₦airaland Forum

Love800:
That is nature always dealing with men. Fathers really don not mark any presence in the boy-child life, so nothing the boy will learn from him, further when they grow up, they leave daddy.

You can reverse this sha, if you are so intentional with your baby-boys life.

Careente7:
Even if you’re not rich, just make sure sure you’re comfortable. Have money so you can move around. Don’t just be at home always (you’ll only become a victim of stories like this), join clubs, societies. Travel (that’s why the money is necessary), interact and don’t feel like anyone owes you. You’re just another man going through life don’t life go through you. Your wife and children don’t owe you much (I would have said ‘anything’) but you owe your self a lot.



No comment; next question

Kobojunkie:
What is described in the OP has nothing to do with nature, but the result of human action, or in this case, inaction. This is the typical end of men who refuse to bond emotionally, mentally, and physically with their children and wives, or with their siblings and friends. This phenomenon has been studied, and yes, there is a male loneliness epidemic today, a result of the pattern of refusal by many men to connect in meaningful ways with their very friends and family when the chance to do so was before them. 🥱🥱🥱

2. Trying to further brainwash your baby boys into worshipping you will not remove the problem. Men need to learn to become emotionally and socially intelligent human beings, like humans are supposed to be. The onus is on men to learn to become better human beings overall, so they can connect with their fellow human beings on a level that best works for the species; stop expecting that you can use others to do the work for you. 🥱🥱

Love800:
That is nature always dealing with men. Fathers really don not mark any presence in the boy-child life, so nothing the boy will learn from him, further when they grow up, they leave daddy.

You can reverse this sha, if you are so intentional with your baby-boys life.

ultraviolet27:
How will the father bond well with the kids when he is almost 24 7 outside hustling?and the wife's may be a full time house wife or her work schedule let her close early and be with the kids more?it the man is always at home more and can't really febd for the kids you still blame him and tell him he can't fulfill his fatherly duties it's the wife who should always imbibe and tell the kids the both parents are their providers and both parents love them equally but it's just dad's nature of job that can't make him available to them 24 7 only on weekends

my Dad was a retired he closes at work by 5:30 or 6 at times most times before he even does other outside hustle before getting home he is already exhausted while my mum is a retired principal who will close early to be with the kids?thank God my mum is a good person even when dad was retired involuntary and wasn't paid his gratuity and pension early mum became the sole breadwinner he never rubbed it on his face or made we his kids disrespect him nor did outsiders or her family members

are you a man you better pray your wife is sensible,selfless and empathetic like my mum if not the story will be the same then if my mum buys us clothes or any other thing if we thank her she will still tell us to go thank our dad because he does other things like payment of school fees,rents, buying of foodstuff,medicals which we the kids don't feel directly but it's even more important so they both take care of us that's what a good mother should do.

judewrites:
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone...
— Genesis 2:18

Even God knows that loneliness isn't good for men, especially at old age when one is weak.

But the harsh reality of life is that the man is seen as the provider, and if he isn't providing, he is often ignored or despised even in old age.

Dalohad:
My father raised me and was 100% present in my life till I died.
While in school, he would visit unexpectedly.
Have a problem with a course, he would see the lecturer or seek counsel from the HOD.

He was there up till Doctoral level cheering me on all my wins.

When he sick, I was ready to empty all my saving on his hospital bills and I did. No regrets.

Only men can mold men. My father moulded men and women in all professions, including many that were not his own children.

Businessmen, Doctors, Economists, Scientists, Pharmacists, Engrs, Industrialists, lawyers he has had trained them all.

He loves education, even though he had little of it.

I told him yesterday, that his name will live longer him..He smiled.

Kobojunkie:
1. Churches are notoriously bad at exactly what you described. Many of the problems that exist between parents and their children are created by your churches, so how can the same sources of the divisive ideologies that many of these absent fathers live by be the solution? Nah!

2. Storyland! The children intentionally stayed away. You think they only heard of their mother's anger and cried only after the man died? Wrong! They probably hated their father, but tolerated him because their mother refused to leave him. There are so many other people in the same shoes. You should go on TikTok and listen to their storytime of people who have chosen to go no contact with their parents or family members to understand the reasons why people may feel it is better to abandon even their father in certain situations.

3. Sociopaths make up only about 1-4% of the population, and no, not all such people cut off communication with parents. I only mentioned them because they are the only ones who have the capacity to do so without reason. However, most people who cut communication or go no contact do so with a very good reason.

4. This is mostly a lie that the society has fed and used to delude Nigerian men into believing the fault isn't theirs when they are abandoned by their children. The fact is, when children become adults, the majority of them go looking for answers for themselves. And what they find contributes to them choosing to stay away from the parent they eventually decide they should either stay away from or continue to have no contact with.

