₦airaland Forum

Learn to be alone and not feel lonely. The only thing that guarantee a miserable old age is financial dependency.

Whatever you do ensure that money won't be part of your problems at old age.

You can't afford to be old and broke it will lead to death faster.

With money every other problem can be managed and you will live the rest of your days well.

Sometimes you cant blame the children they have their lives to live and location difference can be a big barrier.

Kobojunkie:
The male loneliness epidemic affecting the world today impacts both married and single men alike. If you chose to put the blame on Marriage, then why do single men also suffer the same problem of loneliness?

2. The problem has been studied and said to be caused by men refusing to connect on an emotional, social and mental level with friends, wives and children.

3. No matter how many wives and children a man has, he is still likely to end up alone and die alone even then if he refuses to do the needful. Go village today and you will find there many lonely men like the one described by the OP. The family will likely show up after his death to perform whatever iis necessary for them to get their hands on anything the man left behind though.

- Evening Newspaper, research shows that women are more prone to chronic loneliness and mental health illness such as depression and anxiety - both linked to chronic loneliness.

No, this isn't true.Money can invite false and cunny people, even untrustworthy family members coming around you.That can be frustrating at old age.You need money only for basic upkeep and nothing more.Learn to protect your health by exercising consistently and you would have peace.Without that you will get sick and end up in a nursing home despite your money.

olarent:
First and foremost, I appreciate the writer for the awareness and I appreciate everyone of us for our contributions. My own take is whatever our age in life, we should not lack money. Once someone has money 99% of this problem is solved.

Orlandoo:
The question is, will you also do the same to your husband, just like your mom is doing for you dad, without bringing up the jezeblic tendencies?

why not??

Tendd:
You need a proper health and not necessarily alot of money.What is happening to all us men? Every one is talking only about money for longevity.The true elixir of life is a consistent exercise and this does not require much money.

Money dey very important...if you come dey physically fit and money to take chop no dey,no be misery be that?

pocohantas:
They don't want to hear this part. They will say the mother manipulated the kids. But when the kids are loving their father, no one says the mother manipulated them to love him. My mum came for omugwo and I did tell her to go back and stay with her husband. I am not married to her and I see no reason to live with her again, except on health grounds. Flip it and it is always guys fighting to live with their mothers in their matrimonial homes.

You know, in this my family,I looked at the future and wanted to prevent this lamentation. I do not have girls. And oga was behaving like typical igbo father. I started weekend time with the kids. The kitchen is for you and your kids. The man was very stoic at first. Dishing out orders left and right. Told him better to calm down. The aim is for bonding and not dishing out orders. Bond with your kids and play with them. Noticed they cannot jump on the bed when the dad is there.
Anything school, my hands off. Cleaning the house is between him and them.
Still seeing them as kids when they are already taller than him. Now its time to start discussing man topic, they will ask me instead of him.
If I see any nigerian man that is flexible with his male child, I duff my hat for that man.

All the low self esteem and nonsense we see here is cos of present but absent fathers.

My kids are already clingy around me no matter how independent I want them to be. Was very sick couple of days ago. Nasty flu.
See them so scared and checking on me. I have seen their behaviour when their dad is sick.
Hmm.
May heaven help us

Osiris12:
im not sure about what you wrote.
Mom died when I was young. Dad picked up both roles. Including cooking and going to the market. He go sneak into our bathroom to check on our toiletries. He once gave me money to take my gf on a date

Most times its not fulfilling parental obligations but coming down to the level of your male kids.

That is the diff.
Mums do that while dad's think it will shave off their scrotal hairs. Be your child's friend.

I am a mum. Sometimes I am super strict with my kids when its needed. As a matter of fact, they fear me to incur my wrath more than their dad's. But I am their best ftiend too. They will always come to me with anything. I tell them about my days at work. We chat laugh and play. That is what nsija fathers lack.
We are the way we are because fathers that should help kids build self confidence were busy massaging their ego. Tat, my dear is the genesis of naija problem

Talismann:
so na ghost you be sef

Thanks for pointing that out.

Gracias.

