Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage - Family (2) - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum › Nairaland General › Family › Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage (2559 Views)
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Koppaguard(m): 11:19pm On Nov 17, 2025 |
dierich:This aptly summarises the life of my ex, we started on a good note until she started seeing people she thought was better than me, unfortunately for her, she got played and when she turned back to me, I played her as well, she was the one that later ran for the sake of her sanity. It's unfortunate because I knew how we started, toiled and survived together, I really loved her and I had something huge in stock for her but her lifestyle change surprised me. Imagine a situation like the op's, it must be a very tough decision to make. 2 Likes |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by calabaman(m): 1:37am On Nov 18, 2025 |
That she was chatting him doesn't prove she is cheating with the said man. Mr Op, I thought it's only women who check mens phones. Or are you telling me you don't call/text/email work colleagues? In my opinion - focus on what matters and allow sleeping dogs rest. Yes I'm married like you. ...and respect boundaries, even though in the initial years - wifey was fond of checking my phone but she's moved on from that childish act. |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by dierich(op): 1:56am On Nov 18, 2025 |
H calabaman:I understand u but I don't think u understand the narration I never tell u that I'm not focus on something else but if I see something that could be dangerous for me, I should just leave her to do that and never talk After discovering my wife and the other man professing love, so I shouldn't act on it Why is it that it's only man all of you will still blame later. I and my wife never do family planning, so if she had sex with someone else and got pregnant, who will b d father of the child? 2 Likes |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by dierich(op): 1:59am On Nov 18, 2025 |
DBestDoc:So, all what you said now is I shouldn't have react when such things are happening between them and my wife locking her fone so that she can continue chatting the man Remember, I said both are talking about how much feelings they av for each other. U mean I shouldn't have react? For me to tell her not to chat the said man again and she eventually lock her fone so she could be able to chat him. Now tell me, does that show she value her own family? 1 Like |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by calabaman(m): 2:14am On Nov 18, 2025 |
dierich:Oh my bad. I understand you better now. I think - you should inform someone in her family about this new development before giving her the golden boot. |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by churro: 6:46am On Nov 18, 2025 |
Op, don't mind all these people trying to blame you. You stated that they have professed feelings for one another already. So that in itself amounts to cheating on your wife's part. You warned her, called her family, you tried. Yet she still decided to initiate conversation. Someone she should have blocked and deleted his numbers Pls. Send her away. Separation is not divorce. Let her learn her lesson. Affirm your authority. It is her shame, not yours. The other guy can't even marry her. Just wants to explore and dissaper. And the foolish woman wants to throw away the blessing that God has given her. Send her parking. Let her go and explain to her family and her friends how she misbehaved. Her eye will clear soon. Do this to punish her but especially to follow up on your words so she takes you as a serious person. After a long while and with proof of deep remorse, like blocking the guy's number, you can allow her back in, with stringent measures like not eating her food etc for a while . She won't dare try it next time. 4 Likes |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Jerchance: 7:16am On Nov 18, 2025 |
Clearly, a stitch in time saves nine. People saying " allow her to cheat before jumping into conclusion" don't know how heartbreaking it feels waiting for disaster to happen than take frantic steps to prevent it. There was a first time and a strict warning and undertaking were taken, and she still deviated and it happened the second time. "When someone decieves me once, shame on him. When he decieves twice, shame on me" I just wish she can just see the consequences of this silly game she wants to explore. Nonetheless, try not to be in a hurry to push her out. 4 Likes |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by dierich(op): 8:49am On Nov 18, 2025 |
@ jerchance and churro She apologized several which I told her she's going out. After pleading, I gave her some rules. I'll send d screenshot. I'm going to print the document and we sign. After if I notice any good changes maybe after 6 months, den maybe I'll consider her back like u said. But if any shit happens, den she's out 1 Like
|
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by hunterezi(m): 8:53am On Nov 18, 2025 |
dierich:This was how my BM cried and even fasted foe three days for God to forgive her. She still went ahead after i left town. It’s up to you but that feelings won’t die. They’ll even duck as soon as you lewve town. My advice: send her packing as a strong signal, albeit be open to receiving her upon genuine repentance. If you don’t send this strong warning and use emotions, you will lose at the end. Shalom 2 Likes |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Dtruthspeaker: 9:17am On Nov 18, 2025 |
