₦airaland Forum

Please I will appreciate independent opinions about the personalities of these couple and for correction purposes.

This is the continuation of the thread

So, are you the man or the woman involved?

One thing I've come to realize is that, it is not advisable for couples to relocate abroad, if their marriage is not strong enough.

If I didn’t read the word marriage in there I would have thought this is an argument between 2 flat mates. This is husband and wife conversation? The love of money is the root…

That man is very emotional and that woman is emotionless. I wonder if they are accountants 🤔

Thanks for your response. For now, I will prefer to be gender neutral in order to avoid skewed opinions. I will appreciate independent opinions on the personalities of the couple

Mariangeles:
So, are you the man or the woman involved?

One thing I've come to realize that it is not advisable for couples to relocate abroad, if their marriage is not strong enough.

Double0h7:
If I didn’t read the word marriage in there I would have thought this is an argument between 2 flat mates. This is husband and wife conversation? The love of money is the root…

That man is very emotional and that woman is emotionless. I wonder if they are accountants 🤔

Thank you for your opinion

2 roommates arguing over sharing of rent money...
The marriage has been stripped of everything marriage.

I suspect it’s the husband

It is well with you and your wife

If you have to walk away then do so because of your mental health

You want who to read all those?

The husband is in green while the wife is in wife. Unfortunately for majority of people abroad one income cannot cater the home. In Nigeria the man paid all the bills. Once women get use to that some of them will still expect you to pay all when you japa. If you are married or dating a woman who doesn’t contribute to bills abroad never bring her abroad or let her go alone first to learn the art of bill paying.

This marriage is over and the state will side with the woman with child support, spousal support and other benefits while the man will get next to nothing and be doom for 18 years.

Divorce

Isn’t all these things are easy to observe from the onset.

A woman that will not bother to support you before marriage, is it when you marry her she would start supporting you??

Both of you are living in an advance country, with credit cards, lines of credit, you both can sit down and calculate your expenses and split the bills.

However, you have this kind of issue when one person is unwilling to do so. I mean if you want to live in luxury live it at your own expense. Nobody wants a selfish partner that wants one person to carry all the burden while they live in comfort. That is exactly what i can see here.

yottravels:
Thanks for your response. For now, I will prefer to be gender neutral in order to avoid skewed opinions. I will appreciate independent opinions on the personalities of the couple

@OP, what exactly do you want us to get from this squabble between what seems to be a man and a woman who are not currently divorced from each other?

She says she cannot afford $900 at this time, so what do you want her to do? Figure out a way to get your $900 from her later on that will work for you. Get her to sign an affidavit that she will pay installments for it over the next 3 months or so. No need to drag this out any more than you should.

If you are both living together, it might be time for you two to consider going your separate ways since you don't seem to have a healthy roommate relationship at all. You don't seem to work as roommates at all.

If there are children in the picture, then you should each get shared custody of the child so you can each take turns in raising your children from this union. With the language in those messages, there does not seem to be any love left in those texts, and those children should not have to be raised in such a toxic environment.

I couldn't finish it but it is funny as sheet! The madam is surely not used to paying her bills. Imagine if there was no one else to share with, will she tell Telus that's shes overwhelmed?

Anyways, na how e be, make una move each person's bill to their account except those that could not be helped. Epele.

When e done tire person, next thing na to dey type like HR. Only thing remaining is for you two to close with "Best Regards".

Maybe you stop reminding her of everything you have done. It is exhausting reading it as a 3rd party because there were graduates and you went for the one you have to train in school. I guess it looked like the best option to you, so why the reminder?

Anyway, there is still some civility in your messages __ so there is hope. What is the model of running the home and childcare, asides bills payment? It would be nice if you share screenshots of that conversation. It would give more perspective to your issue. A day's chat over rent does not show what is the issue that has made you this drained.

Marriage is without a doubt the real final boss.

ednut1:
The husband is in green while the wife is in wife. Unfortunately for majority of people abroad one income cannot cater the home. In Nigeria the man paid all the bills. Once women get use to that some of them will still expect you to pay all when you japa. If you are married or dating a woman who doesn’t contribute to bills abroad never bring her abroad or let her go alone first to learn the art of bill paying.

