₦airaland Forum

Read through this thread and shook my head. This is why many so called marriages crash when they go abroad.

You can’t reinforce the idea the man carries the bills 100% then reach UK and tell the woman to share. Why? Just stay in Nigeria.

The best ones are the ones that help themselves without disrespect.

As for chores, what happened to buying modern appliance or employing house helps if you’re capable. Except if both genders have selfish interests which is most of the time , it’s not a valid point.

I always remind my babe we’re both fighting against poverty. Most important thing is time. Outsource the rest and don’t be expecting a woman to cook for you and 3 children everyday or expect a man that has been working all day to come and sweep floors.

Times have seriously changed but the men are yet to catch up. If your woman is traditional, the type that can't disrespect you and treat you like the absolute head of the house, then you should do what is within your means.

But the women now earn just as much as men do. Unlike in the past when men own the farm lands and women own vegetable farms. And even with that vegetable farm, they still cook soups and keep the house.

Modern woman will not respect you. She earns just as much or even more at times, and she will not take up some financial responsibilities? You all are wrong. And little wonder Nigerian men die like chicken or washout before 60.

You all should start using your head. Times have changed and The modern Nigerian woman is aware.

SKhanmi:
Read through this thread and shook my head. This is why many so called marriages crash when they go abroad.

You can’t reinforce the idea the man carries the bills 100% then reach UK and tell the woman to share. Why? Just stay in Nigeria.

The best ones are the ones that help themselves without disrespect.

As for chores, what happened to buying modern appliance or employing house helps if you’re capable. Except if both genders have selfish interests which is most of the time , it’s not a valid point.

I always remind my babe we’re both fighting against poverty. Most important thing is time. Outsource the rest and don’t be expecting a woman to cook for you and 3 children everyday or expect a man that has been working all day to come and sweep floors.

Brooooo. Do you get? Like I can't believe what I'm reading. Like we are in this race to defeat lack and raise our children. You earn well, and you're supposed to just seat on your money while the man work himself to death in economic tough Nigerian?
These Niggers mehn. No wonder they all hate marriage.

Kobojunkie:
OP, just so you know, marriage is not by force. A good portion of individuals out there are not married and will never be, and that is OK. If you can find peace in your life as it is today, there is no need or reason to need to change it or feel burdened to add marriage(or even children) to the equation.

I feel you're trying too hard to justify your own life choices.

Okortor:
I DONT SHARE BILLS WITH MY WIFE AND WILL NEVER DO SO EVEN THOUGH SHE WORKS WITH A MULTINATIONAL COMPANY AND EARNS QUITE A GOOD SALARY WITH A SUPER MARKET OWNER........ I PAY 100% BILL IN MY HOUSE. THAT ALONE COMMANDS RESPECT AND KEEPS YOU THE LEAD AS A MAN.

MEN PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY AND STOP EXPECTING YOUR WIFE TO SUPPORT, SHE IS ONLY ANN HELP MATE NOT BILL PAYER.

Then she should stop working and remain the help mate abi what is the point of working without contributing? if you no dey work and earn make we know rather than this kind yeye set-up.
Moreover, if a woman is working and no impact in the family, then is it not better everyone work and stay apart, my cost of living will drop drastically.

TWoods:
➜I feel you're trying too hard to justify your own life choices.

If it is a choice as you rightly pointed out there(not a crime or offense), why does it require justification? Please, reason it carefully before responding!

ReacherSaidNoth:
It is truly in.sane, a country where the vast majority are poor and we have people proudly claiming to shoulder everything?

How can you love and make children with a selfish woman?

It's beyond in.sane to think that we are partners , We both make money , but you're supposed to keep all of yours while I develop bp trying to fend for the family. Retard.ed mindset. Absolute nut.

emmaodet:
Then she should stop working and remain the help mate abi what is the point of working without contributing? if you no dey work and earn make we know rather than this kind yeye set-up.
Moreover, if a woman is working and no impact in the family, then is it not better everyone work and stay apart, my cost of living will drop drastically.

If she works and will not contribute, then she should quite the job and give the children all the attention they need. Because whether we like it or not, her working has a toll on the children, but it's a sacrifice you both are willing to make for better financial goal.

advanceDNA:
whether you are dangote level rich or not ..most Nigerian women expect you to pay all the bills.....it's just a natural entitlement they think they deserve because they naturally equate their vaglna and being with you to 200billion dollars.....
still, plenty women share bills in their home, when the need comes...but don't table it as something that should be shared by percentage when the need as not come up..
The need: ur income can't carry the whole expense at home....


women don't like to chest heavy bills like rent unless its very necessary......don't go there...

another no go area..... .women only pay tuition when they are single mothers.....they believe they have already contributed more than you by birthing and nurturing........she will feel like you are suffering her by paying tuition if her own child

when it comes to chores, unless u work long hrs and enter only at night or u are hardly around ......treat chores like u are living with your roommate that expects you to help.....it helps your spouse know u care........if it's the cooking u can do, do it often, they will appreciate that u help....... If it's dishes or floor...do it often.....
Its the 21st century....get a washing machine and to avoid some small small fight

if u marry weréy...u go must collect...