That's the life of Mufasa the lion king, in the end his only contribution is protecting the pride, when he ages he is replaced or entirely kicked out to die alone. Men that spend heaven and earth on marriages, worse off on a cheating wife, hope you know what awaits you in the end. Nature is cruel.

ultraviolet27:
why not??

Then we are better off together.

Very touching but that is the reality.

This won't apply to wealthy/rich men. My grand father a man of 90+ is still surrounded by 7 children from his last two wives ... these children whom are my uncles are way younger than me, i mean i have uncles still in primary school.
Presently with 2 wives and 7 children the his house is a circus, Baba is anything but lonely. As a man plan your life well, don't slave all your life for your family members only while ignoring yourself, a little selfishness won't hurt.

In other words make enough money to travel the world when you are old so you don't remain lonely

And be looking for who to blame

Well, make una no dey over exaggerates things. Which pikin go separate him mama from him papa? Even if dey over love their mama? That one no be house na… By the way it happens when the man no too try because for a fact Daughters are more inclined to love their dad more.

ultraviolet27:
I am surprised many male nairalanders are even blaming the men thank God many of you be man too and you go old I pray you no go jam manipulate wives and seriously seun needs to do something about this spam bot that will just be banning people anyhow if not your forum members will reduce drastically imagine one can't express herself again even when your comment had no insults you will be banned!

Back to the topic I am a woman and I wonder how a Dad whose job description doesn't permit him closing before 7 will bond with the kids on weekdays if not only on weekend my mum was a retired teacher later became a principal who closes by 2:30 to 3 at times while my dad a lecturer and sometimes Hod closes by 6 and even after that organises meetings and seminars too so who will have time to bond with the kids more if the job description were reversed won't it be our dad who will bond with us more? still doesn't make my mom not loving us too especially as my mum also have holidays which will make her available to the kids more compared to my dad who even in his 8 years of lecturing I didn't think he had sabbatical more than 3 times and that was to further his studies

It's the job of a good wife to still impart in the kids that despite their dads job schedule doesn't allow him have enough time doesn't mean he isn't still caring for them more kids value things that are physical to them even though it's minute and perishable than more important things that will last more and will better their future my mom buys clothes and shoes for us yet we we will appreciate it more and even complained that my dad don't do this for us my mom will then caution us that so our dad who pays our school fees,buy books,take us for medical care ,and buys foodstuffs don't also care for us?or are they not even more important than shoes and clothes that will fade and tear and that we should always appreciate him the more also but you know some other wife's will never correct their kids and let them assume their father isn't loving or caring to them?
I am a mom now also and I understand better I take care of both my parents even my dad more because I understood his sacrifices for us.

even when he started living with an hereditary delibitating illness which exhausted him and was later involuntarily retired,was owed his pension and arrears for few years before he was paid and my mum became the sole breadwinner she never made it known that all the tuition fees and materials she bought for us while in the higher institutions didn't come from my dad, even though we knew the reality then never did she rub it on his face or let it potray to her own family.
my mum could never leave her husby and travel for a week even when we had grown up and could cook she could never travel then more than a week probably because they are destined for each other when my brother wanted to name his son in Ibadan and my mum was invited both my parents couldn't go because of dads health and he couldn't drive his car at a long distance again I even thought my mum will stay like 3 weeks to familiarize with the baby mbah o after 6 days she ran back to ekiti though her in-law (my brothers wife mum) was there too despite she knew I and our last born was with my dad then: we were keeping him company and still taking care of him we were even old enough to be married too then oo

my mum will warn us that if any of us is abroad and wants her to come visit or live permanently she isn't going without her husband but many of our nowadays mother's can never do that how can you abandon your man at old age to go live with your kids?if I use the correct word now bot will ban me and it isn't as if it's because she was my dad's only wife even that was how her grandmother whom she took after her character was she was loving,loyal,and devoted till the end and she wasnt her great grandpa's only wife.
society isn't fair on men so I prefer they even marry more than a wife at least all of them won't neglect him for the kids at old age

I pray my son marries someone who will love him unconditionally as my mom loves my dad so also should you nairaland men pray to marry a woman like my mum who is also wise may you not jam a manipulative,unfeeling,self centered woman who will render all your sacrifices on your kids as a waste!!

