₦airaland Forum

Marriage is often seen as a lifelong journey of love and compromise, but what happens when the changes one partner makes to feel better about themselves begin to push the other away?

For Terry* (43), his wife’s obsession with skin-lightening treatments and cosmetic procedures has left him questioning whether honesty in marriage sometimes does more harm than good.

At the end, you’ll get to decide: Did he Bleep up or not?

This is Terry’s dilemma, as shared with Mofiyinfoluwa
My wife, Lara*, and I have been married for almost eight years, and we have three kids together. When we first got married, she was caramel-skinned and very beautiful. I loved her exactly the way she was.

In the past few years, though, she has become obsessed with her skin tone and often says she wishes she were fairer. I always reassured her that I liked her as she was, but she never believed me. She started paying for instant bleaching baths and other whitening treatments.

At first, I didn’t think much of it, but now her skin is noticeably lighter, with green veins popping out and dark spots appearing. To me, she looks older than her 41 years.

She also got semi-permanent eyebrows that look like they were drawn on with a marker. Whenever I say I don’t like these things, she reminds me that it is her body, her choice, and that she never asks me for money to pay for them.

The truth is, I no longer find her as attractive as I once did. It has even affected our sex life because I rarely feel the desire to initiate. On top of that, I’ve noticed an odd odour, and the fragile look of her skin makes me uncomfortable.

Things came to a head recently when she tried to kiss me, and I flinched. She got angry right away and accused me of cheating. I swore I wasn’t. I hardly even have the time in between working long hours at the bank. But when she pushed, I admitted I don’t like the bleaching and the procedures. Instead of hearing me out, she got defensive, saying I was trying to control her and reminding me again that she makes her own money and pays for everything herself.

What hurt me most was when she reminded me that I wasn’t the same either. Back when we first met, I used to work out, but now I’ve gained weight and developed a potbelly. She implied that if I had stopped caring about my own body, then she had every right to change hers however she wanted. She even mentioned that Botox was next on her list.

In the heat of the moment, I lost my temper and shouted that she looked ugly and I no longer found her attractive. She broke down crying, moved into the guest room that night, and the next day, she left for her father’s house. Since then, her family members have bombarded me with insults, painting me as the villain.

Now our marriage feels strained. I promised for better or worse, but I’m not sure I can handle this version of worse. I don’t want a divorce because of the kids, and also because it would make me look even worse. Still, her looks no longer appeal to me. If she keeps changing herself like this, I won’t be able to cope. I’m afraid it might push me into temptations I don’t want.

Marriage is supposed to be about unconditional love, but I feel myself slipping out of love with her. I just wish she would consider my feelings, too. Now, I’m stuck wondering if being honest has only made things worse between us.

Source: https://studentvillage.com.ng/forums/topic/na-me-f-up-i-told-my-wife-she-looked-ugly-after-bleaching/

Pelle . Be careful what you say to your wife. I think you should buy her a box of gift and send apologies

The wife is suffering from inferior complex issue. In this century, make some people still not be proud of their colour

Btw, which of of husband are you that your wife is using bleaching cream, to impress who again?

She brought this upon herself. No apologies. If she had listened to u .

You did well. Please don't bother, stand your ground, let her stop the bleaching. She will come crawling back. However, for the family, don't forgive, don't forget, keep your distance, but let the children maintain a relationship with them.

I will tell you nothing but the truth your wife didn't bleach because of you but because of another useless man outside your marriage life that's why she left your house at slight provocation. Men that say the truth are always at receiving end. They re hates by there housewife that want to live a free Life. Pls get yourself closer to God and pray more than ever before. -I'm just a Realist-

Bleaching smirks of inferiority complex

When they start Bleaching they would start using phrases like " my real colour is coming out"

Tah!!!!

Real colour ke, rainbow colour ni

Like fela's song

"You dey bleach o! You dey bleach "

Divorce her ASAP

I don't know if it's inferiority complex. Women who bleach prefer to be fair in complexion and also bleach their children.
It never has to do with cheating. It starts with them toning and graduating to bleaching.
He should have told her when she started that he didn't like it and helped her to be comfortable and love her skin.
It's hard to tell a woman to stop bleaching because she won't listen most times.

