₦airaland Forum

olayinkabank:
Please Nairalanders, I need your sincere advice. I am confused.
I have been a member of this great platform since 2010 when I was in secondary school (SS2), but this is the first time I am seeking advice here. I was quite active and popular on the platform from 2010 to 2014, especially in the sports, politics, and education sections though I just created this new account today.
I am currently engaged to a lady. We have done the introduction—both families have met, and we have collected the marriage list. The wedding is planned for late March next year.
My fiancée is a Christian and from the Igbira tribe, although she understands Yoruba more than Igbira. All her siblings are married to Yoruba spouses. I am a Yoruba man and a Muslim by background.
Initially, her family strongly objected to the marriage because of religious differences. However, after much persuasion—and after my fiancée threatened to harm herself if she was not allowed to marry me—her extended family members who are Muslims intervened, and the family reluctantly agreed.
On my own side, my mother also objected at first. She dislikes my fiancée because there are rumors that her elder sister did money ritual. After much pleading, my mother later accepted the marriage.
For context, my fiancée’s parents were originally Muslims but converted to Christianity before they died.
The main issue now is that my fiancée’s siblings, especially the elder ones, are insisting that we must do either a church wedding or a court wedding. They say a traditional wedding alone is not acceptable.
As for me, I work with a financial institution and was converted to professional staff last year. I also run a football viewing center and a betting shop. My fiancée just finished her tailoring apprenticeship (freedom). She is a graduate but currently unemployed, and I am planning to open a tailoring shop for her.
Because I am the one providing almost everything financially, I feel a court wedding may not favor me in the long run. At the same time, my parents will never accept a church wedding, especially since my father is the head of a local Asalatu group.
Please note: I am not a religious person. I consider myself agnostic—I believe in a Supreme Being but not in Christianity or Islam. However, neither my family nor my fiancée knows this, because they would likely see me as evil or someone possessed.
My fiancée has agreed to convert to Islam after the wedding, which makes my family happy. Personally, I don’t really care about that because I believe more in humanity than religion.
Now I am confused and stuck between:
Her family insisting on church or court wedding
My parents rejecting church wedding
My own fears about court marriage
Religious pressure from both sides
Please, I need honest and mature advice from Nairalanders. What is the best way forward in this situation? especially to those who have done interfaith wedding before or in an interfaith relationship?

olayinkabank:
Please Nairalanders, I need your sincere advice. I am confused.
I have been a member of this great platform since 2010 when I was in secondary school (SS2), but this is the first time I am seeking advice here. I was quite active and popular on the platform from 2010 to 2014, especially in the sports, politics, and education sections though I just created this new account today.
I am currently engaged to a lady. We have done the introduction—both families have met, and we have collected the marriage list. The wedding is planned for late March next year.
My fiancée is a Christian and from the Igbira tribe, although she understands Yoruba more than Igbira. All her siblings are married to Yoruba spouses. I am a Yoruba man and a Muslim by background.
Initially, her family strongly objected to the marriage because of religious differences. However, after much persuasion—and after my fiancée threatened to harm herself if she was not allowed to marry me—her extended family members who are Muslims intervened, and the family reluctantly agreed.
On my own side, my mother also objected at first. She dislikes my fiancée because there are rumors that her elder sister did money ritual. After much pleading, my mother later accepted the marriage.
For context, my fiancée’s parents were originally Muslims but converted to Christianity before they died.
The main issue now is that my fiancée’s siblings, especially the elder ones, are insisting that we must do either a church wedding or a court wedding. They say a traditional wedding alone is not acceptable.
As for me, I work with a financial institution and was converted to professional staff last year. I also run a football viewing center and a betting shop. My fiancée just finished her tailoring apprenticeship (freedom). She is a graduate but currently unemployed, and I am planning to open a tailoring shop for her.
Because I am the one providing almost everything financially, I feel a court wedding may not favor me in the long run. At the same time, my parents will never accept a church wedding, especially since my father is the head of a local Asalatu group.
Please note: I am not a religious person. I consider myself agnostic—I believe in a Supreme Being but not in Christianity or Islam. However, neither my family nor my fiancée knows this, because they would likely see me as evil or someone possessed.
My fiancée has agreed to convert to Islam after the wedding, which makes my family happy. Personally, I don’t really care about that because I believe more in humanity than religion.
Now I am confused and stuck between:
Her family insisting on church or court wedding
My parents rejecting church wedding
My own fears about court marriage
Religious pressure from both sides
Please, I need honest and mature advice from Nairalanders. What is the best way forward in this situation? especially to those who have done interfaith wedding before or in an interfaith relationship?

