₦airaland Forum

TemporaryHansel:
Most stay in it because they can't survive without the men. No need for any long epistles about what is obvious.

Kobojunkie:
@Brain54, I hope you read this part well, for next time you think that there are women who love being abused.

Kobojunkie:
@Brain54, I hope you read this part well, for next time you think that there are women who love being abused.

stuffs2002:
What about men who stay in abusive relationships yet have steady stream of income


Cc
Naijalegal

virginboy1:
➜Many naija modern women are liabilities to themselves and their husbands, as far the abusive husband has money...they will stay...
They will choose a abusive, woman beater psychotic rich husband...over a hardworking struggling man that will pamper them with love.
liability mindset is a curse....God abeg

Zackattack:
➜All those long epistle is summarized by this comment.
When we tell women to learn a skill and have a sustainable job, they think it’s for men.

Babisco1930:
➜Destigmatising Divorce: Society must stop viewing divorce as failure; marriage is not life's ultimate purpose, and fighting for a "turbulent home" often results in an endless war where a woman loses her peace and dignity.
Stockholm Syndrome: Many women remain in abusive relationships due to Stockholm syndrome, a psychological coping mechanism where victims trauma-bond with their abusers, eventually sympathising with and defending them.
Fear of Leaving: Women often stay because they have sacrificed their identities, careers, and social support systems to "submit" to the marriage, leaving them isolated and fearful of starting over alone.
Dehumanization: The goal of an abuser is to degrade the victim, effectively converting them from a human being into something helpless—likened to a tree that cannot run from what is coming to kill it.
The Source of Abuse: Abusive behaviour stems entirely from the oppressor's deep internal issues, not the victim's actions, though abusers manipulate victims into believing they are the cause of the "triggers."
The Addiction Cycle: Abusers entrap victims using an emotional rollercoaster of extreme meanness followed by charm; this creates a chemical dopamine addiction in the brain, similar to drug dependency.
The Path to Freedom: Escaping an abusive marriage requires identifying the abuse, setting firm boundaries, and rebuilding a strong social support system to counter the isolation tactics used by the partner.

Sandralight:
➜Wow so many reasons
1) The woman is hoping the man will change
2) The woman have given birth to so many children and can't take of it them herself, so she sticks around because she has no options
3) Financial reasons
4) wanting to be a married woman even if she is dying in the marriage
5) Family pressure, some parents will want their child to remain remain in a marriage because they fear what others will talk
6) Some women think Marriage is a "Do or die" thing and no matter what they won't leave
So many reasons

TemporaryHansel:
Most stay in it because they can't survive without the men. No need for any long epistles about what is obvious.

michael132:
Is like asking y do u stay on this earth living with so much suffering...
Brother life must continue..must bear some certain things to achieve some certain things

phineas:
➜ Summary---Women don't give up everything to submit to or marry an irresponsible man that cannot protect and provide for the woman

Dee60:
➜Divorce is not the answer. Premarital counselling and education should be emphasised. Men are also sometimes on the receiving end, mind you! Yes, some cases are bad but there are others that are redeemable.
There is a movement that seems to encourage couples to part once they think they are 'irreconcilable'. Young couples these days don't even stay one year before buying the advice to quickly seek Divorce. Soon, the society will be filled with children with no fathers. That doesn't help. Don't listen to naysayers and people who already feel that marriage is bad before they even go into it.
➜ If it becomes abusive, first seek counselling and make reports. Separation or divorce should not be the first option as some want to preach these days.

Global Statistics
➜137 women and girls are killed daily by a partner or relative, according to a 2025 report from the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC) and UN Women, using 2024 data.
➜ This means a woman or girl is killed by someone in her own family or a partner about every 10 minutes.
➜ In 2024, approximately 50,000 women and girls were killed by intimate partners or family members, accounting for 60% of all intentional killings of women and girls globally.

jojothaiv:
➜Stuck on Stockholm syndrome is a thing here not only in marriage even in politics and geography, more reason you see some people are ready to defend their oppressors with the last drop of their blood...

