₦airaland Forum

Hi, Guys!

Sincerely, I'm a bit confused here. My younger brother, the last born of the family wants to come over to the city to live with me.

My kid bro just graduated from secondary sch last year July. He is actually my step brother, as my mum had to remarry a year later after the passing of my dad many years ago. This brother is the only child my mum has for the Man.

The man is a retired state govt teacher, my mum is his second wife. He's not being responsible over the years and this has caused lots of issues between himself and my mum. Sometimes, if not most times, I'll always have to step in to broker peace between them.

My mum abandoned us to marry this man. At some point she even had to send my blood sister away from the man's house. My kid sister was just four years and needed the presence of a mother in her life, but since my mum so much cherished her new husband at the time, she said that my kid sister wouldn't live with her. So she had to send my sister to stay with our grandma(maternal). I felt so sad about this. Today same sister is married with two kids.

My mum never supported any of us through sch. We are four, plus this step brother of mine, five in total. As a matter of fact, while I was leaving for the city after the completion of my university education, she was nowhere to be found because I was in some financial mess at the time and I needed her to support me financially so I can go to city to hussle. I also wanted her to give me that motherly blessings and pray for my success as I embark on the journey for success. But she was nowhere to be found.

I managed to source for funds and left the village for the city. I'm not four years here. I send her money almost every week. I also send her mother(my grandma) money and ensure I take good care of her since she's the only grandparent I have now.

There's almost no time I speak with my mum that she doesn't come up with one financial complaint or the other. Sometimes I avoid her calls for weeks. It's not like I'm doing well here in the city, but I keep meeting her needs. I don't complain to her even when I'm down. I already know she can't help me, so what's the point complaining?. She can have money Hidden somewhere while you're in dire need of it, but she won't tell or give u. She can be doing business and making money secretly without telling you. Sometimes I only get to hear about such businesses from outsiders. She does this so we wouldn't ask her for any help. She never bought us even a notebook or Pen while we were in sch.

Now she wants my kid Bro to come live with me. Living with me isn't a problem. But my mum already spoilt my step brother. He was so pampered as a child and he often disrespects my mum. They asked him to learn Barbing. After sch, he would go there and return in the evenings. But this boy wasn't consistent. At some point, he even stopped. Our mum instructed him to go back and continue, but he refused. His father is so weak and can't discipline him. Four years back, same brother went to live with my immediate younger brother in Lagos and after two weeks he said he wants to go back to the village just like that.

I want him to further his studies but I don't have the resources yet. I want his father to take up that responsibility first, while I also support.
He knows I'm very strict and he can't be disrespectful to me. But my mum already corrupted him. If he comes and I start to discipline and disciple him, it would look like I'm antagonizing him because he's my step brother.

Again, and most importantly, I'm not working now, I'm just managing myself, hustling here and there just to survive. Sometimes I don't even get what to eat. I mange myself. Due to this, I wouldn't want to add another burden to myself. He eats a lot and if he comes here, it will now look like I'm starving him. My mum knows I'm just managing my life. I asked him to be a bit more patient and stay back in the village till I get something tangible to do, so I can take care of him when he comes to town, but he's insisting that he's already tired of staying in the village.

Considering what he did when he visited my immediate younger brother the other time, he wouldn't be able to go back there again.

Be sincere, you already know what's best for you. But you want us to support that innate decision.

There's a lot of advantage and disadvantage to allowing him come stay with you. But if you can answer the next question correctly to yourself, then you have your answer.

"If the young boy, spoiled and all that was your brother (same father and mother), will you allow him come stay with you knowing that you're a disciplinarian who wants the best for him".

If the answer is yes, then let him come stay - on probation. Tell your mum you'll watch his attitude for 3months, if he behaves, he stays. If he misbehaves, he goes back to the village.

But make sure you're kind to him, them no dey use wickedness correct stubbornness.

Stephen0mozzy:
Be sincere, you already know what's best for you. But you want us to support that innate decision.

There's a lot of advantage and disadvantage to allowing him come stay with you. But if you can answer the next question correctly to yourself, then you have your answer.

"If the young boy, spoiled and all that was your brother (same father and mother), will you allow him come stay with you knowing that you're a disciplinarian who wants the best for him".

If the answer is yes, then let him come stay - on probation. Tell your mum you'll watch his attitude for 3months, if he behaves, he stays. If he misbehaves, he goes back to the village.

But make sure you're kind to him, them no dey use wickedness correct stubbornness.

Trust me, I've never seen him as a Step brother. I don't even know the difference between a blood brother and step. We were birthed by same woman, so I don't discriminate. I treat him like my other siblings and I even try to do more for him, so he wouldn't be thinking it's because he's not our blood that's why I don't care about him.
God sees my heart

Bro,no need to write all these long epistle.

