₦airaland Forum

Dappy007:
Our grandmother's worked on farms with their children while our grandfather's sipped palm wine and co ordinated their household, modern women are just lazy, they want to just enjoy themselves

Very true. My grandmother did same and she died in her 50s. My grandfather's sidechick lived until 90+yrs. She really enjoyed herself.

NON

Where did you guys get the ideal that the man is responsible for all bills in the house? So what will the woman do with her money? This is absurd thinking. From Day 1 i and my wife decided that we share bills as it comes so she takes care of food stuffs and school fees and also buys this and that. I take care of rent, major projects and savings. We have been open to each other and know exactly what comes in and goes out and what we are saving for. Whenever she cant meet an activity then i support and vice versa. She has been an angel sent to me and to top it she loves cooking so i support with other chores. Anybody can do anything at anytime we don't calculate who does this or that. Marriage no suppose hard na!

JESHAL007:
Share bills with your wife and see as she disrespects you

So all these men are paying a respect subscription?

I would personally be too disgusted with a woman who is reluctant to contribute to her own household. How do you have any affection for such an irritating, selfish entity?

Emilo:
Where did you guys get the ideal that the man is responsible for all bills in the house? So what will the woman do with her money? This is absurd thinking. From Day 1 i and my wife decided that we share bills as it comes so she takes care of food stuffs and school fees and also buys this and that. I take care of rent, major projects and savings. We have been open to each other and know exactly what comes in and goes out and what we are saving for. Whenever she cant meet an activity then i support and vice versa. She has been an angel sent to me and to top it she loves cooking so i support with other chores. Anybody can do anything at anytime we don't calculate who does this or that. Marriage no suppose hard na!

It is truly in.sane, a country where the vast majority are poor and we have people proudly claiming to shoulder everything?

How can you love and make children with a selfish woman?

Relax ke...be like say u no know me
Even the only child we have together I don do secret DNA to confirm say na me get am...to spend my hard earned money on anybody anyhow self dey tire me
To be honest she is not a cheat oo...but the only woman I fit trust with my life is my mom and she is late

Belurved1:
Lucky you but don't relax.

breathless:
1. If the wife is working class, Is it expected that the man pays 100% of the rent?
ANS: Yes. You are expected to "chest" the full rent. That's 100% your responsibility. Remember you took her from her father's house where she knows nothing about paying or sharing rent. However, wisdom dictates that you get an accommodation that's within your means and make projections for future increase.
2. If the wife is working class, is it expected she contributes towards children school fees or the man pays 100%?
ANS You pay the school fees 100% bro. Again, choose a school you can afford and get the termly bill and pay directly yourself. Make no mistake of giving her the money to pay. If she does pay, it should be voluntary or freewill and ensure you reimburse her as soon as you can. However, if she's "magnanimous", she may take care of some things like the child(ren)'s lunch pack/box(es), extra clothing etc.
3. If the wife contributes financially, is there an expectation that the man does chores? (Ps I don't want to do any chores in this life apart from occasional cooking lol).
ANS This can occur especially of your spouse is not the "domesticated" type. She can use it as an opportunity to "rope" you into doing chores. That's when you'll be called to "bring out the food in the freezer to microwave for yourself or the children because she's running late getting home". Trust me, women have ways of making you do things you ordinarily will frown at but you won't due to the circumstances. However, try make yourself useful when at home by taking on some chores intermittently like clearing cobwebs , help iron her clothes for church while she's in the bathroom , clearing and washing dishes together as a way of bonding etc.
4. If the wife contributes financially how does it affect the decision making in the family?
ANS You don't get to make decision by fiat but through dialogue and compromise (which can sometime hurt your ego)
The last question is ONLY for married men who share bills?
I don't share bills with my spouse but she supports voluntarily especially when she senses I'm not financially buoyant and I make up for it in KIND.
5a. Do you feel respected by your wife when you share bills with her?
ANS During my "downtime", I had to reorientate my mind that she was earning her money with my name and what she
*5b. If you don't share bills with your wife and she keeps 100% of her earnings to herself, what do you think is the purpose of a woman working?
ANS Don't go into marriage with this mindset bro. Women want some level of "freedom and independence" including their finances. Let her spend her income the way she deems fit. That's a way to know if she's a good or bad with finances and to what extent you can trust with your finances or that of the family.

