₦airaland Forum

You see women ehhh their judgement na only God fit do am ...

But there's always a guy that don't care even if it's his child especially if the child comes from a girl he never loved till she took in when he was pretending...

Kcash200:
Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. My only advice is to prepare your heart, because when the father who raised you in his home passes away, you often begin to see people in a different light. Inheritance has a way of revealing people’s true nature, no matter how small it may seem.

Let me ask you... Must you tell someone what was kept with you as a secret?

AND if you want to tell anyone, must it be your supposed dad who is not aware?

FYI, the world is not actually so keen on what you think is going on in your life except if it will provide them some form of entertainment or self validation... Anything you share with most people thinking you are unburdening your mind is actually in fact entertainment and gist for most people... They will just use your matter to catch cruise and provide you some fake shoulders to cry on but the very moment you turn your back, you are forgotten as quickly as possible...

So the best person you can relate this to is simply yourself...

Get a grip on your life. It doesn't matter which of the fathers birthed you, the point now is that you have been birthed... What's your contribution to life..?

Some do not even get to know whom their fathers are so why do you want to rock your own boat?

Kcash200:
Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

Look at the woman someone calls mother.

Some women are not fit to be called mother,

Tufiakwa.

If it was my birther, I would have long outed her.

If some women no go prison with hard labour for this matter, others no go learn.

Kcash200:
I understand your perspective but this thing is not as easy as you put it for me to tell him.

Thank bro for at least letting it out for advice.. but lemme tell you this.

It might not be a great idea to you BUT telling the poor man may do the damage physically and morally, but in ur soul you would know you have bailed ursef from the contraption ur promiscuous mother put u into (sorry for insulting ur mother sir).

Everyman are not made thesame, don't be surprised that If the father that trained you finally get to know at his most advanced ages when the bones are finally gone, and he get to know that you have known this from time immemorial but kept it away from him, BRO HE WILL CAST CURSES ON YOU, UR MOTHER AND UR OFFSPRINGS YET UNBORN. cus u re a culprit together with your mother already...

All I can say is find peace, tell the man, and always try to be a good son to him afterwards to avoid regret. A woman may curse with day of labour but a man will curse with DAYS OF STRUGGLES AND SWEATS he used to raise you.

Shalom!!!

Kcash200:
Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

Good morning and I hope you will read my own little contribution to this topic. First and foremost I agree and concur with the first contributor and others who told you to get yourself first by understanding that you have not done anything wrong by finding yourself in such a family situation. You need to undertstand that your life is very important and there is a reason why God made and brought you into this world.
Secondly you must forgive you mother or your biological dad because of the circumstances that led him to only be supporting you since age 12. To be honest with you no father would naturally want to abandon his child unless some reasons that are beyond his control must have forced him but if he did forgive him since he later came and gave you his support from age 12. Now i think i also need to explain something to you. In your case you should be thank full and appreciate God that you are able to know your real biological mother and father. I am one who does not even know both my mother and father. Yet i was adopted and was raised in a very privileged family and was loved and given good training that has made me who i am today. Let me tell you one secret that you must accept and adopt in your life. You belong to God my brother. Your life, thoughts and principles must be tailored and guided by God in the sense that you must not keep any grudges with anyone but forgive and love all men including your mother and two fathers. They all played a role in your life and now you will also play even more roles in other peoples lives God will bring through you. You are who you are to correct and help others in similar or more complicated situations my brother. So cheer up and be happy and whatever happens tell all of them you love them.
If you meet a lady you are interested in marrying don't hide anything to her. If she loves you she will accept you the way you are and not because of how you came about because God at times lifts the weak to make them strong to glorify His name and to show forth His mercy and grace. So I wish you all the best. Be happy you are loved and cherished by your Maker God and those He gave the privilege of meeting you in this life.

Kcash200:
Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

I think it's something you can't open the can or warn because of the problem it will cause

As for you planing for your marriage, just go ahead and marry but do it in a very quiet way

Dont tell your wife to be if anything, it's not her to decide on it for now, just continue your life at the end of the day, anywhere you face that's where she will follow you

Being a woman, if you tell her now it will affect your marriage plans, after marriage once you notice that the bubble wants to bust then you let her know

After all, those in orphanage home, I mean the men do get married and they don't even know thier roots but you know your root

Onegai:
A Father is not just the one who is biologically related to a son.

A father is the one who brings the child up, loves the child, teaches the child how to become an adult, prays for the child and is in that child's life constantly.

Kcash200, you have a father, he loves you.

That other man is at best, a relative. Because sending cash from time to time doesn't make one a Parent.

It's why there is a saying "When there is a Divorce, children lose a Father and gain an Uncle". Because a lot of Fathers prioritise their new life over their old life.

Back to your story: you have a father. That other man hasn't made an effort to be a Father. So leave him and face the man who loved you. That's your father.

And as for your mother, well, you know that she can be very selfish. Forgive her and give her some distance, be cordial but decide if you want to have a close relationship with her (she shouldn't have told a 12 yr old boy such a big secret).

