₦airaland Forum

Gotocourt:
Westernization, I don't like parents forcing kids to only speak English and abandon their native tongue 🤷🏿

Please let's stop blaming everything on parents. The moment you cross 18, you are capable of making your own decisions. The moment you become financially independent, your parents can rarely control you anymore, especially if you don't live with them.

I have come across ladies who have low self-esteem. Guys have the same too, but I think it's common among ladies. You see them bearing two English names as though their parents were from the UK or US. Just like OP. I find that irritating too.

tobeezman:
I met this fine geh at a tech event in Lagos.
Before the event started, we had a little chit-chat and mehn, she was exactly my type. Beautiful, intelligent, confident, and we just clicked. You know that kind of connection that feels like you’ve known someone for years? Yeah, that was it.

Throughout the event, we kept vibing, laughing at the same jokes, sharing ideas, everything just aligned.

At the end, I asked for her name she said Linda.
Cool name.

Then I asked where she was from, she said Anambra.
My eyes lit up. I’m from Anambra too!

So I got curious and asked, “What village?”
She mentioned it and boom, it’s in the same local government as mine. I was like, “This is fate.”

Everything was lining up perfectly.
She was single, I’m single, we shared interests, goals, and background… until one tiny moment changed everything.

She gave me her business card and I didn’t see a single Igbo name on it.
Both her first and last names were English.

When I got home, I texted her, I asked, gently, “Don’t you have an Igbo name?”

Her reply?

“I don’t like my Igbo name, and I don’t like speaking Igbo either.”

That one message drained everything I felt for her.
Instantly.

It wasn’t about tribal pride or anything dramatic, it was just the realization that we might see identity differently.
Because for me, being Igbo isn’t just where I’m from, it’s who I am. It’s the rhythm in my thoughts, the tone in my laughter, the root of my values.

And when someone rejects that part of themselves, it feels like they’ve rejected a part of me too.

So yeah… I ghosted her.
Not because she wasn’t amazing, but because something in me went cold.

She has other toasters

Meanwhile, Mercy Johnson, Rita Dominic etc. use English names. If she’s who you want, name wouldn’t bother you. Maybe she also doesn’t want you

Don't mind the guy that quoted you. I will do exactly the same if I were in your shoes

tobeezman:
How can I not be serious at my current age? I am very serious and I just gave the summary of the full story. I don't think i left any important details out of the story. Me wey be say if i see serious person today, i go marry her before January. I would have married her this year if not for that "red flag" that others might not read any meaning to or practically ignore. There are little details that I don't just ignore.

According to you .... she said she does not like her name and she does not like speaking Igbo.

It was automatic for you to ask her why instead of ghosting her. How can you not ask her? ... that's the common sense follow up question? Instead you jump to conclusion and wasn't even man enough to tell her why the friendship has to end . If she later marries out of her tribe I'm sure you will join the bashing of Igbo professional women for not choosing their tribesmen.

Many people do not like their name ... that's common. She used her name on her business card ... is it the same name on her certificates? Is it the same name she used for the registration of her business? Is it the same name she uses for official business? She is wayyyy more business savvy than you. If she uses an Igbo name on her business card .... then the reality in Nigeria is she would be limiting herself to Igbo clients only. If she uses an English name she will be attracting more clients from all tribes because of the foreign is better mentality. She does not like speaking Igbo can be for the same reason .... she can lose clients who do not like Igbos. She is trying to stay neutral....it is good for business. That does not mean she has distanced herself from or rejected her culture. If it's not too late ...I suggest you call her up ... let her know what went down and ask for another chance. But on the other hand ... she may not accept since she would reason if you can ghost her because of name ...what else would you ghost her for if she picks up the relationship?;

A man may want five things in a relationship ... he usually settles for three ....to get four he considers the woman his soul mate. To get all five is God sent but God rarely sends. You had four but be looking for five. Gooood luck.

YoungLionken:
Comments are always pretty much when it has to do with man and woman. Nigeria is boiling in insecurity, amongst other pressing issues, but we southerners don't always take or treat them with seriousness. Something happens, highest we can do is to scream government this government that...

Just focus on making your own Nigeria (yourself) work for you. Tinubu doesn't have what it takes to fix this country; there's nothing ordinary citizens can do than to vote. He even knows that. He just wants to answer the president.

When someone says they’re not really into their native language, it doesn’t always mean they’ve lost their identity. It could simply mean they see the world beyond tribe or language. Real unity isn’t about speaking the same words, it’s about sharing the same values and understanding. It’s good to love your culture, but it’s also fine for someone to express who they are in their own way. Maybe she isn’t rejecting where she’s from; maybe she’s just finding her own way to connect with the world.

