₦airaland Forum

American lady who married Nigerian: I hired private investigator to verify my husband — Clarissa Arokodare

American songwriter, Clarissa Zoe Arokodare, against the backdrop of prevalent love scams, narrates how she hired a security firm to investigate her husband, when he proposed to her. She also explains the inspiration behind her song titled: “Rise Again”, inspired by her Nigeria experience, adding it’s meant to inspire and change negative perceptions about Nigeria.Excerpts:

Go into your background, in your homeland?

I’m Mrs. Clarissa Zoe Arokodare, born on the beautiful island of Dominica, but I was raised in New York City, where I have lived since 1993 till present.

Although I was born in the Caribbean, I am more connected to New York because, as a child, I never went back home. I only began visiting Dominica again when I was about 32 years old, so it had been a long time. Professionally, I have spent over 12 years working in social services, serving in different capacities such as case management, counseling, and therapy. I have worked extensively with under-privileged populations. For the past five years, I served as a program coordinator in supportive housing, working with individuals who are HIV positive, chronically homeless diagnosed with mental health conditions and dealing with substance abuse issues. That program was very successful until I resigned August last year, after coming to Nigeria to spend time with my husband.

Detail how you met your current husband

I didn’t meet my husband in a conventional way. I met my husband through TikTok. I first connected with his late wife’s brother, who later introduced us. His wife had passed away, and the fact that her own brother introduced him to me speaks volumes about the kind of person my husband is. In today’s world, people rarely vouch for others so openly.

Why pick a Nigerian as your new husband?

I don’t think I picked my husband. At that point in my life, I was actually done with relationships.

However, before meeting him, I had met a Nigerian man in New York, who exposed me to Yoruba culture, and it was something I admired deeply. That experience planted a seed. When I eventually met my husband, even though I wasn’t looking for a relationship, it was the way he valued family and cared for his children that drew me to him.

Wasn’t there any fear of romance scam?

Initially, yes—but those fears quickly disappeared. Before coming to Nigeria, I hired a private investigator based in Lagos to verify everything my husband had told me. The report confirmed that everything checked out. Beyond that, my husband never pretended to be what he was not. He showed me exactly where he lived—even when he wasn’t proud of it. He told me plainly: “This is me. Take me as I am.” He never asked me for money. In fact, when I tried to help during a difficult time, he refused, saying it was too early in the relationship for that. That level of integrity made me respect him even more.

Take us through the beginning and length of time of your romance

We began talking in May 2024. At the time, I wasn’t even thinking about marriage—I just wanted to have a child, not a partner. In October 2024, I came to Nigeria for the first time. I planned to stay one week, but I ended up staying six weeks. Our relationship moved differently from what I was used to in America. It felt natural, sincere and deeply connected from the beginning.

Narrate the point the cultural and geographical barriers were broken

The barriers were broken when I realized I had to be open-minded. In Yoruba culture, you don’t just marry an individual—you marry a family. That was very different from what I was used to, but I quickly understood why marriages here are often stronger. The sense of community, communication and shared responsibility changed my entire perspective.

What were the reactions of your children and parents when you informed them?

My family initially had reservations. Years ago, a cousin of mine had a negative experience with a Nigerian man, which shaped my family’s perception. However, over time, my husband proved them wrong. He never pretended to be wealthy or something he wasn’t. Because of his honesty and consistency, my family grew to respect him. Today, they have nothing negative to say.

Your coming to Nigeria

I came to Nigeria in October 2024, not knowing what to expect. What made the experience beautiful was the family I married into. I was welcome with open arms in a way I had never experienced before. Nigeria quickly became more than a visit, it became home.

Meeting your hubby for the first time, real time

Meeting him felt like meeting my best friend. He even bought me flowers, something he had never done before and forgot to give them to me, which became one of our viral TikTok moments. It felt like we had known each other forever.

The bonding process and eventual marriage

After six weeks together, he proposed in November 2024 at Leola Hotel, Maryland, Ikeja, Lagos, with the room beautifully decorated. We got married in April 2025. The bond we share is rooted in healing, respect and intentional love. He has shown me a kind of love that helped heal wounds from my past.

Culture differences and adaptation to Nigeria

The biggest differences were family roles, community living, modesty and food. I dress more modestly now. I think more about how my actions affect others. I learned to greet people, to live in community. Food was the biggest challenge, but I’ve crossed that hurdle.

Your new/present pre-occupation: Music & Entertainment

I wrote a song titled “Rise Again”, inspired by my experience in Nigeria. The song is currently on radio and all streaming platforms. It’s meant to inspire and change negative perceptions about Nigeria.

Although I’ve written many songs, music was never my main career. I spent over 15 years in healthcare and social services. Right now, my focus is family.

Take us into the future of the two of you

For now, Nigeria is home. We are bonding, raising our children together and enjoying life as a family. In the future, I hope my husband and children will get to experience of life in the United States and beyond. But for now, we are exactly where we need to be.

VaginaAcademic:
Awwn I'm crying for a stranger there's still love in this wicked world.

EmmyMaestro:
I can do this type of work, just hire me, I will investigate your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend even that your child that is looking innocent at home but is something else in school

SixSeven:
In the past, it is the family that will do this work for you but since we wan abandon tradition, na private investigator go chop our money. You married into families, you didn't marry yourselves alone but since you want to FAFO, let me help her here:


Before modern background checks, Nigerian cultures already had systems for finding out who someone really was before marriage. Families did not rely on romance alone. They asked questions, sent people, and consulted trusted sources.

Among the Yoruba, families carried out what is simply called ìwádìí meaning investigation. A trusted person was sent to ask questions about the prospective spouse and their family. This person could be a respected elder, a family friend, or sometimes a babaláwo. The focus was on family history, character, health issues, mental illness, criminal behavior, and general reputation. The person doing this work is often referred to as Aláríyànjiyàn, meaning someone who gathers information by asking around. If the report was bad, the marriage could stop.

The Igbo have a similar process known as ịjụ ase or ịma afa, depending on the community. Families asked elders and neighbors about the background of the other family. They checked lineage, social status, repeated marriage failures, and serious taboos such as osu lineage. Spiritual consultation was also common. Negative findings were taken seriously, even if the couple already liked each other.

Among the Hausa and Fulani, investigations were done through family networks, community leaders, and religious authorities. Reputation mattered greatly. Families relied on long-standing knowledge within the community. Religious character, discipline, and family conduct were important factors. Because communities were close-knit, information was easy to verify.

In Edo culture, marriage involved family-level investigation. Families looked into ancestral history, moral behavior, and spiritual obligations. If a family had unresolved issues or negative patterns, elders advised against the union.

Efik, Ibibio, and Annang communities also used family and community inquiry. Elders spoke with neighbors and relatives to understand the family’s behavior over time. Issues like abuse, instability, or repeated divorce were red flags.

Across Nigerian cultures, the idea was the same. Marriage was not just between two people. It involved families, reputation, and long-term stability. These investigations were practical, not mystical. They were meant to prevent future problems, not to shame anyone.

What we now call background checks already existed. They were done through people, memory, and community accountability.

Caaz:
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww


I met mine in the moon 67yrs ago.

Pootle:
american woman looking like an edo lady ishan to be more specific

presiade:
It's called Alárinà (an investigator or a mediator), and not Aláríyànjiyàn (an argumentator).