₦airaland Forum

It took me tears to realize how manipulative my mother is.

It is funny how the reason I can never trust a woman started from my mother.

Everyone loves their mum
Despite their flaws we overlook them

But as we mature and grow up we realize that these things need to be voiced out
We need to call a spade a spade and correct them when they start misbehaving.

Imagine pouring out your heart to your mother and when you expect her to tell you something she begins to lie and manipulate the story.

She can say John please church will start by 8am I need you to come quickly before 8

Me being a nice boy I immediately believe her
I wake up and hurry and come by 8am
Only to find out she has not taken her bath and the church service will actually start by 9:30 am

You see the kind of manipulation she does
This is just on the surface level.
Plus she is religious to the core
Only God know the hell my father going tru

I have sworn never to marry from my maternal side. I will never marry a woman like my mother.

Something can happen in the house
When I come back I ask her what happened?

She will start acting like deaf and dumb as if she doesn't know what happened.
Meanwhile she saw everything that happened.

I just don't understand why she likes manipulation and witholding information

And this woman had the nerves to accuse me of not communicating with her.

I stopped picking her calls I busy them
I only speak to my dad because he is the complete opposite he tells me all information he knows. But my mother will start manipulating and twisting simple question you ask her.
Them turn around and wonder why I no longer share information with her.

Some mothers no dey try at all at all
And she will automatically start acting like she doesn't know what you are talking about. .

Are you still living with your mom? You can't let her dictate your future. Nigerian moms are pretty much cut from the same cloth—remember when she’d tell you to 'go and get your slippers' just so she could slip away? You can't let those quirks or that control mess with your path.

KnowledgePower7:
➜It took me tears to realize how manipulative my mother is. It is funny how the reason I can never trust a woman started from my mother.
➜ Imagine pouring out your heart to your mother and when you expect her to tell you something she begins to lie and manipulate the story.
She can say John please church will start by 8am I need you to come quickly before 8 Me being a nice boy I immediately believe her
I wake up and hurry and come by 8am. Only to find out she has not taken her bath and the church service will actually start by 9:30 am. You see the kind of manipulation she does. This is just on the surface level. Plus she is religious to the core.
➜ Only God know the hell my father going tru. I have sworn never to marry from my maternal side. I will never marry a woman like my mother.

1. Not all women or men deserve or should have children. It is that simple. But society continually pressures all women(not some) into having children. All men are equally pressured into the same with the lie that continuation is necessary, even when said men are literally established menaces in the same society.

2. If you want to detach from her emotionally and focus your energy on your life more, please get an appointment immediately with a mental health therapist and begin your journey towards freedom from all of your childhood traumas and scars. 🥱🥱🥱

3. It is not god but society to blame for you having to deal with such wickedness without an out. 🥱🥱🥱

Absolutely, never marry and have children with a woman like your mother. Not all women out there are built to be mothers, and definitely not all men are equally built to be fathers. More importantly, it is OK to choose a single life. Peace and happiness can only be found in oneself... not in marriage or any other thing in this life.

It has gotten so bad that if she tells me 2+2 is 4
I will have to use calculator to make sure it's true.

The crazy thing is she shares and talks more with my sisters but when it comes to my turn
I'm always the last person they tell their plans.

It got so bad that if she is planning something
She will only tell me a day before the event

And this is a woman that expect me to be talking and sharing information with her. While she refuse to tell me things

Thi woman can have 100k and you ask for 20k she will stay rambling and giving excuses and lies...
But f you ask popsi he will press the money immediately..
I have bought 20 tubers of tam only for my father. I will not give my mother shishi
Make she feels am too

I will travel and meet them this Christmas
I have decided to not even talk shishi with her
It will be like we are strangers and that's the way it will be from now.
Can't tolerate nonesense for too long

If your mother is the loving sharing type
You don't know what God has done for you

KnowledgePower7:
➜Something can happen in the house When I come back I ask her what happened? She will start acting like deaf and dumb as if she doesn't know what happened. Meanwhile she saw everything that happened. I just don't understand why she likes manipulation and witholding information. And this woman had the nerves to accuse me of not communicating with her.
I stopped picking her calls I busy them. I only speak to my dad because he is the complete opposite he tells me all information he knows. But my mother will start manipulating and twisting simple question you ask her. Them turn around and wonder why I no longer share information with her. Some mothers no dey try at all at allAnd she will automatically start acting like she doesn't know what you are talking about. .