Just imagine the kind of advice someone is giving. Will a person invite someone else to stand in for them as a father on their wedding day because their biological father was a bad man?

oz4real83:
Your mom is the kind of wife that men do fasting and prayers for to avoid getting married to such women. She was obviously benefiting from both men and was scared of revealing the issue so that her benefits won't stop. She did all these for financial and promiscuous reasons. You are now an adult and instead of still telling the man, no matter the consequences, you still want to continue in that lie. I pray the man has other children that are his, you and your mom are already a loss to him. Some women are just so evil

Someone is traumatized and at a crossroad and has come for an advice but all you could do is blame and judge!..

Na wa o.

Next time you have nothing meaningful to say, just scroll and pass.

This is a very sensitive issue and all the man wants is some advice that could help him chart a course for his life. Odiegu

Oga, I will be blunt with you, you better fix your life o! Bring your family together an break the news to them. Let your father know,. Who knows he may be aware already. Your mother isn't a good person, but fix this mess she created. You see this thing you are playing with? It will snowball into something big. Remember there are people that know about it already so I wonder why you refer to it as a "family secret". Family secret that outsiders know about is that one secret? Someone will tell you nonsense someday, don't wait for that to happen before you do what is right. Also, remember that you will have children, don't complicate their lives, they must know their exact lineage, don't even talk of marriage if you don't fix that because it will be completely wrong to draw an innocent lady into that kind of chaos. Go back to your father and don't complicate the lives of you wife to be and kids!

Kcash200:
Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

Young man, I really imagined myself in your situation and really I know how hard it must have been, living with this secret.

However, I need you to know that you've got no fault in all of these at all. Most times we have no choice to choose the kind of family we're born into born we are at full liberty to choose how we live.

Pls let this secret not harm your relationship or delay your own plans for your life. For now, tell your woman that your adopted father is your father and do everything accordingly.

Your woman will still get to know this secret years later but it's not advisable you tell her now because this is a woman and it's will be too early to tell her some things as sensitive as this until after some years together when you must have trusted her or her ability and maturity to handle some things.

Live your life, give your mother some gap (if possible, for your sanity) and never stop your care for your adopted father (as he's been in your life from childhood, at least, see him as your benefactor).

In as much as your biological father has not the boldness to step in and claim his son till you are grown like this signifies that he has always been part of the crime all along and he's enjoying the whole thing. So, live it at that. It is his headache with that of your mum and that shouldn't be your problem. But remember to let your mum know the effects the secret has had in your life's trajectory (that's if she's that mature to handle that. If she's not, please just keep quiet). Maturity has nothing to do with age.

Lastly bro, face your life, give very little attention to your biological father (because he's not really worth it. He tried breaking a home with no intention to follow it through), if possible, relocate from that vicinity or town you live with them and only relate from afar.

That way, you will live your life in peace devoid of distractions from any of them. Thank God you are a professional and can take care of yourself. That in itself is power!

All the best bro.

A lot of people already know the 'secret'

And since there's been no problems so far, I suggest you continue to keep the 'secret'

Meanwhile...

Have you really found out from your mother why your existence became a 'secret'?

Kobojunkie:
A biological father who sent money for your upkeep and has children who are aware of your existence, whom you kept in touch with, and have not made any noise about it? This story sounds a little too fantastical for something that came out of a place like Aba and not somewhere in Council Bluffs, IA. 🥱🥱🥱

I suggest the first thing you do is seek professional mental health therapy so you can at least unburden yourself before moving forward with any decision in life. Therapy will also help you untie knots that have troubled you for so long and help you better realize that whatever happened was not your making and so not your responsibility to carry. Your mother knew why she did what she did, and only she knows why she decided to let you in on that information at the age of 12. 🥱

If possible, you and your mother should both attend at least one therapy session together where you can both unburden to each other, and maybe that might get her to finally reveal more of what transpired between her and your adopted father(assuming we can call him that since you seem to be suggesting that he may not be aware of it all), and let things go from their. 🥱

Don't mind him. Let's even assume that he was young then, now that he has grown , he still keeps quiet about it.

Do whatever gives you peace. It's better to reveal the truth. The Bible says thou shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.

8

manuelkel:
I understand you, I would exactly do the same tey tey, but the sad truth is, he can't stop relating with his biological father who didn't raise him.
By tradition, the tradition don't care who raised him, it cares more about whose blood he was made.
He just have to accept it and go with the both as his fathers. Infact I think bearing the names of the man who raised him up is enough to pay respects to the man who raised him , but he can't neglect his biological father based on tradition.

That was why I said he should acknowledge him as biological father and nothing more. Besides, there is no tradition or law in Nigeria that support a man who impregnated another person legally married wife and secretly doing a father duty to act as real father to the child. It is a punishable offence by law if the wife is legally married. Besides, the guy should first conduct a DNA test to ascertain the claim because he might not even be his son but someone else or even his present father.

It is quite unfortunate that he has an evil mother and unapologetic heartless sperms donor as real father. Let him do a DNA test first.

yemmit90:
8

That was why I said he should acknowledge him as biological father and nothing more. Besides, there is no tradition or law in Nigeria that support a man who impregnated another person legally married wife and secretly doing a father duty to act as real father to the child. It is a punishable offence by law if the wife is legally married. Besides, the guy should first conduct a DNA test to ascertain the claim because he might not even be his son but someone else or even his present father.