If u marry a woman that sees team playing in marriage as a norm, u self treat her as a team in decision making...i.e, like they are not an outsider in the house...


Some women na werey... Weda u share bills or not u go collect... Just marry werey that you can tolerate her madness...because the chance that you will marry werey in Nigeria is higher

But if you get lucky and you nor marry weréy.......respect your wife....your wife go respect you

she should use her money to sort some of her personal needs and that of her own family .. otherwise you go chest plenty bills from in-law side, especially all those give me give in-laws.

This man just summarised it very well....

God help all of us..

The main something is God should one mercy and get a good wife...

Na the summary be that

Hismajesty44:
I share bill with my wife and she isn't complaining, even the house we live in here in lag she bought the land in my name and our relationship is blessed with four children. Remember, just because of sharing that's why's called marriage!

I hope you can confidently say this after many years!
I have heard and seen matters like these after many years and I know how it ended even if the wife was a good woman and initially welcomed the splitting idea!

Cocolatti:
It's not as easy as you are saying it. Whether we like it or not, there will always be couples where the wife earns more than the husband, and in such situations the wife will have to cover more of the expenses, otherwise some problems would be left unsolved.

I have said my own!
I have heard and seen enough to not share bills or responsibility with my wife!
I'm not saying she cannot assist but ensure you are atleast 80-90% responsible for all the bills in your marriage!
E get why!

Dappy007:
It's the natural order
Men provide women submit
The Bible says if you cannot provide for your household you are worse than an infidel

You don't read proverbs 31: 10 down enough that's why you're saying all this things

grandiose4ever:
Hello everyone,

I have begun to think about getting married.

But for some reason I don't fully understand what to expect or what is fully expected of me as a man in the area of finances.

So I'm asking the following questions to matured married men and women to get clarity?

In your own family

1. If the wife is working class, Is it expected that the man pays 100% of the rent?

2. If the wife is working class, is it expected she contributes towards children school fees or the man pays 100%?

3. If the wife contributes financially, is there an expectation that the man does chores? (Ps I don't want to do any chores in this life apart from occasional cooking lol).

4. If the wife contributes financially how does it affect the decision making in the family?

The last question is ONLY for married men who share bills?

5a. Do you feel respectedby your wife when you share bills with her?

*5b. If you don't share bills with your wife and she keeps 100% of her earnings to herself, what do you think is the purpose of a woman working?

I'd appreciate if the mods can help me get a wider audience by putting on front page. Thanks!

Why are you thinking of marriage?
It has been agreed that men have nothing to benefit from getting married.
You lots say something else on social media but in reality, you are doing another thing.
Na you sabi sha

ogbe88:
Oga submission comes naturally, whether u have money or u don't have enough,

It's this mindset that put a lot of men in pressure.

bot, tell whoever deployed you that there is no such thing as you have said. Submission is based on provision and nothing more. Why should you submit to who you're feeding, is that fair?

Any man that refuses to fend for his home is worse than an infidel.

MrPresident1:
bot, tell whoever deployed you that there is no such thing as you have said. Submission is based on provision and nothing more. Why should you submit to who you're feeding, is that fair?

Any man that refuses to fend for his home is worse than an infidel.

Kindly run along oga, if a woman cannot submit, back to her father's house e nor hard.

I will provide the best I can, can't kill myself for anybody.

JESHAL007:
Sir you are one in a million, most women would disrespect their husbands if they share the bills

Then disrespect her back and send her packing.
It is cheaper for you to stay alone in such condition and more expensive for her.

Gerrard59:
Sharing bills when he does not want to partake in chores does not make sense to me. That is why I did not focus on the aspect.
But so far, many married men on the thread have made it seem like the woman's money is solely hers, which does not sit well with me.

Fine, the man takes 100% financial responsibility. The woman works/runs a thriving business and makes good money. What does she use that money for? Who and who does she spend it on?