That abuse alone will make her stop the bleaching, women hate to be called ugly. If her family calls again tell them apart from the fact that the bleaching makes her ugly, it also makes her get body odour. Say it point blank so it can hit really hard since they decide to insult you too. Break the table if you won break am and be a man. Highest she go leave the marriage and face the outside man thats whining her and for you too, read between the lines. She's going next to do botux. Who do you think she's doing it for? Not you bro.

Skj13777:
Pelle . Be careful what you say to your wife. I think you should buy her a box of gift and send apologies

Buy gift for someone who he is no longer attracted to ? Why the pretense ?

Couldn't read past the first few paragraphs. So a woman married with kids suddenly decides to go into bleaching to impress who again? Lol so many men can't read inbetween the signs. She's already out there and you're here bothering about her feelings. If the feelings are mutual she wouldn't have indulged in peeling her skin to begin with.

Which brings me to the question once again. Who raises these men of today that seems to throw their reasoning faculties in the trash bag as soon as they meet the opposite gender? This is a serious matter

Justseyii:
Marriage is often seen as a lifelong journey of love and compromise, but what happens when the changes one partner makes to feel better about themselves begin to push the other away?

For Terry* (43), his wife’s obsession with skin-lightening treatments and cosmetic procedures has left him questioning whether honesty in marriage sometimes does more harm than good.

At the end, you’ll get to decide: Did he Bleep up or not?

This is Terry’s dilemma, as shared with Mofiyinfoluwa
My wife, Lara*, and I have been married for almost eight years, and we have three kids together. When we first got married, she was caramel-skinned and very beautiful. I loved her exactly the way she was.

In the past few years, though, she has become obsessed with her skin tone and often says she wishes she were fairer. I always reassured her that I liked her as she was, but she never believed me. She started paying for instant bleaching baths and other whitening treatments.

At first, I didn’t think much of it, but now her skin is noticeably lighter, with green veins popping out and dark spots appearing. To me, she looks older than her 41 years.

She also got semi-permanent eyebrows that look like they were drawn on with a marker. Whenever I say I don’t like these things, she reminds me that it is her body, her choice, and that she never asks me for money to pay for them.

The truth is, I no longer find her as attractive as I once did. It has even affected our sex life because I rarely feel the desire to initiate. On top of that, I’ve noticed an odd odour, and the fragile look of her skin makes me uncomfortable.

Things came to a head recently when she tried to kiss me, and I flinched. She got angry right away and accused me of cheating. I swore I wasn’t. I hardly even have the time in between working long hours at the bank. But when she pushed, I admitted I don’t like the bleaching and the procedures. Instead of hearing me out, she got defensive, saying I was trying to control her and reminding me again that she makes her own money and pays for everything herself.

What hurt me most was when she reminded me that I wasn’t the same either. Back when we first met, I used to work out, but now I’ve gained weight and developed a potbelly. She implied that if I had stopped caring about my own body, then she had every right to change hers however she wanted. She even mentioned that Botox was next on her list.

In the heat of the moment, I lost my temper and shouted that she looked ugly and I no longer found her attractive. She broke down crying, moved into the guest room that night, and the next day, she left for her father’s house. Since then, her family members have bombarded me with insults, painting me as the villain.

Now our marriage feels strained. I promised for better or worse, but I’m not sure I can handle this version of worse. I don’t want a divorce because of the kids, and also because it would make me look even worse. Still, her looks no longer appeal to me. If she keeps changing herself like this, I won’t be able to cope. I’m afraid it might push me into temptations I don’t want.

Marriage is supposed to be about unconditional love, but I feel myself slipping out of love with her. I just wish she would consider my feelings, too. Now, I’m stuck wondering if being honest has only made things worse between us.

Source: https://studentvillage.com.ng/forums/topic/na-me-f-up-i-told-my-wife-she-looked-ugly-after-bleaching/

She is looking for something else

Just overlook her. Women never stop wanting to be admired by men even after getting married. As much as she wants her husband to admire her always, she also want other men to drool over her.
The choices women make when it comes to beauty are informed by what men want; most men like fair- skinned ladies.
As for you, just see it that she is doing something that makes her happy, and of course you should be happy seeing her happy. At the evening of her life she will come to terms with sense, but I fear that by then she would be a carbon copy of wilie wilie.

You are finished already that you cant tell your wife pointblank you dont want her to bleach
You are finished already
Wait for the botox and face surgery and then bbl or boob job