5. You cannot instill values that you yourself do not uphold into your children. They see and learn from your examples. And when a parent is not emotionally, socially, or physically connected to their children, the chances are great that the children will remain distant from that parent even into their adulthood. The only one who can break that cycle is the parent; however, many Nigerian men remain set in their ways even into adulthood, thinking that they can browbeat/bully their children into connecting against their will when they are turned adults. This rarely ever works. 🥱🥱

5. This is a bullsheet story! What stopped the lady from searching for her dad before moving to Norway and in her early adulthood? Blaming her mother for her being single is nonsensical reasoning. 🥱🥱

The story no get heads or tails. Parents fight, and there is nothing wrong with that. If she cared so much about her dad, why didn't she search for or demand that her mother or relatives give her his contact and whatever else she may have needed during her teens and early 20s? Let's please stop spewing these utterly atrocious tales that present people more like imbe_ciles than as intelligent beings. It is 2026 soon, abeg! 🥱🥱

66uvie:
.....God should have added that Man should have money also to stave off loneliness.

Love800:
That is nature always dealing with men. Fathers really don not mark any presence in the boy-child life, so nothing the boy will learn from him, further when they grow up, they leave daddy.

You can reverse this sha, if you are so intentional with your baby-boys life.

Kobojunkie:
The male loneliness epidemic affecting the world today impacts both married and single men alike. If you chose to put the blame on Marriage, then why do single men also suffer the same problem of loneliness?

2. The problem has been studied and said to be caused by men refusing to connect on an emotional, social and mental level with friends, wives and children.

3. No matter how many wives and children a man has, he is still likely to end up alone and die alone even then if he refuses to do the needful. Go village today and you will find there many lonely men like the one described by the OP. The family will likely show up after his death to perform whatever iis necessary for them to get their hands on anything the man left behind though.

Trymeee:
Truth is their is nothing in marriage for an average man. Maybe to help the woman raise the kids. How do I mean, most kids sees and takes care of their mums before the dad's (if at all the dad) I will always tell most married men I see to invest into their future and not make any child or wife their plans or hope for happiness.
Marry as much wives if it makes you happy Las Las, one of them will always be there.

lailo:
You guys are getting it wrong. Men nature is different from women nature. No matter what u do as a man, u are still likely to be lonely bcs naturally men dont rely on other but are self reliant. Even when they are suffering, they tend to suck it up and internalize the solution. Unlike women who naturally will depend on others to solve their problems. That's why they prepare and hope on the children to take off from where their father's efforts to provide for all her needs could not go beyond. No matter how close emotionally or socially u are to your children as a man, that independent figure will still play out and the children will see u as all sufficient but in the case of women who are natural dependant, they leverage on the emotional ties with the children to explore all opportunities. That's the difference. Men and Women have different nature and no amount of awareness can change nothing.

Trymeee:
Well said, I'm single and from most marriages I see, only 2percent of married men really enjoy that happiness, all they do Is lie to theirselves and the camera.


A woman can easily manipulate and dissuade the love of the kids from their father. This is supported by nature as an average man spend more time working than living. Reminded me a lady I met who had this bitter hatred for her dad. I asked if the man paid her fees, she said yes. I asked if he provides, she said yes.


Her excuse was mum said this mum said that. The man unbeknown is working his ass out for the so-called family not knowing the wife already poisoned the kids mind and he's only still tolerated because he's the provider. When he's weak and can't work again, they will ostracize him like the plague and epidemy they see him as.

Trymeee:
Kobojunkie, for my sanity, peace of mind and mental health, always do well to avoid any comment, post or mention of my moniker.


Have a great life.

66uvie:
I concur here, make sure you have money or you are financially comfortable at old age, my definition of financial comfortability here is 1 million naira dropping into your account every month without working. it enables you to move around and socialize, people will come around you like flies, Men will come for drinks and gisting while women will come for the usual, which we all know. I remember my father been in his 70s and he never complained of loneliness. He was financially comfortable and had two wives to his beck and call. Nigerian women don't request for much, give them free accommodation
and at least two meals a day and you are good to go.

One son is gone. Another has relocated. The wife and daughters have moved on. What remains is a man sitting alone behind a gate, cooking for himself, washing his own clothes, watching the days pass without the noise that once defined his life.

But we almost never talk about male loneliness in old age.

For many men, life slowly narrows: Children grow up. Homes empty out. Visits reduce.

Fathers, too often, are left behind quietly enduring, saying little, asking for nothing, but feeling everything.

Sons: Your father may not say much. He may act distant or grumpy. But he wants connection too. He wants to feel seen.

Because here’s the uncomfortable truth: No promotion, no achievement, no title prepares a man for an empty house.

pansophist:
Old age loneliness is not an unusual thing, and kids should not be burdened with the responsibilities of not making their parents feel lonely. [/b]

There are ways things like this can be handled. One is adoption. Kids bring vitality to the household by their mere presence, and it’s a natural pairing of two parties that needs each other.

Kids needs training, knowledge, stability and finance. Old parents probably have accumulated all these, and can give it to the children, while having them around to do house chores and enjoy their energy.

Every smart person that can calculate the totality of situations can tell that mr Ned is polygamous for the reasons I outlined above. I So in addition to adoption, polygamy is also another way.

Wealthy men will rather trust their own blood, than adopt or let non-blood descendants to inherit their empire. Westerners have made peace with this things hence, they dominate the adoption market globally.