olayinkabank:
Please Nairalanders, I need your sincere advice. I am confused.
I have been a member of this great platform since 2010 when I was in secondary school (SS2), but this is the first time I am seeking advice here. I was quite active and popular on the platform from 2010 to 2014, especially in the sports, politics, and education sections though I just created this new account today.
I am currently engaged to a lady. We have done the introduction—both families have met, and we have collected the marriage list. The wedding is planned for late March next year.
My fiancée is a Christian and from the Igbira tribe, although she understands Yoruba more than Igbira. All her siblings are married to Yoruba spouses. I am a Yoruba man and a Muslim by background.
Initially, her family strongly objected to the marriage because of religious differences. However, after much persuasion—and after my fiancée threatened to harm herself if she was not allowed to marry me—her extended family members who are Muslims intervened, and the family reluctantly agreed.
On my own side, my mother also objected at first. She dislikes my fiancée because there are rumors that her elder sister did money ritual. After much pleading, my mother later accepted the marriage.
For context, my fiancée’s parents were originally Muslims but converted to Christianity before they died.
The main issue now is that my fiancée’s siblings, especially the elder ones, are insisting that we must do either a church wedding or a court wedding. They say a traditional wedding alone is not acceptable.
As for me, I work with a financial institution and was converted to professional staff last year. I also run a football viewing center and a betting shop. My fiancée just finished her tailoring apprenticeship (freedom). She is a graduate but currently unemployed, and I am planning to open a tailoring shop for her.
Because I am the one providing almost everything financially, I feel a court wedding may not favor me in the long run. At the same time, my parents will never accept a church wedding, especially since my father is the head of a local Asalatu group.
Please note: I am not a religious person. I consider myself agnostic—I believe in a Supreme Being but not in Christianity or Islam. However, neither my family nor my fiancée knows this, because they would likely see me as evil or someone possessed.
My fiancée has agreed to convert to Islam after the wedding, which makes my family happy. Personally, I don’t really care about that because I believe more in humanity than religion.
Now I am confused and stuck between:
Her family insisting on church or court wedding
My parents rejecting church wedding
My own fears about court marriage
Religious pressure from both sides
Please, I need honest and mature advice from Nairalanders. What is the best way forward in this situation? especially to those who have done interfaith wedding before or in an interfaith relationship?

olayinkabank:
✓Please Nairalanders, I need your sincere advice. I am confused.
I have been a member of this great platform since 2010 when I was in secondary school (SS2), but this is the first time I am seeking advice here. I was quite active and popular on the platform from 2010 to 2014, especially in the sports, politics, and education sections though I just created this new account today.
I am currently engaged to a lady. We have done the introduction—both families have met, and we have collected the marriage list. The wedding is planned for late March next year.
My fiancée is a Christian and from the Igbira tribe, although she understands Yoruba more than Igbira. All her siblings are married to Yoruba spouses. I am a Yoruba man and a Muslim by background.
Initially, her family strongly objected to the marriage because of religious differences. However, after much persuasion—and after my fiancée threatened to harm herself if she was not allowed to marry me—her extended family members who are Muslims intervened, and the family reluctantly agreed.
On my own side, my mother also objected at first. She dislikes my fiancée because there are rumors that her elder sister did money ritual. After much pleading, my mother later accepted the marriage.
For context, my fiancée’s parents were originally Muslims but converted to Christianity before they died.
The main issue now is that my fiancée’s siblings, especially the elder ones, are insisting that we must do either a church wedding or a court wedding. They say a traditional wedding alone is not acceptable.
As for me, I work with a financial institution and was converted to professional staff last year. I also run a football viewing center and a betting shop. My fiancée just finished her tailoring apprenticeship (freedom). She is a graduate but currently unemployed, and I am planning to open a tailoring shop for her.
Because I am the one providing almost everything financially, I feel a court wedding may not favor me in the long run. At the same time, my parents will never accept a church wedding, especially since my father is the head of a local Asalatu group.
Please note: I am not a religious person. I consider myself agnostic—I believe in a Supreme Being but not in Christianity or Islam. However, neither my family nor my fiancée knows this, because they would likely see me as evil or someone possessed.
My fiancée has agreed to convert to Islam after the wedding, which makes my family happy. Personally, I don’t really care about that because I believe more in humanity than religion.
Now I am confused and stuck between:
Her family insisting on church or court wedding
My parents rejecting church wedding
My own fears about court marriage
Religious pressure from both sides
Please, I need honest and mature advice from Nairalanders. What is the best way forward in this situation? especially to those who have done interfaith wedding before or in an interfaith relationship?