My brother. This is the excat question going through my mind.
While you are there as a man over-suffering yourself all just to be called man of the house....wearing shambles, looking ugly, your wife is there using her own money to take care of herself looking sweet, having excess reserve to start buying land and doing her project (building) or expanding her shop.
When you finally lose your job, she will start disrespecting you anyway while feeding you and because she is always looking beautiful, someone else who can finance her better will snatch her off under the excuse that you are useless and not doing anything for the family.
In a world that is becoming highly expensive and people can barely have any meaniful savings, some are still there raising shoulder for being ''Man of the House''

Okortor:
I DONT SHARE BILLS WITH MY WIFE AND WILL NEVER DO SO EVEN THOUGH SHE WORKS WITH A MULTINATIONAL COMPANY AND EARNS QUITE A GOOD SALARY WITH A SUPER MARKET OWNER........ I PAY 100% BILL IN MY HOUSE. THAT ALONE COMMANDS RESPECT AND KEEPS YOU THE LEAD AS A MAN.

MEN PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY AND STOP EXPECTING YOUR WIFE TO SUPPORT, SHE IS ONLY ANN HELP MATE NOT BILL PAYER.

I think it just satisfies your ego of I am the man, not that it commands respect. You don't need to pay all the bills to be respected and why should respect be "commanded" when she can just do it freely from her heart?

Treat her as your wife not maid, respect her, be open and honest to her (along with being faithful), in most cases she'd do same. Most men who want to handle everything about money either wants to be able to brag about doing it all as the man or have ulterior motives such as wanting to spend their money when, how, on what and with whoever they want (including side chicks) no questions ask no explanation given either - after all it is my money and I pay all the bills.

emmaodet:
My brother. This is the excat question going through my mind.
While you are there as a man over-suffering yourself all just to be called man of the house....wearing shambles, looking ugly, your wife is there using her own money to take care of herself looking sweet, having excess reserve to start buying land and doing her project (building) or expanding her shop.
When you finally lose your job, she will start disrespecting you anyway while feeding you and because she is always looking beautiful, someone else who can finance her better will snatch her off under the excuse that you are useless and not doing anything for the family.
In a world that is becoming highly expensive and people can barely have any meaniful savings, some are still there raising shoulder for being ''Man of the House''

To be fair, having a home-maker in a wife as a man is a good thing. However, in today's world, the homemakers can make or do make a lot of money. And as Poco has stated, any woman who contributes financially will want to see the man engage in home chores, whether he likes it or not. So, your scenario of men handling the entire finances and later encountering financial difficulties while their wives keep theirs does not really work well in today's world. Yet at the same time, these men don't want to engage in home chores.

See why I said it is a woman's world?

---

The best ways to tackle it are to aggressively increase one's sources of income, have fewer children, take up fewer in-law and immediate family responsibilities, stay physically fit, and spend FIRST on oneself.

None. Just as my Dad. And wouldn't change a thing. I married her to provide for her and my household. All she has to do is make that household a welcoming home. And she's doing a perfect job at that. Let her keep her pay. That's for her personally, not to provide for or support the home. I'm the Provider. And happy to be!

ogbe88:
Kindly run along oga, if a woman cannot submit, back to her father's house e nor hard.

I will provide the best I can, can't kill myself for anybody.

bot, tell your handler that nothing goes for nothing. Tell your handler that if they want total submission, then they must provide total provision. Tell your handler that half provision means half submission

Kobojunkie:
OP, just so you know, marriage is not by force. A good portion of individuals out there are not married and will never be, and that is OK. If you can find peace in your life as it is today, there is no need or reason to need to change it or feel burdened to add marriage(or even children) to the equation.

Are you projecting? The OP never said anything about marriage being by force or that one can't find happiness while unmarried. Sounds like you're trying to foist your personal persuasions on others; in which way you'd be no different from the lay religious marketer.

emmyN:
➜Are you projecting? The OP never said anything about marriage being by force or that one can't find happiness while unmarried. Sounds like you're trying to foist your personal persuasions on others; in which way you'd be no different from the lay religious marketer.

Suggesting that being single is a good choice to someone who clearly has trouble accepting that a man should, according to Nigerian tradition, be the sole provider for his family in Nigeria, is nothing to do with persuasion or force, unless of course you are severely lacking in the comprehension department.

Kobojunkie:
Suggesting that being single is a good choice to someone who clearly has trouble accepting that a man should, according to Nigerian tradition, be the sole provider for his family in Nigeria, is nothing to do with persuasion or force, unless of course you are severely lacking in the comprehension department.

First, there is nothing like "Nigerian tradition". Nigeria is a conglomerate of very dissimilar people with different beliefs and traditions. Saying he was struggling to accept a non-existent "Nigerian tradition" was you projecting your personal philosophies, howbeit unsolicited, on him when he's only asked about how finance is managed in homes. It would do more good if you stayed within the context of the OP rather than being a preacher!

emmyN:
➜First, there is nothing like "Nigerian tradition". Nigeria is a conglomerate of very dissimilar people with different beliefs and traditions.
➜ Saying he was struggling to accept a non-existent "Nigerian tradition" was you projecting your personal philosophies, howbeit unsolicited, on him when he's only asked about how finance is managed in homes. It would do more good if you stayed within the context of the OP rather than being a preacher!