As an added bonus, I suggest you both have this conversation not with the mind of sharing financial responsibilities but to build and secure your future financially. Have a goal or plan and be committed to it wholeheartedly. For instance, if you earn more, you can suggest to her to use her income to run the home while yours is put into capital projects like securing landed properties, setting up and running a family business etc.

All the best.

How men, SIMPle men lost everything to women I just shake my head and laugh.

Leave all this meaningless things you provided here as answer and pray you find the right woman for you.

A woman who can not share her earnings once in a while or help/support her family (husband and children) should remain in her father's house, because she is a selfish person. Selfish women usually are not recommended for marriage.

Because, even if you have all the money, do you think life can't happen to you? What about your health? What about you get involved in a health challenge that incapacitates you?

Does it mean since you can't provide the marriage is over because she can't help or support with her earnings?

I want to advice young men with good mental standing, If you have a woman that is selfish and can't help you once in a while, can't buy you things, can't go to the market but stuff and cook for you as a man she claims to love and you know she has the capacity to do so, bro. You are with a selfish woman, leave her.

But if you think she is beautiful and you can't leave her and find a woman who meets the condition or reason God in heaven created a woman in the first place to be a help mate or support you in this short life of yours on Earth then remain with her and don't complain later.


Gen 2:18

"The LORD God also said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make for him a suitable helper.”

This is the reason God created a woman, I pity men who don't realize this and think they should carry all the borden and suffer alone on this earth without the support of their woman or wife.

Any woman who fails to help her man or husband has failed her number one assignment from God and the reason God created her and should remain with her father in her father's house. test their love, not by sex and love making, but by understanding her and her mental and family orientation.

A woman who spent time with her father and love her father will naturally see the need to support her dearly beloved husband if she has the means and capacity to help him.

Because her father is her role model and she saw what her father went through to sustain the home.

Get close to God and see that God has solutions and answers to all your questions and confusions

So bro. Stop teaching or giving wrong advice that is not in line with the will and intentions of God.

Druss:
Why is this so? Times have changed. Women now work and earn as much as men. In some societies, market prices take this into consideration.

I said ...No decent man or pure bred Igbo man would want to allow woman to pay his house rent ! That's a standard norm

That's most important and no decent man would want woman to take care for his kids or feed him

Even if she does that...it should be temporary

Blitzking:
I pay house rent 100%(own the house)
Nepa bills 100%
Cable subscription 100%
House cleaning 100%
Kitchen equipment she bought all with her money after throwing away the ones I had saying she wanted new stuff
She pays the lawma bills
She cooks soup and stew with her money, buys plantain, potato
I buy a bag of rice regularly, paints of garri and beans and tubers of yam 10 litres of palm oil and groundnut oil, cartons of noodles and spag ,Mayonnaise.. gas ,butter...milk..ovaltine
She buys spices..sausages
She buys crates of eggs
She buys tooth paste..detergents..disinfectants .tiles cleaner..mopping stick and tiles broom..bed sheets duvet..
I pay children school fees
She buys children dresses and shoes..occasionally ask I pay for some
We earn around the same and age mates

Interesting! But how did you guys come to this arrangement. Did you propose or did she suggest it?

A mixture of All...

ReacherSaidNoth:
So all these men are paying a respect subscription?

I would personally be too disgusted with a woman who is reluctant to contribute to her own household. How do you have any affection for such an irritating, selfish entity?

It's the natural order
Men provide women submit
The Bible says if you cannot provide for your household you are worse than an infidel

Dappy007:
It's the natural order
Men provide women submit
The Bible says if you cannot provide for your household you are worse than an infidel

...that verse of the bible never said anyone weda man or wife must provide alone without their partner's help...
...infact the bible said to the man "love your wife and women should submit" ..
.bible never said u providing alone is the requirement for her to respect her husband

..na una dey scatter pples homes with instructions/doctrines that's not even in the bible...

grandiose4ever:
Hello everyone,

I have begun to think about getting married.

But for some reason I don't fully understand what to expect or what is fully expected of me as a man in the area of finances.

So I'm asking the following questions to matured married men and women to get clarity?

In your own family

1. If the wife is working class, Is it expected that the man pays 100% of the rent?

2. If the wife is working class, is it expected she contributes towards children school fees or the man pays 100%?

3. If the wife contributes financially, is there an expectation that the man does chores? (Ps I don't want to do any chores in this life apart from occasional cooking lol).

4. If the wife contributes financially how does it affect the decision making in the family?

The last question is ONLY for married men who share bills?

5a. Do you feel respectedby your wife when you share bills with her?