This marriage is over and the state will side with the woman with child support, spousal support and other benefits while the man will get next to nothing and be doom for 18 years.

She contributed to rents though.... The man probably greedy and wants more. You men feel women should submit all their money

1st. Couples shouldn't be typing all these where they are supposed to sit and discuss issues face to face.

2nd. Couples should be transparent to each other in their income

3rd. What ever happens, man must provide. It only takes a wise and smart woman to ease the burden of a man.

4th. Don't ever take loan for family expenses but rather for investments.


The wife is fed up with constant demand for money from the man as she mentioned that it's man's responsibility to take care of the home.

I advise everyone to declare their income and live accordingly.

Abeg make two of Una carry Una matter go front

Person no even KW who be husband and who be wife

You want me to read all these screenshots

😂😂

yottravels:
Please I will appreciate independent opinions about the personalities of these couple and for correction purposes.

The fastest way to be disrespected as a man and a husband is to need your wife's money to pay family bills. It's okay if she wants to help out that's her choice but things like rent, school fees, feeding and the likes are basic things a man as the head of the house should cover.

A man should work very hard to afford that.
But then I understand that in the west it is often hard for a man to cover everything especially with the expenses of immigration documentation. Then it is important that frame that conversation in the right way. Sit your wife down and have a discussion with her. Lay everything out and tell her if your financial plan . A plan that would take your family out of survival stage into a prosperous place where she wouldn't have to worry about working to assist the family. A woman needs that vision in order to feel happy to support financially.

And you then work very hard to see that the vision is realized.
I don't know how you approached all the above but clearly you didn't do the right thing. Your wife has lost respect for you as a man talk more as a husband.
To add injury to insult, you are following her to exchange words as if you are a woman. You talk like a woman. No restraint. Nah.

Take time out and restrategize and approach her as a man and husband who has a healthy respect for himself and invariably herself.

What is actually the issue here? You suspecting her of cheating? Is she unappreciative? Is she claiming to be wise by keeping money for her personal use while you're left to foot the major part of the bills?
All the things you mentioned you did for her eve back in Nigeria I believe you did it for the growth of the family and love. It hurts to see that she is under playing them as your man duties. Heaven will not fall if you don't send her to school. But as it is now that you all have decided to split the expenses, she should honor her part for peace to reign

Adaumunocha:
She contributed to rents though.... The man probably greedy and wants more. You men feel women should submit all their money

There is an agreement from both parties but the woman does not want to meet up with her side of the agreement. She is not used to laying bills she de feel am for body. Anyways. Na why Japa no good. Better to relocate than Japa. When you relocate you get like the least 100m wey be say one year later till you land job no shaking. I still align with what someone said about seating her down and explaining your vision to escaping the hardship. Even though it might be too late. That woman obviously lacks pure love for the man.

Women can be so ungrateful sha, imagine pointing out he didn't pay for the hnd last semester. Another thing is that the dude is accusing her of cheating.... Its well.

END this SHAM!

I couldn't read the entire conversation 'cause it's DIFFICULT to watch a man being MANIPULATED by a woman who has ZERO regard for him.

This woman is making it seem like questioning her about her relationships with a MALE colleague who drove her home is YOUR problem.

Has the audacity to call it false.

Dubs you a PETTY man with a fragile ego.

The amount of INSULTS in this exchange, all directed at the HUSBAND, shows the wife has CHECKED OUT of the marriage.

The HUSBAND is desperately clinging to a DEAD marriage.

I can GUARANTEE you guys have NOT had sex (with each other, anyway) for MONTHS!

I bet the wife is getting her FILLING of sex though.


Your BIGGEST mistake was bringing a Nigerian Woman overseas.

Your NEXT step:

DIVORCE!

File for divorce ASAP.

It seems like your visas have NOT even been fully processed YET your ungrateful wife is already treating you like TRASH.

If divorcing her means she'd have to FORFEIT her japa dreams, it'll be GREAT.
If divorcing her means BOTH of you would have to forfeit your japa dreams, it'll be WORTH it.