1. Wrong! Nigeria has in place codes which provide a place of honor for the many customary traditions of the peoples of Nigeria, particularly the major 3. Only those who intend to or have their marriages registered in the Nigerian courts can claim tradition does not apply in their case, and OP's question seems not directed at those particular individuals.

2. See above!

MrPresident1:
bot, tell your handler that nothing goes for nothing. Tell ypur handler that if they want total submission, then they must provide total provision. Tell your handler that half provision means half submission

Well u made no sense. Now run along.

Nairaland.com

Abee79:
Share keh? If she MISTAKENLY spends her own money on the family, I know no peace till I refund in full 😆

Same here.
Almost every expense results in refund.
Why are women like this?
Being a married man and a father is something else.

Gerrard59:
To be fair, having a home-maker in a wife as a man is a good thing. However, in today's world, the homemakers can make or do make a lot of money. And as Poco has stated, any woman who contributes financially will want to see the man engage in home chores, whether he likes it or not. So, your scenario of men handling the entire finances and later encountering financial difficulties while their wives keep theirs does not really work well in today's world. Yet at the same time, these men don't want to engage in home chores.

See why I said it is a woman's world?

---

The best ways to tackle it are to aggressively increase one's sources of income, have fewer children, take up fewer in-law and immediate family responsibilities, stay physically fit, and spend FIRST on oneself.

It is not as Poco said or about it being a woman's world. It is simply common sense and fairness. He said in clear words that he doesn't ever want to do chores in his life. I wouldn't know why you are all conveniently ignoring that.

No woman would happily do that in addition to birthing kids and raising them. Any man claiming his wife is doing it happily is lying. She might be doing it because she doesn't have a choice and for the sake of her kids. If that is how their fathers were, my father wasn't like that. Neither is Mine. And that is not to say I don't contribute financially.

Comments like this is why I love Nairaland.

Thanks for the input sir🫡🫡🫡

advanceDNA:
whether you are dangote level rich or not ..most Nigerian women expect you to pay all the bills.....it's just a natural entitlement they think they deserve because they naturally equate their vaglna and being with you to 200billion dollars.....
still, plenty women share bills in their home, when the need comes...but don't table it as something that should be shared by percentage when the need as not come up..
The need: ur income can't carry the whole expense at home....


women don't like to chest heavy bills like rent unless its very necessary......don't go there...

another no go area..... .women only pay tuition when they are single mothers.....they believe they have already contributed more than you by birthing and nurturing........she will feel like you are suffering her by paying tuition if her own child

when it comes to chores, unless u work long hrs and enter only at night or u are hardly around ......treat chores like u are living with your roommate that expects you to help.....it helps your spouse know u care........if it's the cooking u can do, do it often, they will appreciate that u help....... If it's dishes or floor...do it often.....
Its the 21st century....get a washing machine and to avoid some small small fight

if u marry weréy...u go must collect...

If u marry a woman that sees team playing in marriage as a norm, u self treat her as a team in decision making...i.e, like they are not an outsider in the house...


Some women na werey... Weda u share bills or not u go collect... Just marry werey that you can tolerate her madness...because the chance that you will marry werey in Nigeria is higher

But if you get lucky and you nor marry weréy.......respect your wife....your wife go respect you

she should use her money to sort some of her personal needs and that of her own family .. otherwise you go chest plenty bills from in-law side, especially all those give me give in-laws.

Focusmind:
Please, if you are not ready to foot the family responsibilities, 100%, don't bother getting married. It is better you establish full control as a man and take full responsibility of raising your family, including bearing all the associated costs. Ignore whatever your wife or the would-be wife is earning and concentrate towards building your home. Your wife would see your hardwork, dedication and commitment to the well-being of the family. As your wife sees your efforts, you won't even need to ask her for any contribution before she starts, willingly doing lots without you asking for it or imposing the expenses on her.

You are there as the provider, protector and defender of your "territory ". As time progresses, willingly, without compulsion, your wife would start taking care of certain bills. Just pray that you continue to do well and make progress in your career and trade so that you continue to discharge your obligations to your wife and children. Your wife would always be moved to support you and this would earn you more respect and your dignity, intact.

Well said; very brilliant.

I want you to look at it from three angles but i will mention two.

First, if you share bills with your wife, don't ever be caught cheating.
You are finished.

Second, what does the law state about separation?
That you must take care of the children's feeding and school fees.

In summary, get your own money and ensure you are financially secure before venturing into any partnership with any woman.
The innocent and good lady you know today can become a vixen and monster tomorrow.

Finally, take a closer look at her family background.
It will give you a clearer depiction of your future in later life.

Goodluck!