dierich:Ah! You are not handling it well ooo. Ah! But the solution is even harder because it starts with you understanding and accepting a huge unacceptable Truth. Which is, like everybody, and like you, your wife would like to eff other people. And this is of course against the silly Lie sold that when you have a virgin, this phenomenon would be avoided. But it is a big Lie. It is worser for virgins as saytan disturbs them very badly. Your wife is a human like you and everything you feel, she too feels it. So, you are reacting in the wrong way and yes, it she is about to do it., but, this is where you see the importance of a God fearing woman and that since she is about to join and be like every woman out there, she should know that the day she does it, she would know what God's puni.....t looks like. |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Dtruthspeaker: 9:30am On Nov 18, 2025 |
And that it is just the beginning as he can never repent because God would permanently hatyeeee her. Which is why every woman is the way we see them that is they are c0r sd. So, unless she hates herself, she could as well drink jik, for that is what it means to go fornicate and adulterate. Then, if you both know a virgin who fornicated, point them out to her, I am very sure, you both saw that it was never good for them after that. Meanwhile it has been very very good for you two. So, the question is does she want to lose it and change? And my brother, hold your breath because, saytan is wicked and e no go let am easy God help una. |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Dtruthspeaker: 9:48am On Nov 18, 2025 |
hunterezi:It won't work! In fact, he has laid the bed of adultery. Whereas, the Truth is that he should have seen this coming for sex opens the eyes (that is why we all know that Eve slept with saytan); and the desire for it increases after you have had it. So, Truth is where before sex God helped virgins to resist it, after sex, it is us who have to resist it. And this is where all the people we have seen and studied comes to help us and the number 1 of it all is that things became over worse for a wife who was a virgin who now fell for the temptation of saytan by sleeping with another person whether man or woman. And yes, women love to sleep with women. And like men, all women want to sleep with a wife who married being a virgin. They are even hot cakes to them. So you see, she is attacked constantly by both men and women. |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Dtruthspeaker: 9:52am On Nov 18, 2025 |
calabaman:See devuuuuo. How else does cheating start. |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Ganicus676: 10:18am On Nov 18, 2025 |
The op dierich is just like me, I hardly take offense, I just warn you strictly and wait for your next loose guard. See this life eh, allow humans take a pinch and they'll take the whole plate and blame devil later... Naso one of my ex say I like begging like a demi god, and I no go still forgive.. Why? Because I hardly take offense, I just assume that to err is human but when someone decides to wholesomely do something that I've specifically asked them not to, and this are things that even a child could adhere to... Don't get me wrong, call me any name in the book, I'll never forgive such nautyness. Dear Op, if I were in your shoes, that woman go do six months vacation course for her papa house... If something dey pain you, m No do am to others cause e go pain them too, let's leave blaming the devil out of this.. If na you your wife catch dey emotionally recheat, trust me she'll be more ruthless and her fellow women go support her with their full chest... See your fellow men coming to tell you otherwise, shows you how weak men are compared to women... 3 Likes |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Ganicus676: 10:23am On Nov 18, 2025 |
I just remembered one of my ex wey we get small issues, next thing she uploaded a picture on Facebook laying in a guy's arms with just singlet on both of them... Two weeks later she dey use every available means of reaching me to beg, me wey don delete her mental picture from my head. Ask her why, she go say na devil push her unto say we been get issue, so why the devil no allow you move on, why coming back to beg? Even Bible talk am say everybody is answerable to their sins on the last day, nobody would hold another person responsible for their blemishes, not even father for his son... Then me wey Baba J create, go come allow him fellow creations to dey use my head, no nah... 2 Likes |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by pansophist(m): 10:42am On Nov 18, 2025 |
Threaten to escalate the issue to her family, especially her father. Let her know it’s a very serious issue. If she didn’t stop, then bring her family into it. Also threaten to make her stop going to that workplace (but before you can execute this, it’s very important you’re a provider man). Also, partners should not be locking their phones. She must open it and make it accessible to you, and vice versa. Create consequences that will be implemented, and her idea of you should be that you’re a man of your word. She must know that you’ll bring consequences to her if she continues. If after all these she didn’t stop, then start withdrawing. She should see clearly that your mind is drifting away from her, and if after this she still continue, end the marriage. It is absolutely important to be a man that can still catch fish”. I am NOT saying you should be out there fishing, but you must retain that ability. Women tends to reorient themselves when they know they are with a high quality man that can replace them in a second. She must have seen other women showing interest in you and telling how lucky she is to have you. You can’t lead someone that refused leadership, so please, be willing to walk away for your peace. 9 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by starpower(m): 11:16am On Nov 18, 2025 |
