₦airaland Forum

Makamatic:
Abeg I get one question wey I want ask concerning this topic , Mature folks abeg answer .

What if man come get GF wey good wella , like she they give am advice , encourage him hustle, give am food and understanding but situations no come fit allow them marry and the man understands that the girl is a good girl . But now she's married to another man , the man in question now is now in a place where he can assist the girl and wants to start repaying the girl for the good time / good deeds they shared and he they send her money and them talk once in a while .. abeg na bad thing .

I don't endorse it, but that is not the case in OP's marriage. Except you are asking for future purposes. Either way, I believe if his intentions are noble, the husband should be made aware. Especially if it is a huge sum that would reflect in her standard of living. How that would pan out is what I don't know as the average man is egoistic and territorial. The woman can also start thinking she settled wrong, leading to issues in the marriage. So it is better it doesn't come up.

pocohantas:
I don't endorse it. However, that is not the case in OP's marriage. Except you are askin for future purposes. Either way, I believe if his intentions are noble, the husband should be made aware. Especially if it is a huge sum that would reflect in her standard of living. How that would pan out is what I don't know as the average man is egoistic and territorial. The woman can also start thinking she settled wrong, leading to issues in the marriage. So it is better it doesn't come up.

Thanks a lot madame

She couldn't just stop Means She Chooses Him Over Your Peace.
Her excuse is the most revealing part.She has told you clearly that her connection to this man is more important than your peace of mind. She values his presence in her life more than she values your trust. An African home is built on trust and peace. If a wife introduces a element that deliberately destroys that peace, and refuses to remove it, she is no longer acting as a partner but as a saboteur. A house with no peace is not a home; it is a battlefield.

Ardeholar:
This has been going on for a while now and i haven't been able to figure out exactly what to do. The very first time i noticed, i confronted her and the conversation made me know it was the guy that disvirgined her, Though she claimed it has always been chats and nothing more.. She promised to stop talking to him...


Fast forward to last week, caught her again chatting with the guy... A whatsapp call they both made lasted 1h20m( in my mind, what were they talking about for a whole 1 and a half hour?!)

Again, i confronted her and she said she couldn't just stop talking to him simply because he's her ex.

I won't lie, apart from this issue, she's been a good wife... Buh why would you not want to stop talking to your ex?!! The ex that disvirgined you for that matter..

I'm weak and really confused.

I

Makamatic:
Abeg I get one question wey I want ask concerning this topic , Mature folks abeg answer .

What if man come get GF wey good wella , like she they give am advice , encourage him hustle, give am food and understanding but situations no come fit allow them marry and the man understands that the girl is a good girl . But now she's married to another man , the man in question now is now in a place where he can assist the girl and wants to start repaying the girl for the good time / good deeds they shared and he they send her money and them talk once in a while .. abeg na bad thing .

Cc. Pocohantas , onegai , gloriousgbola etc . You matured advice is needed here

It could cause problems depending on the husband and their state of affairs.

Perhaps do it carefully:

Communicate not too frequently and only during work hours.

Find out if her husband is territorial, if he isn't, send her something occasionally. NOT LIFE-CHANGING MONEY AT ONCE, little assistance from time to time.

Your communication should always be respectful of her husband. Write like he's sitting at her shoulder reading your messages.

Better yet, if there is a woman in your life, let her get involved and be the face of the gifting. So it is one couple helping another.

And if all else fails, ask if you can gift their children via their bank accounts.

Makamatic:
Abeg I get one question wey I want ask concerning this topic , Mature folks abeg answer .

What if man come get GF wey good wella , like she they give am advice , encourage him hustle, give am food and understanding but situations no come fit allow them marry and the man understands that the girl is a good girl . But now she's married to another man , the man in question now is now in a place where he can assist the girl and wants to start repaying the girl for the good time / good deeds they shared and he they send her money and them talk once in a while .. abeg na bad thing .

Cc. Pocohantas , onegai , gloriousgbola etc . You matured advice is needed here

Short answer

No.

The ship has sailed.

And if the marriage is not in a good place it can lead to regret

Imagine if it is the other way round, the gf is doing very well and starts providing some form of assistance. How will your madam take it?

Your wife still love her ex boyfriend.

They are planning something that will break your heart.

My condolences in advance.

If your wife is still speaking with her first love, that means she still loves him.

Spare more attention to her if she lacks one.

My one cent

dollytino4real:
Bros check wat u are not doing well to her, pls no use force just look inward 1st

If he's not doing well to her, let her file for divorce.

So if you offend your husband, and he responds by going to one of his ex and impregnate her, what would you say?

Ardeholar:
To the best of my knowledge, I'm doing everything I'm meant to be doing... If there's anything I'm not doing, i really don't know and she's not saying.

Look, women don't respect men that are not mean.
She's a nice person doesn't necessarily mean she's a good wife.
A wife that doesn't care about what hurts you isn't a good wife.

She cares more about the feelings of her ex than your own peace of mind, and that's a red flag.

Involve both sides of the family and tell them what happening, if you allow shame make you swallow this now, you will swallow the one you can't be able to vomit.