*5b. If you don't share bills with your wife and she keeps 100% of her earnings to herself, what do you think is the purpose of a woman working?

I'd appreciate if the mods can help me get a wider audience by putting on front page. Thanks!

All this advices of you taking up the bills 100% is probably you are not lucky to marry an Angel, that genuinely loves you...

When you marry a faithful woman... You don't have issues.. because she will submit not just her entire body to you, her money included..

Pray you find an angel and marry... Not retired Os..

Best way to handle this is to pretend as though her money doesn't exist, just let her take care of herself alone with her money and be fully responsible and committed to every other need of the house.

Overtime, trust me, especially when children start coming, she will be attracted by your level of responsibility and naturally start taking up some of the house needs.

Women are naturally drawn by the level of commitment of a man to the family; when they know your finances are fully committed to the family, they support. But when they perceive you share your finances with some chic outside or not being responsible with it, they draw back.

As for house chores, if you are ready to marry, be ready to support on that occasionally

nickvanilla:
Interesting! But how did you guys come to this arrangement. Did you propose or did she suggest it?

Didn't discuss it..before marriage I use to do all when she visited she knew my lifestyle..after marriage she started doing those things I listed and immediately I withdrew in those areas..no discussion.

ariesbull:
I said ...No decent man or pure bred Igbo man would want to allow woman to pay his house rent ! That's a standard norm

That's most important and no decent man would want woman to take care for his kids or feed him

Even if she does that...it should be temporary

This is based on what? When was this decided?

JESHAL007:
Share bills with your wife and see as she disrespects you

If she does that, then she is silly. This is marriage.

amnesty7:
If you expect to share financial responsibility with her, be sure she will share the other room with another man. Lazy men expecting their wives to foot their bills.

Then she is a foolish woman..

JESHAL007:
With the global agenda of global elites to masculinize women and feminized men via ideological social reengineering through the media and academia, hijacking religion as we now have post modernist gay clerics, with women becoming the most hyper sexualized generation in world history, social media play a role to these, men and women no longer understand traditional gender roles, masculinity is demonized and unrewarded especially in the global north, alimony, child support, gynocentic laws, feministic women and culture

Is marriage still worth especially for someone that wants to settle down abroad

…….

Yes marriage is worth it. If you believe marriage is not worth it, then you’ve fallen for the very game of the so called “global agenda”. Them don catch you.

The global agenda is also to feed us with junk food and make us fat, encourage more smokers, flexing/hookup culture, etc, but I guess you don’t do any of these.

So what’s the difference?

People that do all the above are the weak ones, lack self control, and exactly the humans the globalist want, so why fall for their trap (if the so called globalist have such plans)?

Marriage can never be a bad institution. Marriage is the very institutions that a good society is based on. Nigeria generally is still pro-marriage, but look at the mess of the dating scene of today, now imagine if there is no marriage.

To see the effect of a society that don’t marry, take a look at Black Americans. I can tell you for a fact that their society is destroyed. Not messed up, but destroyed.

They don’t marry each other, creating a culture of kids ending up in jails and girls on only fans. 7 out of every black American woman will not marrying and their men are busy marrying or going overseas. Their modern music is trash, and so forth.

Don’t wish for that. Marriage is good, if you marry right:

Most Nigerian ladies have built a selfish mindset shaped by society using very faulty stereotypes which is an opposite of the biblical principles upon which marriage was founded.

- the moment you marry you become no longer two but one flesh, meaning you should be united in everything you do. Meaning each party complements each other, you are a team.
- but even in a football team for example, each player has their primary roles but cover up for each other when the need arises.
In the same vein, the husband has the primary responsibility of providing financially for the family but should sometimes be assisted by the wife when the arises even without being told.
Similarly the man should do same when the need arises even if keeping and taking care of the home In other ways than financial, is he primary role of the woman.
This is what the couple should sit down and discuss in other to reach an understanding, prior to trying the knots.

So these selfish ideas being peddled around about responsibilities of each party in marriage should be trashed away. It does not in anyway, paint marriage in a good light.
A lot of us are getting it wrong, that's why most marriages don't last.

Seriously, naa Man you be.

Adesina18111:
Relax ke...be like say u no know me
Even the only child we have together I don do secret DNA to confirm say na me get am...to spend my hard earned money on anybody anyhow self dey tire me
To be honest she is not a cheat oo...but the only woman I fit trust with my life is my mom and she is late

translux:
Just yesterday, I gave my Wife N25k to cook soup for the weekend and guess what, when she came back from the market she said darling things were damm expensive in the market and I borrowed you N7k, imagine borrowed fme or the food both us us would eat o.

