I married my wife in Kaduna two years ago. During those period we were dating, we were very much apart due to distance. She stayed in Kaduna while I worked in Lagos.

During few times of my personal meeting before our wedding, I noticed huge communication between her and this man. I called her attention to it but she just waived it aside saying they are just friends as Ex (stuff). She joined me up in Lagos after the marriage but the communication between them still continued.

This is a woman I have sacrificed so much for in my life by providing her basics need with the children even though not huge like that. She told me the Ex is a Doctor and they have nice experience together while dating back then. I have adviced even begged her to stop this communication as it it very hurtful and insulting to my personality but she won't stop. Instead she secretly calls and requests money from this guy in almost different occasions.

At a point in time in the past when she went to Kaduna to get her transfer from work place to Lagos, she still visit the guy even as she is heavily pregnant that time. I was able to get the idea through her bank account statement when the same guy send her money for what business I don't understand. It is almost 2 years of our marriage now, I am starting to regret why I marry her initially even as I noticed much difference between us; she is from Southern Kaduna while am from Ibadan.

I wish I have married my tribe whom I can easily understand. Just yesterday night I see another 4k alert from the same guy to my wife. I am really pained though I have not confront her. See guys, I have 2 boys, twin, I take care of them, buy food and all.

Though my work is not going fine but I try my best to make her happy but it seems she is not built for me. I don't really know what is going on again in my life as I am heartbroken.

Maybe the man is even in Lagos most times self. Many things are just running through my mind.

I still haven’t wrapped my head around the reason people keep touch with their ex partners. It just makes zero sense to me.

The moment you’re done, you should be done forever, there are millions of people, both male and female to be friends with na. Except of Course you have kids you’re coparenting.


Op, she’s a grown woman and there isn’t much you can do to change her, unfortunately.

Bast@rd babies loading

When dating someone and they seem to always mention or be in constant contact with their Ex for one reason or the other please and please think twice before taking a step further.

As for the op wife, she is definitely still in love with her Ex and there's no amount of pleading that can change that.

That woman will frustrate the sh!t outta you.

I don’t understand how you still went ahead to marry a woman like that even though you saw all the signs.

Anyways you were manipulated and you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting. Your cup of tea anyways.

Hopefully in the next ten years, you’ll become a philosopher, replying questions with philosophical answers.

You might even start speaking in parables soon (If u go to sleep with an itching anus, u are sure to wake up with smelly fingers)

Next time get sense, that’s if there’ll be any next time.

Sorry to say this... ARE YOU SURE THE KIDS ARE YOURS? Those money could be money to take care of the doctor's kids....


She even visited when she was heavily pregnant so that the owner go top am

Bro try go do DNA first. e get why.

Our relationship is long distance one.We rarely see most times.Maybe 4 times in a year,but when we do see,I check all these messages and signs and she promise to stop.But I wish I can turn back the hand of time.Well we do communicate everyday when we are dating back then.

burritto:
That woman will frustrate the sh!t outta you.

I don’t understand how you still went ahead to marry a woman like that even though you saw all the signs.

Anyways you were manipulated and you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting. Your cup of tea anyways.

Hopefully in the next ten years, you’ll become a philosopher, replying questions with philosophical answers. You might even start speaking in parables soon

Next time get sense, that’s if there’ll be any next time.

About the kids,I doubt they are not mine.Too much semblance with my late dad.Well I still Sha,thanks

Cyphar:
Sorry to say this... ARE YOU SURE THE KIDS ARE YOURS? Those money could be money to take care of the doctor's kids....


She even visited when she was heavily pregnant so that the owner go top am

Bro try go do DNA first. e get why.

Arkhanmu:
Our relationship is long distance one.We rarely see most times.Maybe 4 times in a year,but when we do see,I check all these messages and signs and she promise to stop.But I wish I can turn back the hand of time.Well we do communicate everyday when we are dating back then.

My brother, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Women never change and you should not assume she’ll change after wedding. You loose guard bro

Arkhanmu:
About the kids,I doubt they are not mine.Too much semblance with my late dad.Well I still Sha,thanks

Forget resemblance o! Your eyes may be deceiving you. Get a DNA done before you help train another man’s children

Arkhanmu:
I wish I have married my tribe whom I can easily understand. Just yesterday night I see another 4k alert from the same guy to my wife.
I am really pained though I have not confront her. See guys,I have 2 boys, twin,I take care of them,buy food and all.Though my work is not going fine but I try my best to make her happy but it seems she is not built for me.I don't really know what is going on again in my life as I am heartbroken.