Have you ever asked your father about the situation around your birth? Who made the decision as far as having you... Your father or your mother? Since they are both together still, that makes me wonder even more if your mother had a choice in having you.

KnowledgePower7:
➜It has gotten so bad that if she tells me 2+2 is 4. I will have to use a calculator to make sure it's true.The crazy thing is she shares and talks more with my sisters but when it comes to my turn I[b]'m always the last person they tell their plans. It got so bad that if she is planning something She will only tell me a day before the event And this is a woman that expect me to be talking and sharing information with her.[/b] While she refuse to tell me things . Thi woman can have 100k and you ask for 20k she will stay rambling and giving excuses and lies... But f you ask popsi he will press the money immediately..I have bought 20 tubers of tam only for my father. I will not give my mother shishi. Make she feels am tooI will travel and meet them this Christmas. I have decided to not even talk shishi with her. It will be like we are strangers and that's the way it will be from now. Can't tolerate nonesense for too long
➜If your mother is the loving sharing type You don't know what God has done for you

Why are you going there if you already sense she will ruin your Christmas? You know it is also OK to go no-contact with your mother and to love her from afar, right? 🥱

2. Mothers are not meant to be compared with others. Most of the people who tell you their mother is best are themselves people who have yet to realize that all the abuse they, too, had to endure is wrong. So, don't bother turning this into a my mother is better than your mother " competition. 🥱🥱🥱

SpencerForbes:
Are you still living with your mom? You can't let her dictate your future. Nigerian moms are pretty much cut from the same cloth—remember when she’d tell you to 'go and get your slippers' just so she could slip away? You can't let those quirks or that control mess with your path.

I do not live with her. My apartment is a stone throw from their house. So she still rely on me to drive her to church and so on. I have told her to hire driver but trust her paranoid mind to not tell driver where she is going. She love doing secret secret things like say she be kgb spy.
Very annoying behavior. This why I stop talking to her. She don't share things with me but want to know everything going on in my life.
Abegiii na only popsi deserve all my gifts jare

Very manipulative woman but I still love her regardless. Only God know wetin my popsi see in her in the 90s marry her.
Cuz God knows I can never marry a woman like her. God forbid!!

I LOVE TRANSPERENCY
TELL ME THE TEUTH EVEN IF IT IS BITTER
TELL ME.
DONT HIDE INFORMATION FROM ME
BUT DISCUSS IT WELL WITH MY SISTERS
TILL ITS TOO LATE THEN YOU COME AND TELL ME AND EXPECT ME TO DO SOMETHING IMMEDIATELY...

Kobojunkie:
1. Not all women or men deserve or should have children. It is that simple. But society continually pressures all women(not some) into having children. All men are equally pressured into the same with the lie that continuation is necessary, even when said men are literally established menaces in the same society.

2. If you want to detach from her emotionally and focus your energy on your life more, please get an appointment immediately with a mental health therapist and begin your journey towards freedom from all of your childhood traumas and scars. 🥱🥱🥱

3. It is not god but society to blame for you having to deal with such wickedness without an out. 🥱🥱🥱

Absolutely, never marry and have children with a woman like your mother. Not all women out there are built to be mothers, and definitely not all men are equally built to be fathers. More importantly, it is OK to choose a single life. Peace and happiness can only be found in oneself... not in marriage or any other thing in this life.

Honestly being a mother is not about carrying a child for 9 months
It is how you raise that child that matters.
No matter how many times I tell her to change it falls on deaf ears
Then when I cut ties with her she start manipulating stories that I am the one who decided to stop talking with her.
She wont say why. She always act shocked why I stop talking or sharing information with her.

That is why when I see people praise their mothers as best friend it feels so awkward as me I view my mother as a kgb spy.
Always hiding information. Always secretive about plans. .
So I have decided to turn into mossad spy too

Make all of us dey craze dey go.
This Christmas shishi I won't talk with her
She will find out everything later from outside

Kobojunkie:
Have you ever asked your father about the situation around your birth? Who made the decision as far as having you... Your father or your mother? Since they are both together still, that makes me wonder even more if your mother had a choice in having you.

It is a favouritism something
It looks like she likes the girls more than the guys. We are 3 girl and 2 guys
All the girls talk and plan well with her
They talk almost all the time sharing info

Now we the boys lean towards popsi because mumsi does not really send us and it pains me low-key but I brush it off.