Just tell your mom you aren't financially okay right now and you can't shoulder the load she's about to place on you.

I was once in your shoe, talking about last year....but in my case,it was my elder sister's son.....I'm talking about the same sister who never supported any of us after the death of our mother.....Now ,she wanted me to help her take care of her over pampered and spoilt child.....I refused instantly even when my lady was insisting....

Today,I'm a bad person and I don't care......

ReekyMass:
Trust me, I've never seen him as a Step brother. I don't even know the difference between a blood brother and step. We were birthed by same woman, so I don't discriminate. I treat him like my other siblings and I even try to do more for him, so he wouldn't be thinking it's because he's not our blood that's why I don't care about him.
God sees my heart

Then let him come on probation and see how it goes - for you and for him.

Sometime, kids just needs someone to inspire them to be better - alot of factors may have contributed to his behavior at your brother's side when he was there.

May God guide you.

Simply tell her you are struggling and can't accommodate anyone for now
Tell her you yourself need accommodation

Stephen0mozzy:
Then let him come on probation and see how it goes - for you and for him.

Sometime, kids just needs someone to inspire them to be better - alot of factors may have contributed to his behavior at your brother's side when he was there.

May God guide you.

Thanks so much Bro 🙏
I appreciate

Sonnobax15:

Bro,no need to write all these long epistle.

Just tell your mom you aren't financially okay right now and you can't shoulder the load she's about to place on you.

I was once in your shoe, talking about last year....but in my case,it was my elder sister's son.....I'm talking about the same sister who never supported any of us after the death of our mother.....Now ,she wanted me to help her take care of her over pampered and spoilt child.....I refused instantly even when my lady was insisting....

Today,I'm bad person and I don't care......

Wow..
People just like to make others look bad. I don't know why

First of all, the boy is NOT your step brother.
He's your HALF-BROTHER.

A stepbrother would be the man's son before he married your mother.

You would have ZERO blood relations to a step brother. Unlike this one that is your mother's child.

Now to the MAIN issue:

Your mother is an IRRESPONSIBLE woman married to an equally IRRESPONSIBLE man.
Both of them ABANDONED their responsibility of parenting their own child and want to FOIST it on you.

REJECT it!

In your own words, you are still STRUGGLING.
Your financial capability is LIMITED.
And you are currently UNEMPLOYED.
Just hustling from day to day.

If you add a growing boy to that mix, get ready for TROUBLE.
Poverty will GRAB unto you like a childhood sweetheart seeing for the first time in decades—and refuse to let go.

You will need to STRETCH your resources for two people.
And then expend the MENTAL resources you should be using to plan your future into PARENTING a boy whose parents are both alive.

Plus, you can rest ASSURED that the boy will DISRESPECT you.
NOBODY attracts disrespect like a POOR MAN trying to play Big Brother.

You will have to spend time and effort to BEAT the sheet out of him.
Over and over again.

Then when you get tired, you'll be FORCED to send him back and become the DEVIL you are trying to avoid in the first place.

Plus, I'm pretty sure that NOBODY will assist you with money when you are financially stranded.

You NEED to get your sheet together before you can help anyone else.

Help yourself BEFORE you help anybody.

Siblings are NOT substitute parents.
Let his parents PARENT.

Piling financial and parental BURDEN on someone still trying to make their way in life is why GENERATIONAL POVERTY is so difficult to shake off.

"I am not financially bouyant, and i cannot shoulder the responsibility of even a 3 years old child at the moment."

Simple!

Sonnobax15:

Bro,no need to write all these long epistle.

Just tell your mom you aren't financially okay right now and you can't shoulder the load she's about to place on you.

I was once in your shoe, talking about last year....but in my case,it was my elder sister's son.....I'm talking about the same sister who never supported any of us after the death of our mother.....Now ,she wanted me to help her take care of her over pampered and spoilt child.....I refused instantly even when my lady was insisting....

Today,I'm bad person and I don't care......

Bro, it's not about being financially stable here, even if he's okay and doesn't want the boy around he should be able to make a stern decision and never allow him come around, he's a man!

The answer you seek is in your write up. The only thing is that you’re finding it difficult to say NO.

Life/Reality no send you and if you don’t want to learn the hard way:

1. Don’t bite more than you can chew
2. Don’t go a mile for people that won’t go an inch for you.

If you can't take care of him then just say no...

You are still struggling financially, why are you finding it difficult telling your mother, NO?

Your mom abandoned you guys, but now she wants to reap where she didn't sow. Imo, any widow that abandons her kids to remarry is not only irresponsible, but also wicked.

We4all:
Your mom abandoned you guys, but now she wants to reap where she didn't sow. Imo, any widow that abandons her kids to remarry is not only irresponsible, but also wicked.

She never bought even a pen for us

Just say NO.