This casual act & words from her could scatter some marriages.

advanceDNA:
...that verse of the bible never said anyone weda man or wife must provide alone without their partner's help...
...infact the bible said to the man "love your wife and women should submit" ..
.bible never said u providing alone is the requirement for her to respect her husband

..na una dey scatter pples homes with instructions/doctrines that's not even in the bible...

No mind the end time preacher of heresy.

As a man, aim to contribute 100% - within your means. If your wife supports, fine. Otherwise, let her focus on taking care of the family domestically (with your help also) and saving her own money.

translux:
Just yesterday, I gave my Wife N25k to cook soup for the weekend and guess what, when she came back from the market she said darling things were damm expensive in the market and I borrowed you N7k, imagine borrowed fme or the food both us us would eat o.

Baba..........dey careful with that woman u dey live with oooooo...women like that go inflate junior school fees, dey see nothing wrong in exploiting their spouse for their gain.

U must have missed this red flag when u were dating....I saw it in my ex...and I immediately discharged her sharpally......I hate it when someone don't see life as give and take, weda we are just friends or licking each other saliva

...Werey come spend weekend for for my side ......buy small stuff wey no pass 7k on her way....on Sunday her iphone screen break, she use style drop am under pillow....I help am fix the screen for 35k .........after collecting the phone...the werey get mind text me on Friday to ask be for 7k wey she use buy , bread and stuff wey she eat more than half ...

Focusmind:
Please, if you are not ready to foot the family responsibilities, 100%, don't bother getting married. It is better you establish full control as a man and take full responsibility of raising your family, including bearing all the associated costs. Ignore whatever your wife or the would-be wife is earning and concentrate towards building your home. Your wife would see your hardwork, dedication and commitment to the well-being of the family. As your wife sees your efforts, you won't even need to ask her for any contribution before she starts, willingly doing lots without you asking for it or imposing the expenses on her.

You are there as the provider, protector and defender of your "territory ". As time progresses, willingly, without compulsion, your wife would start taking care of certain bills. Just pray that you continue to do well and make progress in your career and trade so that you continue to discharge your obligations to your wife and children. Your wife would always be moved to support you and this would earn you more respect and your dignity, intact.

If your respect depends on your ability to provide then what happens when you're not capable because life happens.

pansophist:
………….

One of the advantages of getting married is that If you intend to raise Godly children, then marriage is the best system to achieve that.

I’ll give you more advantages.

Another one is companionship. The older you become, the more you realise that this life is truly a lonely place. Hedonism and money will not fill that void.

If you marry a good person, then that automatically makes life enjoyable.

If you intend to be wealthy, then being married helps you achieve that. With a partner holding it down for you in different areas while you pursue something else.

Please don’t underscore marriage, it’s bad.

Underscoring the importance of marriage only means one thing, and it’s that the underscorer didn’t come from a healthy home:


Where the work is, is to marry a genuinely good person. This is where most people make mistake hence they hate marriage.

That loneliness you're running away from is waiting for you at old age when your wife will be going for omogwo, Do you have an instrument to know a woman that'd make a good spouse or bad spouse?

Most men just want submissive providers.If you want a woman to support the home financially,you should also support by doing chores.Marriage is 100/100.Everyone should do whatever it takes to make the home progress and flourish.

Reading most of the comments here, I am once again thankful for the wife I married.

All these talks about the man should pay the rent or school fees as it is your duty blah blah blah, who wrote the duty or in which constitution is it written? You people just give yourself expectations of all kinds then subject others to it via peer/societal pressure thinking that's what makes you a Man

My wife's money is not her money neither is mine my own money. All earnings becomes the family's income (she and I). Even before we got married we do budgeting when she gets paid or I get paid. We look at what she/I want's to do for the month and what can be kept aside or moved to another month. We both know what each other earns and when we get paid. Of course we budget personal money as well (do what you want with that, it's your business)

If both of you pull the earnings together, how can you tell who paid the rent, school fees and the likes? Is it just for bragging right? Why all sharing formula for something that all parties are just supposed to do freely together as one (whether bills or chores)? Is it not your family and home? You are supposed to be working together not selfishly or thinking about yourself and your things first or separately.

Marriage no suppose hard like that na. All these I am the Man I am the man na wetin follow dey lead to marriage issues when families relocate