The story of the Tower of Babel shows that language was used to separate people and make them identify only with their own group. Some people still think language should define and divide us. Hopefully, one day you’ll leave that mindset and realize that true maturity comes from understanding people beyond labels and roots.

YOU STILL NEED TO GROW UP CAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE STILL VERY IMMATURE AND HAVE THE MENTALITY OF A SMALL BOY

YOU ARE NOT A MAN YET

Met a girl at a tech conference in Texas, proper Yoruba girl that migrated to the US and of course she’s doing quite well..
But she wouldn’t pronounce her own name well, Americanizing her name that it sounded unrecognizable…. When did Lolade become Lollyday..
What started like a little thing expanded and translated to reveal more things about her inferiority complex and self hatred for her identity … we dated for a while before I booted her out of my life. Plus she was a toxic feminist
Carry your fake western identity from me, aunty LollyDay

But the babe sweet sha make I no lie, chai… LollyDay, I miss your soft backside

Tobechukwu, dis table you are shaking, the leg no too good ooo.
Hmm...... abeg sun dey hot, make I find police station go complain first

tobeezman:
Nothing she tells me in this case will be justified. I know myself. She is also a Nairalander, so I hope she sees post if it makes it to front page.

By that time my brother, erection go be na after every 8-10 hours.

AKWATGOLD1:
Just continue searching till you meet a lady that tick all tickables.

tobeezman:
How can I not be serious at my current age? I am very serious and I just gave the summary of the full story. I don't think i left any important details out of the story. Me wey be say if i see serious person today, i go marry her before January. I would have married her this year if not for that "red flag" that others might not read any meaning to or practically ignore. There are little details that I don't just ignore.

My brother it's a good thing you identify a red flag in any relationship you aim at graduating to a lasting or a life time relationship because if you do you'll live the rest of your life in great regret.

A lot of married couples ignored a lot of red flags during courtship/dating which they're regretting in marriage.

Every adults need to know their values and craft out their tenants as a person, use them as a wall to guard yourself against wrong relationships, it will help you in making a good relationship decision in life because marriage is a life changing decision. It's either you get it right or wrong.

Anyone who dislike his/her heritage is better of being an animal.

That Nigeria is not giving up to expectations doesn't mean I won't be proud of being a Nigerian among other race, so therefore I should dislike and hate associating with her. It a big, huge, massive bullet you just dodge ooo... Kemi Bodnoch comes to mind... Stupid people

My brother kudos, you are the true of your father. I am an Igbo, my values, identity and connections. You did very well and GOD will reward you enough in JESUS NAME. AMEN.

This girl could as well refuse to answer your name when she comes in as your wife. Failed courtship is better than failed marriage.

tobeezman:
Not at all! If she was yoruba and she is proud of her yoruba name and heritage, I will not ghost her. I will choose a yoruba lady that bears "Kemi Joy Adeyeye" to "Joy Peters". I don't know how best to explain this.

I think the name doesn't matter. The only understanding I got from your piece is her rejection of her ancestral connections to the Igbo roots. If she can deny her Igbo identity and you're a proud Igbo man, then I see two Bi-polar individuals who can't make an "attraction", let alone comingle. Your decision to cut her is apt.

Clowns.

Myopic way of thinking

i just hope this is fake story sha because this kind reasoning "turning down a relationship prospect" is the lowest of lows

billyG:
Most gals prefer to bear English names like Mercy Johnson,Regina Daniel,Rose Emmanuel, Christina Gabriel, Elizabeth Benson,Kate Henshaw,Beatrice Brown etc and practice English accent.

I bear my English name because that was what my aunty used to register me in school as a child. But what I won't say to anyone is that I hate my Igbo name or hate speaking Igbo.

tobeezman:
I met this fine geh at a tech event in Lagos.
Before the event started, we had a little chit-chat and mehn, she was exactly my type. Beautiful, intelligent, confident, and we just clicked. You know that kind of connection that feels like you’ve known someone for years? Yeah, that was it.

Throughout the event, we kept vibing, laughing at the same jokes, sharing ideas, everything just aligned.

At the end, I asked for her name she said Linda.
Cool name.

Then I asked where she was from, she said Anambra.
My eyes lit up. I’m from Anambra too!

So I got curious and asked, “What village?”
She mentioned it and boom, it’s in the same local government as mine. I was like, “This is fate.”

Everything was lining up perfectly.
She was single, I’m single, we shared interests, goals, and background… until one tiny moment changed everything.

She gave me her business card and I didn’t see a single Igbo name on it.
Both her first and last names were English.

When I got home, I texted her, I asked, gently, “Don’t you have an Igbo name?”

