₦airaland Forum

I wanted to start this trend with a question, Is it right to do some bachelor stuffs even though you are married ?


My brother came in few months back and stayed for over a week. He was surprised i was still doing those house chores.

I had to wake up very early in the morning, prepare dinner for my wife's niece in the house, get her ready for school and take her to school. I cook, i wash, and even plait hair too for my wife's niece.

Career: my wife is an officer, a junior officer in the army, a captain and ever since she was posted, the responsibility has now shifted to me.

Do I Enjoy Doing It ?: Not really. There are times that i wake up in the morning and completely forget myself and complain all through the morning. I don't enjoy doing house chores. When i was little, my mama wouldn't allow me and my brothers to work. My sisters and house help were the ones doing all the house chores.

When i started spending time with my elder brother(a lecturer) while i was in the University for studies, i learnt alot about keeping the house and living as a single guy even in a marriage. My 45yr old brother was single as at that time. Well, he was married once and later separated from the wife barely 18yrs ago. So we got along well and pick some of his habits, including how to cook good food.


Get A House Help; Well, house help is not expensive here, like 30k although some people would say that is inhumane. Anyways, my wife is totally against any lady entering the house. For the sake of avoiding quarreling and long talk. So i compromised for us.



What's The Situation ?: Well, i feel like am loosing my mind sometimes. I feel like a woman and i want to hear from the opinion of Nigerians.

Do you want us to give you advice that you'll apply that will only end up turning your home to a war zone?

Bro, there's no handbook manual that entails the success of marriage... Just do whatever that rocks your boat and brings/maintains peace to your home ...

Of course there'll always be men who'll tell you to stop doing all of that,to the extent of calling you a woman wrapper and a simp.....But back in their own home,such men are only being used as footmatch by their women

Nuf said already .

adamkkk:
➜Get A House Help; Well, house help is not expensive here, like 30k although some people would say that is inhumane. Anyways, my wife is totally against any lady entering the house. For the sake of avoided quarreling and long talk. So i compromised for us.
➜What's The Situation ?: Well, i feel like am loosing my mind sometimes. I feel like a woman and i want to hear from the opinion of Nigerians.

1. Get a househelp to do chores that you have been doing by yourself all this time until your brother showed up out of nowhere? Why not invest that 30K in something more meaningful, like therapy to help you realize the reason why you felt what your brother said about you doing chores should matter? We all do chores from before marriage, and you were fine with doing chores until he showed up, meaning there is something inside of you that caused you to begin having issues with something you formerly had no real issues with.

2. When you were living as a bachelor, why did those same chores not make you feel like a woman then? What is it about marriage that suddenly made them about being a woman? Please snap out of that nonsense delusion and get back to enjoying your married life.

Even your wife is proud of you

Understanding Husband, well done sir.

Oga, you see that compromise you made. Just take it in good faith. You know what you were getting into when you married an officer - abi na because of steeze?

Don't even bother to take any "fairy tale" or very evil advise here.... Nobody knows the peculiarity of your marriage.

I hope she's around for procreation sha, abi una deal na to dey train niece?

To slap your igbe face dey hungry me man

Emasculation successful.

"Anyways, my wife is totally against any lady entering the house. For the sake of avoided quarreling and long talk. So i compromised for us."

Kobojunkie:
Get a househelp to do chores that you have been doing by yourself all this time until your brother showed up out of nowhere? Why not invest that 30K in something more meaningful, like therapy to help you realize the reason why you felt what your brother said about you doing chores should matter? We all do chores from before marriage, and you were fine with doing chores until he showed up, meaning there is something inside of you that caused you to begin having issues with something you formerly had no real issues with. :-8


2. When you were living as a bachelor, why did those same es not make you feel like a woman? What is it about marriage that suddenly made them about being a woman?

because as a bachelor, i had a gf that was coming and running the house chores.

adamkkk:
➜because as a bachelor, i had a gf that was coming and running the house chores. what is the least amount you c

You had a girlfriend who chose of her own to do all that for you, does not then mean that every other woman out there would do the same for you. No one is obligated to you; not even women are in any way obligated to you. Therefore, if you want to have a woman doing chores for you even after marriage, like your gf did, then you would need to make certain to find and marry only those women who are like your gf, willing to do so for you. Do you see how that works now? 😏😏😏

Another comrade has fallen on the front line!

So, you marry woman for house come still turn house boy inside that house? Like seriously?

Bros, the solution to your problem is simple. If you have a place to go, go there and spend at least a month to see if your wife won't do her chores by herself. Soldier or no soldier, no let any woman whyne you.

In my house, I'm the king. The only thing I do in my house is to eat, trouble my wife, play with my children, watch TV, play PS4 and then knack. I don't even sweep the floor of my room. God punish devil!

ravensckar:
Another comrade has fallen on the front line! So, you marry woman for house come still turn house boy inside that house? Like seriously?
➜ Bros, the solution to your problem is simple. If you have a place to go, go there and spend at least a month to see if your wife won't do her chores by herself.
➜ Soldier or no soldier, no let any woman whyne you. In my house, I'm the king. The only thing I do in my house is to eat, trouble my wife, play with my children, watch TV, play PS4 and then knack. I don't even sweep the floor of my room. God punish devil!

So, your wife is meant to be a housemaid for your purpose, right?

2. If the woman won't do the chores, then what? You promise to divorce her to find yourself a new woman who would, right?