Kingpele:
The problem is jumping into marriage without proper knowledge of the partner and what marriage supposed to be

Porksupplyib:
➜ Divorce should never be encouraged.
➜ Often times the marriage can be helped if the right effort is put in place, but we have arrived at the junction where everyone just seems to advice breakup up and down as if it's that easy. If you fail to address the real issues, breaking up solves nothing. No marriage is easy. Learn that.
➜ Violence should NEVER be encouraged in a marriage, and most times the way to stop it is by counselling both couple. First and foremost, women should look well before marrying, don't marry an agressive and unstable weak man who can't control himself. If you do, be ready to be super submissive and cub ur tongue completely.
➜ Guys, learn to control urselves, u gain NOTHING from physically harming a woman. Know yourself and know the woman u want to marry before marrying her. If your lady has a sharp tongue, don't expect it to reduce in marriage. It will rather become sharper. Know this,
If a woman keeps pouring petrol to the fire of a weak man, she is the fuel of the violence. Cus she is equally violent and abusive with her tongue. Look well before you marry. Divorce helps no one.

Kobojunkie:
Almost 50% of the married women out there are the breadwinners in their abusive marriages.

AfroRemoteJobs:
Do They Really Have Steady Stream Of Income Or You Think That They Do ?


Verify Well!

stuffs2002:
I always wonder why many people just get triggered when we mention that some men also suffer domestic abuse.
Media have beclouded your thinking

Do you even realise that over 40% of victims of domestic violence are men

stuffs2002:
I always wonder why many people just get triggered when we mention that some men also suffer domestic abuse.
Media have beclouded your thinking

Do you even realise that over 40% of victims of domestic violence are men

Jman06:
Divorce destroys the society! It should never be encouraged. Ladies should stop marrying jerks in the name of "I love him" because that's how it usually starts. Instead, they should allow parents and relatives to sift potential suitors and recommend good men for them based on thorough investigation of family backgrounds.

SmartPolician:
The number one reason why women stay in abusive relationship is its impact on their children.

They understand that having children raised by both parents makes them a total children. It gives them a balanced understanding of life.

Also, women know that if they raise their children alone, they will likely divorce their spouses in the future, thereby replicating the divorce pattern

bukatyne:
If history is anything to go by, the parents and relatives do not have the moral ground or 'expertise' to choose a 'good man' either.

AfroRemoteJobs:
Unarguably Those 40% Of Men That Suffer Domestic Violence Like The Way Tuface Is Suffering Now - Is Simply Because THE WIVES ARE THE BREAD-WINNERS AND CHAMPIONS Of The Family.


Quote Me - Anywhere.


You Don't Need To Conclude Your Opinions With The Awful Assertion In Your Last Paragraph To Drive Your Point With FAKE FORCE - Instead Of Showing FACTS.

stuffs2002:
Your reaction is not particularly surprising because I already knew you were going to be triggered.

Naijalegal:
Destigmatizing Divorce

Destigmatizing divorce is a necessity in this generation. Divorce is not a sign of failure. Marriage is not the ultimate purpose of this life, being married is not the biggest achievement and the purpose of marriage is to enjoy it and not to fight for it. If you find yourself fighting for your marriage just know that the war may never come to an end and even if you will win few battles you may still end up not winning the war. A turbulent home is a war without end where a woman will be forced to walk on egg shells every single day and simply issues that can easily be resolved with maturity turn to a time bomb. Living in a turbulent home feels like living in a war front. The slightest issues gets over blown and misinterpreted and used against the woman. Every effort is made to belittle her and degrade her and strip her of every dignity. In a turbulent home, there is always an obvious effort to make the woman not to enjoy the home. The man is hell bent on not letting her enjoy peace of mind. Abusive partners take everything personal, seeing you triggers them and once you accept it you are simply expected to soak it up and get used to it without complaining and see it as a way of life. What is not easy to understand is why some women choose to stay in an abusive marriage instead of running away.

First, is the Stockholm syndrome. Psychologist have discovered through series of research that when women are abused and they stick with their abusers for too long they tend to become very sympathetic to their abusers. If someone abuses you and you refuse to leave them after a period of time you will develop sympathy for that abusive person, you will tend to overlook their abusive tendencies and start to manage the situation and keep adjusting and squeezing yourself to adapt to the abusive behaviour. The human mind is tricky and it accepts whatever is dished out to for a long period of time. For instance if you keep calling a child stupid or foolish after a while the child wills tart to exhibit stupid or foolish behaviour. Women who refuse to leave abusive marriages gradually develop Stockholm syndrome which makes them love the abusive partner and trauma bond with them deeply. They become a partner in crime in the abusive dynamics. It becomes part of their love language. They start to expect it and start to see it as part of marriage. You will hear them say something like no man is perfect or that it is better to cry in benz than to cry in keke. They will come up with so much excuses to defend the abuser. They may even start to believe that the abuser loves them so much that he loose control and starts to hurt them. They simply brainwash themselves to continue with the abusive relationship and cope with them. Stockholm syndrome is simply a coping mechanism borne out of mental manipulation. As a woman you must be able to identify Stockholm syndrome and deal with it before it destroys you. There is no defence or justification for abusive and even if there is it should not be coming from you as the victim. A victim must not defend evil or make it lesser. Once you stop seeing the boundaries between an abusive behaviour and a love behaviour then you are simply suffering from Stockholm syndrome.