Her reply?

“I don’t like my Igbo name, and I don’t like speaking Igbo either.”

That one message drained everything I felt for her.
Instantly.

It wasn’t about tribal pride or anything dramatic, it was just the realization that we might see identity differently.
Because for me, being Igbo isn’t just where I’m from, it’s who I am. It’s the rhythm in my thoughts, the tone in my laughter, the root of my values.

And when someone rejects that part of themselves, it feels like they’ve rejected a part of me too.

So yeah… I ghosted her.
Not because she wasn’t amazing, but because something in me went cold.

She's probably an Osu so more reason to drop her Ibo name that would have been a dead giveaway.

You probably wont date her afterwards if you found out she was indeed an Osu and from what she told you not being proud of her ibo identity could stem from the rabid discrimination she faces from her own people including you and she must have concluded never to marry any IBO be they be Osu as well to finally put an end to the generational discrimination she and her family lineage have suffered in the hands of her own people and did not want that for her own children .

Do I blame her?

Never.

She is on the right path. Since you hate her for what you labelled her as which she nor her descendants can never escape in your hands. Its only fair she ditches that barbaric label and anything associated with it.

Good luck to her.

Cti28:
He passed up on her, because she detest her root.

That's how you choose to interpret it, I don't go around using my native name as well and I hardly speak my mother tongue, does that mean I detest my roots? Una too carry insignificant things for head.

Don't just conclude, you would have given her a benefit of doubt.

franvincoop:
Tobechukwu, dis table you are shaking, the leg no too good ooo.
Hmm...... abeg sun dey hot, make I find police station go complain first

complain about what? the weather is cool here.

MaziObinnaokija:
nor mind am. As if same Linda nor jo bear him papa name/pikin wey Linda born for him nir ho bear their papa surname. USELESS THREAD

Yes o
him no know him nir jo bear him papa name so bear me wey we know know say e be like so.

tobeezman:
I met this fine geh at a tech event in Lagos.
Before the event started, we had a little chit-chat and mehn, she was exactly my type. Beautiful, intelligent, confident, and we just clicked. You know that kind of connection that feels like you’ve known someone for years? Yeah, that was it.

Throughout the event, we kept vibing, laughing at the same jokes, sharing ideas, everything just aligned.

At the end, I asked for her name she said Linda.
Cool name.

Then I asked where she was from, she said Anambra.
My eyes lit up. I’m from Anambra too!

So I got curious and asked, “What village?”
She mentioned it and boom, it’s in the same local government as mine. I was like, “This is fate.”

Everything was lining up perfectly.
She was single, I’m single, we shared interests, goals, and background… until one tiny moment changed everything.

She gave me her business card and I didn’t see a single Igbo name on it.
Both her first and last names were English.

When I got home, I texted her, I asked, gently, “Don’t you have an Igbo name?”

Her reply?

“I don’t like my Igbo name, and I don’t like speaking Igbo either.”

That one message drained everything I felt for her.
Instantly.

It wasn’t about tribal pride or anything dramatic, it was just the realization that we might see identity differently.
Because for me, being Igbo isn’t just where I’m from, it’s who I am. It’s the rhythm in my thoughts, the tone in my laughter, the root of my values.

And when someone rejects that part of themselves, it feels like they’ve rejected a part of me too.

So yeah… I ghosted her.
Not because she wasn’t amazing, but because something in me went cold.

She is definitely not the prejudiced type, and she seems to be cosmopolitan in her ways of reasoning... ......

tobeezman:
I met this fine geh at a tech event in Lagos.
Before the event started, we had a little chit-chat and mehn, she was exactly my type. Beautiful, intelligent, confident, and we just clicked. You know that kind of connection that feels like you’ve known someone for years? Yeah, that was it.

Throughout the event, we kept vibing, laughing at the same jokes, sharing ideas, everything just aligned.

At the end, I asked for her name she said Linda.
Cool name.

Then I asked where she was from, she said Anambra.
My eyes lit up. I’m from Anambra too!

So I got curious and asked, “What village?”
She mentioned it and boom, it’s in the same local government as mine. I was like, “This is fate.”

Everything was lining up perfectly.
She was single, I’m single, we shared interests, goals, and background… until one tiny moment changed everything.

She gave me her business card and I didn’t see a single Igbo name on it.
Both her first and last names were English.

When I got home, I texted her, I asked, gently, “Don’t you have an Igbo name?”

Her reply?

“I don’t like my Igbo name, and I don’t like speaking Igbo either.”

That one message drained everything I felt for her.
Instantly.