Act now before it's too late.

Warn her, and carry out that threat, that's the only way a woman will respect you, don't allow love and understanding sabotage your peace of mind.

I'm in a 10 years relationship, and she fears me more than anything, yet she loves me and I love her.
She dare not talk to her ex in such a way that I would find out, everywhere go first blur, but I have never hit her before.
But she's knows I'm mean.

If she does anything that hurts me, I would make her lose weight with hypertension, and she knows I would do it.

Life is not for the weak.

Don't listen to relationship advice from women.

Ardeholar:
To the best of my knowledge, I'm doing everything I'm meant to be doing... If there's anything I'm not doing, i really don't know and she's not saying.

Ardeholar:
➜This has been going on for a while now and i haven't been able to figure out exactly what to do. The very first time i noticed, i confronted her and the conversation made me know it was the guy that disvirgined her, Though she claimed it has always been chats and nothing more.. She promised to stop talking to him...
Fast forward to last week, caught her again chatting with the guy... A whatsapp call they both made lasted 1h20m( in my mind, what were they talking about for a whole 1 and a half hour?!)
Again, i confronted her and she said she couldn't just stop talking to him simply because he's her ex. I won't lie, apart from this issue, she's been a good wife... Buh why would you not want to stop talking to your ex?!! The ex that disvirgined you for that matter.. I'm weak and really confused.

Seems to us that the only reason you are fixated on the relationship she has with the man has to do with the fact that he was her first. Well, that sounds like a you problem at this point and not a her problem. 🥱🥱

Just so you know, you can choose to proceed with divorce at this point on that ground if you want to. Or you can go get help from a professional mental health counselor for the reason why you feel that his being the one who first had sex with her virginity irks you so much. Either way, the ball is in your court, whether to hold on to what you have now with her or cut it completely to free yourself and go find you that woman that does not have an ex.🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
Seems to us that the only reason you are fixated on the relationship she has with the man has to do with the fact that he was her first. Well, that sounds like a you problem at this point and not a her problem. 🥱🥱

Just so you know, you can choose to proceed with divorce at this point on that ground if you want to. Or you can go get help from a professional mental health counselor for the reason why you feel that his being the one who first had sex with her virginity irks you so much. Either way, the ball is in your court, whether to hold on to what you have now with her or cut it completely to free yourself and go find you that woman that does not have an ex.🥱🥱🥱

I'm really confused here

Wanted to comment, as I saw the last commenter was Kobojunkie, I knew lots of bitterness from real life would have been poured and smeared on the thread, had to forget and close the thread.

Onegai:
I

It could cause problems depending on the husband and their state of affairs.

Perhaps do it carefully:

Communicate not too frequently and only during work hours.

Find out if her husband is territorial, if he isn't, send her something occasionally. NOT LIFE-CHANGING MONEY AT ONCE, little assistance from time to time.

Your communication should always be respectful of her husband. Write like he's sitting at her shoulder reading your messages.

Better yet, if there is a woman in your life, let her get involved and be the face of the gifting. So it is one couple helping another.

And if all else fails, ask if you can gift their children via their bank accounts.

Thanks a lot

GloriousGbola:
Short answer

No.

The ship has sailed.

And if the marriage is not in a good place it can lead to regret

Imagine if it is the other way round, the gf is doing very well and starts providing some form of assistance. How will your madam take it?

Thanks sir

Spice up your marriage

She's is bored

Ardeholar:
➜I'm really confused here

If I were in your shoes, I would seek therapy first and then act after I am certain the problem is real for us and not just me.

Moveittothem:
If he's not doing well to her, let her file for divorce.

So if you offend your husband, and he responds by going to one of his ex and impregnate her, what would you say?

guy i go shout alleluia

Gotocourt:
Women supporting women, U understand the problem clearly, but see wetin you dey cap .

no vex if i no cap ur cappings, na my opinion

Ardeholar:
To the best of my knowledge, I'm doing everything I'm meant to be doing... If there's anything I'm not doing, i really don't know and she's not saying.

ok, guy pretend as if u want to divorce her and she her reaction towards u,

pocohantas:
All una wives dey talk to one man or the other.
Even the thread above yours. On FB one man has dashed his wife to her sideknacker. You might wanna take a cue from him.

Always remember you are the prize.
Don't take nonsense from any woman.

I always love and wait for your response. In dbanj's voice It's a banger 😂😂😂

W

Ardeholar:
This has been going on for a while now and i haven't been able to figure out exactly what to do. The very first time i noticed, i confronted her and the conversation made me know it was the guy that disvirgined her, Though she claimed it has always been chats and nothing more.. She promised to stop talking to him...


Fast forward to last week, caught her again chatting with the guy... A whatsapp call they both made lasted 1h20m( in my mind, what were they talking about for a whole 1 and a half hour?!)

Again, i confronted her and she said she couldn't just stop talking to him simply because he's her ex.

I won't lie, apart from this issue, she's been a good wife... Buh why would you not want to stop talking to your ex?!! The ex that disvirgined you for that matter..