olayinkabank:
Please Nairalanders, I need your sincere advice. I am confused.
I have been a member of this great platform since 2010 when I was in secondary school (SS2), but this is the first time I am seeking advice here. I was quite active and popular on the platform from 2010 to 2014, especially in the sports, politics, and education sections though I just created this new account today.
I am currently engaged to a lady. We have done the introduction—both families have met, and we have collected the marriage list. The wedding is planned for late March next year.
My fiancée is a Christian and from the Igbira tribe, although she understands Yoruba more than Igbira. All her siblings are married to Yoruba spouses. I am a Yoruba man and a Muslim by background.
Initially, her family strongly objected to the marriage because of religious differences. However, after much persuasion—and after my fiancée threatened to harm herself if she was not allowed to marry me—her extended family members who are Muslims intervened, and the family reluctantly agreed.
On my own side, my mother also objected at first. She dislikes my fiancée because there are rumors that her elder sister did money ritual. After much pleading, my mother later accepted the marriage.
For context, my fiancée’s parents were originally Muslims but converted to Christianity before they died.
The main issue now is that my fiancée’s siblings, especially the elder ones, are insisting that we must do either a church wedding or a court wedding. They say a traditional wedding alone is not acceptable.
As for me, I work with a financial institution and was converted to professional staff last year. I also run a football viewing center and a betting shop. My fiancée just finished her tailoring apprenticeship (freedom). She is a graduate but currently unemployed, and I am planning to open a tailoring shop for her.
Because I am the one providing almost everything financially, I feel a court wedding may not favor me in the long run. At the same time, my parents will never accept a church wedding, especially since my father is the head of a local Asalatu group.
Please note: I am not a religious person. I consider myself agnostic—I believe in a Supreme Being but not in Christianity or Islam. However, neither my family nor my fiancée knows this, because they would likely see me as evil or someone possessed.
My fiancée has agreed to convert to Islam after the wedding, which makes my family happy. Personally, I don’t really care about that because I believe more in humanity than religion.
Now I am confused and stuck between:
Her family insisting on church or court wedding
My parents rejecting church wedding
My own fears about court marriage
Religious pressure from both sides
Please, I need honest and mature advice from Nairalanders. What is the best way forward in this situation? especially to those who have done interfaith wedding before or in an interfaith relationship?

HydraFeeds:
We share the same thing ,I'm agnostic but most people don't know for smooth relationship.

My wife is Muslim while my family is Christian ,though we share the same ethnicity .

I did Muslim wedding and she's a practicing Christian once in a while (cos women converts to men religion*)

We've been living peacefully so far .