I don't know what to say but God bless your heart

descarado:
You know, in this my family,I looked at the future and wanted to prevent this lamentation. I do not have girls. And oga was behaving like typical igbo father. I started weekend time with the kids. The kitchen is for you and your kids. The man was very stoic at first. Dishing out orders left and right. Told him better to calm down. The aim is for bonding and not dishing out orders. Bond with your kids and play with them. Noticed they cannot jump on the bed when the dad is there.
Anything school, my hands off. Cleaning the house is between him and them.
Still seeing them as kids when they are already taller than him. Now its time to start discussing man topic, they will ask me instead of him.
If I see any nigerian man that is flexible with his male child, I duff my hat for that man.

All the low self esteem and nonsense we see here is cos of present but absent fathers.

My kids are already clingy around me no matter how independent I want them to be. Was very sick couple of days ago. Nasty flu.
See them so scared and checking on me. I have seen their behaviour when their dad is sick.
Hmm.
May heaven help us

What's the meaning of the bolded(are you that condescending towards your husband, just because the kids are taller they're no longer kids?) and the rest of your posts? You are using your own hands and mind to spoil your children and family but you just don't know it yet.

Please,l didn't mean you should be poor.Money is needed for upkeep but physical health is paramount.Steve job was rich but not healthy.Do you want to have all the money and live in similar health condition like IBB?

Hhh4444:
Money dey very important...if you come dey physically fit and money to take chop no dey,no be misery be that?

Gerrard59:
Unfortunately, a significant proportion of women have this forgetful character where they don't remember what was done for them, but only what is being done at the moment.

To counter this as a man, have fewer children. This gives you free time to spend your money yourself and wellbeing.

So, how do you take care of yourself?
- Buy those clothes; eat those dishes and items you have always desired provided the money dey. There are many nice restaurants these days which offer delicious meals. Treat yourself at least once or twice per month.
- Embark on trips either solo or with your friends. Create geninue friendships across professions, ages and walks of life.
- Develop a new hobby or hobbies. It could be volunteering for a cause dear to your heart or anything, but the hobby that keeps you mentally fit, and physically too if possible
- Learn new things/enrol into new courses to broaden your knowledge in a particular subject. It could learning how to invest more profitably even if you studied economics or finance in school.
- Diversify your investments. The Internet has offered everyone the opportunity to learn and implement new ways to invest and build one's nest without leaving his abode.

What I've observed is that too many men stress themselves largely because they have too many children than they (mentally, emotionally and physically) can take care of. So they go the extra mile just to provide whereas their bodies aren't fit for such. Meanwhile, if they had few children, they will have more time for themselves, even if na to just dey sleep.

You see men doing what I describe as "ten man load, one man carry". Taking up projects bigger than themselves and mental capacity.

U just describe my path of life.
Before I got married, I told my wife I only want to have 2 at most 3 children left to me one is even ok because I no come this world to pay or carry so many responsibilities beyond my capability after the shege wey I see as first born of 7 children.

MrSamsung:
What's the meaning of the bolded(are you that condescending towards your husband, just because the kids are taller they're no longer kids?) and the rest of your posts? You are using your own hands and mind to spoil your children and family but you just don't know it yet.

I would prefer to believe you didn't understand that bolded part. She was referring to the fact that the children were becoming adults hence the bonding time left was dwindling so that the dad/father figure could utilize it while it was available because once lost it'd be difficult to recreate the opportunity.

And I believe it is a good thing, optimizing utility of time windows, how is that spoiling children?

Kalatium:
There’s a man in my neighborhood whose story has stayed with me.

Years ago, his home was a hub of life. Teenagers everywhere. Music blasting. Laughter spilling into the street. Young boys full of promise, respect, and energy. A mother holding the center. A family in motion.

Fast forward to today and the house is silent.

One son is gone. Another has relocated. The wife and daughters have moved on. What remains is a man sitting alone behind a gate, cooking for himself, washing his own clothes, watching the days pass without the noise that once defined his life.