3. Basically, marriage is the only avenue where you get to live as a king over a woman? Other men(and women) actually build kingdoms, they then rule over as kings/queens over, but for you na your d-ck alone you been dey use claim kingship over the life of a woman with, abi? Na women wey dey engage people like una I dey always blame.

Why not get a male maid? He doesn't need to live with you, he can come and go or just ask your madam about her preferred solution. EOD.

Now a man has a lived experience of an enslaved woman who does everything without help....abeg people should be fair in their dealings. Make una no deliberately enslave una partners!

Oga, do you have a job? You wrote all that and mentioned your wife's career but not yours because you probably don't have any. Since your wife is the only one working, paying the bills, ensuring you've a roof over your head and likely giving you pocket money as well, then you better continue doing those chores and without complaining. There's no big deal with a man cooking and washing plate. You say you feel like a woman but your wife is playing the role of a man if she's the provider in your family, so you take the other role and do it diligently. You also mentioned plaiting your niece's hair - if you're very good at that then maybe start a side business as a hairbraider, otherwise continue doing your niece's hair, along with your other chores in the house, and don't let your brother or anyone else cause problem for you and your wife. I trust you won't even try anything with your army wife.

Don't follow any advice here

You know what works for your family in this context so continue to do it for peace of mind to rain

Marriage no get manual

NotOfThisWorld:
Oga, do you have a job? You wrote all that and mentioned your wife's career but not yours because you probably don't have any. Since your wife is the only one working, paying the bills, ensuring you've a roof over your head and likely giving you pocket money as well, then you better continue doing those chores and without complaining. There's no big deal with a man cooking and washing plate. You say you feel like a woman but your wife is playing the role of a man if she's the provider in your family, so you take the other role and do it diligently. You also mentioned plaiting your niece's hair - if you're very good at that then maybe start a side business as a hairbraider, otherwise continue doing your niece's hair, along with your other chores in the house, and don't let your brother or anyone else cause problem for you and your wife. I trust you won't even try anything with your army wife.

This is a female you all can see her advice very brutal and straight forward.No emotion is attached she has the money she is in control.

Where are the parents of your wife's niece?
Why are you the one tending to her?
Whatever the case, you shouldn't be made to do what you don't want to do, it only leads to resentment.

Saybal:
This is a female you all can see her advice very brutal and straight forward.No emotion is attached she has the money she is in control.

I choose to ignore her. Did I mention being jobless?

I don't av time for that type of reasoning right now

Get A House Help; Well, house help is not expensive here, like 30k although some people would say that is inhumane. Anyways, my wife is totally against any lady entering the house. For the sake of avoided quarreling and long talk. So i compromised for us.

You cannot be averse to chores and averse to domestic staff or household appliances. One must give. So your wife is not being fair (for lack of better words, please).

Honestly, you’re not doing anything wrong. Marriage isn’t a competition of who does what. It’s a partnership. If your wife’s job keeps her busy and someone has to handle things at home, then you’re just stepping up to fill that gap, and that’s perfectly fine.

Doing house chores doesn’t make you less of a man; it shows maturity and responsibility. Many men in your position would rather argue or abandon those duties, but you chose peace and understanding. That’s commendable.

However, I also think you should find a balance. If it’s starting to affect you mentally or emotionally, talk to your wife again. Maybe both of you can agree on getting a part-time helper or finding another way to share the load. You’re human, and you deserve rest too.

Marriage works best when both partners are comfortable. Not when one person carries all the weight.

You're the wife in this marriage and it is perfectly okay. Also, being a soldier, your wife is actually your husband because she's the one exerting masculine energy. She's the defender and protector of your home, so accord her that respect of being submissive to her. Don't listen to what outsiders may say.

In this generation, it is sensible that we redefine the concept of husband vs wife. It should no longer be determined by gender but by who calls the shots in terms of provision, protection and so on.

Nazgul:
Honestly, you’re not doing anything wrong. Marriage isn’t a competition of who does what. It’s a partnership. If your wife’s job keeps her busy and someone has to handle things at home, then you’re just stepping up to fill that gap, and that’s perfectly fine.

Doing house chores doesn’t make you less of a man; it shows maturity and responsibility. Many men in your position would rather argue or abandon those duties, but you chose peace and understanding. That’s commendable.

However, I also think you should find a balance. If it’s starting to affect you mentally or emotionally, talk to your wife again. Maybe both of you can agree on getting a part-time helper or finding another way to share the load. You’re human, and you deserve rest too.

Marriage works best when both partners are comfortable. Not when one person carries all the weight.

Na so wuna go de form perfect husband online meanwhile na una type go use work kee your wife.

kponkedenge:
Na so wuna go de form perfect husband online meanwhile na una type go use work kee your wife.

Lol… for your information, I live alone, and I’ve been living alone for years. So who exactly do you think handles the house chores? If I can keep my space clean and organized as a single guy, why shouldn’t I continue the same habit in marriage?

Besides, I work remotely, which means I’m practically home 24/7. So if my wife has a 9–5 or an on-site job, it only makes sense that I handle most of the chores instead of waiting for her to come back tired and still start cleaning, doing school run, going to the supermarket to get basic supplies, my laundry...etc.

This isn’t about forming or trying to impress anyone. It’s simply my reality. I’ve always been responsible for myself, and I don’t see why marriage should suddenly change that.

You really need to understand that marriage is teamwork.