Fiscus105:
Women convert to men religion? Since you are agnostic, you don't suppose to be going to any religion, and your wife has no business converting to religion husband is not even going.

olayinkabank:
Please Nairalanders, I need your sincere advice. I am confused.
I have been a member of this great platform since 2010 when I was in secondary school (SS2), but this is the first time I am seeking advice here. I was quite active and popular on the platform from 2010 to 2014, especially in the sports, politics, and education sections though I just created this new account today.
I am currently engaged to a lady. We have done the introduction—both families have met, and we have collected the marriage list. The wedding is planned for late March next year.
My fiancée is a Christian and from the Igbira tribe, although she understands Yoruba more than Igbira. All her siblings are married to Yoruba spouses. I am a Yoruba man and a Muslim by background.
Initially, her family strongly objected to the marriage because of religious differences. However, after much persuasion—and after my fiancée threatened to harm herself if she was not allowed to marry me—her extended family members who are Muslims intervened, and the family reluctantly agreed.
On my own side, my mother also objected at first. She dislikes my fiancée because there are rumors that her elder sister did money ritual. After much pleading, my mother later accepted the marriage.
For context, my fiancée’s parents were originally Muslims but converted to Christianity before they died.
The main issue now is that my fiancée’s siblings, especially the elder ones, are insisting that we must do either a church wedding or a court wedding. They say a traditional wedding alone is not acceptable.
As for me, I work with a financial institution and was converted to professional staff last year. I also run a football viewing center and a betting shop. My fiancée just finished her tailoring apprenticeship (freedom). She is a graduate but currently unemployed, and I am planning to open a tailoring shop for her.
Because I am the one providing almost everything financially, I feel a court wedding may not favor me in the long run. At the same time, my parents will never accept a church wedding, especially since my father is the head of a local Asalatu group.
Please note: I am not a religious person. I consider myself agnostic—I believe in a Supreme Being but not in Christianity or Islam. However, neither my family nor my fiancée knows this, because they would likely see me as evil or someone possessed.
My fiancée has agreed to convert to Islam after the wedding, which makes my family happy. Personally, I don’t really care about that because I believe more in humanity than religion.
Now I am confused and stuck between:
Her family insisting on church or court wedding
My parents rejecting church wedding
My own fears about court marriage
Religious pressure from both sides
Please, I need honest and mature advice from Nairalanders. What is the best way forward in this situation? especially to those who have done interfaith wedding before or in an interfaith relationship?

bukatyne:
Since your wife is not a serious Christian, willing to convert to Islam and you are not a Muslim, then do court wedding + Islamic rites with a neutral reception. That way, all sides are satisfied.

You have bigger issues though; if you are agnostic and your wife-to-be doesn't know, I wonder what else she doesn't know about you.

Then your fear of court wedding; what exactly are you afraid of? You think in the event of a divorce, the woman you chose and fought Jackie chan for is not worth 50% of the wealth in marriage? Isn't she going to contribute greatly by holding down the forth domestically so you have the chance to fly?

Besides, except you are planning to japa (and I don't know if Nigerian laws are upheld in the West , I don't know any Nigerian court awarding a wife 50% of her husband’s wealth).

I hope the wife is also planning for herself financially in the event of a divorce.

olayinkabank:
Please Nairalanders, I need your sincere advice. I am confused.
I have been a member of this great platform since 2010 when I was in secondary school (SS2), but this is the first time I am seeking advice here. I was quite active and popular on the platform from 2010 to 2014, especially in the sports, politics, and education sections though I just created this new account today.
I am currently engaged to a lady. We have done the introduction—both families have met, and we have collected the marriage list. The wedding is planned for late March next year.
My fiancée is a Christian and from the Igbira tribe, although she understands Yoruba more than Igbira. All her siblings are married to Yoruba spouses. I am a Yoruba man and a Muslim by background.
Initially, her family strongly objected to the marriage because of religious differences. However, after much persuasion—and after my fiancée threatened to harm herself if she was not allowed to marry me—her extended family members who are Muslims intervened, and the family reluctantly agreed.
On my own side, my mother also objected at first. She dislikes my fiancée because there are rumors that her elder sister did money ritual. After much pleading, my mother later accepted the marriage.
For context, my fiancée’s parents were originally Muslims but converted to Christianity before they died.
The main issue now is that my fiancée’s siblings, especially the elder ones, are insisting that we must do either a church wedding or a court wedding. They say a traditional wedding alone is not acceptable.
As for me, I work with a financial institution and was converted to professional staff last year. I also run a football viewing center and a betting shop. My fiancée just finished her tailoring apprenticeship (freedom). She is a graduate but currently unemployed, and I am planning to open a tailoring shop for her.
Because I am the one providing almost everything financially, I feel a court wedding may not favor me in the long run. At the same time, my parents will never accept a church wedding, especially since my father is the head of a local Asalatu group.
Please note: I am not a religious person. I consider myself agnostic—I believe in a Supreme Being but not in Christianity or Islam. However, neither my family nor my fiancée knows this, because they would likely see me as evil or someone possessed.
My fiancée has agreed to convert to Islam after the wedding, which makes my family happy. Personally, I don’t really care about that because I believe more in humanity than religion.
Now I am confused and stuck between:
Her family insisting on church or court wedding
My parents rejecting church wedding
My own fears about court marriage
Religious pressure from both sides
Please, I need honest and mature advice from Nairalanders. What is the best way forward in this situation? especially to those who have done interfaith wedding before or in an interfaith relationship?