Maybe the man is even in Lagos most times self.Many things are just running through my mind.

Why not get off the phone right now and confront her, let her know your pain and hurt - as calmly as you can abeg.

Get a conversion going with her on this issue and go from there. If marriage counseling be next steps, them you both decide. If you want to simply abandon ship, sure but at least communicate it to the person that matters. Bottling it up and telling strangers online will not resolve anything really.

I wish I can but she will keep giving me the same assurance she won't do it again.My thought now is to engage her sister whom she have high regards for a lot.You know hearing different experience from people can help ik the long run to some extent..Appreciate your response.

Kobojunkie:
Why not get off the phone right now and confront her, let her know your pain and hurt - as calmly as you can abeg.

Get a conversion going with her on this issue and go from there. If marriage counseling be next steps, them you both decide. If you want to simply abandon ship, sure but at least communicate it to the person that matters. Bottling it up and telling strangers online will not resolve anything really.

Arkhanmu:
I married my wife in Kaduna two years ago.During those period we are dating,we are very much apart due to distance.She stays in Kaduna while I work in Lagos.During few times of my personal meeting before our wedding,I notice huge communication between her and this man.i called her attention to it but she just waived it aside saying they are just friends as Ex(stuff).She joined me up in Lagos after the marriage but the communication between them still continue.

This is a woman I have sacrificed so much for in my life by providing her basics need with the children even though not huge like that.She told me the Ex is a Doctor and they have nice experience together while dating back then.I have adviced even begged her to stop this communication as it it very hurtful and insulting to my personality but she won't stop.Instead she secretly calls and request money from this guy in almost different occasions.

At a point in time in the past when she went to Kaduna to get her transfer from work place to Lagos,she still visit the guy even as she is heavily pregnant that time.i was able to get the idea through her bank account statement when the same guy send her money for what business I don't understand.It is almost 2 years of our marriage now,I am starting to regret while I marry her initially even as I noticed much difference between us;she is from Southern Kaduna while am from Ibadan.
I wish I have married my tribe whom I can easily understand.Just yesterday night I see another 4k alert from the same guy to my wife.I am really pained though I have not confront her.See guys,I have 2 boys, twin,I take care of them,buy food and all.Though my work is not going fine but I try my best to make her happy but it seems she is not built for me.I don't really know what is going on again in my life as I am heartbroken.

Maybe the man is even in Lagos most times self.Many things are just running through my mind.

I dnt want to say you are lying oooo, cos ur story common among married women today oooo
if you dnt act fast, by fighting and stop the communication, I see another man controlling your marriage from outside oooo, apart from infidelity which may also come up.

Threatening her with divorce and call the so ex that he should stop communication and gift.

Arkhanmu:
I wish I can but she will keep giving me the same assurance she won't do it again.My thought now is to engage her sister whom she have high regards for a lot.You know hearing different experience from people can help ik the long run to some extent..Appreciate your response.

I personally don't agree with getting her family involved as I believe marriage is instead an affair between a man and his wife. Telling her sister of what she has been up to amounts to reporting her affairs to family as if a child, shaming if you would. She is an adult and shouldn't have to be subjected to such treatment regardless of what she has done.

I would instead recommend professional marriage counseling where an unbiased professional gets to help you properly reach a resolution that best fits you both.

DBestDoc:
I still haven’t wrapped my head around the reason people keep touch with their ex partners. It just makes zero sense to me.

The moment you’re done, you should be done forever, there are millions of people, both male and female to be friends with na. Except of Course you have kids you’re coparenting.


Op, she’s a grown woman and there isn’t much you can do to change her, unfortunately.

I guess you are a lady and if you are not, I think ladies should tell us why they find it hard to let go of their exes if they cross in future?

Infact, a situation that ex even treated the girl bad wen they were together, if they meet in future and offers just small apology, the girl would quickly forgive and start good and smooth communication again (often lead to infidelity), even if she is now married, she won't mind.

Is any emotion attached to guys you ladies fuuuck in the past that not easily or cannot let go from mind?

Another "Seun must chop" story.

Really sir,I pray you should not experience it

DontBullshitMe:
Another "Seun must chop" story.

She still asks her Ex for money because her Ex is still fuc.king her!!! What's so difficult to understand there?