This is a reality we rarely discuss.

We talk about career growth. We talk about wealth. We talk about legacy.

But we almost never talk about male loneliness in old age.

For many men, life slowly narrows: Children grow up. Homes empty out. Visits reduce. Attention fades.

Mothers are remembered, celebrated, visited with gifts and affection. Fathers, too often, are left behind quietly enduring, saying little, asking for nothing, but feeling everything.

This isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness.

Sons: Your father may not say much. He may act distant or grumpy. But he wants connection too. He wants to feel seen.

Daughters: Celebrate your fathers, not just on special days, but in ordinary moments. Presence matters more than presents.

Fathers: Be kind to your wives. Be warm with your children. Emotional deposits made today compound in old age.

Because here’s the uncomfortable truth: No promotion, no achievement, no title prepares a man for an empty house.

Old age doesn’t arrive suddenly, it creeps in quietly.

And how we love, show up, and stay connected today determines whether later years feel full… or painfully hollow.

This is not just a family issue. It’s a societal one.

Let’s do better while there’s still time.

That’s why as a man, treat your wife cos in old age, she will never abandon you or allow the kids to disregard you

Men have and raise kids outside any marriage and u won’t regret it

lailo:
➜You guys are getting it wrong. Men nature is different from women nature. No matter what u do as a man, u are still likely to be lonely bcs naturally men dont rely on others but are self reliant. Even when they are suffering, they tend to suck it up and internalize the solution.
Unlike women who naturally will depend on others to solve their problems. That's why they prepare and hope on the children to take off from where their father's efforts to provide for all her needs could not go beyond.
No matter how close emotionally or socially u are to your children as a man, that independent figure will still play out and the children will see u as all sufficient but in the case of women who are natural dependant, they leverage on the emotional ties with the children to explore all opportunities. That's the difference.
Men and Women have different nature and no amount of awareness can change nothing. If u dont want to be lonely at old age as a man,
1. Just have enough money, money will bring people around you including those your children and wife
2. Still stay connected to your peers, former family members and associates. Pls dont cut ties with them for whatever reason
3. Have financial plan for your old age by yourself
God will help men.

This thing you cobbled up here is nonsensical at best. It pretty much tries to paste together all the sordid lies we have been fed over and over by delusional story tellers to deceive and delude men into doing nothing better than that which has been done in the past. IT is all bullsheet! 🥱🥱

Go study human behavior, human connection, and socialization to realize that all of those old, ridiculous ideas are meaningless.

Hhh4444:
➜just dey play...A man can still do all you listed and end up lonely. In a world where a man is valued for what he can provide,the day he stops providing,all friendships are gone. The best bet for a man is on himself and his money.

Stop spreading old and now meaningless lies! Human behavior and social connections are no longer puzzles. You can now read books that will help you be a better parent overall. Stop believing the trash stories you were brainwashed with by people who never had your best interest in mind. 🥱🥱🥱

Trymeee:
Kobojunkie, for my sanity, peace of mind and mental health, always do well to avoid any comment, post or mention of my moniker.


Have a great life.

HAHAHA, 🤣, you don run from the lady, hahaha mucheche Hahaha oturugbeke hahaha 😂

pansophist:
Old age loneliness is not an unusual thing, and kids should not be burdened with the responsibilities of not making their parents feel lonely.

There are ways things like this can be handled. One is adoption. Kids bring vitality to the household by their mere presence, and it’s a natural pairing of two parties that needs each other.

Kids needs training, knowledge, stability and finance. Old parents probably have accumulated all these, and can give it to the children, while having them around to do house chores and enjoy their energy.

Every smart person that can calculate the totality of situations can tell that mr Ned is polygamous for the reasons I outlined above. So in addition to adoption, polygamy is also another way.