olayinkabank:
Please Nairalanders, I need your sincere advice. I am confused.
I have been a member of this great platform since 2010 when I was in secondary school (SS2), but this is the first time I am seeking advice here. I was quite active and popular on the platform from 2010 to 2014, especially in the sports, politics, and education sections though I just created this new account today.
I am currently engaged to a lady. We have done the introduction—both families have met, and we have collected the marriage list. The wedding is planned for late March next year.
My fiancée is a Christian and from the Igbira tribe, although she understands Yoruba more than Igbira. All her siblings are married to Yoruba spouses. I am a Yoruba man and a Muslim by background.
Initially, her family strongly objected to the marriage because of religious differences. However, after much persuasion—and after my fiancée threatened to harm herself if she was not allowed to marry me—her extended family members who are Muslims intervened, and the family reluctantly agreed.
On my own side, my mother also objected at first. She dislikes my fiancée because there are rumors that her elder sister did money ritual. After much pleading, my mother later accepted the marriage.
For context, my fiancée’s parents were originally Muslims but converted to Christianity before they died.
The main issue now is that my fiancée’s siblings, especially the elder ones, are insisting that we must do either a church wedding or a court wedding. They say a traditional wedding alone is not acceptable.
As for me, I work with a financial institution and was converted to professional staff last year. I also run a football viewing center and a betting shop. My fiancée just finished her tailoring apprenticeship (freedom). She is a graduate but currently unemployed, and I am planning to open a tailoring shop for her.
Because I am the one providing almost everything financially, I feel a court wedding may not favor me in the long run. At the same time, my parents will never accept a church wedding, especially since my father is the head of a local Asalatu group.
Please note: I am not a religious person. I consider myself agnostic—I believe in a Supreme Being but not in Christianity or Islam. However, neither my family nor my fiancée knows this, because they would likely see me as evil or someone possessed.
My fiancée has agreed to convert to Islam after the wedding, which makes my family happy. Personally, I don’t really care about that because I believe more in humanity than religion.
Now I am confused and stuck between:
Her family insisting on church or court wedding
My parents rejecting church wedding
My own fears about court marriage
Religious pressure from both sides
Please, I need honest and mature advice from Nairalanders. What is the best way forward in this situation? especially to those who have done interfaith wedding before or in an interfaith relationship?

SixSeven:
The problem you will have in this marriage is from your wife especially when children come. You too will contribute to it if you don't put your feet on the ground. Children will always tie you together. This is why some people leave the area and go somewhere else after marrying but blood is thicker than water. You need to be sure she is as strong as you are or else they will keep whispering into her ears especially when you have problems in your family, which every couple goes through but they can use that to exploit the situation. Nigerians are very religious people, not spiritual, RELIGIOUS.

We always want to blame everyone else for our problems and take no responsibility for ourselves. The evil we do is the opposite of the religions we claim to belong to. Nigerians take advantage of their religion to do nasty things. Christian O, Muslim o. So don't be deceived by anyone who is so religious, look at their actions. Their actions will tell you what is in their heart and what they will do to you if you are hanging on a cliff and you need someone to give you a hand so you don't fall.

HydraFeeds:
I don't go or do any religion.

My background is Christianity ,that's why she practices it once in a while .

Agnoticism is not a religion and I don't force people to believe in what I believe in .