dierich:start preparing emotionally for the worst, reduce how emotionally you are invested, become more unpredictable, dress well to please yourself, eat well. No need to be telling an adult what to do, conserve your energy for yourself. Marcus Aurelius was powerful yet his wife cheated. Life too short to make someone choices dictate ones emotions. You can't force what is meant to fail. Enjoy yourself and be thankful always. 1 Like |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by MONEY247: 11:24am On Nov 18, 2025 |
Just send her out already, before she continue the relationship and hurt you more.... A stich in time saves nine.. |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by RevenuesBoost(f): 12:46pm On Nov 18, 2025 |
dierich:Spoil her with sweet words, gifts and most especially, "give her good attention". She won't even think of cheating anymore. Don't use rash words on her, be calm and pamper her and she'll surely reciprocate the love. |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Dtruthspeaker: 3:52pm On Nov 18, 2025 |
RevenuesBoost:So that she can go and finish riding the colleague before she comes back to reciprocate abi? |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Dtruthspeaker: 4:05pm On Nov 18, 2025 |
I remembered that I have spoken with you before and after I had seen your threads i understand. See how you have been complaining about your wife every year and it is only getting worse. Sorry bro, i did tell you in your thread https://www.nairaland.com/7504920/please-need-advice-thread-please#119612098 that "'I guessed that you were not a virgim and now she is growing in hatred and resentment that you were not." So you see, you have fallen into one of the punishments for fornication even if you married a virgin. And this is how it always plays out. And you knew which is why you are ready to dump her in your bid to escape. But unfortunately for you, it won't work. For the second she leaves, God help you that she did not even say anything, you would know that you have just entered into a worser stage of living. All these your gra gra and alaye will end. |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Exceed15: 5:09pm On Nov 18, 2025 |
If you don't trust her anymore please let her go. We don't want hear you hit her one day out of anger and she dies. More so don't die because of heart attack,dis one you are fond of checking her phone |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Kobojunkie: 6:12pm On Nov 18, 2025*. Modified: 6:47pm On Nov 18, 2025 |
dierich:This is no longer a marriage but captivity for that woman. I wonder how old that woman is. It seems to me that what OP wants for the next 6 months out of her is a maid/nanny to care for his home and child, but somehow he expects that after that she would turn around and give him a loving wife, abi? Honestly, I hope she has aged enough to the point that her frontal lobe has developed significantly. I hope she realizes she is better off finding her way out at this point.  |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Nobody: 6:23pm On Nov 18, 2025 |
She's testing your resolve. You drew a line and she crossed it intentionally. Do exactly what you said you would do. If you don't do so, THEN, whatever respect she had for you is gone. Send her packing. Keep your word. Your marriage depends on it. I set some rules which one of it is that if she dare chat him or talk to him about anything not related to work or account, I will send her packing which she assure me. dierich: |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by yinkeys(m): 6:41pm On Nov 18, 2025 |
starpower:WoW first time hearing Aurelius’s wife cheated And the man didn’t fear for his life Or maybe it was with a Roman soldier |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Pentagon007: 7:04pm On Nov 18, 2025 |
dierich: |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Pentagon007: 7:09pm On Nov 18, 2025 |
dierich:Most of those other people advising you here are her fellow women They will not tell you the truth. The truth of the matter is that your wife has set out to cheat on you. She is already cheating with the guy emotionally and with time, she will manipulate you till she is able to have sex with the guy. Forget about trying to interrupt them. You cannot interrupt a woman that has set her target on a new Dick. If you try more to frustrate her plan, she will pull a stunt on you that will shock you. If you are living abroad, my brother forget it. This is the beginning |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by duduade(m): 7:39pm On Nov 18, 2025 |
I stopped reading from the third line Face it and sort it out |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Onegai(f): 8:04pm On Nov 18, 2025*. Modified: 8:34am On Nov 19, 2025 |