It is quite unfortunate that he has an evil mother and unapologetic heartless sperms donor as real father. Let him do a DNA test first.

Kaiii, if the DNA doesn't match na another gbege oo

yemre:
Young man, I really imagined myself in your situation and really I know how hard it must have been, living with this secret.

However, I need you to know that you've got no fault in all of these at all. Most times we have no choice to choose the kind of family we're born into born we are at full liberty to choose how we live.

Pls let this secret not harm your relationship or delay your own plans for your life. For now, tell your woman that your adopted father is your father and do everything accordingly.

Your woman will still get to know this secret years later but it's not advisable you tell her now because this is a woman and it's will be too early to tell her some things as sensitive as this until after some years together when you must have trusted her or her ability and maturity to handle some things.

Live your life, give your mother some gap (if possible, for your sanity) and never stop your care for your adopted father (as he's been in your life from childhood, at least, see him as your benefactor).

In as much as your biological father has not the boldness to step in and claim his son till you are grown like this signifies that he has always been part of the crime all along and he's enjoying the whole thing. So, live it at that. It is his headache with that of your mum and that shouldn't be your problem. But remember to let your mum know the effects the secret has had in your life's trajectory (that's if she's that mature to handle that. If she's not, please just keep quiet). Maturity has nothing to do with age.

Lastly bro, face your life, give very little attention to your biological father (because he's not really worth it. He tried breaking a home with no intention to follow it through), if possible, relocate from that vicinity or town you live with them and only relate from afar.

That way, you will live your life in peace devoid of distractions from any of them. Thank God you are a professional and can take care of yourself. That in itself is power!

All the best bro.

Why do you think the said man is even his biological father? A woman who is capable of sleeping with another man from her matrimonial home should not be trusted with a mere proclamation. Let him do a DNA test first, anyone between them can be father or even different person entirely.

If eventually he is the father, he must be sue and jail by law.

DeepSight:
+
He can maintain the interaction but that should be all.

. No, that's not all. I have seen something like this before. The women might even confess openly before her death

Father4all:
. No, that's not all. I have seen something like this before. The women might even confess openly before her death

+
Woman or women?

In as much that you need someone to share is information with,please do share it with your woman because she might use it against you when you both have issue or she might insult your mom

Kcash200:
Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

Truth be told ok.

Your mother is a bad example for women for having a child for her ex in her current marriage.

Just so you know, that thing is not as secret as you think because both men are aware, and this may surprise you. They just don't want to spoil things for you.

Man up and correct your foundation before it's too late.

Find a very close brother to the dad that brought you up and relate this to him(I mean the uncle that is very matured in handling issues). Fi d on of Your u cle from your mum side and do same.
These two men will tell you how tradition sees it. In some African tradition the husband of the woman takes ownership of all children born under his roof by his legally married wife except the man rejects the child by himself, and in some traditions it doesn't work that way. You may find out that Your Official Dad my just free you and want you to maintain that relationship with him. The truth is that if he treated you bad you would not be confused. Your mum and the man that impregnated her did not try and it is a level of irresponsibility that should not be acceptable.
As I said before, relate this issue with these two uncles I mentioned so you can get more insight about the history. There is so much your mum did not and will never tell you but your uncles will open up since you aer now a man. Don't also be surprised that some of your siblings may also be from other men. But, Your mama no try.

Kcash200:
Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

Keep your secrets from a woman, especially your girlfriend and her family. If you tell her, you are destroyed instantly! You are warned.
And don't tell anybody. A time will come when both fathers would die and you will be a free man.

Kcash200:
Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

My advice to you, be a wise son. know that you have two Father's, your biological father and the father who raised you, go visit your biological father and tell him you have a secret plan for marriage but you have to inform him first. The first will be that you will be having two versions of wedding the first will be for the father who raised you while the second will be for him (as honour psych him to believe that the last is for the best, even though you know it is for peace to reign). Ensure that you tell the lady you will be marrying that you have lots of men who are like father's to you but there are two that are so dearly to you and as it you will be having two weddings and you will be meeting both of them alongside with her. Discuss it with your mum too so that she won't spoil things.

If not for how we have lost lots of our cultural heritage, in Yoruba land your father is not your only father.

Be smart and move to the next stage of your life.

DeepSight:
+
Woman or women?

woman rather

Good advice.

Mariangeles:
No.
As far as you're concerned, your parents are your parents.
You know nothing else.

It is not your burden to carry.
I wonder why your mum told you that in the first place.
If everything will unfold eventually, let it not be from you.

untoldtruth:
Our attention span is still intact because we don't tiktok

A bottle of cold drink for you...

In my next life, i would never wish to come across someone like you talk more of having any interaction with

Mariangeles:
No.
As far as you're concerned, your parents are your parents.
You know nothing else.

It is not your burden to carry.
I wonder why your mum told you that in the first place.
If everything will unfold eventually, let it not be from you.