojunkie:
1. You mean more Spiricoco brainwashing, right?

2. You better remind your friend that many of those other guys who were in a similar situation ended up killing their spouses were also spiricoco to him. For Pete's sake, his wife was shagging another spiricoco like himself.

They don't listen to anyone aside from their pastors until it becomes very late.

Nnamdipapa:
➜She won't abroad as a single lady from Africa.
➜ I know tons of beautiful single ladies here trying desperately to get married without any luck talkless of one with three kids.

1. There are lots of them who are married in this same abroad. So, don't worry yourself about her at all.

2. Desperately trying to marry what, though? How many of them have given up on the traditional Nigerian idea of marriage to instead embrace the Western ideas of it? Many of those who have, have no problem dating and even getting married, even with kids.

Kobojunkie:
1. There are lots of them who are married in this same abroad. So, don't worry yourself about her at all.

2. Desperately trying to marry what, though? How many of them have given up on the traditional Nigerian idea of marriage to instead embrace the Western ideas of it? Many of those who have, have no problem dating and even getting married, even with kids.

You are right. Back when I was younger in Nigeria, I was indoctrinated with the notion that western Ideas about marriage was evil, that marriages are for better for worse till death. Now, from real life observations, I have concluded that the west are more happier in marriages than us blacks and what we were raised with.
They leave the marriage immediately it's not working and prioritize their mental health and peace of mind.

Nnamdipapa:
➜Àlso, because of so much work, my friend has failed to take care of himself so he is overweight a d I suspect that might have something to do in the sexual department leaving her unfulfilled the few times they smashed.

He might also be dealing with depression, then.

Now that the love-of-my-life bubble has finally burst over his head, tell him to begin working on himself and his relationship with his kids while he continues with his work.

Nnamdipapa:
➜You are right. Back when I was younger in Nigeria, I was indoctrinated with the notion that western Ideas about marriage was evil, that marriages are for better for worse till death. Now, from real life observations, I have concluded that the west are more happier in marriages than us blacks and what we were raised with.
They leave the marriage immediately it's not working and prioritize their mental health and peace of mind.

What could be better than that though? 😂😂😂😂

Hmmmmm....the sheet already happened.

You should be worried about Lola's search history. That would put the C in crying for John if he doesn't act quickly. He will pay through his nose and probably lose the kids. The knife has cut pikin hand o, na remedy una support dey find not "who was at fault"

Marriage is not easy in the abroad especially when kids are involved.if you do fish bone analysis of their wahala by starting from why she got depression....you go see say the two should have gone their separate ways before matter escalated to this point. And if you wait for wetin go happen next to happen, you go see say John suppose don accept him fate now now by moving out this minute! The asset they already built on their house and whatever they own jointly won't matter in the end. It is well with John....when a woman boldly starts sleeping with another man and managed to convince her family to support her, her husband is on his way to getting dished some major pain. I'm not talking about just heart break. No find out biko.

Kobojunkie:
So? That you think all affairs are hard in hopes of marriage is the most pathetic thing.

You didn't get my point. Currently, her intention is not to marry the RCCG guy. But if her husband leaves her, she will soon regret being single and this RCCG guy will not even rescue her.

immortalcrown:
➜You didn't get my point. Currently, hi intention is not to marry the ROCC guy. But if her husband leaves her, she will soon regret being single and this RCCG guy will not even rescue her.

But, how do you know her intentions? And who told you the two are not planning to marry after the breakup?

Abegi! You need to step out of your tiny lives to see that the world outside is completely not according to your private delusions. Life is not according to private formulae and delusions, oh! Let's start being real, please!

immortalcrown:
You didn't get my point. Currently, her intention is not to marry the RCCG guy. But if her husband leaves her, she will soon regret being single and this RCCG guy will not even rescue her.

She is just doing it for sex and nothing more, also, I think some of our ladies here want to be single ladies so bad and want out of the marriage with the first chance they get.

Nnamdipapa:
➜She is just doing it for sex and nothing more,
➜ also, I think some of our ladies here want to be single ladies so bad and want out of the marriage with the first chance they get.

Did the woman tell you this herself?

2. Technically, it is better to be single than to be in a marriage one is not happy in. The same applies to the menfolk. So, why pretend it is just the men doing this?

That woman's unhappiness in the marriage probably started right around the time of the depression, or maybe long before that. As someone previously pointed out, they probably should have separated before or around that time, too. But since they are both Nigerians, they probably thought endurance is better than peace of mind and all those other beautiful things married Nigerians associate with being single.

Kobojunkie:
Did the woman tell you this herself?

2. Technically, it is better to be single than to be in a marriage one is not happy in. The same applies to the menfolk. So, why pretend it is just the men doing this?

That woman's unhappiness in the marriage probably started right around the time of the depression, or maybe long before that. As someone previously pointed out, they probably should have separated before or around that time, too. But since they are both Nigerians, they probably thought endurance is better than peace of mind and all those other beautiful things married Nigerians associate with being single.

You are right and I can't argue those points with you.