Dierich You've gotten some excellent advice here from several men, that will lead to your divorce  No seriously, with their advise and that contract you sent her, may as well just go and file. Don't waste anymore time. Send her packing, send her into separation and her eye will clear, forreal? The last dumbo I know who took that advise, it's been over 2 yrs of separation, he's living with another woman (whom he dislikes), he's fighting his family and his in-laws all dislike him now, people have condemned his behaviour, his kids don't see him anymore, his wife is asking to reconcile (he's doing shakara but doesn't realize that another man is seriously wooing her daily, morning prayers on her phone before 7am!). And the worst thing is, his case wasn't even as bad as yours (certainly no infidelity). So yeah, send her packing, her eye will clear . It will definitely make her not sleep with the man , you definitely won't feel lonely and then hook with a random babe and then God forbid knock that babe up and have an additional complication and 5 years down the line, wake up confused, angry and sad as to why you're a Single Dad or Divorcee and how you got there. Or you can try reading my next post. 👍Shall we? 1 Like |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by Onegai(f): 8:19pm On Nov 18, 2025 |
Dierich (even your name is immature  )You need to mature and mature very quickly. Your marriage has hit the 7 Year Itch. That's the period in any relationship where the love has faded and both of you have forgotten why you liked each other in the first place and suddenly the grass looks very green outside. 7-10 years period. Now, if we are to believe you, your wife has admitted to an emotional affair. Yes it hurts, but you caught it on time. What your wife seems to be suffering from is Limerence (please look it up). Limerence lasts from 3-18 months and has no rhyme or reason (she won't be able to give you concrete answers why she likes the guy so don't bother. Her brain is playing tricks on her, it's why she blames the devil). Now, locking up emotionally and threats will only make her feel lonelier, crazier and make that guy look like Banky W (fine and elegant) mixed with Bovi (good sense of humour) and Nathaniel Bassey (upright Christian). Meanwhile the guy is a mix of Yul Edochie, 2face and Emeka Ike in real life. It's the 80:20 rule: what she liked about him is 20, what is rubbish is 80, but she can only see the 20 and her math skills and logic have failed her. By the way, this happens to men as well  So what you really need right now is COMMUNICATION! Open phones, open laptops, shine torchlight everywia (because the devil thrives in secrecy). Talking frequently and not about the man (she will want to stylishly bring him up, remember it's not love shes just om crazy brain chemicals). The type of love she needs is stable love not you competing with the man (God forbid!) or you throwing ultimatums in hurt and pain. Then she needs ACCOUNTABILITY! Now is the time to look for an older Mama in church or somewhere who will start guiding her and screaming into her ears about Consequences. And the best consequences will be losing access to her child via shared custody after Divorce. No Mother wants that. Finally, you need FORGIVENESS. She's not ready for remorse (she's lying if she apologizes now). So you need to forgive her now for breaking your trust. And only God can give you that strength, now is the time to delve into the bible deeply. She will join you. Eventually, once you bring her close, she will tell you the 20% that attracted her to that man. I assure you, it is something that she's lacking in herself, that she went to look outside for, rather than look inwards and fix up. Human Beings struggle mightily with reflecting inwardly. If you weather this storm, your marriage will be stronger because you would have matured, lead her and protected your family. She will be eternally grateful that when she lost her mind, you were there to pick up the pieces. Eventually, she'll want to leave her job, when she's recovered and you've fixed your marriage. Shame will not want her facing that man on a daily basis. Let her do so. 4 Likes |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by NotOfThisWorld(f): 8:21pm On Nov 18, 2025 |
Why are people blaming the OP? His wife his having an emotional affair, which IS cheating. Even if she hasn't yet slept with the man, physical affairs often starts from emotional affairs. Married people chatting with the opposite sex should be a no-no, as that's not fair to your spouse. Her locking her phone all of a sudden is also not right and signifies she could be hiding something. It's a different story if you're single but married? Nah, that's not right. Married people should not lock their phones. I can't imagine my spouse locking his phone and I would have to seek his permission before accessing it. If she wants to keep chatting with him, then you too find a side chick and be doing what she's doing. Let's see how she would feel. I would give you the same advice if you were a woman. I don't like nonsense. 3 Likes |
| Re: Mature People Only. I Need Advice Concerning My Marriage by dierich(op): 8:28pm On Nov 18, 2025 |
Onegai:Hmmmm All I can say is, I appreciate this a lot For that name that sound immature. Check out when I created it. But to be honest, I appreciate your response 2 Likes |
I Am Sex Starved, My Marriage Is Falling Apart • I'm Struggling With Love In My Marriage • My Wife's Sister Is About To Crash My Marriage, Please Help • 2 • 3 • 4
What Is Your Take On This Wedding: CONFUSION OR REGRETS? • How Many People Do You Follow On Nairaland And Why • 12 Points For All Wives And Intending Wives