When it made me angry was when she twisted the whole thing to make it look like I abandoned her. I insult am wetin no good that day.

As for popsi I don't know if my mumsi tie that man or what... I have never seen a man so blindly in love. I'm his eyes she can do no wrong.

That why I left them to continue their nonesense love let me focus on my life

KnowledgePower7:
➜Honestly being a mother is not about carrying a child for 9 months
It is how you raise that child that matters. No matter how many times I tell her to change it falls on deaf ears
➜ Then when I cut ties with her she start manipulating stories that I am the one who decided to stop talking with her. She wont say why. She always act shocked why I stop talking or sharing information with her.
➜ That is why when I see people praise their mothers as best friend it feels so awkward as me I view my mother as a kgb spy.
Always hiding information. Always secretive about plans. .
➜So I have decided to turn into mossad spy too. Make all of us dey craze dey go.This Christmas shishi I won't talk with her. She will find out everything later from outside

1. No sane human being can change for you. So, it is pointless for you to go asking someone to change on your behalf. You only torture yourself with such endeavors. 🥱🥱

2. For every action, there is always some sort of reaction. If you have chosen to go no contact with her, that is your decision and your boundary to enforce, regardless of what the affected party chooses to do. So, if you want to go no-contact with her, simply do it and don't concern yourself with what she decides to do afterwards. 🥱🥱

3. Some of those people who praise their mothers have mothers who are equally as toxic as you describe your own mother as being to you. So, do not be deceived. The vast majority of Nigerians were raised in toxic homes— either by a terrible, abusive father or mother, or both— yet many of them would come out to praise and worship their abusive caregivers for free. That is part of the nature of trauma on some.

4. Are you not utterly tired of having the matter continue to rent space for free in your head? 🥱🥱

KnowledgePower7:
➜It is a favouritism something It looks like she likes the girls more than the guys. We are 3 girl and 2 guys All the girls talk and plan well with her They talk almost all the time sharing info. Now we the boys lean towards popsi because mumsi does not really send us and it pains me low-key but I brush it off. When it made me angry was when she twisted the whole thing to make it look like I abandoned her. I insult am wetin no good that day.
➜ As for popsi I don't know if my mumsi tie that man or what... I have never seen a man so blindly in love. I'm his eyes she can do no wrong.
That why I left them to continue their nonesense love let me focus on my life

1. Abusive people rarely know how to love. Maybe if you spent more time with your sisters, you might discover that the communication they hold with her may be more from a point of codependency... a very toxic relationship type.... they have developed with her. 🥱🥱

2. There is no such thing as tying a man. The man is well aware of the toxic nature of the relationship, but focuses on what benefits him in it all. No man or woman remains with a woman/man he does not currently derive some sort of emotional or mental benefit in one way or another from. Your father is aware of the abusive nature of the relationship between you boys, and possibly even the girls and your mother, but chooses to turn a blind eye because of what he gains, overall, from the relationship remaining as it is. Find out what it is. 🥱🥱

It may turn out to be something that does not make sense to you but it is what it is. 🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
Why are you going there if you already sense she will ruin your Christmas? You know it is also OK to go no-contact with your mother and to love her from afar, right? 🥱

2. Mothers are not meant to be compared with others. Most of the people who tell you their mother is best are themselves people who have yet to realize that all the abuse they, too, had to endure is wrong. So, don't bother turning this into a my mother is better than your mother " competition. 🥱🥱🥱

I don't agree with the first one.
I am the son the future heir of the house
I cannot let her ruin Christmas
Or run away from my house I grew up because of her.
My dad is the main reason I'm home
As a man I have matured to pont where I need my father blessing and guidance even tho I don't agree in many things.

Overall he has been very transparent with me
And always been there in hard times
I hate manipulation with passion!!!

KnowledgePower7:
➜I don't agree with the first one. I am the son the future heir of the house. I cannot let her ruin Christmas Or run away from my house I grew up because of her. My dad is the main reason I'm home. As a man I have matured to pont where I need my father blessing and guidance even tho I don't agree in many things.
➜ Overall he has been very transparent with me. And always been there in hard times. I hate manipulation with passion!!!

1. You already told us all here of how she ruins your mood and general relationship with your family. Are you now telling us that you somehow have control over your mood and general relationship with your family members? 🥱🥱

2. But he has never tried to resolve the issues between you and your mother to ensure you two don't keep playing off each other's emotions? How come? 🥱🥱