Regardless of that, you NEED to process the divorce NOW.

You guys DON'T have a mortgage.
You're still renting.
So that's good.

Start looking for a new apartment to rent.
Look into room mates if possible since you're already used to living with one.

Another great argument for getting a divorce NOW is that it seems she's EMPLOYED and your income is still LOW.

That means if you may NOT be on the hook for alimony/spousal support.

And if you get hit with ALIMONY, it'll be SMALLER now that you're still earning little.

Also, it seems like you guys are in the US.

ICE may settle it for you if you don't settle it by yourselves.

Adaumunocha:
She contributed to rents though.... The man probably greedy and wants more. You men feel women should submit all their money

in the abroad bills are every 30 days. The man has obviously been paying and is drowning. I have seen cases where a man pays all the bills abroad and is left with 100 dols from his 4k monthly salary. Meanwhile wife dey send money home to her family. If you he the man will be be happy? 😂

Kobojunkie:
@OP, what exactly do you want us to get from this squabble between what seems to be a man and a woman who are not currently divorced from each other?

She says she cannot afford $900 at this time, so what do you want her to do? Figure out a way to get your $900 from her later on that will work for you. Get her to sign an affidavit that she will pay installments for it over the next 3 months or so. No need to drag this out any more than you should.

If you are both living together, it might be time for you two to consider going your separate ways since you don't seem to have a healthy roommate relationship at all. You don't seem to work as roommates at all.

If there are children in the picture, then you should each get shared custody of the child so you can each take turns in raising your children from this union. With the language in those messages, there does not seem to be any love left in those texts, and those children should not have to be raised in such a toxic environment.

but if the man refuses to bring her abroad knowing she is not interested in paying bills. Una go still say the man wicked :. If he divorces here, wont she pay bills? There is nothing that justifies i cannot afford to pay rent in the abroad because at the end it will lead to eviction by landlord

Couples who are still inlove wouldn't be arguing like this. The marriage between the couples in the above post is headed for the rocks if they don't work hard to rekindle their love and restore things before it becomes too late.

How can I be arguing with my lovely wife over things like who pays for what? Unless I married a lady I'm not inlove with for whatever reasons.

Your wife views you as an African man who takes care of his family, not as obodo oyibo people that split bills.

But

You were taking care of your family in Nigeria without glitch, now that you’re abroad, you can’t do same.
You are feeling tensed your wife is not bringing in money.
What changed?
Why did you relocate if you can’t take care of your wife and kids?
Please come back home, I think you both were better off in Nigeria.

lilyheaven:
Your wife views you as an African man who takes care of his family, not as obodo oyibo people that split bills.

But

You were taking care of your family in Nigeria without glitch, now that you’re abroad, you can’t do same.
You are feeling tensed your wife is not bringing in money.
What changed?
Why did you relocate if you can’t take care of your wife and kids?
Please come back home, I think you both were better off in Nigeria.

That is the thing; it's harder over there.

My advice for every man, married or not, is simple: never plan your life with a woman's income. Take it that you are taking care of yourself 100% i(even f you have them in your life). Anything short of that mindset is a disaster waiting to happen. You'll remember I counselled you, yes you!

N.B: They will say we are an item when you are the sole provider, na lie o, no lose guard, especially when money is involved.

ednut1:
The husband is in green while the wife is in wife. Unfortunately for majority of people abroad one income cannot cater the home. In Nigeria the man paid all the bills. Once women get use to that some of them will still expect you to pay all when you japa. If you are married or dating a woman who doesn’t contribute to bills abroad never bring her abroad or let her go alone first to learn the art of bill paying.

This marriage is over and the state will side with the woman with child support, spousal support and other benefits while the man will get next to nothing and be doom for 18 years.

Then, I blame the man 100%. Why will you take your family to a place that will place a strain on your marriage? You are supposed to be the head of the home! He is a very terrible leader...I won't blame the wife at all. Don't drive your family to a destination that will incapacitate you so much so that it will extinguish the marriage!