It wasn’t about tribal pride or anything dramatic, it was just the realization that we might see identity differently.
Because for me, being Igbo isn’t just where I’m from, it’s who I am. It’s the rhythm in my thoughts, the tone in my laughter, the root of my values.

And when someone rejects that part of themselves, it feels like they’ve rejected a part of me too.

So yeah… I ghosted her.
Not because she wasn’t amazing, but because something in me went cold.

If she was igbotic now

You might not have had any interest

Igbo name is not the issue here. Mindset is

Lmao

pocohantas:
I bear my English name because that was what my aunty used to register me in school as a child. But what I won't say to anyone is that I hate my Igbo name or hate speaking Igbo.

iyawo john smith

PUNANI01:
You're not alone bro. There's more of us out there. Once you are from igbo and you don't answer the name and you don't speak the language, bye bye to anything relationship.

Speaking the language depends on a lot of factors. Some of them were not taught by their 'forming' parents, especially those parents(father and mother) from the same tribe.

tobeezman:
I met this fine geh at a tech event in Lagos.
Before the event started, we had a little chit-chat and mehn, she was exactly my type. Beautiful, intelligent, confident, and we just clicked. You know that kind of connection that feels like you’ve known someone for years? Yeah, that was it.

Throughout the event, we kept vibing, laughing at the same jokes, sharing ideas, everything just aligned.

At the end, I asked for her name she said Linda.
Cool name.

Then I asked where she was from, she said Anambra.
My eyes lit up. I’m from Anambra too!

So I got curious and asked, “What village?”
She mentioned it and boom, it’s in the same local government as mine. I was like, “This is fate.”

Everything was lining up perfectly.
She was single, I’m single, we shared interests, goals, and background… until one tiny moment changed everything.

She gave me her business card and I didn’t see a single Igbo name on it.
Both her first and last names were English.

When I got home, I texted her, I asked, gently, “Don’t you have an Igbo name?”

Her reply?

“I don’t like my Igbo name, and I don’t like speaking Igbo either.”

That one message drained everything I felt for her.
Instantly.

It wasn’t about tribal pride or anything dramatic, it was just the realization that we might see identity differently.
Because for me, being Igbo isn’t just where I’m from, it’s who I am. It’s the rhythm in my thoughts, the tone in my laughter, the root of my values.

And when someone rejects that part of themselves, it feels like they’ve rejected a part of me too.

So yeah… I ghosted her.
Not because she wasn’t amazing, but because something in me went cold.

Eiyaaaa

Sorry

Better luck next time

Originalsly:
According to you .... she said she does not like her name and she does not like speaking Igbo.

It was automatic for you to ask her why instead of ghosting her. How can you not ask her? ... that's the common sense follow up question? Instead you jump to conclusion and wasn't even man enough to tell her why the friendship has to end . If she later marries out of her tribe I'm sure you will join the bashing of Igbo professional women for not choosing their tribesmen.

Many people do not like their name ... that's common. She used her name on her business card ... is it the same name on her certificates? Is it the same name she used for the registration of her business? Is it the same name she uses for official business? She is wayyyy more business savvy than you. If she uses an Igbo name on her business card .... then the reality in Nigeria is she would be limiting herself to Igbo clients only. If she uses an English name she will be attracting more clients from all tribes because of the foreign is better mentality. She does not like speaking Igbo can be for the same reason .... she can lose clients who do not like Igbos. She is trying to stay neutral....it is good for business. That does not mean she has distanced herself from or rejected her culture. If it's no it too late ...I suggest you call her up ... let her know what went down and ask for another chance. But in the other hand ... she may not accept since she would reason if you can ghost her because of name ...what else would you ghost her for if she picks up the relationship?;

A man may want five things in a relationship ... he usually settles for three ....to get four he considers the woman his soul mate. To get all five is God sent but God rarely sends. You had four but be looking for five. Gooood luck.

I never really thought about that but She should have mentioned the native name regardless and then tell me why she does not like to bear the name which I will obviously understand because its my language too.

She dodged a bullet

You and girl meet at an event n you forget to ask her for her name; isn't introduction meant to come in first?
So you wait til after the event before you begin ask
Dey play

spencekat:
Speaking the language depends on a lot of factors. Some of them were not taught by their 'forming' parents, especially those parents(father and mother) from the same tribe.

Understandable but what about her native name?

tobeezman:
Not at all! If she was yoruba and she is proud of her yoruba name and heritage, I will not ghost her. I will choose a yoruba lady that bears "Kemi Joy Adeyeye" to "Joy Peters". I don't know how best to explain this.

There are many Yoruba names in prison. There are many Igbo name on homicide and divorce list. Its name about name or love for one's tribe, it's about love for humanity