Wealthy men will rather trust their own blood, than adopt or let non-blood descendants to inherit their empire. Westerners have made peace with this things hence, they dominate the adoption market globally.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm

descarado:
You know, in this my family,I looked at the future and wanted to prevent this lamentation. I do not have girls. And oga was behaving like typical igbo father. I started weekend time with the kids. The kitchen is for you and your kids. The man was very stoic at first. Dishing out orders left and right. Told him better to calm down. The aim is for bonding and not dishing out orders. Bond with your kids and play with them. Noticed they cannot jump on the bed when the dad is there.
Anything school, my hands off. Cleaning the house is between him and them.
Still seeing them as kids when they are already taller than him. Now its time to start discussing man topic, they will ask me instead of him.
If I see any nigerian man that is flexible with his male child, I duff my hat for that man.

All the low self esteem and nonsense we see here is cos of present but absent fathers.

My kids are already clingy around me no matter how independent I want them to be. Was very sick couple of days ago. Nasty flu.
See them so scared and checking on me. I have seen their behaviour when their dad is sick.
Hmm.
May heaven help us

80% of the ones giving hot takes here do not care about their fathers. I have male friends and colleagues who don't mention their fathers. Some I thought their fathers are dead until they passively mentioned him. If it is a topic telling them their mothers are their dad's love, not the child (son), they will start foaming in the mouth. Yenyenyen, you will be a mother too. Of course I will and it is not my kids place to put me above their spouses. They will carry their mother and put for head, ignoring their fathers. Same cycle every year. Ego would never allow they listen and learn.

maasoap:
We will check up on you later, paddy
Oyinbos that this has become their culture still feel lonely.

i will be waiting

descarado:
➜You know, in this my family,I looked at the future and wanted to prevent this lamentation. I do not have girls. And oga was behaving like typical igbo father. I started weekend time with the kids. The kitchen is for you and your kids. The man was very stoic at first. Dishing out orders left and right. Told him better to calm down. The aim is for bonding and not dishing out orders. Bond with your kids and play with them. Noticed they cannot jump on the bed when the dad is there.
Anything school, my hands off. Cleaning the house is between him and them.
Still seeing them as kids when they are already taller than him. Now its time to start discussing man topic, they will ask me instead of him.
If I see any nigerian man that is flexible with his male child, I duff my hat for that man.
All the low self esteem and nonsense we see here is cos of present but absent fathers.
My kids are already clingy around me no matter how independent I want them to be. Was very sick couple of days ago. Nasty flu.
See them so scared and checking on me. I have seen their behaviour when their dad is sick.
Hmm. May heaven help us

. Please suggest that he seek help from a mental health therapist at this point. His own unresolved trauma from his childhood is responsible for keeping him from bonding with his own children. Stoicism is not a personality trait but a behavioral choice, and this was likely made in an attempt to protect oneself from hurt and vulnerability in life— a wall to protect oneself from possible enemies from outside. I know because I used to use some of those as armor against the world.

Anyone can become a better parent and a decent father/mother to their kids. It takes a lot of inner work to accomplish this, but it is not impossible. 🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
This thing you cobbled up here is nonsensical at best. It pretty much tries to paste together all the sordid lies we have been fed over and over by delusional story tellers to deceive and delude men into doing nothing better than that which has been done in the past. IT is all bullsheet! 🥱🥱

Go study human behavior, human connection, and socialization to realize that all of those old, ridiculous ideas are meaningless.

Miss koboko Abeg I no get your time. Carry your wahala go

lailo:
➜Miss koboko Abeg I no get your time. Carry your wahala go

Next time, don't bother dumping your trash reasoning my way then.

Jagabanfromcali:
Men have and raise kids outside any marriage and u won’t regret it

A child you had out of wedlock and probably never even recognized as your own, and whose mother you probably allowed to live in humiliation is the one who will come in to be the dutiful son or child to you? Una no well at all. 🥱🥱🥱

TUANKU:
This won't apply to wealthy/rich men. My grand father a man of 90+ is still surrounded by 7 children from his last two wives ... these children whom are my uncles are way younger than me, i mean i have uncles still in primary school.
Presently with 2 wives and 7 children the his house is a circus, Baba is anything but lonely. As a man plan your life well, don't slave all your life for your family members only while ignoring yourself, a little selfishness won't hurt.

So, a man needs to have children well into his late years to have kids around him? This is so sad....