I'm weak and really confused.

sometimes you men needs to learn how to stamp your foot and take action....she is your wife for God's sake you need to stamp your authority

Wizywiz:
➜sometimes you men needs to learn how to stamp your foot and take action....she is your wife for God's sake you need to stamp your authority

Open your eyes! Your so-called authority, which you obtain only by marrying a woman(you subdue them in marriage), only breeds toxicity that your own children go on to reject in their own lives.

Kobojunkie:
Open your eyes! Your so-called authority, which you obtain only by marrying a woman(you subdue them in marriage), only breeds toxicity that your own children go on to reject in their own lives.

if he can't handle the situation and stamp his authority on telling her to stop communicating with the ex then he isn't fit and qualified to be with a woman

Wizywiz:
➜if he can't handle the situation and stamp his authority on telling her to stop communicating with the ex then he isn't fit and qualified to be with a woman

Wrong! If having a woman who speaks to her ex is a particular red flag for you, then make certain to date and marry only women who would agree to such an arrangement. You don't go out there to pick a woman who you know has no issues talking to her ex or her single friends, marry her, and then demand she cut all communication with her ex afterwards. That is controlling behavior and an issue for the man to deal with, not the woman. 🥱🥱🥱

Amwitty:
I always love and wait for your response. In dbanj's voice It's a banger 😂😂😂

I am always for them.
They just no rate me. 😃😃😃

Makamatic:
➜Abeg I get one question wey I want ask concerning this topic , Mature folks abeg answer .
What if man come get GF wey good wella , like she they give am advice , encourage him hustle, give am food and understanding but situations no come fit allow them marry and the man understands that the girl is a good girl . But now she's married to another man , the man in question now is now in a place where he can assist the girl and wants to start repaying the girl for the good time / good deeds they shared and he they send her money and them talk once in a while .. abeg na bad thing . You matured advice is needed here

I have an opinion different from that which has probably been offered you thus far. I happen to believe that even in marriage, people retain autonomy, and so should not be denied opportunities to level up their lives because they are married.
⚉If you are sincere that you want to help only out of gratitude, then I think it is a valid reason for you to contact her and let her know of this.
⚉ If possible, you can send her whatever gift you wish as a holiday present. (Perfect opportunity is around the corner and address it as a gift to the Mr & Mrs., complete with an explanation for why you feel it is deserved.)
⚉If you feel she may feel burdened by the gift, then contact her ahead of time and let her know of the gift and the why behind your wanting to give it.
⚉If it is a business opportunity you wish to offer, then contact the lady and let her know about it, and give her the opportunity to accept or reject.

The key is to try as much as possible to try to see things from the point of view of the other man and think of ways you can creatively extend this gratitude to the woman while respecting the fact that she is married to someone else, without triggering his jealousy radar.

Cease her phone break her sim card and warn her not to welcome it back. Then buy her a torchlight phone and give her one of your sim cards you're no more using.

Thank me later

Makamatic:
Abeg I get one question wey I want ask concerning this topic , Mature folks abeg answer .

What if man come get GF wey good wella , like she they give am advice , encourage him hustle, give am food and understanding but situations no come fit allow them marry and the man understands that the girl is a good girl . But now she's married to another man , the man in question now is now in a place where he can assist the girl and wants to start repaying the girl for the good time / good deeds they shared and he they send her money and them talk once in a while .. abeg na bad thing...

If na your wife dem do this thing to, how you go see am?

lilsmart:
She couldn't just stop Means She Chooses Him Over Your Peace.
Her excuse is the most revealing part.She has told you clearly that her connection to this man is more important than your peace of mind. She values his presence in her life more than she values your trust. An African home is built on trust and peace. If a wife introduces a element that deliberately destroys that peace, and refuses to remove it, she is no longer acting as a partner but as a saboteur. A house with no peace is not a home; it is a battlefield.

Wait! Is it only men that need peace? Does she not want peace to?

Moveittothem:
Look, women don't respect men that are not mean.
She's a nice person doesn't necessarily mean she's a good wife.
A wife that doesn't care about what hurts you isn't a good wife.

She cares more about the feelings of her ex than your own peace of mind, and that's a red flag.

Involve both sides of the family and tell them what happening, if you allow shame make you swallow this now, you will swallow the one you can't be able to vomit.

Act now before it's too late.

Warn her, and carry out that threat, that's the only way a woman will respect you, don't allow love and understanding sabotage your peace of mind.

I'm in a 10 years relationship, and she fears me more than anything, yet she loves me and I love her.
She dare not talk to her ex in such a way that I would find out, everywhere go first blur, but I have never hit her before.
But she's knows I'm mean.

If she does anything that hurts me, I would make her lose weight with hypertension, and she knows I would do it.

Life is not for the weak.

Just say you are Wike. D instead of mean.

Secondly, she is not going to her ex because she wants to comfort her ex. She is going there because he comforts her. It is not only you who wants peace.

Thirdly, your mind is deceiving you that your girlfriend loves and respects you because you are harsh and Wike. D to her meanwhile she is just using you to cleanse her sins.