Fiscus105:
You are telling me, she would leave religion she practicing and be going to religion husband not even practicing, who convince her to abandon her religion to religion husband not even going.


Fake story will always exposes itself midway.

olayinkabank:
Please Nairalanders, I need your sincere advice. I am confused.
I have been a member of this great platform since 2010 when I was in secondary school (SS2), but this is the first time I am seeking advice here. I was quite active and popular on the platform from 2010 to 2014, especially in the sports, politics, and education sections though I just created this new account today.
I am currently engaged to a lady. We have done the introduction—both families have met, and we have collected the marriage list. The wedding is planned for late March next year.
My fiancée is a Christian and from the Igbira tribe, although she understands Yoruba more than Igbira. All her siblings are married to Yoruba spouses. I am a Yoruba man and a Muslim by background.
Initially, her family strongly objected to the marriage because of religious differences. However, after much persuasion—and after my fiancée threatened to harm herself if she was not allowed to marry me—her extended family members who are Muslims intervened, and the family reluctantly agreed.
On my own side, my mother also objected at first. She dislikes my fiancée because there are rumors that her elder sister did money ritual. After much pleading, my mother later accepted the marriage.
For context, my fiancée’s parents were originally Muslims but converted to Christianity before they died.
The main issue now is that my fiancée’s siblings, especially the elder ones, are insisting that we must do either a church wedding or a court wedding. They say a traditional wedding alone is not acceptable.
As for me, I work with a financial institution and was converted to professional staff last year. I also run a football viewing center and a betting shop. My fiancée just finished her tailoring apprenticeship (freedom). She is a graduate but currently unemployed, and I am planning to open a tailoring shop for her.
Because I am the one providing almost everything financially, I feel a court wedding may not favor me in the long run. At the same time, my parents will never accept a church wedding, especially since my father is the head of a local Asalatu group.
Please note: I am not a religious person. I consider myself agnostic—I believe in a Supreme Being but not in Christianity or Islam. However, neither my family nor my fiancée knows this, because they would likely see me as evil or someone possessed.
My fiancée has agreed to convert to Islam after the wedding, which makes my family happy. Personally, I don’t really care about that because I believe more in humanity than religion.
Now I am confused and stuck between:
Her family insisting on church or court wedding
My parents rejecting church wedding
My own fears about court marriage
Religious pressure from both sides
Please, I need honest and mature advice from Nairalanders. What is the best way forward in this situation? especially to those who have done interfaith wedding before or in an interfaith relationship?

olabrad:
If the girl likes herself, she'll run away from you.

Your parents will make life difficult for her because of religion

bukatyne:
@bold:

She obviously doesn't.

What I expected from the OP (in addition to transparency) is which wedding should I add to the court wedding to satisfy both sides.

It is well.

As for me, I work with a financial institution and was converted to professional staff last year. I also run a football viewing center and a betting shop. My fiancée just finished her tailoring apprenticeship (freedom). She is a graduate but currently unemployed, and I am planning to open a tailoring shop for her.
Because I am the one providing almost everything financially, I feel a court wedding may not favor me in the long run.

Ishilove:
Does this even make sense? This man you never talk wetin dey pursue you from court wedding.

Brandiebird:
Isn’t it obvious…? It goes against his religion by criminalising polygamy!

Ishilove:
He says, or at least claims he is agnostic and not a practicing Islamist.

hakeem77:
Don't do any damn church wedding. It's a way of your inlaws having upper hand and control over your affairs. If your fiancee loves you and want to marry you, you are ready for a traditional wedding. If it is that she wants control and the upper hand that women get from court wedding, bunk her.

You are the provider and yet she is the authority?

femi4:
Both families are selfish and bias religiously

You guys should just do your thing and ignore the noise. If they fail to attend any of the events, nobody will die and life continues

If both of you continue to listen to your families, you ll either not get married or preparing for future problems in your marriage

Dtruthspeaker:
I don't think this is bias. It's more of knee jerk as both families were not expecting such a scenario.

And you know couples cannot exist without their families, so cutting off is not possible, unless of course they want the consequences of cutting off