Second, the fear of being alone or the fear of walking away from the marriage is what keeps women in abusive marriages. After a while women build their life around a marriage, the society expects them to leave their own parents, jobs, house, surnames, identity and get absorbed into the world of the man. Women sacrifice a lot in marriage, they are forced to sacrifice their friends, relatives, families, siblings, career, health, cities they grew up, their womb, their heart, their business, their career, their social support system and a lot of basic survival mechanisms in the hope that their husband will be able to protect and provide for them but sadly many husbands do not understand the difference between being a husband and being a girlfriend. They demand submission without responsibility, they refuse to face the reality of their office as a husband. They misunderstand the loyalty and submission of their wife and take it for granted. Submission and loyalty of a woman is a heavy sacrifice that must be compensated with huge responsibility and management to ensure that things work out well. A woman who submits to an irresponsible man is like someone throwing gold jewelry to a pig. It is a complete waste of time, emotion, life and resources. It is a very dangerous move that has led to the death of many women. The purpose of submission is protection and provision. It is against human nature to submit to what will kill you. The only difference between a tree and a human being is that a human being will run away when he sees something that can kill her while a tree cannot run away from whatever is coming to kill it. This is a natural sensation that is even present in animals and more developed in human beings. It is a natural reaction. Women who get killed in abusive relationship have been converted from human beings to trees.

The goal of abusive men is to convert their victims from human beings to something less than a human being. The whole essence of abuse is to degrade and reduce the potential of the woman. There is nothing that a woman will do that will justify abuse because abusive men have a deep problem inside themselves. Abuse comes from deep inside the oppressor and not from the victim. Do not let any man to convince you that they abuse you because of how you trigger them. They abuse you because of their own internal issues with themselves. Nobody goes around abusing everyone they see on the road, abusive people simply seek for the perfect victim and when you find yourself in an abusive relationship you should remind yourself that you have made a mistake and fallen into the trap of an abusive person who sees you as a perfect victim.

Another reason that makes women to stay in abusive relationship is that they get suckered in by the abusive dynamics. Abusive men are not ignorant of their evil behaviour. They simply hone their abusive skills and trap their victims with an emotional roller coaster of up and down emotional triggers. The brain works with some chemicals called dopamine and it is easy to manipulate and get people to become addicted to it. Nobody gets addicted to cocaine or weed or cigarrete they simply get addicted to the chemical reaction that it triggers. Abuse partners are experts at triggering intense dopamine reaction in the brains of their victims. Most abusive partners follow up their abusive actions with some charming and loving actions to encapsulate their victim inside a confusing situation. With an abusive person you will always feel confused and not know what next to expect and naturally the brain finds this to be very exciting. The brain hates calm situations and always loves up and down peaks in mood. That is why great movie producers always add suspense in their movies. Research has shown that humans do not like what always stays at one point. Abusive partners are experts at making the woman's mood to go up and down in an extreme pattern. One second an abusive partner is very very sweet and the next second they are so mean that you as a victim will not mind sticking with them until they become sweet again. This is going to be like a heroine addict, always waiting for the next high. Even though human beings are rational, nobody sits down with a calculator to calculate the rationality of their behaviour.

The best way to escape from abusive behaviour is to break the patterns and this can only be done by identifying abusive behaviour. Once you can identify abusive behaviour then your next job is to set clear boundaries and be firm about it. If you cannot take a firm stand against abusive behaviour then you should get ready to continue to suffer from it. Another thing you should do is to seek outside help. You must build a strong social support system and refuse being isolated by your abuser. Most abusers try to isolate their victims so that the abuse will not be detected. But once you build a strong social support system it will be very easy to find help. With a strong social support system you will become less vulnerable to abuse and will be able to take a firmer stand against any abuse. Abusive marriages and relationship does not know education, wealth, age, location or any status and it is something that can happen to anyone. We have seen it happen to professors, rich women, and even women living abroad. You must find help and support if you are in an abusive relationship. There is nothing to hide about it and you must be strong and firm and see it as a battle for your survival.