The father's responsibility is to his child. Let's leave all the other things you mentioned, what is his father doing about his own son

If you have an uncle, and he is your mother's brother, speak to him. Your mum needs someone from her side to correct her.

If you make the mistake of bringing him to your house, your mum and her problems will be closer to you than her phone calls.

NO is a full sentence; try it out for size.

Do not engage in what will end up looking futile

Seems your mother bottlefed you because whats all these you posted ??

He is actually my step brother, as my mum had to remarry a year later after the passing of my dad many years ago. This brother is the only child my mum has for the Man.

My two cents.

Your sibling from your mother for another man is not your step sibling. but half sibling.

So technically, your brother is a half brother.

Personally, from experience, I believe siblings from the same mother are more closely knitted than siblings who share the same father but not same mother. If there is anything you feel you can do to support your brother, go ahead and do it.

What a mother!!!!!!Op please kick against her demand with every fibre in your body.

But why do you want to kill yourself with problems at such a young age? Considering how you were abandoned by your mum, you still care for her by sending her funds from your meagre income. Is that not enough?

I am shocked you are even considering bringing an obviously spoilt teenage boy into your home to feed, house, care for, physically, financially and emotionally. Na wah for you o!

Your half-brother is not your responsibility. He even has two parents, unlike you, at his age. Let his two parents take care of the son they birth and over-pampared and ill-trained.

Just say NO!

Caaz:
What a mother!!!!!!Op please kick against her demand with every fibre in your body.

🙏

churro:
But why do you want to kill yourself with problems at such a young age? Considering how you were abandoned by your mum, you still care for her by sending her funds from your meagre income. Is that not enough?

I am shocked you are even considering bringing an obviously spoilt teenage boy into your home to feed, house, care for, physically, financially and emotionally. Na wah for you o!

Your half-brother is not your responsibility. He even has two parents, unlike you, at his age. Let his two parents take care of the son they birth and over-pampared and ill-trained.

Just say NO!

Honestly, If I was financially ok, this wouldn't have been an issue. But I'm Not, at least for now.

Ogbeni, the boy has a father and a mother, and you said you are not financially stable now, so it's the responsibility of his father and your mum to take care of him while you support along the line, when you are fully able, you can start taking full care of him if you do desire. Hard truth, that boy is not your responsibility, by the time you are married and start bearing children, nobody go tell you. Nor go dey do pass yourself.
Since the children your Mum bear for your father are all grown and living independently, what do your Mum uses her Money to do since she doesn't have much responsibility,abi she dey build house.
Oga, bear it in mind now that any children your Mum give birth to now, na you and your siblings go take care of the child/children.

You better ghost your mum like she ghosts you. Tell her you are trying to take care of yourself and build your future. Never reward wicked and selfish people. Let her and her husband hustle for their kids. Remind her of the days of your hustle when she ran away! Tell her the help you are giving her is so she will not suffer. Ensure you give her the bare minimum and give your grandma more. But make sure all your needs are met first and you have savings. Don’t overstretch yourself for anybody that did nothing for you!

Caaz:
What a mother!!!!!!Op please kick against her demand with every fibre in your body.

I don't think it should be about the mother though...

The mom has made bad decisions. But it's about the boy. If he can help he should forget about the mom and do so.


The dilemma is him not financially capable enough to do so. He shouldn't rub the sins of the mom on the boy. He is his brother!

you may be the person to straighten that young boy life, even as you not buoyant accept him teach him street who knows maybe tomorrow he can blow through you.

Pootle:
you may be the person to straighten that young boy life, even as you not buoyant accept him teach him street who knows maybe tomorrow he can blow through you.

I pray so.

Thanks for your input sir

brain54:
I don't think it should be about the mother though...

The mom has made bad decisions. But it's about the boy. If he can help he should forget about the mom and do so.


The dilemma is him not financially capable enough to do so. He shouldn't rub the sins of the mom on the boy. He is his brother!

You've spoken wisely Sir.
Thank you.
I'll do all I can make him a better person.
I'll treat him like my own biological son, nurture and groom him. After all, I'm 13yrs older than him, if not more

Stephen0mozzy:
Be sincere, you already know what's best for you. But you want us to support that innate decision.

There's a lot of advantage and disadvantage to allowing him come stay with you. But if you can answer the next question correctly to yourself, then you have your answer.

"If the young boy, spoiled and all that was your brother (same father and mother), will you allow him come stay with you knowing that you're a disciplinarian who wants the best for him".

If the answer is yes, then let him come stay - on probation. Tell your mum you'll watch his attitude for 3months, if he behaves, he stays. If he misbehaves, he goes back to the village.

But make sure you're kind to him, them no dey use wickedness correct stubbornness.

This lady says she's not working and you still advice her to take on more responsibility?