I no dey waste my advice,at this point you already know what’s up

I am honestly yet to understand what gives people hope that the bad things they saw during Due Diligence stage (courting) would disappear after acquisition & mergers (marriage).

It is either you endure/ignore her unfaithfulness, join her by contacting your own ex or leave her.

Good luck in any of your choices.

P.S.: Choosing the 2nd or 3rd choices when you knew she had this thing going with her ex before marriage is making a mockery of your marriage vows.

I am really sorry about what you are going through, I have been there. Women do not change. The best time is before marriage after marriage you can not really make any change. Moreoever don't hope it will get better. It will not UNLESS you do sonething about it. But before you do anything, think it through and show STRENGTH. No woman respect a nicey nicey kind of guy. Fear is the highest form of respect!

[quote author=Arkhanmu post=113654662]I wish I can but she will keep giving me the same assurance she won't do it again.My thought now is to engage her sister whom she have high regards for a lot.You know hearing different experience from people can help ik the long run to some extent..Appreciate your response.[/quote

You'd better put a stop before it's too late if she can't make up her mind to change on even her sister or Jesus can do it.
You want to learn the hard way then keep going with the charade you call marriage.
You are in love with her while she's loving and fucking her ex. Paternity fraud loading...40%......
Get off now why you can

Arkhanmu:
I married my wife in Kaduna two years ago.I have adviced even begged her to stop this communication as it it very hurtful and insulting to my personality but she won't stop.Instead she secretly calls and request money from this guy in almost different occasions.

Op if you be man, change am for your wife. You are the higher vessel and leader of your family, no dey fear woman

Sincerely, reading this I feel pained in my heart because Southern Kaduna women are one of the most virtuous women on earth. I am a Yoruba boy. I say this because I grew up in the North and have first hand experience with them
This is exceptional.

Brother Akanmu, please sit her down, and have a heart to heart talk with her. Try as much as possible to ensure you both stay in same place as God will help you.

I don't want to believe that women from that tribe of Kaduna are wayward.

My ex was from that side and she is married to a yoruba man but she has been disturbing me for sex for the past two years...routinely demand for money from me and most times,I will just ask her, what is going on,is it that u married wrongly or what?

Is like women are more deceitful than men these days,many of them are using marriage to advance their unfaithfulness.

Who knows!

Women are emotional especially a man that has slept with them previously

The fact that you married her knowing fully well about it is beyond me, you were expecting her to change after the wedding?

I would have said, take to the gumption of necessity to bring a positive effect to the situation, but I know that that will be almost impossible for you, citing that you lack grit as your submission connotes. The truth is that the only way to live right and healthy is by expecting her to neither fear nor respect you, but giving her the right to choose to either respect herself and whatever bond that holds the two of you together or get prepared to incur your wrath plentifully.

She is, however, doing what about 99% of other women (married and unmarried) are susceptible to - it is not like men are any better in their own ways. The only slight difference in her case is that she falls within the bracket of less than 3% of married women that are artless in their own doings and that could be because she does not fear you or have much regard for the marriage. But then, it is better that she does not fear you, regardless of how it hurts you, than to fear you and engage in it subtly and without you even imagining it happening around you.

Richy4:
I just want to correct an impression buddy...
cheating has nothing to do with tribe.... It doesn't matter if you were married from your own tribe or from another tribe...
Any individual, be it male or female who wants to cheat, will always do so...
Besides most of us including me still have the impression that Hausa people (Females) are extremely faithful...more than any other tribes in Nigeria...
Let her know how that was making you feel... If she desires the ex a lot, I wonder why she did not get married to him instead of putting u through all these nonsense...

True talk.

aycorporat:
Sincerely, reading this I feel pained in my heart because Southern Kaduna women are one of the most virtuous women on earth. I am a Yoruba boy. I say this because I grew up in the North and have first hand experience with them
This is exceptional.

Brother Akanmu, please sit her down, and have a heart to heart talk with her. Try as much as possible to ensure you both stay in same place as God will help you.

You are right. Truth be told, Southern Kaduna Girls are the most virtuous. I know this cause I lived in Kaduna for over 10 years. It's not like, all of them will be virtuous though. But majority are. I am currently dating one of them and I'm loving every second of the relationship.

My ex that is married with 3kids does ask me for money too. Honestly, If I say I'm comfortable with such an act from her then I lieee.
However, I have managed to draw a line in that my communication with her no dey pass "How are you & family"? " How is Life"? Shelinah. And I'm also happy she doesn't stress the conversation whenever she called.